Danskcolin: Monday September 22nd 2025 "Did YOU stay up late to watch the election results? A lot of us did

Did YOU stay up late to hear the latest election results? A lot of us did, didn't we! But did you notice how election officials are getting tougher about the so-called "rules", if that's possible! Onion News had more on that story - remember?

And after that stern warning, you could almost hear a collective "Awwwwww!!" sweep across the nation, couldn't you!

Let's face facts however, no matter what's happening in the country, teeth have to be brushed - it's almost a religion (!), especially for me and my light-to-moderate wife Lois, who still do it twice a day, would you believe!

my light-to-moderate wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And the thought of our teeth-brushing rituals brings a chuckle to our faces this morning, after we journey from our home in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, over the county line to Haslemere, Surrey.

Yes, exciting! Today is the day when we take our first two-hour class in the local U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" course, that we signed up to recently, which is held under the tutelage of local Latin language "guru", Joe, who plunges us straight into the poems of Roman writer Catullus (c.84-54 BC).

Roman poet Catullus (c. 84-54 BC) seen here with

long-term girlfriend Lesbia

Catullus was sharply critical of the then Spanish habit of brushing their teeth with urine. And if you're a newcomer to the Latin language - try "cutting your teeth" (no pun intended!!!) on this little doozy from Catullus' scratchy old pen (!):

Yes, in Spain apparently people used what they'd urinated first thing in the morning to "rub" their teeth and gums with, and the people with the whitest teeth were obviously the ones who's "pee'd the most", and "drunk the most pee", Catullus says in his poem.

What a mad world they lived in, in Spain, in those crazy, far-off times!

This morning however, the poem brings a chuckle to the faces of the (if I calculate correctly!) eight "old codgers", assembled at the local Methodist Church Hall for Joe's class.

the Methodist Church at Haslemere, Surrey,

where, in an upstairs room, local Latin "guru" Joe holds his

U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" course

If I tell you that Joe's students today comprise "Ann, Barbara, Frances, Yvonne, Lorna, Brian, Lois and me", you'll realise that we're heavily weighted towards those of the "female persuasion". And, as all of us are old codgers, born in simpler times, there's none of that modern "identifies as" or "pronouns" malarkey, which saves a bit of time, if nothing else (!).

Now that you've cut your teeth" on that "pee poem" (!), try this one for size:

Here below is what Catullus is saying in his poem [my translation]

"My woman says she'd like nothing better than to marry me, not even if [top Roman god] Jupiter wanted her. Or so she says! But what a woman tells her lover in the heat of passion, might just as well be written on the wind or on a rushing river."

And at this point in this morning's class, I earn a few brownie points, particularly with the women in the class, when I wittily reference Pat Boone's 1957 hit "Love Letters in the Sand", showing an astonishing word-perfect recall of the lyrics (!):

Kudos me haha!!! None of the old codgers ask me to sing the song, however, which is a bit disappointing, but probably for the best (!). Memo to self: next time, make sure you've got your little ukulele in your hand, Colin, haha!

I think Lois and I are going to enjoy doing the course. Joe, our leader, is a retired schoolteacher, and his style is very much that of a kindly teacher with his sometimes feckless bunch of kids, which is kind of nostalgic. It's harder for Lois than for me, because she only did Latin for a couple of years at school, although she also took an online course about 20 years ago.

Also, Lois's hearing aids [Latin: instrumenta audiendi] don't always do a good job with distinguishing individual voices when there's a bit of a "hubbub" going on [Latin: tumultus], as there sometimes is in Joe's class. Lois is nothing if not a game gal, however, and she doesn't give in easily (unlike Catullus's girlfriend Lesbia (!), so we'll see [Latin: ergo videbimus].

Watch this space! [Latin: observa hunc locum]

[That's enough Latin! - Ed]

Catullus' girlfriend Lesbia -

unlike Lois, Lesbia "gives in easily" (!)

It is a shame, though, that I didn't get to sing "Love Letters in the Sand" this morning. One of the many fun things about mine and Lois's favourite TV quiz, "Only Connect", is that, whenever there's mention of a song, presenter Victoria Coren Mitchell gets all six contestants to join in with her in a spirited rendition, which is nice.

There's no such chance to singalong in tonight's edition of the show, however, which is also a shame (!).

It's not a total loss, however, because of this question, where contestants are asked to name the link between the following 4 pictures:

Bit of a corker of a question isn't it! But I sense you've guessed the connection already!

Yes, apparently they're all pictures representing satirical publications. Picture (1) represents the political magazine "Private Eye", to which I'm a subscriber, then (2) there's the "Chained Duck" (i.e. Canard Enchaine) the French satirical magazine, (3) the Punch, the 180-year-old British humorous magazine, and (4) "The Onion" a satirical website and publication from across the Atlantic, a journal which Lois and I read avidly, from cover to cover.

a typical vintage "Onion News" front page

The revelation that "The Onion", or "Onion News" as Lois and I call it, isn't a serious journal comes as a bit of a shock to us tonight. Do you know that, in all the years we've been following the news in the Onion, we've always taken every article 100% seriously - what madness !!!

Now, we'll have to rethink our position on a lot of current issues, that's for sure!

And for "Only Connect" presenter Victoria Coren-Mitchell, there's another shock, because the teams fail to identify the journal represented by third picture in the question, which of course is a punch bowl standing for the 180-year-old humorous publication "Punch".

a picture of a punchbowl symbolising the once iconic humorous magazine Punch

This failure of the teams to identify "Punch" is sad for presenter Victoria in a personal way, because her old dad Alan Coren used to be the editor of "Punch", and this once popular magazine has in recent decades fallen a bit into obscurity, to be eclipsed by brasher journals like "Private Eye", which is a pity.

flashback to 1975: Victoria's old dad Alan Coren in the

offices of Punch magazine, of which he was the editor

Poor Victoria !!!! However she puts the blame for the modern lack of awareness of the once iconic Punch magazine fairly and squarely on the people who took over after her old dad retired, and she doesn't hold back, so fair enough!