Saturday December 20th 2025 "Do YOU wish you were a bit less unattractive than you undoubtedly are?? Well, join the club !!! "

Yes, Friends, do you secretly wish you were just a bit less unattractive than you undoubtedly are? It's a common human failing, isn't it, to dream about the different sort of life you'd have if it wasn't for your body's multiple "defects" etc etc !!!!

Like local man Mike Chester, who's all over page 94 of today's local Onion News for East Hampshire. Well everybody knows his once-secret fears now, which is a pity!!!!

Poor Chester !!!!! 

And my wife Lois and I, reading Chester's story in bed here this morning in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, are wondering whether if Chester made a gross "tactical error" in "going public" and releasing his story, which, surely, will only make his humiliation more acute locally, we feel - call us "moaning minnies" if you like haha !!!!

me and my wife Lois, being "photobombed" by some guy

in sun-glasses haha (!) - a recent picture

But how Lois and I laughed at Chester's ridiculous "comb-over" in the Onion's picture! 

And, preparing today for the visit tomorrow of our daughter Alison and family, Lois and I are curious to see how how son-in-law Edward's rapidly-disappearing facial hair will be looking! 

(left) our "stubbly" son-in-law Edward, relaxing today with pet dog Bjorn, and (right)

a fully bearded Edward in happier times, showcasing one of his trademark oven-baked pizzas

The whole family, including their 3 teenage kids Josie (19), Rosalind (17) and Isaac (15) will be turning up here tomorrow (Sunday) afternoon, at our lovely home in Liphook, for a pre-Christmas meal with us. 

Lois and I admit that we normally "live like pigs" from day to day, because it's just us here, most days, in each other's pockets 24/7. 

The downside of this, however, is that today Lois and I will have to be prioritising making our home looking so-called "half-respectable", hoovering our carpets to within an inch of their lives, as well as half-preparing the meal for 7 that we'll be giving our visitors tomorrow.

Yes, we tend to do things "by halves" - but don't tell anyone: that'll be our little secret. We're not about to repeat local man Chester's mistake of calling a press conference about it haha !!!!!

it's only 8 am, but the veg for Sunday's stew is already in a plastic tub,

and the recipe for Sunday's "blackberry crisp" is already on the cookbook-stand

- what madness !!!!!!

So, in brief, today, Saturday, proves to be just one more incredibly busy day for us - what madness isn't it, because we've both been officially retired for 20 years this coming March, would you believe!!!!

flashback to March 2006: the day we officially "retired", no doubt

thinking we'd be able to have the occasional "lie-in" 

in the morning - how wrong could we have been !!!!!

If only we'd known then, what we know now haha!!!

But there's another couple we know who won't be having a lie-in, either, any time soon. Yes, step forward, our other daughter Sarah, and husband Francis, who now live 9000 miles away from us, in Perth, Australia, with their 12-year-old twin daughters Lily and Jessica, having moved there from Alcester, UK in September last year.

flashback to September 2024: (left) Lois and I host a farewell lunch for Sarah, Francis 

and the twins at the Royal Oak, Alcester, before they jet off from Heathrow to a new life 

in Perth, Australia, and (right) us, now left all on our own, sob sob!!! 

Sarah and family will be driving off from their home in Perth's northern suburb of Yanchep early Sunday morning on a 350-mile trip south down to the Southern Ocean - next stop Antarctica (!) - to spend their Christmas camping near the enticingly-named "Native Dog Beach" on Bremer Bay. 

Their destination's name, "Native Dog Beach", refers to the Australian dingoes who once roamed the area freely before the British arrived, but you can't see any there nowadays, apparently. The British cleared the dingoes out to make more room for their sheep. 

What madness!!!!!

the sign to Native Dog Beach - its rival Blossom Beach

sounds so much nicer - that's what Lois and I think !!!!!

And so-called Bremer Bay is named after a guy who never went there - what madness (again!) !!!!!!

(left) the incredibly majestic 2.7 billion-year-old Wave Rock, which is on 

our little Australian family's route south, and (right) the planned final

destination for their Christmas camping holiday - the lovely Bremer Bay

Lois and I talk to Sarah and the twins this morning on zoom - just a short call this week, because they're obviously busy getting ready for an early start tomorrow morning. 

Lois and I have a quick video call this morning on whatsapp

with our daughter Sarah, and our twin granddaughters Lily and Jessica

The twins "graduated" this week from their primary school in Eglinton, going on stage to collect their "diplomas", because when the new school year starts in February they'll be going to the nearby Anglican secondary school. 

some typical students from the local Anglican secondary school

where the twins will be starting as new students in February

Things are done so differently down under. The school has issued deadlines for new students, like "last date for buying school uniforms", "last date for buying the required books" etc, and Sarah and Francis have already bought the twins their uniforms, but that's just the start, evidently.

What madness, isn't it !!!!! [That's enough madness! - Ed]

And mine and Lois's hearts swell with pride this Saturday morning when we hear that the twins each graduated from primary school, with major awards, bless them: Jessica got the school's annual "English Literature" award, and Lily came away with the school's "Academic Excellence" award. Awwwww!!!!!

Lily and Jessica, our 12-year-old twin granddaughters in Perth, Australia

Let's hope Lois and I live long enough to see something of what our two precious granddaughters achieve in their later lives  - awwwwww!!!!

Well, at least we've got our other daughter, Alison, here with us in the UK to guide us through our "twilight years", which is a comfort!!!

our daughter Alison, with husband Edward, and their 3 teenage kids

left to right, Isaac (15), Rosalind (17) and Josie (19) - a recent picture

And when Alison and family visit Lois and me tomorrow for a pre-Christmas meal, they say they'll be bringing  their "One Per Cent Club" board game or video game, or some-such nonsense, based on "the TV game show of the same name", if you please!!!! 

Lois and I have never watched that show, so we decide tonight to take a peek at it tonight, as our best chance of avoiding total humiliation when Ali and family come tomorrow (!).

The following is a typical question from tonight's Christmas-themed show, a question which the show's 100 guests contestants must try to answer correctly. It's "at the 60% level", ie one that only 60% of questioned viewers got right in a survey.

And here it is: if you write the words PARSNIPS and STUFFING using alternating letters, what do you get: answer A, answer B, or answer C?

And here's the correct answer - it's "B", of course, but a lot of the contestants get it wrong, and have to go home without any of the money on offer. One woman who fails is called Millie Mackintosh and this is her excruciating post-question "postmortem" interview with presenter Lee Mack: 

When Lee asks Millie what she would have done, if she'd won the money, and she says she'd have built a reptile house. She's got a leopard gecko and other reptiles, which currently she keeps in boxes.

"Have you got any normal domestic pets?", Lee asks her.

This is welcome news for me, because I've always assumed I've got an "old codger bloke name", and the knowledge that I've actually got a "middle-aged bloke name", will put a definite spring in my step tomorrow, when Lois and I play this game for real with our guests, that's for sure!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Friday December 19th 2025 "Do YOU ever let YOUR favourite clothing-manufacturer down? It's an easy trap to fall into!"

Yes, Friends, as a T-shirt buyer, do you always remember not to let your manufacturer down? It's an easy mistake to make, isn't it, and local man Brian Armstrong certainly walked out of the fitting-room and straight into that particular notorious "trap", according to this morning's Onion News for East Hampshire!

Poor Armstrong!!!!

However, reading Armstrong's sad story brought a sympathetic smile to the nethermost "lower-chops" of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire. The reason? Well, we're expecting a couple of deliveries today, and one of them is Yours Truly's 2025 Christmas T-shirt, which traditionally marks the beginning of the holiday season in at least one local household, i.e. ours!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Here's Colin's "tip of the week" - if you're not certain what to buy in the T-shirt line, just follow my lead: I'm a bit of a style icon here in East Hampshire, and you can't go far wrong if "you wear what I'm wearing", to put it mildly! And put YOUR order in for my this year's "Christmas Tee", because they're certain to be flying off the shelves in the next few days, that's for sure!!!!

Am I right? Or am I right !!!!!

(left) flashback to yesterday: I order my "Colin's 2025 Christmas Tee", and get  

an excited response from Amazon, and (right) me after the product is delivered, 

at 19:19 GMT, just as Lois and I are settling down on the sofa for a bit of "telly"

[Thanks for providing all that 'chapter and verse', Colin. I'm sure readers will appreciate your "attention to detail" here, I don't think!!!! - Ed]

And here's "Colin's Prediction" - that that T-shirt front will soon be all you see on the chests of most local men you pass in the street from now till Christmas, so better get used to it haha!!!!

[That's enough 'sartorial notes'! - Ed]

My T-shirt doesn't arrive till 19:19, so, to take our minds off the anticipation, Lois and I have to spend the day doing something (!), so we do a long 5000-step walk on local beauty spot The Devil's Punchbowl in the morning to get in the mood, and then spend an extra-long afternoon in bed, not getting up till 5 o'clock, would you believe!

[Don't you two 'noggins' do that kind of thing every day, Colin?! - Ed]

Well, we're both 79, although, unquestionably, still "marvellous for our age", and you're only old once, as we always say!!!!!

we do a 5000-step walk over Surrey beauty spot, the Devil's Punchbowl, before

sitting down in the NT cafe for a warming cup of hot chocolate and piece of cake - bless us !!!!!

Call us crazy OAPs if you like haha!!!! 

And our thirst for useful facts is unabated and seemingly unquenchable, even at our advanced age (!). Lois tells me, for example, that, on a clear day at the Punchbowl you can see London, which is an incredible 40 miles north of here, which is nice!

And in bed this afternoon, we find a few more things out, I can tell you! Including the fact that there are three other Devil's Punchbowls in the world, which is a surprise.

Yes, the locals round here used to think that the crater here in Surrey was formed after a "barney" between the Devil and the Norse god Thor, when the Devil scooped up handfuls of earth to hurl at Thor, thus creating the crater - a theory that's now been found to be a hollow one, no pun intended!!!!.

And this evening, mine and Lois's seemingly unquenchable thirst for knowledge is satisfied still further as we sit down to watch this week's edition of the TV comedy science quiz, QI XL, which is nice! As you'll know, the current series is "sponsored by the letter W" as they used to say on Sesame Street:

Tonight, presenter Sandi Toksvig wants to investigate how you react  if somebody winks at you, and, to test this out, she tries winking one by one at each of tonight's panellists, including New Zealand stand-up, Melanie Bracewell: 

Lois and I didn't know about a study done in 1999, when researchers approached different strangers, asking them for the time, and then thanking them with a wink. Interviewed afterwards, the strangers usually had positive feelings towards the winker, although only if they were of the opposite sex. Eleven per cent of them thought the researcher "fancied them", although 6% thought the researcher "had something wrong with their eye".

Oh dear, nothing's simple in this life, is it !!!!

And when YOU wink, dear reader, which eye do you wink with? Sandi explains the physiological background to the question:

Apparently, as Sandi goes on to explain, our dominant eye and our dominant hand are often linked together, so if you write with your left hand, you probably wink with your right.

And some more useful information to come out tonight - if you're going to venture into some wilderness, say one of world's four Devil's Punchbowls, for example, then be sure to pack a condom: it could end up being a life-saver,

Sandi asks the panel why this might be, and regular panellist Alan Davies has the answer this time:

Yes, condoms are very "stretchy" and you can carry four litres of water, or what pre-metric dinosaurs Lois and me call about a gallon or so. What madness, isn't it !!!!

And Lois and I didn't know, also, that condoms are also useful potentially useful in the wilderness, if only just as firelighters. 

Yes, Melanie Bracewell, super-practical as always, but we think she makes a good point here, although possibly "rubbing it in" a bit too obviously - no pun intended!!!!

[That's enough unfunny puns! - Ed]

Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!