Friends, are you "quote unquote attractive"? Most of us aren't, are we, especially when you're getting near "the wrong side of 80", to put it mildly! But there's hope even for unattractive people, if you read this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire this morning, so take heart !!!!
At least we're living in relatively enlightened times now, when unattractive people are treated as equals, and are becoming more and more accepted as potential mates for our children, or our grandchildren, which is nice, especially for Yours Truly. And the Janet Stevens story in this morning's paper brings a wry, lop-sided smile to the faces of me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois, here in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire today.
my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and me - a recent picture
Not being blessed, personally, with "matinee idol looks", I rely mainly on my jokes to keep Lois interested! They say it's the way to a woman's heart, so I keep plugging away with it !!!!
Lois laughs, as I come up with another of my classic "one-liners"
There's a big of a red flag here, though, too, isn't there, to believe the thoughts of another joker, this time on Facebook, who sends me out this "warning shot across my bows" (!).
Both Lois and I are feeling a bit tired today. Given that we've been retired for nearly 20 years, it's weird that life is busier now that it was when we were working, which is disappointing! There have been lots of early-starts in the morning recently to deal with "workmen", and there'll be another tomorrow when our gardener Matthew will be arriving at 8:45am, would you believe, to "put our garden to bed for the winter". Busy, busy, busy!!!!
flashback to two weeks ago: our gardener, Matthew, forces us to
get up at the crack of dawn for one of his fortnightly "visitations" (!)
What madness !!!
Nevertheless, tired as both Lois and I are, I try to keep the jokes coming this morning, on our daily walk, which today takes us over Old Man Lowsley's Farm, just outside town, where, as always, we marvel at the beauty of Lowsley's trees and the sweetness of the birdsong.
us on our daily walk this morning over Old Man Lowsley's Farm,
marvelling at the beauty of the trees and the sweetness of the birdsong
True to form, I come up with some of my classic bird jokes about 'tits and dunnocks', not suitable for a family audience, I'm afraid, but let me know if you'd like a copy - postcards only!!!!
14:00 And to keep Lois laughing in bed this afternoon, during statutory "nap-time", I find I'm feeling a bit "joked out" (!), but luckily Steve, our American brother-in-law, has been emailing us with more of his humorous transatlantic news stories, so that's a help!
Here's Colin's "pick of the bunch" today:
16:00 Time to get out of bed and onto the couch (!) for "statutory tea and crumpet time" (!). We can feel satisfied this afternoon, because I've today paid off most of the bridging loan that we took out to buy this house back in January. Also, more importantly perhaps, a guy from Travis Perkins has at last come to take away the scaffolding that our early-morning window-installers left behind in our carport.
a typical Travis Perkins inspector checking a scaffolding tower
Workmen eh !!!!! They don't give Lois and me a chance to breathe, some weeks !!!!!
21:00 Is laughter the key to a woman's heart? Well, maybe, but we get some extra ideas tonight as we watch this week's edition of "QI XL", the comedy science quiz, which has "wooing" as its topic of the week, which is nice.
Wooing often begins with a flirt, we're told. But how do you know if you're being flirted with? A study at the University of Kansas found that only a quarter of the straight people in the study realised when they were being flirted with, and with women it was even fewer - 18%.
Why is this?
Some other odd results of studies that we hear tonight: a Texas A&M University study found that people who played with magnets were deemed to be more attractive than people who just played with plain wooden blocks.
Lots of studies show that after a couple of alcoholic drinks, people find each other a little bit more attractive than when they're sober.
Is this costly, however? Apparently not necessarily, says Sandi.
A study at Missouri University Columbia took a group of heterosexual men, and they just showed them words like "beer", "keg", "drunk" and so on, just for a split second. And then they asked them to rate photographs of women, and they always rated the women as more attractive after they'd seen those words.
Traditional bottled male scents like Brut or Old Spice or Lynx are no match for natural body odour, apparently. Researchers have discovered that single men have a stronger body odour than men in long-term relationships; they got 80 men to wear a t-shirt for a day, and then they cut out the armpit, putting it in a bottle with a nozzle and getting women to smell it.
They discovered that women consistently rated single men's BO as stronger than men who had partners. And it's nothing to do with pheromones, apparently, because humans don't have them, even though they're all there in most of the rest of the natural world.
It's all about testosterone - single men have significantly higher testosterone levels than married men.
And that makes sense because testosterone enhances all the qualities that are useful for attracting a mate: libido, confidence, and competitiveness. And what's interesting is that when men go into a partnership the testosterone stays at the "single" level for about a year before it drops.
Also, fatherhood causes a steep decline in testosterone.
Both men and women are attracted to the smells of people who have a better immune system. Which makes sense because that's the person you want to "procreate" with.
Disease can change your body odour, and for example, typhoid smells like baked bread, which sparks Maisie's interest.
Fascinating stuff, isn't it!
But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!
Will this do?
[Oh just go ot bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!
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