Danskcolin: Friday December 5th 2025 "Do YOU stay up late to watch election results? Bet you're always 'grouchy' next day!!!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU stay up late to watch election results? It's an easy mistake to make, isn't it! And if so, do you wake up feeling all grouchy next day, and throwing little tantrums, especially if YOUR favoured candidate ends up with egg on his or her face - am I right? Or am I right!!!

You see, it's now, incredibly, a full 12 months since Donald Trump became US President, and to mark the occasion, I'm "exhuming" this slightly tongue-in-cheek "From the Archives: Leave Time for a Smile" article from influential American political journal, The Onion.

Takes you back, doesn't it!

Awwww!!!!

And here in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois will tell you that I myself always look incredibly cute when I've brushed my teeth and got into my jim-jams - if you want a testimonial, just write to her - postcards only!!!

(left) me, after I've brushed my teeth and got into my jim-jams

- awwwwww, bless !!!!! And (right) me with my medium-to-long-suffering

wife Lois, fully clothed - a recent picture

However, it's a bit annoying today to realise, that, even though I brush my teeth religiously night and day, our Portuguese dentist Jose Mourinho still managed to find two fillings he wanted to do on me when I went for my bi-annual check-up there on Tuesday. And even though before my appointment I was having no trouble, since then I've been getting intermittent pain in the gums, which is ironic, to put it mildly!

flashback to Tuesday: (top right) me waiting nervously in the surgery's waiting-room

for my appointment with dentist Jose, and hygienist Lisa

I ring the surgery today to get some advice, but all I get is the "brush-off" (no pun intended!!!). I'm told that it's too early to complain, and that I've got to wait 2 weeks - huh!!!! I don't think I'll get much change out of them if I ring them up again in the week before Christmas, do you?

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

And it's even more galling when I remember that I have, more than once, acted as unpaid (!) official interpreter at the surgery, when there's been kerfuffles and misunderstandings between Portuguese dentist Jose and his British admin staff.

a typical dental reception desk

Don't get me wrong - Jose speaks perfect English, but with a "kiwi twang" as he calls it, after years of living and working in New Zealand. Last time I was at the surgery, I heard Jose ask an assistant to find him a pen, and she went away and came back empty-handed, thinking that he had asked her to find him a pin.

And if YOU too are confused about the difference, just observe how this lady does it on TikTok - note the shape of her mouth when she's saying the two words: quite different in each case, isn't it, to put it mildly! Also notice the position of her eyebrows, which is a bit of a giveaway, to the initiated at least!

Or if you're still not getting through, try the international standard fall-back, for use only in dire emergencies, which is to always close your eyes when saying "pen" and to keep them open for "pin".

See? See how our differences can be laughed away, even in a dental surgery, and gaps bridged [no pun intended!!!!] with just a little common sense and good will - simples, really, isn't it!

[That's enough nonsense! - Ed]

Thanks to my intervention, however, the resulting impasse at the surgery, which could have turned ugly, was glossed over, or should I say "flossed over" (!) [No! - Ed], and passed off without incident or injury, either to staff or to patients, which was nice.

But now look! This is how they reward me !!!!!

It's annoying, though, to have intermittent toothache just now, above all, because there's going to be a lot of festive eating coming up, as Christmas approaches. Tomorrow, Lois and I will be shopping in nearby Petersfield, Hampshire for the slippers I'll be getting her for Christmas, after which we'll be stopping by at Lois's church's Saturday morning drop-in coffee-and-cake session. Not only that, but on Sunday it'll be the church's "shared lunch" day after the meeting. Then, to cap it all [no pun intended!!!] the following Thursday it's the church's Christmas lunch - yikes!

Poor me !!!!!!!

flashback to last month: Lois and I, and fellow-church-member Betty

have some coffee and cake at the church's drop-in centre

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

[Don't be such a baby, Colin! - Ed]

Finally I try putting on some of that dental gel which is a huge relief at last. And, as if to rub it in [no pun intended, again!!!], Lois is today finishing off her Christmas cake. The temptation of it - yikes!!!!

[That's enough unfunny dental puns! - Ed]

Don't worry, I'm all "punned out" now, like this poor guy!!!

(left) Lois today sellotaping up her Christmas cake for its one-week "rest",

and (right) flashback to yesterday when she started work on it

Pass the ibuprofen haha !!!!!

Luckily, all joking apart, I'm sure that my gums, already starting to feel a bit better, will have fully "settled down" in the next few days, and the main thing will be for me to remember not to eat too much, and also to drink responsibly, as the TV ads say!

One creature who didn't follow that last rule this week, was that raccoon in Virginia who broke into an off-licence and smashed open a load of bottles before passing out on the floor of the toilet. Lois and I were first alerted to this story by an email from Steve, our American brother-in-law.

And this story is picked up tonight, on the comedy news quiz "Have I Got News For You", which this week is being presented by TV scientist Hannah Fry.