Yes, Friends, does YOUR "home office" look like "a bit of a tip", where a load of "tat" has been just "dumped" because there's nowhere else to put it all? I think we've all been there, haven't we, especially recently, as we're all fighting to "clear the decks", and make room for perhaps a ginormous 3 foot Christmas tree, as well as all the other somewhat dog-eared, so-called "decorations" in the non-home-office parts of our homes (!).
Am I right? Or am I right!!!
we struggle to declutter enough to accommodate
our "ginormous" 3 ft Christmas tree - what madness!
Even Santa is currently trying to offload some "tat", according to today's local Onion News for East Hampshire! It's all there in the paper's tiny tongue-in-cheek "Leave Time For A Smile" column, right there on page 94 !!!!
Poor Santa!!!!!
But the story brought a bit of a ho-ho-ho into the bedtime banter of me and my wife Lois early this morning, here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, to put it mildly!!!
my wife Lois and me - some recent pictures
And did you notice, also, that somebody - person or persons unknown, but perhaps one of Santa's disgruntled female relatives (!) - has today "leaked" the contents of Santa's current "naughty and nice lists" on Facebook.
I can now exclusively reveal that, thankfully, Yours Truly has made the cut, which is nice [no pun intended!!!!!].
Somebody called "Kel" has decided to go public on the leaked lists this morning - did you see?
My wife Lois hasn't yet been assigned to either one of the lists, so the jury's still out on her, apparently. I've warned her to be on her best behaviour, and not to be naughty over the next few days, which she'll find difficult as it goes completely against her nature, as I know all too well "for my sins" haha!!!
Meanwhile, today, in our marriage, the so-called "battle of the home-offices" is hotting up, with me loading up my shiny-new IKEA "Baggebo" bookcase this morning with some important-look "box files" - all empty, with some meaningless descriptions on the labels, but don't tell anyone! That's our little secret(!).
And by contrast, Lois's "home-office" [not shown] is beginning to look quite shabby - take my word for it!!!!
me this morning, showcasing "Baggebo Corner" in my shiny-new "home office" (!)
It's all rather eerily reminiscent of the "Battle of the Desks" on the "Vic Reeves' Big Night Out" topical TV show back in the 1990's, the battle between lead presenter Vic and his sidekick Bob Mortimer - do you remember that rather unedifying spectacle?
It was the night Bob tried to "upstage" lead presenter Vic by unveiling his own new, improved desk, which incorporated a flexible hose that almost connected with the pen stuck in his "desk onion"; and Bob also unveiled his own independent news service as well as some routine car maintenance options.
You must remember!
Lead presenter Vic, whose desk famously featured his trademark "bag of cooked meat", was obviously nonplussed by Bob's surprise debut-ing of his desk-upgrades, and poor Vic didn't really have much of an answer, other than insults and mockery. Remember?!!!
Poor Vic !!!!!
But what a crazy world we live in !!!!
Anyway, Lois and I forget all our petty "home-office" rivalry this afternoon, and after a much-curtailed nap - just a "quick one" (!) - at 3pm we take a walk over local football heroes Liphook United's "hallowed turf" before I deliver Lois to her stylist, Anna, at "Liphook Haircraft" for her 4 o'clock appointment, myself taking one of the "husband seats".
And after that, we take a romantic stroll through the town's bustling (!) town-centre, viewing Liphook's iconic "Illuminations", before a romantic stumble back home over the Liphook United's home pitch, in the pitch-dark (no pun intended!!!).
local footballing heroes Liphook United's
charismatic manager, the ashen-faced Ron Knee (59)
Liphook United (manager: Ron Knee) may be hanging on by their bootstraps (!) to a place in the relegation section of the East Hampshire Premier League, but their finances, as yet, don't yet run to installing floodlights, apparently, so we have to just "feel our way home" across the football field in complete darkness.
What utter utter utter madness !!!!!
(above) we take a walk over the "hallowed turf" of local sporting heroes Liphook United,
before I deliver Lois to her stylist Anna, myself taking one of the "husband seats",
before the newly-coiffeured Lois and I take a romantic stroll through the town centre
admiring the town's "Illuminations", before stumbling home in the dark over a football field
It's something we haven't done since our "courting days" - stumbling across a field in total darkness, but, if you do it right, apparently it can be an opportunity to "calm wives down", according to another list, not from Santa this time, but from a leading wife, "@Ethereal229", on my today's Facebook feed, in which she gives her advice, for free, to husbands worldwide:
Lois has warned me not to "try anything like that" (!), and fair enough, no harm done, because it's generally me that needs the calming down (!), strangely!
me - a recent picture: I'm the one that generally needs calming down!!!
But how long do we husbands have to wait, before we get a "Four Ways to Calm Down Your Husband" list?
I wonder.....!
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!
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