Yes, Friends, have YOU ever been 'demoted' at work? Not many of us have, have we, but there's one local man who can claim that honour, and 'in spades' (!), according to this morning's Onion News for East Hampshire, to put it mildly!
And King's story brings a semi-ironic smile to our faces as we find ourselves sitting in the town's iconic Millennium Centre at around 10:30 am, waiting for a local guy called Paul to address us and a bunch of other old codgers, all members of the town's local U3A group, "Intermediate Local History for Local Old Codgers".
Amongst all these prostitutes, however, Emma must have been unusually appealing.
This was where, for a Liphook audience, Emma's "local connections" begin to come to light.
my wife Lois and me this morning, looking smug, because, by arriving early,
we've secured premier seats for ourselves, to listen to a talk on local history, which is nice!
Yes, by an extraordinary coincidence, Lois and I are waiting in the hall's iconic "Canada Room", eager to hear all the gory details (!) about a woman who replicated local CEO King's "fall from grace", but in the opposite direction, would you believe! Unlike King's now-famous "riches to rags" saga, the story we hear today is a real "rags to riches" epic, and one of gigantic proportions!
And the 'titillating title' (say 10 times quickly!) of local man Paul's talk today says it all - "Emma Hamilton - England's Mistress".
the scene this morning in the local Millennium Hall's iconic Canada Room,
as a bunch of 'old codgers' gather to hear local man Ken (seated in front, in pink cardigan)
give a talk on local history on "Emma Hamilton - England's Mistress"
Emma Hamilton, as you probably know, is the name of a poor blacksmith's daughter, born in 1765 in the little coal-mining town of Ness in Cheshire, who clawed her way up "the greasy pole" to become the most painted woman in England, hobnobbing (and more!) with famous historical figures like Admiral Lord Nelson, the Prince of Wales and other luminaries, if you please!
And a century of so later, writer George Bernard Shaw admitted that Emma's story had been a major inspiration for his play 'Pygmalion', later the film 'My Fair Lady' starring Julie Andrews.
Admiral Lord Nelson, hero of the Battle of Trafalgar, with one
of his love-letters to Emma Hamilton, sent from his ship HMS Victory;
for this protrait, Emma was give a cute dog to hold, to disguise
the fact that she was pregnant - what madness !!!!!
But what an unpromising beginning Emma had had to her life!
In total contrast to her later glittering adult life, Emma, as a child in the Cheshire coal-mining town Ness, had been brought up in a two-room hovel with an earth floor and grimy windows. As a very young girl of 11 or so, and with no education, however, she managed to get a job as a maid for the local doctor, and after a year or so, when the doctor moved to London, he invited young Emma to go with him to the capital, as his "housekeeper".
By the age of 13 or so, Emma gave up being maid, however, and became a prostitute at a series of London taverns and theatres, which was less work than being a maid, to put it mildly! And although strictly a prostitute, in order to please her various employers, her main function, it seems, was to encourage male customers to drink.
Lois comments that getting the men "dead drunk" would have been a good way also to minimise occurrences of actual intercourse, with its attendant risks of pregnancy and/or disease. So, Kudos, Emma - way to go!
a typical 18th century tavern prostitute - their top priority,
however, was to encourage male customers to drink
In those far-off times it's reckoned that there were more than 50,000 prostitutes in London, mostly under 18 years of age, and representing about one in eight of all the women in the capital. And prostitution wasn't illegal in those crazy, far-off times. There were even handy guidebooks available: one such was Harris's List, which was a catalogue of women of pleasure in the Covent Garden district, with customer reviews, updated annually.
What madness, wasn't it (again) !
She was even 'headhunted' by fashionable quack fertility doctor James Graham. Graham used to loan infertile couples the use of a 12' x 9' ft so-called "celestial bed", also hiring attractive women, such as Emma, to cavort, supposedly as 'naked goddesses', around the couple, as they tried to conceive - what madness (again) !!!!
Graham had earlier travelled to Philadelphia to study electricity under Benjamin Franklin's collaborator Ebenezer Kinnersley.
noted 18th century fertility 'doctor' and sexologist, James Graham,
and his 'celestial bed': Emma was hired by Graham to cavort naked
around the bed, as one of his team of 'goddesses' in a bid to
to boost infertile couples' chances of conception - what madness !!!!
What utter utter utter madness!!!!
Emma's really big break came, however, when she become known to leading portrait painters. Joshua Reynolds, for example, wanted to paint her in 1778, when she was still only 13. And later, George Romney painted her as 'Miranda from the Tempest'.
And, incredibly, over the next 15 years Emma ended up becoming the most painted woman in England.
early portraits of Emma by (left) Joshua Reynolds and (right) George Romney
By now, Emma was on an unstoppable trajectory upwards, first getting a position at high-class brothel "Madame Kelly',", and then starting to meet, and to charm, powerful and influential male customers, taking lessons in languages, culture and politics, so that she could converse with them on equal terms.
First, she became the mistress of the MP for Portsmouth, Harry Featherstonhaugh (crazy name, crazy guy!) - and his name is pronounced "Fanshaw" by the way, in case you were wondering (!) - what madness!!!
Emma became the mistress of Harry Featherstonhaugh, MP for Portsmouth,
and took up residence at nearby Uppark, West Sussex
Featherstonhaugh lived at nearby local stately home Uppark, West Sussex, but, after Emma became pregnant, he "passed her on" to his friend Charles Greville, who had the young child fostered, and who, then, later passed Emma on again, to his uncle Sir William Hamilton, who became British Ambassador to the Kingdom of Naples.
Finally, Emma had managed to get properly married, at least, and she became Lady Hamilton, hosting innumerable swanky dinner parties for her husband at the British Embassy in Naples, also making use of her considerable linguistic skills, which was nice!
Sir William Hamilton, British Ambassador to Naples,
seen here with his wife Emma
Emma's career as a mistress wasn't completely over, however, because it was in Naples that Emma met Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson, Commander of the British Fleet in the Med, when he checked in at the Embassy, and Emma became his mistress, with her husband's tacit approval, and the rest is, well, history!
This is also where the particular connection with our little town of Liphook comes in, because Nelson and Emma, on journeys from London to Naval HQ at Portsmouth, often stayed overnight at Liphook's most prestigious inn, the Royal Anchor, on the Portsmouth road.
the Royal Anchor inn as it looks today - it's been described
as a big big inn in a small, small town (!)
Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!
[That's enough history! - Ed]
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!
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