Danskcolin: Tuesday April 21st 2026 "Have YOU ever starred in a big money movie, and then regretted it? Well relax, you're in exalted company!!!!!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever starred in a big money movie, and later wished you hadn't bothered?!!!

It happened once recently, and to a famous actor, according to today's Onion News. Read on, and weep !!!!

Poor Brad !!!!! And poor Mary Louise !!!!!!

But, especially, poor Brad!!!!

And Brad's story in particular certainly brings a half-decent, or should I say "half-indecent" [No! - Ed] smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, to put it mildly!!!!!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

We know already that our day is going to be dominated by the humble spinach, and also the humble rhubarb, and the humble garden spices, and our efforts to keep them alive in our tiny back garden, here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, to put it mildly!!!!

The weather has certainly let us down and let all keen gardeners down, with this year's unexpectedly dry spring, that's for sure. The big news here in East Hampshire is 'No rain till May 5th' , would you believe - what madness (again) !!!!!

Last spring it was wall-to-wall rain, and we hardly needed to get our sophisticated watering equipment out of the shed, which was nice! But now, this year, with its dry-to-dryish spring, we discover, to our dismay, that our faithful garden hose is in 'a bit of a state' and needs to be stretched out in the sun like some horrible 50 ft yellow snake. Not only that, but, this morning, we have to organise a 'human chain' of just the two of us, to 'ferry' water from the kitchen sink to our makeshift, so-called "water butt" (a disused, and de-commissioned, wheelie bin, would you believe !!!).

What madness, isn't it !!!!

our morning, described as 'horrendous' by experts (me and Lois!!!!)

- a garden hose dubbed 'too kinky' to be of use, and us having to work

our socks off organising a human chain of two to get water into our

makeshift 'water butt' - what utter utter madness !!!!!!!

No wonder, that, after lunch, we decide to spend the afternoon in bed, for statutory 'nap time'. Well, wouldn't you, if you had the chance haha!!!!!

And this evening we get a reminder that it's all worthwhile 'growing our own', when we enjoy a nice bit of spinach with our minced beef and potato 'tea', spinach that was picked just an hour beforehand, and you can't get much fresher than that, can you!!! Yum yum!!!!

a typical meal of minced beef, potato and fresh spinach

[Is that all you two 'noggins' have done today, Colin? An hour or so of so-called 'gardening' and then an afternoon in bed? - Ed]

Well, no, actually if you must know!!!! This evening, we somehow find it possible to fit in a hour or so's viewing of a gardening TV programme, to round off the day, before getting back into bed again (!). Busy, busy, busy!!!!!

And we discover, that while we were 'poncing about' in our tiny garden today, who knows what dramas, involving field mice, moles etc were going on there under our feet, all 'beneath the radar', as aged naturalist David Attenborough explains in his fascinating current series 'Secret Garden'.

One of the most secretive creatures in your garden is likely to be the field mouse. And when garden-owners Chris and Liz come in from the garden and shut the door at the end of their day, who knows what real-life secret dramas are already starting to play out in the garden outside!

For starters, who knew that field mice have to start looking for a mate when they're only 4 months old !!!!

What a life - just sex, sex, sex, and not much else, apart from eating, which is mad!

And not only that, but also, field mice are the only mammals, apart from humans, who, when they go a-wandering 'on the pull', are careful to leave a trail of 'signposts' behind them, so they can find their way home again. They need to move quickly, because, at night, their arch enemies, the garden's owls, will be on the watch - and owls' hearing is 10 times as sensitive as ours - yikes!!!

Luckily, however, the owls can't hear the male fieldmouse's ultrasonic 'love call' due to its frequency, which is a plus for the little female, no doubt about that!!!!

There's a good tip there, however, about 'leaving signposts so you can find your way back again'. I must start doing that myself when I'm wandering around our little house, arriving in some room and then wondering where I am, and why I wanted to be there (!).

The fieldmice "going at it" isn't the only mating activity likely to be going on in your garden at night, however, and any male moles "on the pull" are probably also having problems, but of a different sort, we hear - oh dear!!!!

A little male mole can barely see past the end of its nose, but that nose smells 'in stereo', David Attenborough explains, and a male can pinpoint a female's burrow from afar.

"Gotcha!" - a male mole finally gets his paws on a female

The male mole's problem is that the female will almost always try to fight him off, and they're totally vicious. Female moles have unusually high levels of testosterone, which makes them highly aggressive.

Poor male mole !!!!!

Plus, moles leaving their molehills around will make a mess of your garden, that's for sure, but those little piles of earth are also perfect for planting with, as I expect you know.