Saturday June 6th 2026 "Friends, are YOU dissatisfied with your restaurant 'selfies'? Well, join the club!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU often strangely dissatisfied with YOUR Instagram-style selfies of restaurant dining moments? A lot of us are, aren't we, but help is on the way, if we're to believe this morning's Onion News. Turn to page 94, all of you, and breathe a collective sigh of relief!!!! 

Kudos Greggs, ahead of the curve, as always!!! And reading the Onion story this morning here in semi-transparent Liphook, Hampshire this morning brings a half-bemused grin to the faces of me and my wife Lois, that's for sure!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We're laughing because we know we're going to be spending some intimate moments in fitting-rooms this morning, as Lois, who turned 80 yesterday, intends to be picking out her 'extra birthday present' in the clothes shops of nearby Petersfield, just 11 miles south, down the A3 highway, which is nice!

Petersfield, its location marked by the red circle and arrow, 

has often been described as "a town in the middle of nowhere" (!)

Petersfield - it's a small town that most Brits have never heard of, and yet, as we discover on our shopping trip this morning, some famous faces have stayed here in the past - even Peter the Great (1672-1725) emperor of Russia, would you believe, which seems totally weird, not to mention also 17th century English monarch King Charles II, and 17th century diarist Samuel Pepys (1633-1703).

I showcase a blue plaque that Lois and I have never noticed before,

on our occasional shopping trips to nearby Petersfield, Hampshire

What madness, isn't it !!!!

Whether Peter the Great, either on his own, or with "squeeze" Elizabeth, later Empress of Russia, ever visited any of Petersfield's many clothes shops isn't made clear by the plaque, and, admittedly, Lois and I find it difficult to imagine Peter or Elizabeth in any of the fitting-rooms that we ourselves share some intimate moments in today, as Lois disrobes and tries on a series of dresses and also so-called 'cropped trousers' or 'pedal-pushers', to put it mildly!!!!

my wife Lois in me, in Petersfield's iconic "Edinburgh Woollen Mill" clothes shop

Unfortunately, Lois is handicapped, size-wise, by being only about 5'3" or thereabouts, and as clothes shops seem to regard today's tall young women as their main target customers, Lois finds that all the so-called 'cropped trousers' in the Edinburgh Woollen Mill's store actually come down to her ankles: so 'not very cropped' in other words, which is mad! In the end she decides she can turn up the light grey pair seen in the picture above, so all is well in the end, which is a comfort!

If Elizabeth, future Empress of Russia, ever did shop in the town's Edinburgh Woollen Mill or other clothing chains, Lois's problem definitely wouldn't have been an issue, no doubt about that!

And indeed the Empress, ironically, might have had the opposite problem - that the cropped trousers looked a bit like hot pants on her - because, you see, the Russian Empress was at least 5'11" or even taller according to some sources, well above average for the 17th century. And such garb as 'hot pants' might have been deemed 'inappropriate', or even indecent, in those crazy, straight-laced times, that's for sure!

I wonder.....!

Weirdly, however, history records that Empress Elizabeth, although born far too early to wear 'hot pants', was very proud of her legs and her figure generally, and found that the best way to showcase her figure was to dress as a man, which makes sense - women's dress in those far-off crazy days, tended to be  a bit on the bulky side to put it mildly!

a typical "metamorphoses ball" from Russia's imperial period

The men of the court hated these occasions, however, and you can see their point!

[That's enough about Russia! - Ed]

12:00 Armed with our purchases, Lois and I drive back home to Liphook in triumphant mood, if a bit exhausted, so we definitely need to recharge our batteries in bed this afternoon for 'statutory nap time'. 

And we finish this second day of celebration of Lois's 80th birthday, by putting on a birthday tea for ourselves and for our daughter Alison. Our son-in-law Edward is away supervising another Duke of Edinburgh Award weekend for local youngsters, so Alison just brings along two of the couple's teenage kids - Rosalind (17) and Isaac (15).

So, don't forget, when YOU turn 80, this is the way you do it - buy a dress and a pair of meant-to-be-cropped trousers which you can turn up, then go home, spend the afternoon in bed, and then enjoy a chocolate birthday cake with family before going back to bed again!

Simples, really isn't it, but there's your 'road-map' on a plate - something to 'cut out and keep', if you will! So store it somewhere safe, won't you haha!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!