Monday 5 February 2018

04:00 I get up early and look online, and turn on my smartphone. Suddenly my smartphone beeps - Sylvia, Lois' cousin in Melbourne, is "waving to me" on Facebook. I did not even know that one could wave to one's friends on social media, but there's a first time for everything. The software invites me to wave back so I click the "button" on the small screen. It seems rude to ignore her.

Unfortunately, I suddenly realize that Sylvia thinks I'm Lois, and she answers with a text in which she pours her heart out about the recent big events in her life: her loneliness as a widow, her new relationship with Rod, a man she met online, her decision to move in with him on weekends, her decision to leave her church, which disapproves of relationships outside marriage, and her joy at finding love again.

My god how embarrassing! I briefly consider carrying on impersonating Lois, but eventually I decide to confess. I tell her how happy I am to hear her life is back on track. I promise to pass her message on to Lois when she wakes up.

Flashback to April 2016: Lois and Sylvia on the beach at Apollo Bay, Victoria.

Lois and I stayed for a week with Sylvia in Melbourne and the surrounding area,

on our way to visit our daughter, Sarah, and her family in Perth

10:00 It is freezing cold, but we walk into the village - brrrr !! We swing by the local post office to send three English children's magazines to our grandchildren in Copenhagen: "Art", "Star Wars" and "Octonauts".

It all costs a fortune with postage included - my god! But we are both happy to do them this little service and keep our grandchildren in touch with the "old country". We come home and warm ourselves up with a cup of coffee.

Lois and I try to do our duty when it comes to our grandchildren. We have heard that the US authorities have begun to crack down on (in particular) grandfathers who neglect their descendants. Recently two deputy sheriffs in Athens, Georgia forcibly entered room 3B at the Sunwood Assisted Living complex, and after waking Georgia's No. 1 deadbeat grandfather, they took him into custody - 79-year-old Roy Ehrengruber, who owed over $480 in grandchildren's birthday card money.

Report: 12 January 2006, source: Onion Family News

A recent American survey had shown that deadbeat-grandfathers owed a collective $23 million in dollar bills and coins. However, it is not all bad news.

Despite high-profile cases such as Ehrengruber's, the survey showed that 32 percent of deadbeat-grandfathers acknowledge and contribute to their grandchildren's birthdays. What distinguishes them from responsible grandfathers, however, is that they constantly fail to keep up with inflation.

"Thousands of American 7-year-olds get two $1 banknotes for their birthday, instead of a much more realistic $20," said Leavitt. "Some even receive a card, but no money. What kind of world do these grandfathers live in?"

State welfare authorities say that tracking down deadbeat-grandfathers can be extremely difficult. "We have tried to contact these grandfathers, but it's almost impossible, because some of them go months without communicating with friends and family, living the easy life in remote locations like Florida or Arizona. And standard enforcement procedures like for example, suspension of driving licenses is often ineffective as many of these have long expired - in some cases decades ago. "

My god, what madness !!! I think that sheriffs in England have so far only given verbal or written warnings. It was different in the past. In the Sheriff of Nottingham's time, deadbeat-grandfathers were often tortured or put on the rack, especially if they tried to palm their grandchildren off with a 1 penny i.o.u., instead of the standard 2 pence one.

Flashback to the Middle Ages, Nottingham Castle: the Sheriff

tortures a deadbeat-granddad for forgetting

to send his granddaughter a birthday card.

12:00 Lunch and afterwards a gigantic afternoon nap. I get up at 3pm and jump up on my exercise bike in Sarah's old room, which I've already warmed up with the help of my electric heater. I turned on the blow-heater in the room before I jumped into bed. I do six miles again (10km).

18:00 Steve, my American brother in law, has sent me an interesting email.

The tv evangelist Gloria Copeland has revealed that you do not have to get an influenza shot, even though flu deaths are at record highs right now. You do not need the vaccine, apparently, "because Jesus gave us a metaphorical flu shot when he died for us," she said. "We have already got our shot: Jesus bore our sicknesses and carried our diseases."

Gloria prays for those who may already have flu and declares: "Influenza, I cast you out of the people in Jesus' name. Jesus gave us the flu shot, he redeemed us from the curse of the flu." Those who do not have flu, she promised, can protect themselves by declaring: 'I will never get the flu'. Inoculate yourself with the word of God, "recommended Copeland.

Damn! This information comes far too late for Lois and me. We got our flu shot a couple of months ago. On the other hand, it was completely free under the NHS, so the price was right, like people say.

I try to see Gloria's encouraging words for myself. I find her mini-presentation on Facebook, but I'm confused by the Anglo-Dutch subtitles: it's always a mistake to try to combine the two languages, I think. It saves money compared to having to produce separate English and Dutch versions, but the end result is that the speaker seems to be talking nonsense. My goodness, what a crazy world we live in !!!

It's always a big mistake to try

combining English and Dutch subtitles, I think.

It saves money, but the speaker seems to be talking nonsense,

which is a bit of a shame!

18:30 We have dinner and watch television. "Only Connect" and "University Challenge" are on, two of the few TV shows that are not suitable for very stupid people ha ha.

Only Connect - Another entertaining episode, with a few very mysterious questions, as usual, where participants are asked to find a connection between 4 seemingly unconnected expressions or names.

One of the show's typically mysterious questions: participants are asked to

to find a connection between these 4 expressions.

The solution is not that these are nicknames of archbishops, as one of the two teams suggests.

In fact, you can add "ious" to the 2nd word to make

a synonym for the first word: tedious, vicious, pious, odious.

The answer looks self-evident as soon as you see it

In the next question, Lois and I are very happy to hear a reference to "Anchorman", a fun movie that we had forgotten about.

The quiz participants are again asked to find

a connection between these 4 objects / expressions

The answer is, in this case, that they are all octagons or are octagonal. Brian Fantana is a character in the movie "Anchorman, the legend of Ron Burgundy", all about a TV station in San Diego, where Fantana is the station's lead field reporter. The role is played by Paul Rudd.

Fantana refers to his penis as the "octagon" - a nickname. He calls his testicles James Westfall and Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. He is famous for saying hat "if you play your cards right, you may get to meet the whole gang".

22:00 We go to bed. The bedroom is lovely and hot tonight because I have installed another electric heater in there, and at 9pm I popped up there and switched it on - hurrah, nice !!!!!

Zzzzzzzzz !!!!

Danish translation

04:00 Jeg står tidligt op og kigger lidt på nettet og tænder min smartphone. Pludselig biper min smartphone – Sylvia, Lois’ kusine i Melbourne, ”vinker til mig” på Facebook. Jeg vidste ikke selv, man kunne vinke til ens venner på de sociale medier, men det er en først gang for alt. Softwaret indbyder mig til at vinke tilbage, så jeg klikker på ”knappen” på den lille skærm. Det virker uhøflligt at ignorere hende.

Desværre bliver jeg pludselig klar over, at Sylvia tror, jeg er Lois, og hun svarer med en sms, hvor hun udøser sit hjerte om de nylige store begivenheder i sit liv: sin ensomhed som enke, sit nye forhold til Rod, en mand hun mødte på nettet, hendes beslutning om at flytte ind hos ham i weekenderne, hendes beslutning at forlade sin kirke, der misbilliger forhold udenfor ægteskab, og sin glæde ved at finde kærlighed igen.

Du godeste, hvor pinligt! Jeg overvejer at fortsætte med at udgive mig for Lois, men til sidst beslutter jeg at gå til bekendelse. Jeg fortæller hende, hvor glad jeg er for at høre, sit liv er tilbage på spor. Jeg lover at videregive sin besked til Lois, når hun vågner op.

Tilbageblik til april 2016: Lois og Sylvia på stranden i Apollo Bay, Victoria.

Lois og jeg boede en uge hos Sylvia i Melbourne og omegn,

på vej til at besøge vores datter, Sarah, og hendes familie i Perth

10:00 Det er hundekoldt, men vi går hen ind i landsbyen – brrrr!! Vi smutter ind i det lokale postkontor for at afsende tre engelske børneblade til vores børnebørn i  København: ”Art”, ”Star Wars” og ”Octonauts”.

Det hele koster en formue herunder porto - du godeste! Men vi er begge glade for at kunne gøre dem denne lille tjeneste og holde vores børnebørn lidt i kontakt med ”det gamle land”. Vi kommer hjem og varmer os op med en kop kaffe.

Lois og jeg prøver at gøre vores pligt, når det kommer til vores børnebørn. Vi har hørt, at myndighederne i USA er begyndt at slå hardt ned på (i sær) bedstefædre, der forsømmer deres efterkommere. To assisterende sheriffer i Athen, Georgia trådte ind i værelset 3B på Sunwood Assisted Living-komplekset, og efter at have vågnet ham anholdt delstaten Georgias nr. 1 snylter-bedstefar - 79 årige Roy Ehrengruber, der skylder over 480 dollar i barnebarn fødselsdagskortpenge.

En nylig amerikansk undersøgelse havde vist, at snylter-bedstefædre skyldte en kollektiv $ 23 millioner i dollarsedler og mønter. Det er imidlerid ikke alt dårlig nyhed.

Rapport: den 12. januar 2006, kilde: Onion Family News

På trods af højt profilerede sager som Ehrengrubers viste undersøgelsen, at 32 procent af snylter-bedstefædre anerkender, og bidrager til, deres børnebørns fødselsdage. Hvad der adskiller dem fra ansvarlige bedstefædre er imidlertid, at det konstant mislykkes dem at holde trit med inflationen.

"Tusindvis af amerikanske 7-årige får to $1-seddler til deres fødselsdag, i stedet for en meget mere realistisk $ 20," sagde Leavitt. "Nogle modtager endda et kort, men ingen penge. Hvilken slags verden lever disse bedstefar i?"

Statens velfærdsmyndigheder siger, at sporing af snylter-bedstefædre kan være yderst vanskeligt. "Vi har forsøgt at kontakte disse bedstefædre, men det er næsten umuligt, da for nogle af dem går måneder uden at de kommunikerer med venner og familie, der lever det lette liv i fjerntliggende steder som Florida eller Arizona. Og standard håndhævelsesprocedurer som f.eks. suspension af kørekort er ofte ineffektive, da mange af dem er for længst udløbet - i nogle tilfælde årtier siden."

Du godeste, sikke et vanvid !!! Jeg tror, at sheriffer i England hidtil kun have givet muntlige eller skriftlige advarsler. Det var anderledes i fortiden. I Sherif af Nottinghams tid, blev snylter-bedstefædre ofte tortureret eller lagt på pinebænken, især hvis de prøvede at spise deres børnebørn af med et gældsbrev på 1 penny, i stedet for det standardgældsbrev på 2 pence.

tilbageblik til middelalderen, Nottingham-slottet: sheriffen

torturer en snylter-bedstefar for at have glemt

at sende sin barnebarn et fødselsdagskort.

12:00 Frokost og bagefter en gigantisk eftermiddagslur. Jeg står op kl 15 og hopper op på min kondicykel i Sarahs gamle værelse, som jeg allerede har varmt op ved hjælp af min elektriske varmeblæser. Jeg tændte varmeblæseren i værelset, inden jeg hoppede op i sengen.

18:00 Steve, min amerikanske svigerbror, har sendt mig en interessant email.

Tv-evangelisten Gloria Copeland har afslørt, at du ikke behøver at få et influenzaskud, selvom influenza dødsfald er oppe i rekordhøjder lige nu. Du har ikke brug for vaccinen, ”fordi Jesus gav os et metaforisk influenzaskud, da han døde for os”, siger hun."Vi har allerede fået vores skud: Jesus tog vores lidelser og bar vores sygdomme".

Gloria beder på vegne af dem, der måske allerede har influenza, og  erklærer: "Influenza, jeg kaster dig ud af folket i Jesus navn. Jesus gav os selv influenzaskuddet, han løste os fra influenzaens forbandelse." Dem, der ikke har influenza, lovede hun, kan beskytte sig ved blot at erklære:" Jeg vil aldrig få influenza. "Vacciner dig selv med Guds ord," anbefalede Copeland.

Pokkers! Denne oplysning kommer langt for sent for Lois og mig. Vi fik vores influenzaskud for et par måneder siden. På den anden side var det helt gratis under det offentlige sundhedssystem, så prisen var rigtigt, som man siger.

Jeg prøver at se Glorias opmuntrende ord for mig selv. Jeg finder hendes mini-fremlæggelse på Facebook, men jeg bliver forvirret af de engelsk-hollandske texte: det er altid en fejl at prøve at kombinere de to sprog, synes jeg. Det sparer penge, i forhold til at skulle fremstille adskilte engelske og hollandske versioner, men enderesultatet er, at taleren virker at være i gang med at tale nonsens. Du godeste, sikke en skør verden vi lever i!!!

det er altid en stor fejl at prøve at

kombinere engelske og hollandske tekste, synes jeg.

Det sparer penge, men taleren virker at tale nonsens,

hvilket er lidt af en skam!

18:30 Vi spiser aftensmad og ser lidt fjernsyn. De viser ”Only Connect” og ”University Challenge”, to af de få tv-programmer, der ikke er egnede for meget dumme mennesker ha ha.

Only Connect – endnu et underholdende afsnit, med nogle mysteriøse spørgsmål, som sædvanligt, hvor deltagere bliver bedt om at finde en forbindelse mellem 4 tilsyneladende uforbundede udtryk eller navne.

 

Et af showets typiske mysteriøse spørgsmål: deltagere bliver bedt om,

at finde en forbindelse mellem disse 4 udtryk.

Løsningen, er ikke at disse er øgenavne af ærkbiskoper, som 1 af de 2 hold forslår.

Faktisk kan man tilføje ”ious” til det 2. ord for at lave

et synonym for det første ord: tedious, vicious, pious, odious.

Svaret ser selvindlysende ud, så snart man hører det ha ha

I det næste spørgsmål er Lois og jeg meget glade for at høre en reference til ”Anchorman”, en morsom film, som vi har glemt om.

Quizzens deltagere bliver igen bedt om at finde

en forbindelse mellem disse 4 objekter/udtryk

Svaret er, i dette tilfælde, at de alle er oktagoner eller er oktagonale. Brian Fantana er en karakter i filmen ”Anchorman, the Legend of Ron Burgundy”, der handler om en TV-station i San Diego, hvor Fantana er stationens førende friluftsreporter. Rollen er spillet af Paul Rudd.

Fantana henviser til sin penis som ”oktagonen” – et øgenavn. Hans testikler hedder henholdsvis James Westfall og dr. Kenneth Noisewater. Han er berømt for at sige, at ”hvis du spiller dine kort rigtigt, kan du komme til at møde ”hele slænget”.

22:00 Vi går i seng. Soveværelset er dejlig varmt i aften, fordi jeg har installeret endnu en elektrisk varmeblæser derinde, og kl 21 smuttede jeg op og tændte den – hurra, dejligt!!!!!

Zzzzzzzzz!!!!