Danskcolin: Thursday 15 February 2018

08:00 Lois and I get up and go in the shower.

09:30 Mark, our local IT expert, swings by and starts installing our new printer. I also ask him to recommend a monitor for our desktop.

10:00 Lois has to go out. She is meeting up this morning with two of her former colleagues, Rose and Sheila, to celebrate Rose's birthday in the M & S cafe with coffee and cakes.

I give Mark a little peace to work on in the dining room, which doubles as our office, while I listen a little to the radio, an interesting program all about the crazy world of fungi - my god!

I am very glad that fungi exist, although they do not sound very pleasant. Without fungi, plants could not grow on the land and they would have had to have stayed in the ocean. Fungi attach themselves to plants and then spread their thin filaments into the soil, allowing the plants to extract water and nutrients. My god, what madness !!!!

The fungi also protect the plants from pathogens in the soil. The plants are suitably grateful and give the fungi a bit of sugar, like some kind of down-payment to keep the fungi focussed and "motivated", which is probably a good thing - they can be a bit scatter-brained.

The fungi are also nature's garbage men - they decompose dead organic matter and release the nutrients that are locked in there so that they can be used by the plant or other living organisms. Without fungi, the whole world would be covered in mountains of dead material and waste - yikes!

Fungi in the form of "endophytes" are present inside most living organisms and release special chemicals that discourage "enemies" from coming to have a meal: these enemies are things that like to graze on the poor organisms - insects, aphids, horses. Wow - I hope my insides have a lot of endophytes. I hate it when somebody grazes on me !!!! (unless I invite them to, ha ha ha !!!!)

People digest their food internally, which means less mess at the dining table or in restaurants. But fungi digest their food outside their bodies - less risk of abdominal pain, but more risk of other fungi stealing little pieces of it, like when Lois orders a healthy dish at a restaurant, but pinches some of my fries.

Very often, people can have a complicated sex life, but humanity has only two sexes: the fungi, however, have hundreds of sexes - yikes !!!! A fungus can mate with many of these other sexes as long as his partner is compatible and not too "weird" from his viewpoint: that's something I can sympathize with !!!!

During mating, the two fungi fuse together and after the mating is over, all the nuclei of the fungus's cells split in two. This has never happened to me as far as I know, but I can imagine that it feels quite good and relaxing, and the fungus can go to sleep for a while before beginning to do his little jobs again.

a typical pair of fungal sweethearts: as long as they don't find each other "too weird",

whatever their sexes are, they could decide to really go for it.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Fungi are also very competitive and territorial: they build small fortifications around themselves, to protect their territory, and occasionally "fungus wars" break out - my god, how cute these little guys are !!!!!

little fungus wars - my god, how cute these little guys are !!!!

11:30 Mark has finished installing our new printer, and he recommends a monitor. He has to leave now.

12:30 I hurry into the kitchen and make two portions of beef sandwiches with horseradish sauce and tomatoes. Lois has not turned up yet and I'm hungry, so I eat my serving, put Lois's portion in the fridge, and go to bed. I take a huge afternoon nap - zzzzzzzz !!!!!

13:30 Lois comes back. She has lunch and goes for a walk in the neighborhood, which is good for her digestive system.

16:00 I get up and take a little look online, and start designing my valentine card to Lois - we are celebrating the day two days late because of other appointments - good grief, what madness !!!!

Then I take a little glance at the social media. Alison, our daughter in Copenhagen, and Ed, her husband, have added some charming pictures to "Insta". The family is currently on a week's skiing holiday in Austria, during the children's international school winter holiday.

Alison, Ed, and their 3 children: Josie (11), Rosalind (9) and Isaac (7)

on holiday in Austria

18:00 We have dinner and watch television. An interesting documentary is on, all about the paintings that our kings and queens have owned and exhibited for hundreds of years in various palaces and castles across the country.

Lois and I are both history fans, and the younger Holbein's portrait sketches fascinate us in particular, because they are so lifelike and they were not painted to flatter the subject. One can really imagine one is looking at someone who lived hundreds of years ago, and for a while we are standing in the same room as them and looking at them or talking to them. The whole thing reminds us that people have always been people, just like us.

Thomas More, who opposed the Protestant Reformation

Richard Southwell, Thomas Cromwell's tough henchman. It was

Cromwell, who saved us from the pope's legendary "long arm"

The scars from Southwell's tuberculosis are visible on his chin.

Poor Southwell !!!!!

Jane Seymour, our second Protestant Queen, after Anne Boleyn.

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz !!!!

Danish translation

08:00 Lois og jeg står op og går i bad.

09:30 Mark, vores lokale IT-ekspert, smutter ind og går i gang med at installere vores nye printer. Jeg beder ham også om at anbefale en monitor til vores desktop.

10:00 Lois skal ud. Hun mødes i formiddag med to af sine tidligere arbejdskollegaer, Rose og Sheila, for at fejre Roses fødselsdag i M&S-caféen med kaffe og kager.

Jeg giver Mark lidt arbejdsro i spisestuen, der fordobles som vores kontor, mens jeg lytter lidt til radio, en interessant program, der handler om den vanvittige verden af svampe – du godeste!

Jeg er meget glad for, at svampe eksisterer, selvom de ikke lyder ret behagelige. Uden svampe, kunne planter ikke gro på jorden og de ville have måttet blive i havet. Svampe knytter sig til planter og spreder deres tynde filamenter ind i jorden og gør det muligt for planter til at udvinde vand og næringsstoffer. Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!!

Svampene beskytter også planterne fra patogener i jorden. Planterne er passsende taknemmelige, og giver svampene lidt sukker, som en slags betaling og holder svampene ”motiverede”, hvilket er heldigt.

Svampene er også naturens skraldemænd – de dekomposerer død organisk materiale og frigiver næringsstofferne, der er låst derinde, så de kan blive brugt af planten eller af andet levende organismer. Uden svampe, ville hele verden blive dækket i bjerge af affald og død stoff – yikes!

Svampe i form for ”endofytter” lever inde i levende organismer og frigiver specielle kemikalier, der forskrækker ”fjender” fra at spise dem: fjenderne er ting, der kan lide at græsse på dem – insekter, bladlus, heste. Wow – jeg håber på, at mine indre har en masse endofytter. Jeg hader, når et eller andet græsser på mig!!!! (medmindre jeg invitere dem til det ha ha ha!!!!)

Mennesker fordøjer deres mad indvendigt, der betyder mindre rod ved spisebordet eller på restauranter. Men svampe fordøjer deres mad udvendigt – mindre risiko for mavesmerter, men større risiko for, at andre svampe stjæler små stykker, ligesom når Lois bestiller en sund ret på en restaurant, men napper nogle af mine pommes frites.

Meget ofte har mennesker har et kompliceret sexliv, men vi har kun to køn: men svampene har hundredvis af køn - yikes!!!! En svamp kan parre sig med mange af disse andre køn, så længe hans partner er kompatibel og ikke er for ”besynderlig” i svampens øjne: det kan jeg sympatisere med!!!!

Under parringen smelter de to svampe sammen, og efter parringen er slut, opdeles alle kernene i svampens celler i to. Dette er aldrig sket for mig, så vidt jeg ved, men jeg kan forestille mig, at det føles ganske godt og afslappende, og svampen kan sove for en stund, før han begynder igen at gør sit arbejde.

en typisk svampe-kærestepar: de finder hinanden ikke for ”besynderlige”,

så de beslutter rigtigt at gå til den

Sikke en skør verden vi lever i !!!!!

Svampe er også meget konkurrencedygtige og territoriale: de bygger små fæstningsværker omkring sig, for at beskytte deres territorium, og der er nogle gange ”svampe-krige” – du godeste, hvor er de dog søde!!!!!

svampe-krige – yikes! Få mig ud herfra!!!!

11:30 Mark er færdig med at installere vores nye printer, og han anbefaler en monitor. Han skal af sted.

12:30 Jeg skynder mig ind i køkkenet og laver to portioner portioner oksekødsmad med peberrodssauce og tomater. Lois er ikke dukket op endnu, og jeg er sulten, så jeg spiser min portion, lægger Lois’ portion i køleskabet, og går i seng. Jeg tager en gigantisk eftermiddagslur – zzzzzzzz!!!!!

13:30 Lois kommer tilbage. Hun spiser frokost og går en tur i nabolaget, hvilket er godt for sin fordøjelsessystem.

16:00 Jeg kigger lidt på nettet, for at begynde at designe mit valentinskort til Lois – vi fejrer dagen to dage sent på grund af andre aftaler – du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!!

Så kigger jeg lidt på de sociale medier. Alison, vores datter i København, og Ed, hendes mand, har lagt nogle charmerende billeder op på ”Insta”. Familien holder for tiden en uges skiferie i Østrig under deres internationale skolens vinterferie.

Alison, Ed, og deres 3 børn: Josie (11), Rosalind (9) og Isaac (7)

på ferie i Østrig

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og ser lidt fjernsyn. De viser en interessant dokumentarfilm, der handler om de malerier, som vores konger og dronninger har ejet og udstillet i hundredvis af år i forskellige slotte landet over.

Lois og jeg er begge to historie-fans, og især yngre Holbeins portrætskitser fascinerer os, fordi de er så livagtige, og de ikke blev malet for at smigre motivet. Man kan virkelig forestille sig, at man ser på nogen, der levede for hundredvis af år siden, og vi for en stund står i samme rummet som dem, og kigger på dem eller taler med dem. Det hele minder os om, at folk altid har været folk ligesom os.