Danskcolin: Monday 9 September 2019

09:00 Lois and I tumble out of the shower cubicle. The weather girl has said it's going to rain all day today, so there's no way we can do gardening, which is a bit of a shame. And the morning vanishes, as usual, in a long list of small household tasks and all too soon we realise that it is already lunch-time.

someone else's typical to-do list

13:30 I go to bed and take a gigantic afternoon nap.

15:00 I get up. I sit down with the computer and devise a Danish vocabulary list that I want our U3A Danish group members to learn by heart before the group's next meeting, which will take place here on September 12. I am so demanding ha ha ha!

I also devise a short vocabulary test, based on the list.

The correct answers to the test spell out another of stand-up comedian Tim Vine's famous one-line jokes, “I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought, he’s trying to pull a fast one”.

Not one of Tim’s best, in my opinion, but I’m going to let that one slide, because Tim is a basically a good-hearted man who went wrong somewhere along the road and became a stand-up ha ha ha.

a typical situation where a man is trying to chat up a cheetah

Tim Vine (right), our favourite stand-up comedian

Incidentally, the correct answers to our Danish group's new vocabulary test are top secret until September 12 at 3 pm, needless to say ha ha ha !!!

16:00 I take a break. Lois and I relax with a cup of tea and a slice of bread with home-grown, home-made greengage jam - yum yum!

17:00 I take a look at my smartphone. I read Morten Ingemann's latest comic strip and I get a bit of a shock - I have to admit.

The Danish comic genius, Morten Ingemann, is my favourite cartoonist: I have no doubts about that. He is particularly interested in ugly, obese, middle-aged or older people - the kind of people most cartoonists don't pay any attention to.

Ingemann always has his finger on the pulse, and he knows full well that when you have suspicions about one of your friends or work colleagues, it is always best to speak out on the issue and get things out into the open, rather than to say nothing and harbour a grudge against them. Often, if you talk things out, it becomes quite clear that your suspicions are baseless.

In Ingemann's latest comic strip, we see two ugly middle-aged female work colleagues, busy doing their job in a doughnut factory. The first woman asks her friend, "Is it true that you’re going around telling all the women that my husband has a wart on his dick?".

Happily the second woman can reassure her - it turns out she has actually only been saying that it feels that way.

The message is clear - just talk about your concerns, and usually they vanish in a puff of smoke. I am quite sure the two women were soon best of friends again after their brief discussion on the matter.

Ingemann at his best, though. Very funny, but I wouldn't expect to see such a "just for adults" cartoon strip in a British newspaper. What's wrong with us? They will be more than happy to say goodbye to us when Brexit finally happens, I know that for sure!

What madness!!!!

18:00 We have dinner and spend the rest of the evening watching some television: two of our favourite TV quizzes - Only Connect and University Challenge.

As always, Lois and I are again eager to compete with the fresh young brains of the quiz contestants, in a desperate attempt to persuade ourselves that we are not yet suffering from dementia.

Fortunately, we find once more that we can often answer many of the questions correctly before the participants can, which is reassuring.

However, our overriding ambition is always each week to come up with correct answers to questions that completely defeat the participants. And Lois has a better night than I do, as usual - the depth and range of her knowledge is amazing. And in University Challenge she manages to come up with 3 correct answers that the participants completely strike out on.

Elizabeth Siddall exhibited alongside the pre-Raphaelites and was also the model for many works, including “Beate Beatrix”, painted by which member of the Brotherhood whom she married in 1860?

Which Danish king, known by a descriptive by-name, began his conquest of England from the town of Gainsborough in 1013, and died there shortly after?

Who was the painter of these mythological figures?

Lois 3, Brains 0 - ha ha ha ha!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzz !!!!

Danish translation mandag den 9. september 2019

09:00 Lois og jeg vælter ud af brusekabinen. Vejrpigen har sagt, det kommer til at regne hele dagen i dag, så er der ikke nogen mulighed for at lave havearbejde, hvilket er lidt af en skam. Formiddagen forsvinder, som sædvanligt, i en lang liste over små huslige opgaver og alt for hurtigt bliver vi klar over, at det allerede er frokosttid.

nogen andens typiske gøremålsliste

13:30 Jeg går i seng for at tage en gigantisk eftermiddagslur.

15:00 Jeg står op. Jeg sætter mig med computeren og udtænker en dansk ordforråds-liste, som jeg vil have vores U3A danske gruppes medlemmer til at lære udenad før gruppens næste møde, der finder sted hos os den 12. september. Jeg er så krævende ha ha ha! Jeg udtænker også en kort ordforrådtest, baseret på listen.

De rigtige svar til testen staver endnu én af standup komikeren Tim Vines berømte én-linje vittigheder, “I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought, he’s trying to pull a fast one”.

Ikke én af hans bedste, efter min mening, men det springer jeg over, fordi han er en grundlæggende godt-hjertet mand, der kom på afveje ét eller andet sted på vej ha ha ha.

en typisk situation, hvor en mand forsøger at flirte med en gepard

Tim Vine (til højre), vores yndlings-standupkomiker

I øvrigt er de rigtige svar på vores danske gruppes nye ordforrådtest tophemmelige indtil den 12 september kl 15, unødvendigt at sige ha ha ha!!!

16:00 Jeg tager en pause. Lois og jeg slapper af med en kop te og et stykke brød med hjemmelavet reineclaude marmelade – yum yum!

17:00 Jeg kigger lidt på min smartphone. Jeg læser Morten Ingemanns seneste tegnestribe, og jeg får lidt af et chok – det må jeg indrømme.

Danske Morten Ingemann er min yndlings-tegneserietegner: det har jeg ikke nogen tvivl om. Han interesserer sig meget for grimme, overvægtige, midaldrende eller ældre mennesker – de slags mennesker, de fleste tegneserietegnere ikke lægger mærke til.

Ingemann har altid sin finger på pulsen, og han ved godt, at når man har mistanker om én af sine venner eller arbejdskollegaer, er det altid bedst at tale ud om spørgsmålet, end at sige ingenting og bære nag til dem. Ofte, hvis man taler ud om det, bliver det sædvanligt helt klar, at ens mistanker er grundløse.

I Mortens seneste tegneseriestribe ser vi to grimme midaldrende kvindelige arbejdskollegaer, har travlt med at klare deres arbejde i en doughnutfabrik. Den første kvinde spørger sin kammerat om, ”Er det rigtigt, at du går rundt og fortæller kollegerne, at min mand har en vorte på pikken?”.

Den anden kvinde kan heldigvis berolige hende – det viser sig, at hun siger faktisk bare, at det føles sådan.

Moralen er klar – tal bare om dine problemer, og sædvanligt forsvinder de som dug for solen. Jeg er helt sikker på, at de to kvinder var hurtigt bedstevenner igen efter deres korte diskussion om sagen.

Ingemann på sit bedste – han har fingeren på pulsen som altid! Meget morsomt, men jeg ville ikke forvente at se sådan en ”bare for voksne” tegnestribeserie i en britisk avis. Hvad er der galt med os? De vil være glade for at kunne sige os farvel, når Brexit endelig foregår, det ved jeg med sikkerhed!

Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og bruger resten af aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn: to af vores yndlings-tv-quizzer – Only Connect og University Challenge.

Som altid, er Lois og jeg igen ivrige efter at konkurrere med de friske unge hjerner af quizzenes deltagere, i et desperat forsøg på at overtale os selv, at vi endnu ikke lider af demens.

Heldigvis finder vi igen, at vi kan besvare spørgsmål korrekt før deltagerne kan, hvilket er beroligende.

Vores ambition er imidlertid hver uge at komme med korrekte svar til spørgsmål, som sætter deltagerne til vægs. Og Lois har en bedre aften, end jeg, som normalt – dybden og rækken af hendes viden er fantastisk. Og i University Challenge lykkes det hende at komme med 3 korrekte svar, som deltagerne ikke har den fjerneste anelse om.

Elizabeth Siddall exhibited with the pre-Raphaelites and was also the model for many works, including Beate Beatrix, by which member of the Brotherhood, whom she married in 1860.

Elizabeth Siddall udstillede sammen med præ-raphaeliterne og var også modellen for mange værker, herunder Beate Beatrix, malet af hvilken medlem af broderskabet, som hun giftede sig med i 1860?