Thursday March 7th 2024

Newcomers - they can be a welcome "breath of fresh air", can't they. But until people really get to know them they are strictly speaking an "unknown quantity", aren't they, and the results may not always be predictable or maybe quite as "welcome" as we imagine they're going to be.

Did you see in the Onion News the other day that somebody new has moved into New York City this month? And existing long-term residents are excited but at the same time a little apprehensive about whether life in "The Big Apple" may never be the same as it was, maybe it'll be better, but on the other hand it could equally be worse, maybe very much worse - there's just no knowing, is there!

NEW YORK—With word spreading rapidly through office towers, apartment buildings, and across all five boroughs, sources confirmed Friday that New Yorkers were abuzz over reports that a new resident had moved to the city.

Recent arrival Keith McGregor, 26, has reportedly dominated conversations from neighbourhood dive bars to uptown dinner parties, with New York’s 8.4 million inhabitants exchanging excited whispers about who this newcomer is and what he might be like.

“I can’t wait to find out more about this Keith guy who’s just moved in,” said Upper West Side doorman Patrice Hall, 53, who told reporters that while he doesn’t know much about McGregor yet, the young man’s name seems to keep popping up in just about every interaction he has with co-workers, friends, and neighbours. “I wonder how he’s adjusting to the city so far. People have been saying he moved here from a small town and doesn’t really know anyone, so if I run into him I’ll be sure to introduce myself. “Who knows? We may even have a few things in common,” Hall added.

According to sources, gossip about McGregor began to circulate last week, just moments after his rented U-Haul van was seen emerging from the Lincoln Tunnel into midtown Manhattan. News that he had already found a place to live in Bushwick and was interested in pursuing a career in graphic design spread quickly among cab drivers, shop owners, theatre workers, Wall Street executives, and riders of the city’s public transport  system, fuelling speculation about the new resident’s tastes in music, TV, movies, and more.

McGregor's U-HAUL van spotted this week outside an 

apartment block in the Bushwick neighbourhood of New York City,

just an hour or two after it was seen emerging from the Lincoln Tunnel

New Yorkers who have spotted McGregor around town have reportedly tried to point him out surreptitiously to their fellow pedestrians and park-goers. Many said they were fascinated by his simple-but-stylish clothing choices and had engaged in spirited discussions with other New Yorkers regarding what they could glean about his personality from the way he looks and dresses.

“My friend saw him reading on the subway, so I’d be curious to know if he’s into books,” said Harlem resident and Pilates instructor Kayla Green, adding that she “can’t wait” to meet McGregor in person and tell him about a couple of independent bookstores in the Village that she was confident he would “absolutely love”. “And I haven’t heard anyone mention a girlfriend", she continued, "which makes me wonder if he’s single. If so, he’s in luck, because there’s a bunch of single people here for him to meet."

While questions remain about McGregor’s impetus for moving to the Big Apple, local residents were in agreement that whatever the reason, they were happy—as always—to welcome a new member to the New York City community.

A particular cause for enthusiasm has been a neighbour’s sighting of McGregor moving an acoustic guitar into his apartment, which has led to considerable chatter among the city’s residents, with many privately expressing excitement over how much they look forward to hearing him play.

“It’s always a treat to have a new face in town,” said Brooklyn resident and recent college graduate Kai Tapplemore. “And it will be really great to have another young person like me living here. Whatever his personality or interests, I’m sure he’ll find a lot of fun things to do around town.”

“If he’s not too busy, I’ll see if he wants to hang out sometime,” Tapplemore added.

14:00 I discuss the Onion story with Lois as we prepare to get into bed for our afternoon nap, and, needless to say, it's our main talking point today

Lois says to "say hi" by the way!

I think we're both agreed that New York seems to have got a bit "staid" and "stuck in its ways" of late, and it sounds like McGregor, with his simple-but-stylish dress-sense and his possible interest in reading and music, could be just the guy to "shake things up" a little.

Well, we'll see!

But it's in any case a very apposite subject for me today, as well - this whole subject of newcomers "shaking things up", because there's news today that the local U3A "History of English" group that I belong to, is at last attracting a new member. We're sorely in need of "fresh blood", because we're currently down to just 4 members, which means that preparing and giving so-called "presentations" to the group, done on a monthly rota basis, comes around to me far too quickly in my opinion. It's all a bit of a madness, isn't it!

Back last autumn our little group, already depleted by "natural wastage" (ie death and new sexual pairings), was further rocked by the shock resignation of the group's then leader, Lynda, who "left our little sinking ship" (as she put it) in order to "spend more time with her ukulele".

some of the members of Lynda's group, seen here in happier times, 

seconds before Lynda (bottom right) made her shock resignation speech

Yes, shortly before Lynda resigned as group leader, sadly one of our members had died, and another, a recently widowed woman, had "rediscovered men" as she put it. 

It's no secret, is it, that the U3A (University of the Third Age), i.e. all these superficially intellectual local clubs for the over-60's, has become a bit of a "re-marriage market", or (more frequently perhaps, just a "new temporary relationship market"), hasn't it. Be honest!!

And our group's widowed ex-member saw her chance in this area-of-life, and just "went for it". 

And don't get me wrong, I wish her well, and I hope the widow and her latest "squeeze" are "getting it on" in a satisfactory way for both parties haha!

a typical "mixed-sex" U3A group for the over-60's

Luckily for our little group, however,  there's a possible new member making enquiries this week about maybe joining us, a guy called Peter, who must be really ancient. In the 1970's, when I was just a young trainee at my hush-hush Government Department workplace, ardent rugby-fan Peter was, for about 6 months, "the boss of the boss of my boss". 

flashback to 1972: me with my battered second-hand

Morris Oxford, on the Lancashire coast near Lytham St Annes,

shortly before I joined my first ever, "hush-hush" workplace as a trainee

If Peter does join our little group, I've decided not to bring up, in his presence, my former brief existence as one of "his staff of his staff of his staff". I'm sure he won't remember me and I don't want to worry him so that he spends needless mental effort "trying to place me". He must be well into his 80's, probably his 90's, an age when, typically, people start to worry about memory loss, don't they!

But we'll see!

Even in his 90's Peter's unexpected presence in our group will still be a "shot in the arm", even if it's only like a pinprick, that is, if I remember Peter rightly - he was always an ardent rugby fan, and had plenty of energy, in the 1970's anyway!

verbatim: this week's frank exchange of emails between 

potential new group member Peter, and 

our group's "nominal" leader, actually my "stooge", Joe

And let's hope the same is true for Keith McGregor, New York's latest new resident, and that he proves to be a much-needed shot-in-the-arm over there across "The Pond", in a similar way perhaps.

There's no word yet about McGregor's political stance (if any), by the way, so who knows what the effect will be as regards the mayoral or City Council elections and whether Keith will turn it into a so-called "swing city". 

One thing's for sure - New York will never be quite the same place again!

And Lois and I are wondering if New York's mayor, Eric Adams, will maybe be quaking, just a little, perhaps, in his mayoral boots tomorrow morning, when he's told the news - just saying!!

Eric Adams (63), Mayor of New York City

I wonder... !!!

And here's an interesting point, if we're talking "mayors" - [I'll be the judge of whether it's interesting or not! - Ed]. 

The thing is, Lois is finally getting down to actually reading the library book about Shakespeare that she got out 3 months or more ago from Malvern County Library - the book she keeps "renewing" online every 2 or 3 weeks, but not actually reading.

an excerpt from just one of the tediously repetitive emails

we get every couple of weeks from Malvern County Library

pleading with Lois to please "return the book". What madness !!!!

Lois tells me that in the time of Shakespeare, the town mayor was known locally as "the bailiff", surprisingly. Apparently residents of the little Warwickshire market-town of Stratford-upon-Avon didn't like the slightly "poncey-sounding" French word "mayor", and preferred something more down-to-earth and (as they thought) Anglo-Saxon, apparently.

Lois's much-neglected library book about Shakespeare

Actually the word "bailiff" is itself as French as soft cheese, as all word-buffs will know,  which is ironic, isn't it! After referring to a number of different local officials over the centuries, the office of "bailiff", became, as it remains today, most commonly associated with the collection of bad debts etc. 

In Shakespeare's time, in most counties, the bailiff in that sense had become known colloquially as the "bum-bailiff", possibly because they followed debtors closely behind and were found to be standing close behind them - like 2 inches or less behind them, wherever the debtors went. Even this apparently "earthy" term itself was heavily influenced by the French expression "pousse-cul" (literally 'push-arse'), used to describe the same civic function.

Just saying !!!!  [Stop saying 'just saying' ! - Ed]

a typical "bum-bailiff" or "pousse-cul" trying to collect 

a bad debt from a suspiciously well-dressed lady of the town,

who keeps him "at bay" with her substantial new "rump extension"

21:00 We go to bed on another 2 episodes of the new BBC3 sitcom, "Things You Should Have Done", all about dopey teenager Chi, who lives in a seaside town in Kent, and who's suddenly found herself unexpectedly orphaned. 

Now the dopey Chi is hastily trying to learn all the practical things about everyday life, that she had previously "left to mum and dad to sort".

At least Chi is trying to do things unaided this week, which is an improvement on last week, to put it mildly. And after deciding that her surviving family members, come what may, will celebrate 2024 Pancake Day, at least she does do a bit of research on a cooking website before attempting to make her first ever pancake.

It's true, however, that Chi's pancake "project" doesn't end well.

First there's a chaotic "prepping" sequence in Chi's deceased parents' kitchen, involving (left to right) Lucas (Chi's dopey cousin), Uncle Dave (Lucas's dad) and Uncle Gary, where the group starts arguing, predictably, about who's going to do the "flipping".

Whatever! Anyway, the finished pancake, for whatever reasons, turns out to have an "unusual texture" apparently, and Chi's Auntie Carol ends up on the floor during the family's Pancake Day get-together.

I don't know - what a wacky family! However I'm delighted to report that Auntie Carol is discharged from the local hospital's A&E Department a few hours later, and the family's "normal" life - if that's the right word! - is resumed.

But the question remains - why does Chi's first-ever attempt at a pancake end up with its "problematic" texture?

Could it be because Uncle Gary refused (or claimed that he "couldn't") crack the eggs exactly (i.e. "eggs-actly !!!) in the way TV cook Nigella (or "Nigel-ella" as Chi calls her!), does it on her internet TV show [not shown], which was a pity. 

Could that be why the pancake later so spectacularly "went belly up" perhaps ????

I wonder.... !!!!

Tremendous fun, though, isn't it!

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!