Wednesday January 7th 2026 "Taking YOUR Christmas decorations down, did you notice anything 'fishy' ?!!!"

Yes, Friends, did you notice anything 'fishy' when you took YOUR Christmas decorations down today, when you were 'freeing the tree spirits trapped in the greenery' to avoid the traditional "Yonks of bad luck" (!) ???? 

That was the "fishy feeling" that was one local woman's experience, when she examined the Christmas stocking her current boyfriend had put her gift in - at least according to this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire, normally a trusted source (!)

Poor Paula !!!!!! And let's hope we get a follow-up on why Mark and old flame Jessica decided to call it a day - watch this space!

The Onion story, however, brought a bit of post-festive chuckling to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, and helped us through the normally traumatic chore of taking our Christmas decorations down and doing the obligatory dusting etc - not something we routinely look forward to, to put it mildly!!!

First to "go back in its box" is our cheery musical dog (batteries included!!!!), who at the touch of a button, regales us with his version of Wizzard's 1973 hit "I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day!", followed into the box by our tiny 3ft Christmas tree itself - with tree spirits ceremonially exorcised (!). And then stuffed away by other bits and pieces of decorations, all destined to spend the next 12 months on the top shelf of our bedroom wardrobe!

Poor decorations !!!!!

But yes, today is the first day of the rest of our lives, and to brush away some of the cobwebs we got covered with taking all that dusty old stuff down off the walls (!), we decide to get some fresh air this morning, when for the first time in a few days we venture outdoors. There has been a lot of rain overnight, which has washed most of this week's snow away, but which has left bits of treacherous ice in places, so we tread carefully.

Well we are both 79, despite being, unquestionably "marvellous for our age". [I'd like some evidence for that statement, please, Colin, before you 'parrot' it again! - Ed]

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Looking for the least treacherous, and least icy, of our customary 'haunts' to take a walk around, we choose the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United (manager: ashen-faced Ron Knee (59), the team currently languishing third from bottom in the "relegation" section of the local East Hampshire Premier League.

We find that there are sections of treacherous ice to avoid, but mostly the walk turns out to be "30 minutes of squelching" to paraphrase Sex Pistols punk rock star Johnny Rotten's famous words (!).

There's not a soul about when we start our walk, and so, somewhat nervously perhaps because we haven't paid for any seats today, we pluck up the courage to sit for a few glorious moments in the "hallowed seats" of the two 6-seater stands, where club manager Knee and the team's fans, local soccer podcasters Sid and Doris Bonkers, customarily sit on a Saturday afternoon. 

Lois tries out the so-called "cheap seats" in the stand with the free air-conditioning (!) - see photo above, while I stand for a moment in the de-luxe stand, complete with the back and sides, the "hallowed seats" where Knee traditionally holds court on a Saturday with the so-called "club directors". 

(left) club manager, the ashen-faced Ron Knee (59) and (right) the Liphook United

team's fans, Sid and Doris Bonkers - catch their podcast, if you can bear it (!)

16:00 And for Lois and me that's pretty much it, for today. 

I'm currently under a bit of pressure personally, because Friday next week is beginning to loom large. It's been earmarked as the date of my scheduled mini-presentation to the local U3A online "Intermediate History of English for Old Codgers" group, which I allegedly "manage" - for my sins (!). 

the local U3A online "Intermediate History of English for Old Codgers" Group,

the group which Yours Truly allegedly "manages" - for his sins (!!!!!)

This month I'm been "fingered" by members to give a mini-presentation to the group on the English language's most interesting fruit-words, and I'm struggling to find material, to be absolutely frank! Luckily today, an email from Steve, our American brother-in-law, comes up with a few fruits which neither Lois nor I are familiar with.

See some of these "doozies" that Steve has somehow managed to "harvest" - no pun intended!!!!, including the bizarrely-named "nipplefruit" and "snottygobble".

(left) the nipple-fruit and (right) a prime example of "snottygobble"

Nipplefruit is so called because of its distinctive shape: nipple-like protrusions sticking out from its bright yellow body; it's a fruit used as a decorative item, or as folk medicine, across Southeast Asia and Central America. Snottygobble, on the other hand, is an Australian fruit which gets its name from the slimy nature of the fruit when it becomes ripe.

 Here's a quick sneak preview of the hastily amended notes for my so-called "talk" (!):

What a crazy language we speak !!!!

However, with these (in-total) 25 additional fruits that Steve has told me about, I feel that my mini-presentation next week is "in the bag", and will more or less "write itself".

This will undoubtedly save me time, to put it mildly (!). Oh dear! That just means more time for post-Christmas dusting and hoovering!!!!

Oops !!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!