Saturday February 1st 2025 "Do you sometimes email people, instead of writing them a letter? Why not try it!"

Dashing off a quick email to somebody - it's so much better than writing a letter, isn't it, because you typically have to go out oof your house to post a letter. Very few of us have post-boxes in our houses, I've noticed: I always check for one when I'm visiting others, and it's almost always a "nil return" haha (!).

[You've certainly got your finger on the pulse still, Colin, that's for sure! - Ed] 

Then, when you've posted your letter, as if that wasn't heartache enough (!), you have to wait for your letter to arrive at the other end, not knowing if it's going to get lost en route somewhere. However, emails also have their downside, to put it mildly. Look at these two stories just from this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire:; look and weep !!!

Email drawback number one is that others in your household may be able to see your emails and have a good laugh at them, at your expense, as happened to local man Greg Tate from East Hampshire, whose wife routinely "monitors" his "sent box":

Or, if you're at work, with emails, there's always the temptation to write the occasional courageous email to your boss, copying in your co-workers, an email that really  "kicks ass" and "tells it like it is".

Compare the sheer naked thrill of dashing off emails, however, to the pain of sending a physical letter, if you can bear to make the comparison (!).

Lois and I, having paid £13 yesterday to have an ordinary letter sent "Special D", to arrive today by 1pm, discover to our dismay today that the Royal Mail's own Sorting Office at Patchway, Bristol had already closed for the weekend when the letter arrived, so that the delivery failed.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

Grrrrrrr!!!!!

[Don't upset yourself, Colin! It isn't worth it! - Ed]

[Thank you, Ed, you're such a comfort! - Colin]

14:00 Postal woes or no postal woes, however, my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I are fortunately in a super good mood when we get into bed this afternoon for our regular "naptime" session.

Lois just had her ear-wax "hoovered out" for her this morning by a pleasant guy from Mauritius at Liphook's only opticians - it's our first visit to their establishment, because we only moved to Liphook, Hampshire on January3rd, after moving out from our former home in Malvern, Worcestershire.

my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I, waiting

in Liphook's opticians for her to have her ear-wax

"hoovered out", by a pleasant Mauritian

Lois and I have a lot in common. Purely in simple "anno domini" terms, we're both "old codgers", and "boomers" - both born in 1946. And we're both getting a bit hard of hearing, and suffer from ear wax build-up from time to time. 

Luckily my "good ear" is my left one, and Lois's is her right one, which means that there's always a bit of a scramble, sometimes a very public one, and often a bit of undignified to boot(!) , for us to get ourselves "right side on" to each other. 

See that picture above, where we're waiting at the optician's for Lois to be "done", and we're in what we call "standard ear-to-ear configuration", or SETEC for short.

illustrative graphic indicating (left) our standard ear-to-ear 

configuration (SETEC) and (right) a photoshopped

impression of what a non-SETEC situation might look like

[I think you've explained that very well, Colin - Ed]

[Thanks! - Colin]

And when we're in bed, also, we're always careful to get in the SETEC position, which obviously works best. And this afternoon, we know Lois's hearing has been improved, because Lois even says to me, "Stop shouting, Colin! Keep your voice down - the neighbours will hear you!", so we know that that Mauritian must have done a good job on her.

Mauritians speak perfect English, incidentally, just like you and me. Their island was originally part of the French Empire, but we "took it off them", i.e. took it off the French, in the Napoleonic Wars after they started using it as a base to attack our commercial shipping. This tactic of theirs was a bit "below the belt", no question, so fair enough to nab their little island, Lois and I think - call us crypto-imperialists if you like haha!

(left) flashback to 1810: the British invade the French colony of Mauritius, 

and take it over, and (right) a recent Mauritius postage stamp

20:00 Little islands are wonderful, aren't they. And although a lot of them, like Mauritius, are independent now and look after themselves (and good luck to them), we've still got hundreds of tiny islands just here in the UK, which is nice. And we see some of those tonight on the third programme in Channel Four's fascinating new series, "Our Tiny Islands".

Aren't Britain's tiny islands wonderful! 

And in particular, isn't Flat Holm in the Bristol Channel wonderful - "smaller than one square mile", and "population one" haha! Although its "population", ie Meghan, gets help from up to 5 volunteers who pop in and out to help her with her conservation work etc. Flat Holm is a nature reserve with a flourishing seagull colony.

As early as the 6th century AD, the island was a retreat for visiting Christian monks and missionaries. And later the Vikings used Flat Holm, and its neighbour Steep Holm, as a base to attack shipping. Sound familiar? And hence the the islands' names - "holm" means "island" in the Scandinavian languages.

It's just like "Stockholm", Sweden, which means "log island".

The "getting away from all" theme is continuing into the present day, and tonight we watch a group of women doing some sort of mindfulness course on the island, "connecting with nature and with themselves", as the course-leader puts it. "Life's getting so fast", she says, and it's time to slow down, and enjoy "the now", and not think about what you're going to be doing tomorrow.

Attractive idea, isn't it. And even the island's permanent "population-of-one", ie nature warden Meghan, is encouraged to take part, which is nice.

Even Warden Meghan - the island's official "population of one" joys in the fun

with the group of female "mindfulness" students from South Wales

Is it a bit quiet for Warden Meghan, a young woman in the prime of life, living on Flat Holm all by herself, in the middle of the Bristol Channel?

Not the least bit quiet, Meghan says.

Fascinating stuff, isn't it!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Friday January 31st 2025 "Do YOU sometimes read magazines? Most of us do don't we, especially on buses!"

Well, Dear Readers, January is almost over, and it'll be February tomorrow. And as always, at this time of year, the UK's magazines are rolling out their new "titles" at local news-stands, vying for your attention. Have you picked yours up yet? Onion News today is just full-to-bursting on February 2025's new titles, and as always, there are winners and losers - did Onion's "splash feature" (page 94) catch your eye, I wonder ?

Yes, we're living in exciting times, so don't "hang about" (!). Pop down the road and visit your local "Wymans" before the new titles sell out - just saying!

Wow, I bet that new title is going to "hit the spot" with all but a few of my readers, if my "postbag" this morning, crammed with your postcards (!), is anything to go by (!). But if that one doesn't grab you, this one will - just look at this "doozy" (!).

[That's enough exclamation marks in brackets (!) - Ed]

[That's enough Onion News stories! - Ed]

So tell me, Friends, is that a "must buy"? Or is that a "must buy"? What a "doozy" of a read that's going to be, and no mistake! And it'll make, e.g., that dreaded Cheltenham to Lancaster 3-hour M5/M6 "slog" flash by in a - well, in a flash, won't it, that's for sure!

But wait - there's more! Sample these other "doozy-class" headlines from this morning's print edition - there's scads of them, Yes, they're almost "legion" again!

14:30 Everybody - but everybody - is talking magazines today, it seems, and the word "magazine" even crops up in my online meeting this afternoon.

I'm talking about the monthly online meeting of the Cheltenham U3A's "History of English" group, which I, "for my sins" am the leader of. And this afternoon, this month's speaker, Darryl, explains about the multiple meanings of the word "magazine", originally an old Arabic word for a store-house, but still popping up in various European languages:

Darryl's slide about various meanings of "magazine" in English and

other European languages, encompassing department stores

and arms stores, the bullet-compartment in firearms etc.

I've moved home twice since first taking up this Cheltenham "old codger" group's un-coveted (!) "leader" role in 2021, first, abandoning Cheltenham to settle in Malvern, Worcestershire, in 2022, and now, this month (Jan 2025), moving even further away, to Liphook, Hampshire. 

However, despite my "keep moving round the country" tactics, I'm still the "group-leader" for this Cheltenham-based group, which is a madness. I still can't persuade the other members to bully one of the group's "local Cheltenham old-codgers" to take on my mantle, so I'm probably going to be "stuck with it" now, for the duration.  What madness !!!

We get a fascinating talk today that Darryl gives us on zoom, nevertheless. He's a former schoolteacher, and so, unlike most of our members, he knows how to "kick ass" in the "presentation" field, no doubt about that. Just look at these doozies!

What do these two marriages have in common, i.e. Franz Ferdinand, wife and family,

and the Duke & Duchess of Windsor? 

Yes, you've guessed it. They were both "morganatic" marriages, from the German "morgengabe" (literally morning gift): where the wife got a wedding-night with the groom, and then a bonus souvenir gift from the groom in the morning, but nothing else after that, in the sense that her children wouldn't inherit any titles, money or property etc - what madness !!!!! [That's enough madnesses! - Ed]

And what do the following things have in common - a camper van, French "champignons" (i.e mushrooms), a champion showcasing his trophy, a bunch of bell-ringers, and a university campus?

Well, they all derive ultimately from the Latin word "campus", basically meaning a field, and specifically a level field, which then expanded to include camp-sites, field mushrooms, battlefields, sports fields, and university sites. 

Level fields are the best kind of fields for all kinds of stuff: sports and battles are "fairer", and, when it comes to camping, take a tip from my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and me: always try to find a level field for your tent, if you don't want rainwater splashing down the hill and making you and your partner's sleeping bag all soggy - makes sense, doesn't it! Be fair haha!

take a tip from my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and me:

try to pitch your tent in a level field, so you

don't get rainwater "coursing through" and making

your sleeping bag all soggy - you know it makes sense!

"But what about the bell-ringers, Colin?", I hear you cry.  [Not me, I'm off to bed. I've got my "snuggaroos" on already (!) - Ed]

Well, seeing as how you're obviously "gagging" to know the explanation (!), it's all to do with funeral urns, which were traditionally made of bronze, and were shaped, well, like, well, like a funeral urn, and made specifically to put the dead person's ashes in. And the Romans, and later the Italians found that they could get all their best bronze from a flatland area of Italy called Campania. 

And, you see, Darryl explains, bronze bells look a bit like bronze funeral urns, so why not call bells "campane" (Italian)? People had noticed that bronze funeral urns make a dickens of a noise if you accidentally knock them (oops!!!), and so somebody somewhere decided that bronze would also be a good material for bells, and would make a nice big noise if you wanted to attract people's attention. It's a story that's starting to fit together at last, isn't it (!)

So what better word can you choose for a bell-ringer in English than "campanologist"? It originated in the 17th century, when people in England had developed a liking for words ending in "-ology" and "-ologist", arguing that it made any activity or study sound so much more "academic" and serious. So a "no-brainer", again.

See? Simples! Go on admit it, you know it makes sense haha!!!

But wouldn't you know it? We Brits are out-of-step again with the rest of Europe, when it comes to bell-ringing. To make the bells' trademark sound, Continental bellringers move the bell and keep the "clapper" steady, while British bellringers keep the bell steady and move the "clapper" (or vice versa).

What madness !!! And no wonder General de Gaulle tried to keep Britain out of the EU, or "Common Market" as it was known in the 1960's.

flashback to 1963, and General de Gaulle of France's

first attempt to keep Britain out of the Common Market,

today's European Union

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed. I've gone already! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzz!!!!