Yes, Friends, find a local lake today, and dip one of your toes in it - it doesn't matter which lake, or which toe, although, speaking personally, I like everything "writ large", and hence tend to favour my big toe, whenever a lake "hoves into view" - that's just the way I am, and I make no apology for that!
One thing's for sure - you can't keep lakes out of the headlines! See the joyously overflowing Lakes Supplement (no pun intended!!!) in today's Onion News, if you remain unconvinced!!!!
[Nice verbal picture there, Colin! - Ed].
[Thanks! - Colin]
Fortunately, one of the world's leading experts in "crowd science", Dr Keith Still, is on hand, during the programme, to test out the theory behind the astonishing Loch Ness claim, which is nice! Lois and I had privately expressed scepticism about the idea, believing it to be possibly a ruse by the Scottish Tourist Board to bump up the tourist figures, so we're all agog this afternoon, to put it mildly !!!
During this afternoon's programme, Dr. Still calculates that an average person has a volume of about 100 litres, while Loch Ness holds about 7,500 trillion litres, so on paper the plan to "flood" (!) the loch with all the world's people could work, potentially, given that the population of the planet is "currently" (!) only about 8 billion. However, to fully test the theory these people would all need to be liquidised first, because, if kept un-liquidised, people don't come in a standard shape and notoriously "bumpy" with lots of bulges - both unsightly and "sightly" (!) - according to Still's research, so fair enough!
The timing of the appointment - 2 pm - is unfortunate because Lois and I are normally in bed at this hour, for "statutory nap-time", but luckily the ear-wax malarkey at Liphook Eye Care turns out to be a quickie job, and we're back home and in bed by half past two, so plenty of napping time still to be had (!), which is nice!
An amusing episode. It's Lee's birthday, and his long-suffering partner Lucy decides to surprise Lee with a video message from his comedy hero Nigel Planer of 1980's sitcom "The Young Ones", a service offered by the Cameo website. The snag is that Lee assumes, from the video message, that Nigel actually wants to get to know him, which, for Lee, is a tantalising idea, but it all goes wrong when Lee accosts Nigel in a restaurant, introduces himself, and tries to take their "relationship" further - bad idea, Lee, because, of course, Nigel is totally mystified, of course !!!!
Oops! Naughty Lucy's-mum-and-dad haha !!!!
And these headlines (and all the 29 other lake stories in today's Supplement, would you believe!) certainly bring an eerie gleam to the eyes of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-idyllic Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that!
my wife Lois and me - a recent picture taken near a local lake (background, extreme right)
Certainly, lakes are very much on both our minds today, having heard the astonishing claim that Loch Ness, the UK's most voluminous lake, could, if necessary, fit the whole of the world's population in it 14 times over, would you believe!
What madness!!! But is it true? Who knows, one day the world might need to try it out for real, although heaven forbid! Yours Truly has never learnt to swim, for example, so I would have my reservations - the loch is on average 400 feet deep, we hear today, which is totally mad!
The Loch Ness 'bombshell' is the final story in today's edition of the BBC Radio 4 series, "More of Less", the series which, every Friday, tests the validity of the many fallacious statistics that are "floating around", when it comes to the subject of lakes (again, no pun intended!!!), and also to many other non-lake areas of life, which is nice!
extract from the monstertheloch.com website
(left) the position of Loch Ness in the UK, and (right) an artist's impression of
the scenes we may see if the decision is made to liquidise the world's population
of 8 billion and try to fit them into the waters of the loch
Yes, it seems like a crazy plan, doesn't it - but it might just work, maybe? And Lois and I are very much hoping that, in the event of an emergency, Loch Ness is the chosen lake to hold everybody - Lake Baikal in Siberia is much bigger, we hear this afternoon, and could hold the world's population 40,000 times over, while the Caspian Sea is bigger still, holding 3 times as many people as Lake Baikal, would you believe.
What a crazy world we live in !!!!!
However, Loch Ness is much nearer, only about 600 miles from Liphook, so would be far more convenient than the much-touted Lake Baikal option, if I'm honest!
I wonder.....!
It's all a bit crazy, isn't it, but it's been a bit of a crazy day for Lois and me too, with an afternoon appointment for Lois at local opticians Liphook Eye Care starting at 2pm, where a member of the shop's "hearing staff" is set to clear Lois's ears of any build-up of ear-wax, ahead of a test to calibrate her hearing-aids next week, so all critical stuff!
crazy scenes this afternoon at Liphook Eye Care, where Lois has a 2 pm appointment
for the clearing of any build-up of ear wax, prior to a hearing test next week
Plus, because she takes her hearing-aids out before getting into bed, I can fully test out Lois's "unaided" hearing during our statutory 2 hour "session", and it seems much improved, I can exclusively reveal, so that's all good!
(left) some of Lois's early, relatively large, hearing aids, and (right) her current 'petite'
ones, here shown being charged up on our bedside table - what madness, isn't it!!!
21:30 Just to be on the safe side, however, we ensure that 'subtitles for the hard-of-hearing' are definitely switched on for our evening's viewing. This is a feature Lois and I both appreciate, due to the fact that people today will insist on "mumbling".
us watching TV - a recent picture
Either that, or, crazily, people on TV don't sensibly "up their volume" and never take the trouble to shout, even during passages of intrusively loud background music, which seems an odd decision to these two 'Lip-hookers', at least, as local residents have been dubbed (!).
Tonight we decide to go to bed on a smile, so tune in to this week's episode of Lee Mack's sitcom "Not Going Out".
Lucy should have listened to her mum, who was dubious about the plan from the very beginning, suggesting to Lucy that she'd do better to go for the "sexy underwear" option to please Lee on his birthday. Here's Lucy sitting at a restaurant table, talking on the phone to her mum just before the "big event" (!).
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!
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