Yes, Friends, are YOU fluent in your own language, or whatever language is spoken in YOUR neighbourhood? If not, and you need inspiration, take as your "model" local man Ray Ayers, who's lived in the UK all this life and, by the age of just 57, has somehow found the time to develop a smattering of our country's colourful language - and you could do it too!
You'll recognise Ray's face - that's for sure... it's plastered all over the front page of today's Onion News, so pick today's print edition out of the kitchen garbage and take a second look! You won't regret it!!!
Kudos, that man!
And while you've got today's "Onion" in your hands, why not check out all the other stories in the paper's popular pull-out 'language supplement' - you'll be glad you did!
What madness isn't it!
But at least these headlines bring a definite hint of a smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-hospitable Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our near-daily walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United - nobody round here is going to argue with that statement, that's for sure!!!!
And that's doubly certain, because today, there isn't anybody around here to argue with us, anyway haha!!!!
us this morning, with (left) Lois sitting in the club's famous management "dugout",
where manager Ron Knee (59) holds court on Saturdays, Lois getting some sense of
how lonely it must be "at the top" (!), and me checking out the old clubhouse,
where the crowd - Sid and Doris Bonkers - traditionally grab a pre-match beer or three
at the iconic, if dilapidated, clubhouse bar - what a crazy place it is, isn't it, if I'm honest !!!!!
To get ourselves in the mood, we work out some Danish equivalents of some of local sports "journo" E.I. Addio's trademark expressions to describe the mood of the crowd (Sid and Doris Bonkers):
Certainly, local residents, dubbed by Lois and me as "The Lip-Hookers" (!) since we first moved to the town back in January 2025, have come to rely heavily on us whenever they need to conjure, as if "out of thin air", something vaguely Danish-sounding to impress their friends !
some typical "Lip-Hookers", as Lois and I have dubbed them,
waiting for the local football team, Liphook United,
to emerge from the clubhouse and start the game, hopefully (!)
And Lois and I have acquired quite a reputation locally as possibly the area's leading "Danish buffs" after they hear about our 7 years travelling to and from Denmark, when our daughter Alison and family were living in Copenhagen, from 2012 to 2018, so "Fair enough!" [Danish: fair nok"] - that's what Lois and I say!!!!
(left) flashback to 2014: Lois with our little Danish family - daughter Alison,
husband Edward and their 3 kids Josie (8), Rosalind (6) and Isaac (4) on one of
mine and Lois's early visits to see them in Copenhagen, and (right)
us attempting to control another rowdy online meeting of our local U3A
"Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group - what madness, isn't it !!!!
However, sitting in front of our little laptop this afternoon speaking Danish isn't going to get us fit, physically at least (!), as we learn from tonight's fascinating ITV programme, which claims that just a few simple changes in life-style combined with, say, 5 minutes of daily exercises using household objects can really improve the fitness, even of dyed-in-the-wool "old codgers" like Yours Truly and my wife Lois - dubbed "Mrs Yours Truly" by Yours Truly, if that makes sense (!). [No! - Ed]
And tonight, the programme's "fitness pundit" Dr Kate, known as "The Old Codger's Young-to-youngish Friend" gives Lois and me three simple manoeuvres to keep us out of mischief, which is going to be useful!
These are Dr Kate's three "doozies" - so why not try them out for yourself haha!
(1) The sofa squat
For this exercise you sit on the sofa with your feet at about hip width in front of you, and then see how many times you can stand up and sit down again, without using your arms: just using your hamstring muscles in your legs, plus your "glutes" - the big muscles on our backs.
(2) Lifting tin cans
For this you have to take a tin can in each hand and lift them up to shoulder level. This exercises your deltoids - your shoulder-pad muscles, muscles that are important for e.g. lifting shopping-bags and putting them on the counter. They also work the triceps muscle in your arms, key for getting out of a bath, say.
(3) Feeling like a lemon (!)
This exercise is to aid better balance and muscle strength, Dr Kate says.
As we get older, we can tend to use our eyes a little bit more, just for balance, if, say, we're trying to stand on one leg, as you do (!). If we're throwing a lemon from hand to hand, however, we've got to look at the lemon, so that takes our eyes out of the equation, forcing us to work our muscles harder to maintain balance.
See? Simples!!!
And all this you can do without buying special equipment or taking out an expensive gym membership, which is a nice bonus!
I realise tonight, however, that there's one thing I've got to discourage Lois from doing, which is to follow the example of this elderly woman, who decided to learn aikido, the Japanese martial art.
And if an ageing woman can throw a big, strong man across the room, what would Lois be able to do to a decidedly bookish and nerdy specimen, like Yours Truly?
It's just the stuff of nightmares haha!!!
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment