Danskcolin: Wednesday 12 June 2019

Lois and I still feel completely washed up, after three funerals over the last 6 days (and no wedding). We stay in bed and then take a late, leisurely shower.

10:00 It rained heavily yesterday and the day before, and the ground is soaking wet. It’s no use doing gardening today. So we walk into the village to post a few letters in the mailbox and buy a few things in the convenience store, the former Bakery Stores.

The village looks almost deserted. The post office is still closed and the historic old Kings Arms pub is covered with scaffolding, and half of the pub's car park is still closed - but there is no restoration work in progress. My goodness!

the village looks almost deserted,

and restoration work on the pub has not started yet – my god!

We come home and relax with a cup of coffee on the sofa.

We decide to have one of our low fat ready meals for lunch and spend the afternoon in bed, which will be nice.

Lois has another difficult evening in store - her sect’s monthly business meeting, where the big "start time" debate will dominate, no doubt about that. The issue has begun to resemble the prolonged Brexit debate in our current "Stupid Parliament".

The sect's influential dog-owning faction want Sunday services to start at 10 am so that they can come home, feed their dogs at the end of the second service, and have lunch at home, but other sect members find it hard to get there on time for the first service if it starts at 10 am.

My god, what madness !!!!

Fortunately, Andy, the most active member of the local sect's leadership, has come up with a compromise solution: I think the compromise start time is 10:45, but I'm starting to get confused by all the many different suggestions - yikes! And Lois herself is confused!

17:00 We tumble out of bed and grab a quick snack dinner. Afterwards, Lois has to go out - her sect’s business meeting starts half an hour earlier than usual, because of the big “start-time” debate.

Poor Lois !!!!

I have a little alone time and manage to shred the last remaining pile of ancient bank statements that I came across recently in the attic, as part of our current downsizing mini-project. Hooray - job done.

20:00 I listen to the radio, an interesting discussion about high heels. The programme host is the charming Katy Brand.

Katy Brand, the programme's charming presenter

An interesting discussion. I did not know that high heels were invented in the 16th century by the great horse-riding, nomadic tribes of central Asia: the Huns, Mongols, Persians, and the like. These men needed high heels simply to keep their feet in the stirrups, while they were fighting etc. Good grief, what madness !!!

Europeans had never heard of high heels until an early Shah of Persia, Abbas 1 (1571-1629), sent ambassadors to the West to ask for help with his war against the Ottoman Empire. Western men quickly went crazy over the ambassadors’ high heels, not to mention their silk clothes and suchlike.

It was strictly a man's thing then. In England, it was Queen Elizabeth I who was the first to adopt high heels, but this wasn’t so that she would look sexy - she wanted to look more masculine, in her role as England's leader, fighting the might of Catholic Spain.

Recall her famous quotation about "I know I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and a king of England too."

After that, it became fashionable in England for women in general to look more "butch", not just with the high heels, but also with the big hats and big belt-buckles – good grief, scary !!!!

Later, the high heels fashion got a further boost from the French king, Louis XIV, a short man who wanted to try and tower over his courtiers for a change. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before his courtiers also adopted high heels, inspired by the king himself, so poor Louis ended up looking like a short man again - "damn!" (as he must have said) ha ha ha!

Louis XIV's iconic red high heels

“Nice legs, shame about the face”

In the 1700’s, men's high heels went out of fashion, especially in France and the US but also elsewhere - they were associated with the nobility, and the eighteenth century was the era of enlightenment and revolutions.

In the 1800’s, high heels for women suddenly became sexy in Europe, at the same time as the development of photography, and especially pornographic photography. In the US, however, high heels retained their "manly rugged” image, thanks to the cowboys and their style of boots.

Nowadays it is mostly a female fashion. But we are now more fully aware of the disadvantages in the form of the muscular and skeletal damage they do to women, counterbalancing the fact that high heels make the woman more attractive in men's eyes: first and foremost because of the woman's modified posture, more prominent buttocks, and also her changed pattern of movement, "researchers" say.

Plus, what Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon famously referred to, in "Some Like It Hot", as "jello on springs", when they saw Marilyn Monroe walking down a railway station platform.

Marilyn Monroe: “jello on springs”

The case of Nicola Thorp, who was fired in 2015 for refusing to wear high heels in her job as a London receptionist, led to the law being changed - it is now illegal to insist on different standards for men and women.

But the fascination with high heels has not gone away. Katy Brand, the programme's charming host, recalls that an entire episode of "Sex and the City" was devoted to the purchase of one pair of high heels – my god, what a crazy world we live in !!!! [Say that once more, and you’re fired – Ed]

21:30 Lois comes back from Tewkesbury - she says Andy's "compromise start time" was accepted and a month's trial will start next Sunday. Why can't our "Stupid Parliament" take Lois's sect as a model, and agree on some Brexit deal or other, so we can all have some peace and quiet ha ha ha!

We see a little television, so Lois can wind down after the evening's excitement. We see yesterday's episode of "First Dates", our favourite dating show.

Elaine (52 from Harrogate) has been assigned a date with Mark (52, from Manchester). Elaine is an intimate waxing specialist. She says men often get excited when she waxes them, but she just ignores it, and talks to them about their mothers, which usually makes it go away. But her date, Mark, is not put off – and is no less eager for a waxing session with her, it seems.

The data goes well at first, but unfortunately, Mark is a little too eager, and he proposes to her during the meal, which is a little too full-on, to put it mildly.

Mark's eagerness ends up being a bit of a turn-off for Elaine, though he insists he was actually holding back.

My goodness, what a crazy world we live in !!! [You've said that once too often, you’re fired. Get a box and clear out your desk. And collect your P45 on your way out – Ed]

[Bit harsh - me]

22:30 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzzzz !!!!!!

Danish translation

Lois og jeg føler os stadig helt slået ud, efter tre begravelse på de seneste 6 dage (og ingen bryllup). Vi bliver liggende i sengen og tager et sent, mageligt brusebad.

10:00 Det regnede kraftigt i går og i forgårs, og jorden er drivvåd. Der er ikke nogen mulighed for havearbejde i dag. Vi går hen ind i landsbyen for at lægge et par brev i postkassen og købe et par ting i nærbutikken, den tidligere Bakery Stores.

Landsbyen ser næsten mennesketom ud. Postkontoret er stadig lukket og den gammel, historiske Kings Arms-pub er dækket med stillads, og halvdelen af pubbens parkeringsplads er stadig afspærret – men der er ingen restaureringsarbejde i gang. Du godeste!

landsbyen ser næsten mennesketom ud,

og restaureringsarbejde på pubben er ikke startet endnu – du godeste!

Vi kommer hjem og slapper af med en kop kaffe i sofaen.

Vi beslutter at spise en af vores fedtfattige færdigretter og tilbringe eftermiddagen i sengen, hvilket vil være rart.

Lois har endnu en vanskelig aften i vente – hendes sekts månedlige forretningsmøde, som det store ”starttid”-debat vil dominere, ingen tvivl om det. Spørgsmålet er begyndt at ligne den langvarige Brexit-debat i vores nuværende ”dumme parlament”. Sektens indflydelsesrige hundejende klike vil have søndagsgudstjenester til at starte kl 10, så de kan komme hjem, fodre deres hund efter enden på den anden tjeneste, og spise frokost derhjemme, men andre sektmedlemmer har svært ved at møde til tiden på første tjeneste, hvis den starter kl 10.

Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!!

Heldigvis er Andy, den mest aktiv medlem af den lokale sekts lederskab, kommet med en kompromis-løsning: jeg tror, at kompromis-startiden er 10:30, men jeg er begyndt at blive forvirret efter så mange forskellige forslag – yikes! Selve Lois er forvirret!

17:00 Vi vælter ud af sengen og snupper en hurtig snack-aftensmad. Bagefter skal Lois ud – hendes sekts forretningsmøde starter en halv time tidligere, end normalt, på grund af den store starttid-debat.

Stakkels Lois!!!!

Jeg har lidt alenetid og makulerer færdigt de sidste resterende bunke af ældgamle kontoudtog, jeg forleden faldt over i loftet, som en del af vores nuværende downsize mini-projekt. Hurra – hele jobbet klart!

20:00 Jeg lytter lidt til radio, et interessant diskussion, der handler om høje hæle. Programmets vært er den charmerende Katy Brand.

Katy Brand

En interessant diskussion. Jeg vidste ikke, at høje hæle blev opfundet i 1500-tallet af de store hestridende, nomadiske stammer af det centrale Asien: Hunnere, Mongolere, Persere og lignende. Disse mænd havde brug for høje hæle for simpelthen at holde fødderne i stigbøjlerne. Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!

Europæerne har aldrig hørt om høje hæle, indtil en tidlig Shah af Persien, Abbas 1. (1571-1629), sendte ambassadører til vesten for at bede om hjælp med sin krig mod det osmanniske rig. Vestlige mænd blev vilde med ambassadørernes høje hæle, for ikke at nævne deres silketøj og den slags.

Det var strengt taget en mands ting dengang. I England var det dronning Elizabeth 1., der først adopterede høje hæle, men ikke for at se sexet ud – hun havde lyst til at se mere mandlig ud, som Englands leder mod det katolske Spanien – sikke et vanvid!

Mind om hendes berømte citation om ”I know I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and a king of England too.”

Derefter blev det moderigtigt i England for kvinder at se mere butch ud, ikke bare de høje hæle, men også store hatte og store bælte-spænder – du godeste, skræmmende !!!!

Senere fik høje hæle-moden lidt af en boost fra den franske konge, Louis 14., en kort mand, der havde lyst til at rage op over sine hofmænd. Desværre gik der ikke lang tid, før hans hofmænd adopterede høje hæle, inspireret af selve konge, så stakkels Louis endte med at se ud som en lav mand igen – ”pokkers!” (- må han have sagt) ha ha ha!

Louis 14.s ikoniske røde høje hæle

”nice legs, shame about the face”

I 1700-tallet gik mænds høje hæle ud af mode, i sær i Frankrig og USA men også andre steder – de var associerede med ædelskabet, og det 18. århundrede var æraen af Oplysningstiden og revolutioner.

I 1800-tallet blev høje hæle til kvinder pludselig sexede i Europa, samtidig med udviklingen af fotografi og pornografiske fotografi. I USA imidlertid beholdt høje hæle deres ”mandlige, barske, robuste, hårdføre image, takket være cowboyerne.

Nu til dags er det for det meste en kvindelig mode. Men vi er nu klar over ulemperne i form af skaden til muskler og skelettet, udover dét, at høje hæle gør kvinden mere attraktiv i mænds øjne: først og fremmest på grund af kvindens modificerede kropsholdning, mere iøjnefaldende bagdel, også bevægelsesmønster, siger forskere. Dét, Tony Curtis og Jack Lemmon, henviste til i ”Some Like It Hot”, som ”Jello on springs”, da de så Marilyn Monroe gå ned ad en banegårdsperron.

Marilyn Monroe - "jello on springs"

Sagen af Nicola Thorp, der i 2015 blev fyret for ikke at bære høje hæle i sit job som receptionist, førte til, at loven blev ændret – det er nu ulovligt at insistere på forskellige standarder for mænd og kvinder.

Men fascinationen over høje hæle forsvinder ikke. Katy Brand, programmets charmerende vært, mindes om, at en hel episode af ”Sex and the City” blev hengivet til købet af et par høje hæle – du godeste, sikke en skør verden vi lever i !!!!

21:30 Lois kommer tilbage fra Tewkesbury – hun siger, at Andys ”kompromis-starttid” blev accepteret, og en måneds prøve skal starte næste søndag. Hvorfor kan vores ”dumme parlament” ikke tage Lois’ sekt til forbillede og blive enige over en eller anden Brexit-deal, så vi alle kan få lidt fred og ro ha ha ha!

Vi ser lidt fjernsyn, så hun kan geare ned efter aftenens begejstring. Vi ser gårsdagens afsnit af ”First Dates”, vores yndlings-dating show.

Elaine (52 fra Harrogate) er bleve tildelt en date med Mark (52, fra Manchester). Elaine er en intim voksning-specialist. Hun siger, at mænd ofte blive ophidset, da hun behandler dem, men hun ignorerer den, og tale med dem om deres mødre, hvilket sædvanligt får den til at gå væk. Men hendes date, Mark, er ikke mindre ivrig efter en voksning-session med hende, lader det til.