Climate change, eh? A knotty problem to solve, maybe, but did you see that those clever researchers at nearby Worcester University have at last been making some real progress, which is nice to report [Source: Onion News Worcester Desk] !
At last! We're getting somewhere! It's just a question of time now and I expect that those "warning letters" are going out, even as we speak, to the guilty men (and women!) who are causing all the problems!
And not a moment too soon! Today has been touted to be the hottest day of the year so far, here in Malvern, not a million miles away from those "brainboxes" at the University.
And that message is certainly "hitting home", despite the efforts of local weather-report-sceptic Joan Brashiett (!) - see report below (!).
[That's enough exclamation marks in brackets (!) - Ed]
Good old Joan, still "fighting the good fight", I see, haha (!).
But "phew what a scorcher!" today, eh? Or as they say in France "Ouf, quelle chaleur!", or in the southern states of the US, they might say that it's "hot as blue blazes". And my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I just limit our excursions today to a quick drive down to Barnard's Green to get a Cornish pasty and cole slaw for lunch (yum yum!), and to post our birthday card to our elder daughter Alison, who'll be turning 49 this week (You know you're old when your children become middle-aged, that's for sure - my goodness yes!).
11:00 And when we get home, Lois and I waste no time in "stripping off", let me tell YOU!
[I've "redacted" certain parts of the above photos,
as many readers may find them distressing - Ed]
And we permit ourselves an extra chuckle (or two!) when we see an email come in from Steve, our American brother-in-law, containing one of the amusing Venn diagrams he monitors for us each week on the web:
Well, the one in the middle ("International climate goals failing to deliver etc etc") is still true if only as an interesting 'vignette' (only of interest to historians), but also, for you and me, a reminder of "the bad old days". However, it must clearly have been devised before Worcester University's landmark study that came out today (see report above).
But this amusing Venn diagram's companion insight - about "chocolate bars getting stuck in the vending machine" - is as true today as it was when the diagram was first devised, no question about that! And no amount of "thumping on the glass" seems to make any difference - have you noticed?
What a crazy world we live in !!!!
Incidentally, talking of Venn diagram (3), did you know that, according to an Onion News report from September 2021, "never initiating the pushing of twin beds together" is a key sign that your partner may not be sexually satisfied?
Just for your info, the other key signs are (1) they moan the word "underwhelming" in bed, (2) they start booing, (3) the bedroom 'suggestion box' is overflowing, (4) low feedback ratings, (5) they keep checking their watch, (6) you catch them making a sandwich without offering you one.
Just saying - some things to watch out for there haha !!!!
a typical bedroom "suggestion box"
Tonight August 12th is going to be a big night for Lois and me, because it's the official start of the "TV quiz season", also known as "the Glorious Twelfth", so, as we sip our tea and eat our Wagon Wheels on the sofa, we limber up for tonight with a look at the puzzles in the back of this week's Radio Times.
this week's Radio Times magazine
It's a truism in life, isn't it, that very often when one door closes, another opens. And now that Lois and I have officially retired from attempting the Popmaster questions, due to increasing lack of "coolness", we suddenly seem to be having huge success with the intellectually more prestigious Eggheads questions, which is a comfort!
Lois gets out our copy of Radio Times, and turns
to the Egghead questions at the back of the magazine
At the same time as being a sign that we're officially "past it", it's also, ironically, a "coming-of-age" thing isn't it, and a sign that at last Lois and I have, in a funny way, at last become adults. And we score an amazing 10 out of 10 this week again on "Eggheads", which is nice.
See how many of these "doozies" YOU know!
21:00 We go to bed on tonight's opening programme in this year's series of Only Connect, which tests lateral thinking.
A welcome return to something a bit more intellectual in the TV listings, now that a lot of the sport has gone away with the end of the Olympics etc. And I'm happy to report that, although we don't get any answers tonight that the teams don't get as well, we often beat them to it, time-wise, with our razor-sharp memory recall!
[I hope that's true, and that you haven't merely been up to your old tricks of pressing the 'pause' button while you dredge your fast-ageing so-called "memories" (!). Just saying (!) - Ed]
There's some sadness at the start of the show, however, with this desperately tragic announcement by presenter Victoria Coren-Mitchell:
Well, that was something Lois and I certainly didn't know, and tonight presenter Victoria is able at last to exclusively reveal the identity of the script-writing team responsible for her weekly 90-second "intro-doozies": (1) Nobel Prize-winning author Kazuo Ishiguro, (2) Poet Laureate Simon Armitage, (3) screenwriter Aaron Sorkin, no less!
But what shocks us the most is the cost of this whole operation: £3.2 million - yikes !!!! All paid for by the BBC's medium-to-long-suffering licence-payers, what's more!
Oh dear - the BBC at it again - trying to do everything "on the cheap". Don't they know that if you want 'quality' you have to pay for it? ??? What madness!!!!
Colin: Boo !
Lois: (low moan) Underwhelming!
Oh dear - two reactions that are sure signs that we're both feeling unsatisfied, intellectually this time (!).
What a crazy world we live in !!!!
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzz!!!!
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