Saturday August 10th 2024 "Have YOU ever been to somebody else's wedding?"

Here's a "toughie" for you today, a real "head-scratcher", coming up in just a minute or two ! And I'm very conscious of the fact that a lot of my readers have been complaining recently about my so-called "opener" questions - merely designed quite innocently by me as an ice-breaker, intended just to relax you basically, while at the same time getting your old "grey matter" working. Yes, some of you, I know, have been complaining that these questions have been becoming "just a little too easy" recently. 

So try this one on for size, all you "smart Alecs" out there !!!!!

Well, here's the thing, now. Have YOU ever been to a wedding? If you're married, the chances are pretty high that your answer is an emphatic "Yes, Colin!" - because, sadly perhaps, opportunities for getting married "in absentia" are getting fewer and further between these days, aren't they. 

But have YOU ever been to somebody's else's wedding?   A lot of us have, haven't we.

[Oh just get on with it, Colin! - Ed]

Well, it's August isn't it [Glad to see you're "keeping up with current events more, Colin! - Ed], and when it comes to weddings it's very much "open season" for thrifty couples wanting to cut down on guest numbers at a time when many invitees are likely to be away, in Spain or Greece or that kind of place anyway, where it's warm, in other words (!).

Here's one tip to cut down on numbers even further - remember you read it first here! [Wasn't this all over your local West Worcestershire Onion News just the other day? - Ed]

And after all, it doesn't really matter if the couple's best friends have to say "no" to their invitations, due to holiday plans, because these days a lot of weddings are just enjoyed "online" anyway, and you can get a real feel for the occasion from the happy couple's wedding gift-registry "want-lists", and other details usually available these days on the now almost obligatory "conjugal website" [Source: Onion News (West Worcestershire Desk)].

Yes, apparently that's how they "do" weddings here in Worcestershire (!), the county that my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I moved to 20 months or so ago, in a flawed attempt to "downsize" from our much larger house in Cheltenham, in the neighbouring county of Gloucestershire, where we had lived for 36 years, and where we had brought up our two daughters. 

And today, when Lois and I take our daughter Sarah out for a walk over the Malvern hills followed by lunch at the local Malvern Hills Hotel, Lois and I can't help remembering the only wedding Lois and I have ever attended in Worcestershire, a wedding that took place right here at this selfsame hotel, back in 2002. 

the Malvern Hills Hotel, where Lois and I stayed 22 years ago, 

and where we take our daughter Sarah for lunch today

Back in 2002, Lois and I had been invited by Gerald Palmer, the chef at the Cheltenham care-home where Lois worked at the time, to celebrate the wedding of his son, So-and-so Palmer, to somebody-or-other, some woman - well, the sex of the bride was obligatory in those crazy far-off days (!). 

[That's enough exclamation marks in brackets (!) - Ed]

Happily the wedding coincided with our own "pearl do" - our 30th wedding anniversary, and the whole of the shenanigans are permanently etched in my memory: we had such a good time celebrating what's-his-name's wedding on the Saturday, that we had to spend most of the Sunday in bed in our hotel room with a "do not disturb" sign on the door. Poor us, and our aching heads!

Yikes!!! Yes, those were the days!!!!

my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois, pictured here in Vienna

in 2002, the year of our 30th wedding anniversary

At the time, I remember, we did put much of the blame for our do-not-disturb-Sunday on the hotel's notorious "Secret Gin Garden" at the back of the hotel, which is still there today, as we discover when we take our daughter Sarah into the hotel for lunch there this morning, although this particular "gin palace" is looking much quieter than it looked on that day back in 2002, to put it mildly!

me with our daughter Sarah, and the hotel's "Secret Gin Garden" 

as it looks today - strangely quiet compared to that Saturday in 2002, 

to put it mildly!

flashback to earlier this morning: Lois and I take our daughter
Sarah for a walk over the 700-million-ear-old Malvern Hills

Lois and me today, when we take our daughter Sarah to lunch

at the hotel where Lois and I stayed all those years ago

back in 2002, for our 30th wedding anniversary

our lunch today - bacon brie and cranberry baguettes,

with gin-and-tonic: what else haha!!!

14:00 When we get home, Sarah has a lie-down on the couch in the living-room, while Lois and I disappear upstairs and get into bed. Well, wouldn't you, if you had the chance haha!

Sarah's here this weekend without her family, because husband Francis has taken the couple's 11-year-old twins Lily and Jessica to camp with him up north to the English Lake District this last week: to Lake Coniston, where Sarah and Francis got married in 2010. And Francis and the girls are also going to be spreading their late dog Buddy's ashes up there, which is a nice touch. Poor Sarah wasn't able to go with them this last week, due to pressure of work at her accountancy job in Evesham.

flashback to June 2010: Sarah and Francis celebrate their

marriage by taking wedding guests on a boat ride over Lake Coniston

Inevitably, however, there's a slight air of tension this afternoon here in Malvern, which unsettles Lois and me a bit as we try to relax in bed, because Francis is notorious for turning up when he's least expected, and totally without notice. 

It's a bit like those Continental agents of the Spanish Inquisition, isn't it. 

Those agents rarely, if ever, as I understand it, sent a formal letter to warn their victims that they would be turning up at some stage with their hastily-produced and suspicious-looking "official arrest warrants", so there was always a slight element of surprise about their arrival, or so I believe.

flashback to the 15th century: agents of the Spanish

Inquisition arrive unexpectedly to make an arrest

 a typical official-looking, but obviously faked-in-a-hurry,

suspicious "arrest warrant" of the sort "served" in the 16th century

on Continental victims of the Spanish Inquisition.

And true to form, Francis suddenly turns up without notice, around 3:30 pm, and - bingo - he's here - right outside our house in Malvern with the twins in tow. Saying that he needs to get home urgently for a sleep, he delivers the twins to us, together with their "overnight bags", plus a ton of the family's washing to be put through our washing-machine: the family's washing-machine in their Alcester rental-home is still out of commission apparently. 

What madness !!!!

Luckily Lois and I have just finished up, and I myself am now downstairs and dressed, and Lois is on the way down too, so that's all right! 

little Jessica, delivered by dad Francis, and happy

to be reunited with her mum, Sarah: visible on the

chair next to them are the twins' "overnight bags"

and stuffed toys etc, and out of sight, a ton of the family's 

dirty washing etc [not shown] - what madness !!!!

20:00 Yes, everybody's a bit tired tonight, but we all have a fun evening together with the usual chat, which tonight is mostly about the girls' experiences up in the Lake District, and we also watch a bit of "telly", as you do.

Sarah and the twins, relaxing on our couch tonight

and watching a bit of "telly" with us, which is nice

And those twins eventually liven up, and - would you believe it? - they're still up and wide awake in their guest bedroom at 10 pm, laughing and joking together, which is nice. Lois and I can hear them from our own bed way which is way over in the front of our house, as we "drop off" together. 

What a great way it must be to grow up, with a twin for company always by your side.

Happy days!

22:00 Zzzzzzzzzz (from mine and Lois's bed anyway haha) !!!!