Thursday August 29th 2024 "Seen any hideous man-beasts recently haha?"

Well, things are happening in the normally quiet world of Worcestershire wildlife this morning, that's for sure! Did you get your print copy of the West Worcestershire Desk's Onion News today, and did you see this "doozy" of a "breaking scoop" from the kingdom of the birds ?

And did you see this no less fascinating "doozy" of a scoop from the animal (?) kingdom(!)?

What IS going on in the world of nature locally? I think we should be told. And should we email David "Whispering Dave" Attenborough, to keep him "up to speed"? 

It's a potentially dangerous time for the whole world with the balance of the human-animal relationship seemingly on a knife-edge and veering perilously "out of kilter", yet these stories are still a bit "under the radar", aren't they, which is an alarmingly risky position to be in, to put it mildly.

And it's all "food for thought", not to say a bit of a worry, for my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and me, as we embark on what suddenly seems like a potentially perilous morning walk over Poolbrook Common, where we know we will have to pass by the spooky, the mysterious, and the normally deserted, Poolbrook Pond. 

Let's just hope there isn't a hideous man-beast lurking there today in the darkened pond somewhere between its creepy rushes and its hideous willows and other trees.

I send Lois to "check out" the spooky waters of Poolbrook Pond, 

for possible hideous man-beasts, while I stand at a safe distance 

consulting our "guide to hideous man-beasts" and taking 

pictures for our friend David "Whispering Dave" Attenborough

Luckily Onion News supplied a handy "Your Guide to Hideous Man-Beasts" in its print edition this morning. I took the precaution of cutting it out, and I've got it now in the pocket of my stylish Australian hoodie, for reference, as we approach the pond, which is, potentially, a useful "must have".

In the event, the Poolbrook Pond turns out to be empty of hideous man-beasts today, so humanity can breathe again - for now. But it's a bit of a ticking time-bomb, isn't it. Do me a favour, will you, and check YOUR local "spooky pond" for me, and send me a "sitrep" if you can - postcards only, as usual. 

And if there's nothing to report, then a simple "NTR" will suffice. Go and do it now, will you! [Oh just go away, Colin! - Ed]

Lois says it's safe, so I risk checking out the pond myself,

and Phew! Yes it is "NTR" for now, which is a relief!

14:00 And when Lois and I get into bed this afternoon for "nap-time", it's not long before Lois's Huawei starts beeping under the bedclothes, demanding our attention, and then my Samsung starts diddling. And suddenly, it's all about another mythical monster, and an unashamed smoker of a monster, at that - one that hasn't been seen for a while, too: see below! 

And later, when we go downstairs for a cup of tea and some bread and jam on the couch, we read the full story, covering several "column inches" (!), in the latest copy of political magazine Private Eye, which "plopped" through our letter-box yesterday afternoon.

Yes, a Nigel Farage has been seen in Clacton, the Essex seaside resort that's been Nigel's Parliamentary constituency since July's UK General Election. 

Do you think Nigel realised when he stood for Parliament that he might have to serve his local constituents in Clacton, and not just use his position as a convenient "platform" from which to publicise his views on national politics, laudable or not, as the case may be? Again, I think we should be told, don't you?

21:00 We go to bed on the start of a welcome re-run of the old 1980's World War II-based sitcom "Allo Allo", featuring the mild-mannered, and medium-to-long-suffering café-owner kRené (played by Gorden Kaye), who finds that the local French Resistance groups want to use his premises as their clandestine HQ, with their mission to help lost British airmen and secret agents in the run-up to the D-Day landings. Poor René !!!!

One of Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft's many sitcoms, this one was the most ground-breaking in its way, for the first time basing a comedy on a wartime scenario, with its comic but sympathetic portrayals, both of German army officers and bumbling British downed pilots and secret agents, and also of desperately-serious-looking French resistance fighters, all amounting to a bit of a surprising premise for a comedy series.

Another ingenious invention of the writers was to avoid conventional language issues: spoken French was portrayed as English with a French accent, spoken German was represented by English with a German accent, while English was turned into an unbelievably posh British accent of the "Hello Chaps!" variety.

In this scene, café-owner René exploits his "chummy" relationship with the local German officers to help him out get hold of 5 litres of paraffin for a paraffin stove. And he hints to Colonel von Strohm (played by Richard Marner) that Room 6 is available tonight, and that, if he stepped inside the room, the German might find one of the café's waitresses already in it.

When René explains to the waitress, Yvette Carte-Blanche (played by Vicki Michelle), what Colonel von Strohm wants, she's initially dubious about the officer's special requirements, and whether they're worth the paraffin on offer.

Feather dusters are "standard" accessories, aren't they, but I ask Lois, who understands these things, how exactly the egg whisk, not to mention the wet celery and the flying helmet would come into it, but we're both puzzled.

So it's "answers on a postcard please!" time once again, I'm afraid! By tonight if possible haha!

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!