Yes, "deeds" !!!!! It's a funny old word, isn't it. Sometimes it means actions, as in "deeds not words", but other times it means the bits of paper that prove that you own a ranch or a mill, say, or even a house.
Most people don't know where the deeds to their house are, but that's because they're usually held by the people who've given you a mortgage - so why not give e.g. the Halifax a ring today, and ask them it they wouldn't mind checking it hasn't gone missing. Building society staff just love those calls haha - although by tradition, they're normally made on April 1st so hold off a bit longer on that one. Only two months to wait now, so fair enough!
Another thing about "deeds" - they're always in the news, and there are a couple of stories in today's local Onion News for East Hampshire (print edition). Check your copy - do it now, because you'll see this "doozy" (!).
Heart-warming story isn't it - and a "feel-good pill" if ever I saw one. And surely the ultimate answer to those "moaning Minnies" who claim that the UK's gambling giants "don't care" about the misery they cause - it lays that particular "canard" to rest, and that's for sure!
It turns out that the word "deed" or "deeds", in the sense of a piece of paperwork proving ownership of a particular property, have been good English since the early 14th century, so it's not one of your modern "urban slang" words, to put it mildly.
a typical title deed
And it's "deed" or "deeds" that my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I find ourselves tearing our hair over this morning in Liphook, Hampshire looking for the deeds to our former home in Malvern, that we are trying to sell. We spend the whole morning and some of the afternoon searching in vain for the deeds to that house, and just before lunch, we feel we must take a quick walk along nearby "Devil's Lane", just to clear our heads.
exhausted by looking for the deeds to our old house in Malvern,
we go for a walk down Devil's Lane this morning to try to clear our heads
- here we pause for a selfie on the bridge over the
Liphook-London(Waterloo) line, operated by the South West Railway Co. (SWR)
Note the illegible text with a couple of words highlighted by what looks like lipstick, the torn edges and the funny-looking strap that makes it look like part of somebody's bra or corset. Not to mention the stains where somebody's obviously spilt a glass of mead or ale over it, or just a cup of tea (?)..
It's a weird name, but there have been Devil's Lanes in hundreds of English villages for centuries, and they're still around today, and not only that, but they're found in many parts of the "Anglosphere", even the US and Australia.
Tonight's contest is between "The Introverts", and "The Tea-Totallers" (tea-lovers), so definitely our kind of people, Lois and I say.
Yes, you've guessed it - they all "changed sides" - popular TV presenter-duo "changed sides" for a joke, when appearing together on an April 1st broadcast of their highly-rated TV show; Sweden, which like the UK was unconquered by Napoleon and thereby still driving on the left till 1967; Romania changed sides from the Axis powers to the Allies during World War II, and Natalie Elphicke was the Conservative MP for Dover, who crossed the floor of the Commons to join Labour in May of last year.
Yes, right again!
You won't believe it, but a search through our bureau drawers and filing cabinet this morning fails to turn up anything looking remotely similar to that torn, drink-stained example above. What madness !
And not just madness but so annoying, because the solicitor handling the sale of our old house wants to know where "the deeds" are, and also the whereabouts of, like, a billion other documents, like the guarantee for our old central heating boiler, or a certificate to prove that the house's electrical wiring isn't going to blow somebody's head off. Total madness !!!
What a crazy world we live in, don't we!
A world where people aren't willing to just take it on "trust" that the house they're buying isn't a QUOTE UNQUOTE "death trap". It's a world Lois and I, at least, don't want to be responsible bringing children into, not to mention children's children.
Uh-oh, just remembered, we started on all that particular "malarkey" all of 50 years ago now didn't we?
Flashback to January 1975, 50 years ago last month: Lois in our little
back yard in Cheltenham, soon after she became pregnant with Alison,
our first child - Lois here showcasing her "bump" for the first time on camera
Oops !!!! So, a bit late to "undo" all that now haha!
Fifty years - and it seems like only yesterday. Time flies, doesn't it.
But for Lois and me, some good comes out of this morning's document-hunting madness, however, because when Lois and I go out on our little walk, to "clear our heads", we discover the joys of "Devil's Lane".
There are lots of theories about exactly what "devilry" might originally have given these quiet lanes their names starting centuries ago, but the most likely explanation is the most pedestrian one [no pun intended haha!] - that is, that it was just a narrow lane between person A's property and person B's property. Maybe there were inclined to be disputes over who - person A or person B - was responsible for keeping the roadway semi-clear of mud and other rubbish, maybe? Perhaps we should be told!
And Devil's Lane, Liphook, certainly fits that unromantic "narrow lane indicating a property boundary" definition - so much so, that Lois and I have to give up our walk this morning for fear that a 4-by-4 or similar vehicle might come hurtling around a bend and, in a flash, grind us into mincemeat.
The lane is so narrow there's nowhere for pedestrians to jump out of the way: the ideal place for criminal masterminds to plot a fatal accident for secret agent heroes like James Bond, or even a humble medium-to-top-secret agent (retired) (!) - like myself haha!
me on my walk with Lois this morning, outside the Devil's Lane
Market Garden, at the point when we started worrying
what we would do if a "4 by 4" or similar came
hurtling round the bend at us on this narrow country lane
included for comparison purposes: the Mustang used
to run down James Bond in a narrow alley
[That's enough whimsy! - Ed]
20:00 Both thoroughly drained by our efforts to locate vital documents today, Lois and I "plop" down on the couch, and prepare for bed by watching one of our favourite TV quizzes, Only Connect, which tests lateral thinking. Lateral thinking is always a good preparation for "horizontal thinking" - that's what we say (!).
During the pre-match banter, however, presenter Victoria Coren-Mitchell, carefully checking both teams' credentials, discovers that the Introverts' team-leader once went to somebody's birthday party, so she decides that the Tea-Totallers are the actually, in her words, "more introverted than the Introverts" - what an accolade! And so we'll definitely both be rooting for them tonight - no question haha!
And we get some "crackers" of questions tonight, and no mistake. Just look at these "doozies" and see if you can work out the connection between these sets of apparently unconnected-looking "things" (!)
So, simples!
And what might have come fourth in this picture sequence?
So, what's going on here? Yes, of course, it's lengths going down by 4 yards each time.
And it's all the most tremendous fun, into the bargain, too, isn't it!
[If you say so! - Ed]
And for Lois and me it brings back memories of our schooling in the 1950's: remember? Yes, 22 yards is what "old codgers" like Lois and me call a "chain": remember 22 yds in a chain, 10 chains in a furlong, 8 furlongs in a mile - remember all that stuff from school haha? What a madness it all was, wasn't it, but the most tremendous fun at the same time!
Happy days!!!
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!
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