Well, what a lot of excitement there's been today over the first recorded actual Invasion of the Aliens! Excitement planet-wide, yes, but especially here in East Hampshire, where the aliens chose to invade, of all the places they might have chosen (!).
But you don't need me to tell you that - it's in all the papers this evening, isn't it, including the local Onion News, which is always first when it comes to fast-breaking "bombshells" of this "doozy-like proportions", that this one surely is (!).
And let's hope Karoline doesn't tell President Trump about all the "kerfuffle" (!) today. We don't want tariffs slapped on some of East Hampshire's prime exports to the US, like the "millionaire shortbread" made from a local recipe at the Greggs in Betty Mundy's Bottom, for heaven's sake (!).
As you'll know by now, however, this whole "invasion of the aliens" panic turned out to be a "one hour wonder", after the invasion was quickly defeated, locally, by a squad of loveable rag-tag seniors from the Betty Mundy's Bottom U3A (University of the Third Age) Computer Games Group.
The Betty Mundy's Bottom branch of Greggs, where tensions were said
this afternoon to be running high, ahead of possible new US tariffs
being 'slapped' on the store's locally-made Millionaire Shortbread
Yes, these loveable "old codgers" were called in by the RAF for their 1980's-acquired Space Invader skills. And wasn't it nice to see that these "old farts", as they're known locally, managed to shoot all the aliens down as they left their spacecraft, which was a relief, to put it mildly.
Sorry, Friends! This has turned out to be a rather long-winded way of telling you that Lois and I have been a bit preoccupied today, and we missed the whole saga of the local Alien Invasion. We simply didn't have time to even glance at the paper, would you believe!
Incidentally, while I think of it, I've got a doozy of a brain-teaser for you today when it comes to translating the difficult bits of 'Danish noir' murder novels, so watch this space!
Crisis over! Next one please haha!
And funniest of all [I'll be the judge of that! - Ed], my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I actually missed the invasion completely, but I don't need to tell you that - that "doozy" of a story was in the paper too, wasn't it, although admittedly you had to "hunt for it" a bit (!).
We spent the morning with Lois mopping the kitchen floor and cleaning our bathroom, while I was glued to the computer screen printing out "vocab sheets" for the benefit of our local Intermediate Danish U3A study group. And in the afternoon we had our weekly shower followed by 2-hours in bed for "nap-time", which we always like to indulge in, it's pretty "sacred" to us, space invasions or no space invasions (!).
me, earlier today, showcasing my trusty, well-thumbed (!)
Danish-English dictionary for one of Onion News'
hard-working local journalists and her photographer
Can't wait? Already earned your Intermediate Danish "chops" maybe, and raring to test them out perhaps? Well, okay, seeing as how I can see you're "gagging for it (!)", this is Colin's translation head-scratcher for today.
You see, here's the thing. Our group, the local U3A Intermediate Danish Group that Lois and I lead, 'for our sins' (!), is currently reading a Danish noir murder novel by Danish writer Anna Grue. The book's called, in Danish, "Judaskysset" (The Judas Kiss).
My problem is this: how would we describe, in English, a group of loud-mouth local drunks who sit around all day on benches in the town centre, with their beer-cans and their menacing alsatian-style dogs, annoying honest citizens going about their business?
us this afternoon on the couch: me half-dozing over this week's edition
What a crazy county Lois and I now find ourselves living in !!!!
And we wonder how many of those hopelessly out-of-date cavalry-men came back alive from the real World War I trenches, over in France.
Danish crime-writer Anna Grue and her book "Judaskysset" (the Judas Kiss)
In Anna's book, the town council in the fictional town of Kristianssund has tackled the problem in an unusual way.
Anna writes: (according to my translation)
However, these uncomfortable new benches had two advantages: they attracted the town's drunks and their Alsatians, which kept them all in the leafy spaces of Town Hall Square, away from the shoppers and the town's honest citizens.
And the drunks didn't mind the bench's sharp edges - their backsides were already as wrinkled as prunes anyway, and a few extra lines were deemed to make only an insignificant addition to those. Oh dear!
a typical Danish drunk's wrinkled and pock-marked backside
Of course the Danes have a word for most things, and they certainly have one for people who "hang out" on public benches all day, And as you might guess, it's that lovely Danish word "bænkhængere", literally "bench-hangers", but that doesn't sound quite right in English, to Yours Truly's ears at least.
Anna Grue's text, in the original Danish
For our group's members' immediate benefit, I've suggested "bench-hogs" as a possible English translation, on the model of "road-hogs", but I'm not quite satisfied even with that, because it doesn't convey the "hanging out" vibe.
Your suggestions please - on postcards! Our group's next meeting is scheduled for Thursday next week, so get your thinking-caps on !
And if you come up with a solution, why not take your courage in both hands, and join our little group of "old codgers" on Skype next Thursday? New members are always welcome, remember, as long as they can speak Intermediate Danish, that is, haha!
flashback to 2021: us starting our very first Skype session
for the local U3A Intermediate Danish group that we lead
Especially here in Liphook and other towns in East Hampshire, it's surprisingly useful at least to have a smattering of Intermediate Danish, believe it or not.
You might just meet an eccentric member of the Danish Royal Family for starters(!). Lois read it in her library book this afternoon after we finally struggle out of bed (!), one of the books she got out on local history.
[That's enough exclamation marks in brackets (!) - Ed]
of top political magazine Private Eye, while Lois reads me out
"doozies" from her library books, "Liphook Voices" and "Liphook Remembers"
There used to be an eccentric Danish woman called "Miss C." living in a cottage on Weavers Down, where Lois and I have already been for a few walks, since first moving to the area a month or so ago, on January 3rd.
This Danish woman, although obviously wealthy, and in possession of royal jewellery, tea-sets etc, used to go about dressed in old sacks, to save wear-and-tear on her "good things".
It's also an area long used by the British Army for training, and one of the weirdest experiences that Lois and I have had, since moving here last month, is the sound of pop-pop-popping of guns, coming from just a mile or so away, as the Army continue to train thousands of Ukrainian front-line troops in combat skills following madman Putin's invasion of their country.
What Lois and I didn't know was that the Army's presence in this area isn't new. Cavalry, yes, cavalry (!) were being trained here as far back as World War I,
Bagpipes or no bagpipes, we don't much fancy their chances, the poor bastards, to put it mildly!
Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!
Flashback to last month: Lois and me on our recent walk up the steep sides of Holly Hill
onto Weavers Down, overlooking the Ministry of Defence training grounds
(ringed on the map), where members of the Ukrainian Army are being taught
combat skills, and where cavalrymen were once trained for trench warfare in World War I.
Yikes !!!!!
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzz!!!!!
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