Thursday September 24th 2026 "We can be heroes, just for one day" - David Bowie said so haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU a hero when the occasion demands it? A crisis or an emergency seems to bring out the best in people - have you noticed? And all the time we seem to hear stories of quiet, ordinary people showing their "mettle" and "saving the day", when all seems lost, which is heart-warming, to put it mildly!

Have you seen today's Onion News? There are a couple of real "doozies" making the headlines - just turn to page 94 !!!! 

And these stories of "derring-do" by ordinary everyday folks bring an eye-watering glint to the eyes of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-welcoming Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

To look at me in that picture - an "everyday jobbing blogger", as I've recently been dubbed by my Liphook neighbours, you wouldn't think that I'd be capable of heroic deeds, but think again!!!

Even my wife Lois was surprised when I leapt into action yesterday, when, within weeks of the Government's new emergency food advice being issued, I got on my laptop and ordered a bunch of emergency food items from online supermarket Ocado. I even had the courage to include some so-called "legumes", even though I'm not 100% sure what that means, would you believe! 

Yikes! And hence some mystery "extra items" that I added to our normal supermarket delivery, and soon after our delivery arrived, containing some of the items listed below, I was to be seen mounting a precarious small step-ladder and stashing all those tins and bottles carefully on a shelf in our garage - even Lois, normally slow to show her deepest emotions, applauded me so hard, I thought she might wake the neighbours, which is mad!!!!

me bravely mounting a small step-ladder and storing our hard-ordered online

emergency groceries on a shelf in our garage this morning - what a hero!

This emergency "hoard" should keep us going for at least a couple of hours, more possibly (!),  in the event of an emergency, so that's all good!!!

What madness, isn't it !!!!

However, what if our neighbours have heard Lois's girlish - or should I say "womanish" cries of admiration and, when the crisis comes, what if they come knocking on our door demanding their share of my carefully-assembled hoard?

Some of them, eg. retiree Christine from no. 13, the superficially kind person who brings everybody in the street's wheelie bins back to them after they've been emptied, sometimes looks as if she might "turn ugly" in an emergency - yikes!!!!!

And how would Lois and I deal with her if she came across the street in a crisis, looking to grab some of our "goodies", just because we've maybe been showing a bit more "foresight" and "providence" than she has?  I wonder.....!

16:00 Well, if any of our mostly aged neighbours come to us looking for "trouble", Lois and I know how to deal with them now, especially after listening to this afternoon's edition of "Word of Mouth" on Radio 4, where presenter Michael Rosen talks to somebody who can certainly "handle himself": nightclub bouncer George Bass, who's just published a book of memoirs - "What the Bouncer Saw".

"Words and tone are my riot shield", Bass tells presenter Rosen. But trouble-makers have to understand that you mean what you say, he stresses. And to be a good bouncer, you also need to have emotional insight, and to be a good mind-reader. You have to persuade people to "stand down" without feeling like it's a surrender on their part.

George Bass, author of "What the Bouncer Saw", published May 2026

In the past, Bass says, bouncers had a rather thuggish image, but all that changed in 2003, since when, bouncers have to have a licence from the SIA (Security Industry Authority) and so have become more like social workers than thugs, making sure that trouble-makers don't harm themselves or others, and that everybody "has a good time". 

bouncers before and after the 2003 introduction of SIA accreditation

And nightclub managers like it that way - it's not good for a club's image if there's a bouncer on the door in a bow tie wielding a pick-axe handle, and a punter inside chasing their teeth across the dance-floor. an attitude that Lois and I can sympathise with !

A good bouncer will be able to spot the person about to blow up, go across and "talk them down" - asking them what they're after, what's the problem etc. For the bouncer, getting physical is always a last resort. Often trouble-makers are pleased, flattered even, if you tell them that they're frightening people, and that they're being "scary", as many of them are young people who have never had any respect growing up. 

It's not the bouncer's aim to "win" against the guy, just to get him off-site as peacefully as possible. 

it's not the bouncer's aim to 'win' against a troublemaker,

just to get him off-site as peacefully as possible.

Interestingly, it's only the older trouble-makers who are spooked by the bouncer's mandatory body-cam. The younger, "Gen Z" trouble-makers have grown up in the age of selfies and social media video-clips, "followers" etc, and to them it's all a natural part of the modern world. Tellingly, many boast to the bouncer, that "I've got more followers than you". However the bouncer can reply, "Yes, but my followers are the police!".

Lois and I are both 80, although we look younger, or so we tell ourselves (!), and therefore naturally we have only limited knowledge of today's nightclub bouncers and their methods (!). And we didn't know, for example, that the bodycams only record if the bouncer presses a button, but that the camera saves footage from 10 seconds before the button-press, as the assumption is that the situation has already started to become volatile. When the bouncer says, "I'm recording now", this has a definite calming effect on the trouble-maker too, making them think that, "Oh yikes, my parents / my boss / the police / the courts, are going to see this!".

Also, with Gen Z trouble-makers, bouncer Bass finds that, while they're used to mobile phones, they tend to get overawed by the less familiar medium of walkie-talkie radio with its weird, "crackly" sound, and apparently they start to worry that half the Army is about to arrive, which also has a calming effect, we're told. Which it would, naturally!

police arriving outside a nightclub, but many troublemakers

are apparently half-expecting the Army, would you believe!!!

Finally, programme presenter Rosen asks bouncer Bass what his ultimate weapon is, if he's having difficulty getting a trouble-maker out of a club if it's closing time and they just won't go?

Here's an example of one of his ultimate weapons - the flattering, and alluring, suggestion:

"Listen, mate, that red-head who was talking to you earlier, the one built like Sydney Sweeney [who she? - Ed], she's out front right now, begging for your phone number. I told her I'd ask you if you could give it to her personally. Are you interested?" Then, apparently, once the bouncer's got the guy outside, he just bars the door and puts the kettle on - simples!!!!

Actress Sydney Sweeney (29) - idol of many a Gen Z trouble-maker (!)

Fascinating stuff, isn't it!!!

16:30 And after the programme ends, Lois and I have a chat and, as a result, we think we know how to handle Christine, or any of our other improvident, elderly neighbours, if they come looking for trouble, after hearing about our 'secret grocery hoard'.

They won't want to tangle with us again, that's for sure!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!