Danskcolin: Friday October 4th 2024 "Are YOU ready for winter? If not, visit Mountain Warehouse today!"

"Winter draws on!", as the old British joke has it - eh, dear Readers?

Have you bought YOUR "Mountain Warehouse" heavy duty winter "clobber" yet? Sales of their stunning new "Garden Path" jacket are starting to take off, according to local press reports, aren't they [Source: Onion News]:

My medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I were personally reassured by Hemlock's encouraging message in the Onion News print edition this morning. We ourselves were hesitating to invest in the shiny-new Mountain Warehouse heavy-duty Winter Garden Path Jackets while the news of the Warehouse's disappointing progress in unveiling the companion heavy-duty Winter Office Gateway Jackets was so up-and-down, to put it mildly!

And it's true that we are most lamentably prepared for the winter weather - the current "cold snap" has taken us completely by surprise, and in a big way. And when we went for our daily walk this morning through the long grass in Victoria Park, here in our new hometown of Malvern, Worcestershire, we soon found our shoes, plus my socks and Lois's tights, absolutely drenched, and woefully inadequate to cope with the heavy dew.

flashback to this morning, and mine and Lois's daily walk, this time

through Victoria Park in the lee of the 700-million-year-old

Malvern Hills - our socks, shoes and tights proving sadly

inadequate for today's heavy morning dew on the grass - ewwww!!!!

Flashback to later this morning: I showcase

my drenching wet socks for local journalists

This second "wet sox" experience is particularly traumatic for me, because it brings back memories of a walk Lois and I took through the long grass of North Devon back in September 2017. I was eventually forced to take my socks and trainers off, and Lois tried heroically to dry them by waving them in front of a miserable group of rail passengers standing in the rain at a tiny, remote North Devon railway 'halt' - do you remember that incident? It's a memory unfortunately I personally am just going to have to live with for the rest of my life, I'm afraid to say.

flashback to 2017, North Devon: Lois tries heroically to dry

my drenched socks by waving them at a group of miserable

rail-passengers at a tiny, remote railway halt - desperate times !!!!!

Luckily this morning, Lois and I are minutes later somewhat cheered when we stroll through the park over to the nearby high-end Malvern Motor Company works.

minutes later, Lois and I are somewhat cheered by the sight of

something going on at the high-end Morgan Motor Company

By sheer chance we are lucky enough to see one of the Company's first two-ever customised models of its new limited edition "Midsummer" sports car range being delivered to a couple of pensioners (!) - well, very wealthy pensioners presumably!

this close-up showcases a couple of (presumably) filthy-rich

pensioners taking delivery of one of the first-ever pair of

the Company's high-end "Summertime" sports car range

If you want one of these "doozies" to motor around in yourself, well, unless your name is Rockefeller, you'd better start saving your pennies right now - it's going to cost you a ton of money, to put it mildly!

Today's Malvern News has more, thanks to their ace "cub-reporter", legendary local news-hound Nathan "Scoop" Russell....

...and there's more.... and full marks to Nathan on this particular "scoop" (!) - Lois and I can quite picture him in the Editor's Chair, in - what - say, 30 years' time?????

What a crazy country we live in !!!!!!

And I think Lois and I are feeling a little crazy this morning too, particularly me, because, although we've both been on a most almighty "diet" jag for a week now, senselessly I give in to temptation and "break my diet" at Clive's Fruit Farm outside Upton-on-Severn, thanks to the lure of the Farm's delicious ham-and-eggs "special". Lois, however, is more sensible and sticks with the Caesar Salad.

flashback to lunchtime today, the scene at Clive's Fruit Farm

near Upton-on-Severn. In a moment of madness I break my

week-old diet, tempted by the Farm's "ham and eggs" special

- how crazy is that!!!!!

Not only that, but I have two non-decaf coffees. When, on our arrival, Lois went inside to go up to the counter, she ordered us two coffees, but forgot to specify "decaf". So she had to go inside again to order a decaf for herself, while I agreed to try and "manage" the two non-decafs. I don't really need decaf, but we generally always order decafs for both of us, to avoid any confusion over "which is which". Just saying! [Get on with it! - Ed]

However, I warn Lois that, on the evidence of those two non-decaf coffees I'm "managing", she may find I'm a bit "hyper" in bed this afternoon during our usual "nap time". Just saying!

And if you're reading this and you're going to be visiting Clive's place over the weekend, I'll just say that maybe due to their ham-and-eggs "special", I put on a whole pound yesterday - I was destined to come in at 10 stone 6 next morning (146 lbs or 66 kgs), compared to 10 stone 5 the day before: you do the maths haha!

21:00 We go to bed on the first programme in the new series of the TV comedy news quiz "Have I Got News For You".

Why is this pensioner appearing to give Prime Minister Keir Starmer a"wanker sign", we wonder!

Well, tonight the teams helpfully explain that this particular "wanker sign" stems from the withdrawal of many of the Government's winter fuel payments to pensioners. First introduced by Tony Blair's Labour Government in 1997, these payments have now been withdrawn by Starmer for all except the neediest of pensioners, i.e. the ones on the most basic state benefits.

So that's cleared up that particular mystery, which is nice !

And there's another reminder of Keir's gaffe at the Labour Party's annual conference, when he calls for "the return of the sausages from Gaza", instead of "the return of the hostages".

Poor Keir !!!!

But there are some serious points here also, aren't there, and team-captain Paul Merton and his team-mate, comedian Chloe Petts, are on to them in a flash.