Tuesday October 15th 2024 "Oh dearie me, Lois and I have lost the instructions to our bedroom smart-door!"

Here's a question-and-a-half for you, "My Special Friends" if I've earned the right to call you that (!!). 

Do you have trouble keeping track of the instructions for all your domestic "gadgets" ? It's quite an issue nowadays, because so many of them that used to be looked down on as purely "mechanical" and "utilitarian", have now been replaced by so-called "smart" ones, haven't they, which can be a real pain, to put it mildly!

a typical couple delightedly experimenting 

with their shiny-new "smart" bedroom door

My medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I recently found out that our bedroom in our new-build home in Malvern, Worcestershire, has "conveniently" (I don't think!!!) been fitted with a "smart" door to our bedroom, which "logs" so-called "important information"  - we have no idea in any detail about what that information data is, or how to access that data (!). And now, having lost the instructions, we're scared to close the door, in case we find we can't open it again and we get trapped inside, or outside, which are both one as bad as the other in our view. 

It's just one of the "pains" of everyday modern life, isn't it!

These are the so-called "benefits" of having a smart door to your bedroom, by the way (see below). Obviously it's the last one that "sells" the product - no question - the ability to see who, or what (!), has been using our bedroom while we've been away.

a typical couple chuckling over the app's data on who's been 

using their bedroom while they've been away on holiday

Lois and I used to keep all our instructions in one place in our old house in Cheltenham, but having 2 years ago downsized to this new-build home in Malvern, loads of instructions - like - a billion (!) - have gone missing, and will probably never be seen again. Just saying!

typical so-called "easy" instructions for operating

a bedroom "smart door" - blimey, you need a PhD

to work it, if you ask me !!!!

So if you're one of the many who have lost vital instructions, however, I can now exclusively reveal that help is at hand, finally (!), as this local resident from the lovely Worcestershire village of East Leake, discovered recently. Onion News (local) has more....

It makes you think, doesn't it! And it's a reminder of how the West's security services have had to "smarten up" (!) to cope with their more technically-savvy "targets", men, or women, who may have invested in various "smart" products that weren't even dreamed about in years gone by,and not so long ago either.

Yes it must have been much simpler working for MI5 in the old days, or even for America's CIA, just working a standard 9 to 5 day, "bugging" a few flats. or putting working-hours "tails" on their suspects, and then going home to the wife and a pleasant evening watching a typical "dumb" TV (!).

flashback to the good old days of counter-espionage: 

an MI5 agent in British-style flat cap and raincoat, and carrying his official 

E ii R briefcase "on her Majesty's medium-to-secret service" 

seem here, unobtrusively "tailing" a suspected Chinese spy

Yes, the good old days of counter-espionage - will they ever return?

And this thought is very much on the minds of Lois and me this morning, because today we've chosen to take our daily walk through the grounds of prestigious local private boarding-school, Malvern College.

flashback to this morning: Lois and me taking our walk

today through the grounds of prestigious local private boarding-school

Malvern College, and checking out the school's rugby pitch (behind us)

As we pass by the College's rugby pitch, we remember how one of the CIA's top guys, James Angleton, head of US Counter-Intelligence for an incredible 21 years - from 1954 to 1975, was a boarder here back in the 1930's. Angleton, who died in 1987 at the age of 69, has been called "the dominant counter-intelligence figure in the non-Communist world" during his time at the CIA.

James Angleton, later CIA Counter-Intelligence chief, 

seen here as a young man: he boarded at Malvern College

as a boy in the 1930's

Other famous alumni of Malvern College include CS Lewis, author of "The Chronicles of Narnia", also Jeremy Paxman, former host of TV's "University Challenge", BBC's student quiz. Also Monty Don, TV's "Mr Gardening", and Baron Bernard Wetherill, Speaker of the House of Commons, no less, from 1983 to 1992.

And what a pity, Lois and I say, during our walk around the school this morning, that while the school itself looks as "smart" as ever (in the non-digital sense (!)), some of the surroundings of this prestigious educational establishment shows the most glaring signs of neglect - members of Malvern Hills District Council please note!!!!

Just saying !!!!

sadly Lois and I see many signs of neglect surrounding

the prestigious school's premises: like the disgraceful state of

this ridiculous, allegedly "compulsory", walkway - what madness !!!!

Lois has to turn her head away, seeing the

laughably ill-managed hedges and shrubbery

surrounding this prestigious private boarding school

- what madness (again) !!!

Malvern District Councillors, please note !!!!!

Just saying!!!! [You've 'just said' 'just saying' already, Colin. Get a grip, please! - Ed]

16:00 After an afternoon in bed once more disturbed by local window-cleaner Martin's long-to-extra-long pole at the window [memo to self: why not install smart window-blinds that will detect Martin's arrival and give us a bleeping warning, for goodness sakes?] Lois and I come downstairs and relax with a cup of decaf Earl Grey tea and a slice of wholemeal bread and home-made jam (me) and a couple of spelt-and-fig crackers with a bit of hummus on (Lois). 

Yes, we're on the most almighty diet and health-food "jag", just at the moment, most of us, but especially Lois (!), as you can tell !!!!

my "tongue-in-cheek" 'imagine' of how a cinema advert 

might look for a horror film featuring local 

window-cleaner Martin's long-to-extra-long pole 

21:00 We go to bed on the first of a new series of art programmes by art critic Waldemar Januszcsak.

Art critic Waldemar Janaszczak (crazy name, crazy guy) is one of mine and Lois's favourite TV presenters. Brash, but shabbily dressed in an old raincoat, a bit like TV detective "Columbo", Waldemar moves about in a curiously "lumbering" way, and alternately whispering and then shouting at the viewer as if he was having an argument with them or trying to pick a fight. 

TV art critic Waldemar Januszczak - "moves about in a curiously 

'lumbering' way, shabbily dressed in an old raincoat,

shouting at the viewer, as if he's trying to pick a fight.

What madness !!!!!

Tonight Waldemar is talking about German artist Albrecht Durer, and his mysterious 1514 engraving "Melencolia".

But what's it all about with its crazy pair of gloomy angels, (one big and the other just a small-to-medium one) - a bit like TV duo "Little and Large"; a misshapen block of stone (why?); a set of janitor-style keys round one of the angels' waist; a selection of discarded tools; some crazy objects pinned to the wall - a scales, an hourglass and a bell; two puzzling sets of numbers; a cage with a millstone, a ladder; a dog looking 'moody', and other random objects. 

Yes, why, Albricht, exactly haha ???????!!! 

It turns out it's all biblical stuff about the end of the world, Waldemar explains. 

At the back of the picture there's a flood like Noah's flood and a rainbow illustrating God's promise not to flood the world again, the crazy big block of stone illustrating Jesus's prophecy of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, discarded tools illustrating the pointless rebuilding of the Temple seeing that it's just going to get destroyed again (!), the hour-glass and the bell etc playing as harbingers to the End of Time itself. And the set of keys one of the angels is "sporting" - what else but the keys to the gates of hell. And so it goes on.

Simple really, when you hear the explanation, isn't it! [I wouldn't go that far! - Ed]

the Metropolitan Museum of Art which currently holds the engraving

What's the message of the engraving? Well, simply this: that the New Testament reveals that all of God's angels and even Jesus himself, don't know when the end of the world is going to happen, so the best advice is "Be Prepared" - like every little boy scout and girl guide learns on their first day in "The Movement" (!).

But Lois and I want to know YOUR interpretation. If you're not too busy (!), can you just jot your views down (12 characters maximum, as per usual (!)), on the back of a postcard and pop it in the postbox, addressed to us, at our usual address.

We'll be waiting haha !!!

Will this do? [Oh just go to bed, will you, you 'pair of noggins' ! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!