Yes, Friends, it's a pity, but we humans find that we have to wash our clothes periodically, which is a bore, but a necessary chore. And yet - and yet - science can give us "non-iron shirts", so why not "non-wash shirts", if I may be so bold as to pose the question, a wake-up call, if ever there was one to the UK's so-called "brainy" scientists and inventors!!! Get your finger out, guys, for all our sakes haha!!!!!
And that's Colin's "Thought for the Day" this chilly Monday - the weekday traditionally dubbed "washing day" for centuries, in our "green and pleasant land" (!!!). And please ignore that rather sensationalist story about the latest shocking theft from the Dorm Study Area! I understand our hard-working county police are on to the criminal mastermind responsible, so no worries there (!).
As per usual, since today is weekly "washing day" for, like, billions of Brits, Onion News has published its usual weekly Monday pull-out "Laundry Cut-out-and-throw away Colour Supplement", so why not rescue your copy from the kitchen waste, and take a quick "peek" - just saying!!!! But if you're short of time, here's "Colin's Pick of Today's Doozies" !!!!
It's all a bit mad, if I'm honest, and there should be more to life than the routine weekly wash, don't you think!!!
Nevertheless Onion News's usual 'laundry' basket (!) of shocking clothes-washing stories brings a rosy smile to the cheery cheeks of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-hospitable Liphook, Hampshire, no question about that!!!
my wife Lois and me - recent picture
With the days shortening, and the weather getting increasingly wet and windy, as we approach November, Lois and I recently invested in a Black & Decker Heated Clothes Airer, which has been sitting in our garage for a few days, waiting for Yours Truly to find the time to assemble it, but with my tight schedule that's proved awkward until today, when I "
get off my backside" (in Lois's words (!)) and break it out of its packaging, so fair enough - as always, I tend to "come through" in the end, I find, so that's all good!!!!
[Get on with it! - Ed]
(left) Yours Truly "getting off his backside" (in Lois's words!) in the garage
and assembling our shiny new Black & Decker heated clothes airer, and (right) Lois
debuting the airer this morning with a selection of my iconic tee-shirts, which is nice!
Yes this Monday is turning into yet another busy day for "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple", as we've been dubbed by neighbours, would you believe!!!!
However, assembling and debuting the heated airer "malarkey" is frankly, also, a bit of a welcome distraction for Lois and me, to be honest, because, once again, we're stuck in the house all day - and not just because of the awful weather, but also because Lois is expecting a call from Natalie, our NHS GP, to discuss some so-called "test results", if you please!
(left) our local NHS Doctor's Surgery, and (right) our regular GP, Natalie
Luckily, Natalie's given us a so-called "time slot" which is supposed to "narrow things down a bit".
Ha bloody ha!
Because, unfortunately, we know only that Natalie's call will be "some time between 8am and 6:30pm", as she texted us on Saturday. Thanks, Natalie, that's a big help haha! But what a madness it all is, isn't it!!!!!
Sometimes, when Natalie calls us, she calls us on our mobiles, and sometimes on what we call our ''landline', although it isn't really a landline, it's some kind of "internet phone working off 'wifi'", whatever that means!!! So Lois is having to keep two phones by her all day, even when we're in bed this afternoon, which is mad!
Lois today, having to carry 2 phones around with her, in case our NHS GP Natalie
calls us, even taking them to bed this afternoon for "statutory nap-time"
- what a madness it all is !!!!!
Natalie's call eventually comes through at 5:45pm, after we've been waiting for a mere 9 hours 45 minutes (!!!) - but what's that between a doctor and his patients!
Luckily, however, Natalie's a really lovely doctor - always eager to get our reactions to her medication suggestions, and, importantly, calling us by our Christian names, even though she's never met us, which is a nice touch. Lois and I have been fairly fortunate so far, and are both pretty healthy on the whole, with just the occasional, "old codger issues" of one sort or another, although we are getting a bit "long in the tooth" these days, so who knows how much more time our luck will hold out?
Yikes!!!!!
And phone calls to hear about "test results" are always a bit of a worry, when you get to our age! You see, Lois and I are classic "boomers", both born in 1946, which is mad! And as far as our bodies are concerned, all our "bits" have been around (and in almost constant use!!!) for quite a while now, to put it mildly!!!
flashback to 1948: (left) Lois sitting on a bale of hay in the Oxfordshire countryside,
and (right) me and my baby sister Kathy, outside our house in Dover, Kent, with our dad,
Ken, still in uniform after service in World War II. What a long time ago!!! Yikes !!!!!
However, on this occasion, after talking to Natalie today, I think Lois is probably going to be able to get away just with taking a follow-up test, and adding another bunch of pills to her daily "trayful" (!), so fingers crossed!!!
Thank goodness, in Natalie, we've got a GP who puts us immediately at our ease, because doctor-patient relationships can sometimes be a bit "fraught", to put it mildly!!!
However, the ability to put people at their ease is also a blessing when it comes to TV quizmasters, especially when they're introducing contenders who are just ordinary members of the public at the start of what's obviously going to be a nerve-wracking 30 minutes for them.
Tonight it's "Quiz Night" on BBC2, and both the BBC's Clive Myrie (on "Mastermind") and Victoria Coren-Mitchell (on "Only Connect", which tests lateral thinking, show us exactly how it's done!
(left) TV's Clive Myrie showcasing the terrifying Mastermind "chair", where
contestants sit for their "grilling", and (right) TV's Victoria Coren-Mitchell, trying
to put contestants at ease at the start of "Only Connect", which tests lateral thinking
This is how Clive does it:
Oops!!! Hold it right there, Clive!
Perhaps not haha !!!!
Let's just see if Victoria Coren--Mitchell can do a better job than Clive, in her opening remarks on tonight's edition of "Only Connect" !!!!
At the start of tonight's show, Victoria reads out a letter she's received from a viewer called Ray, in Lincoln, who's complaining that the current series of "Only Connect" is 18% longer than usual, something which Ray obviously doesn't like (!).
Oops!!! Perhaps not (again) !!!!!
And Lois are I are left wondering - would it perhaps be better to persuade our friendly local GP, Natalie, to take a job on BBC2, where she could put the contestants at their ease, without making such a song and dance about it?
I wonder......!
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!!
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