Yes, Friends, are YOU, frankly, completely puzzled by the financial pages in YOUR daily newspaper?
Well, puzzle no more (!), because this morning's Onion News finally explains everything with its handy cut-out-and-keep "chart", valid for all countries and all chronological periods, which is a relief! You probably noticed the eye-catching headline, plus chart, way back on page 94, this morning, but if you've feeling hazy about it, here's a reminder!
This was the headline that's getting all those tongues wagging....
... and this is the paper's handy cut-out-and-keep all-purpose chart......see below!
So, there you have it - surprisingly simple, when you have that chart to consult, 24/7 year-round, no question about that!
And the chart brings a ray of comfort to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-panoramic Liphook, Hampshire - that's a statement not open to doubt!
my wife Lois and me - recent pictures
With Hallowe'en coming up, and living, as we do, in a Liphook housing-estate that's decidedly kid-heavy (!), we're going to have to stock up on fun-size chocolate bars for all those trick-or-treaters, the young scamps!!!
This year we're also thinking of investing in a fun-size, seasonally "spooky" version of the traditional, iconic "Colin the Caterpillar" cake - what do you think?
With my own name also being "Colin", it's a no-brainer for us, and this month's Ocado Supermarket magazine trumpets their 2026 version, with QUOTE "two full-size Colin faces" UNQUOTE, plus QUOTE "the most chocolate we've ever packed into a Colin" UNQUOTE, so what's not to like haha!!!!
The twins are going to make their own Halloween costumes this year - they'll be going as teenager-size jellyfish, the young scamps! No pictures of their costumes are available as yet, but watch this space!
When we finally get to the house itself (!), Lois and I are quite "bowled over" by all the changes to the house, and how magnificent the rooms are already beginning to look, plus all the new things the family will be able to do in ease and comfort, living their new, expanded, life-style.
Lois and I taking our weekly zoom catch-up call with our daughter Sarah,
who lives with husband Francis and their 13-year-old twins in Perth's northern suburbs
Financial pressure is mounting on Sarah and co, as with many young families today, but Sarah is still doing two jobs, her accountant's job in Perth, while somehow still managing to do her old accountant's job in Evesham UK - inevitably, perhaps, Lois and I have dubbed her "Sarah Two-Jobs" (!).
Husband Francis, meanwhile, is, as always busily adding value to their property, currently working on making a flight of wooden steps down their dizzyingly steep front garden.
(left) one of the northern suburbs of Perth, Australia, where our daughter Sarah
and family live, and (right) the steep climb up to their house from the roadway
Francis has also, somehow, found time to make a swing that hangs from the family's favourite garden tree. Called by the Aussies a "yellow gum tree" or some-such nonsense (!), the tree is home to a variety of green parrots and other colourful birds of the sort that they tend to have over there in Australia- it's quite mad!
Francis says the new swing is for the twins, but we suspect it's chiefly for himself - somewhere to "unwind", perhaps, when he's fed up with working on all those, like, billions of steps - more probably!
(left) our son-in-law Francis, somehow finding time to relax, on the swing
he's made, which hangs from the family's "yellow gum tree" in Perth, Australia, and
(right) our granddaughter Lily, who's managed to get "dad" off the swing for 5 minutes (!)
What madness, isn't it!!!!
And the other madness is, trying to work out why Lois and I are so busy every day, including Sundays, even though we've been retired for 20 years now, would you believe!!!! How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day - that's the big question !!!
flashback to March 2006 - my 60th birthday, and also the day
we both retired. Little did we know the crazy, hectic life-style
that was waiting for us, just around the corner!!!!
12:30 Half past twelve, and would you believe, Lois and I are "back on the road" again, which is totally mad (!), driving the 10 miles or so north to nearby Headley, where we've been invited to lunch with our other daughter Alison, and husband Edward, which is a nice surprise!
It's our first chance to see their property for 18 months. Their house - a crumbling Victorian mansion in 7.5 acre grounds, built in the 1870's for one of Queen Victoria's vice-admirals - has been "out of bounds" all that time, even for Alison and family, as builders have struggled to refurbish it. And even Alison and family themselves, due to so-called "health and safety" concerns, have only very recently been allowed back into their own property, which is mad!
(left_ "Sorry you can't go inside yet, mate!" - builders denying entry to the house's owners,
our daughter Alison and family, for 18 months, on grounds of "health and safety"
which is crazy (!), and (right) the rude shepherd's hut in the mansion's lovely
7.5 acre grounds, where the family has been "skulking" in recent weeks. What madness!!!!
Their builders are very health-and-safety-conscious, evidently, and were obviously anxious not to get sued, if anybody tripped over a trailing electrical lead or fell through a hole into the basement - you know the kind of thing!!!!
Although the work is now nearing completion, however, the mansion's grounds are still a massive building-site, because builders are still on the site Monday through Friday, finishing off, like, a billion of the smaller jobs.
However, Lois and I are bubbling over with excitement to have our first look over the property today. And after that, we're looking forward to enjoying a typical British Sunday roast lunch with Alison, Edward and youngest offspring Isaac (16), which will send us back to our home in Liphook this afternoon with two very pleasantly full tummies, for an afternoon in bed, which will be nice!!!
Lois and I park in the builder's car-park, to be greeted by our daughter Alison,
who leads us up through the mud and through the approach way, between
the oriental-style entrance huts, one to be a sauna and one a mini-gym
- crazy you might say, but not just practical but stylish at the same time!!!!
Lois and I are wondering privately whether a session in the mini-gym, followed by a sauna, will be a requirement for visitors planning to enter the main house, but Alison reassures us that those will be optional only, so no worries there!
(left) the raised-beds of the "kitchen garden", still under construction,
and (right) a further area of mud, as we (finally!) approach the actual house,
an area which will be grassed over when the builders have time to get round to it (!)
Even the family's extensive "menagerie" of pets - 2 dogs, 2 cats and a tankful of tropical fish - haven't been forgotten, with, for example, a new pull-out feeding area, plus impressive shower and bathing facilities for the dogs, whenever they feel like they want to "freshen up", before a meal, perhaps?
I wonder...!!!!
It's going to be a busy day for Alison and family, so Lois and I try not to outstay our welcome.
Will this do?
(above) Lois greets Otto, one of the family's two cats, while Alison and Isaac look on,
and (below, left) impressive new pull-out feeding-area for the family's two dogs,
with (below, right) the dog's new bath and shower area with convenient access-steps (!)
It's no exaggeration to say the family's members now have the room to do whatever they like, and more besides! There's even a wall to carry their huge antique map of the county, also dating from Victorian times, I believe, which is crazy! Also, generally, space galore for "chilling out", snoozing in an armchair maybe, or browsing a book from the extensive family library and "book room".
What's not to like!!!
And today, having "done the tour" - usually a 10-minute job in most people's houses, including our own (!) - but this one taking a good hour, including stops for catching our breath etc (!), Lois and I can finally sit down with the family to a good, old-fashioned Sunday roast (pork, roast potatoes and parsnips, veg, stuffing etc) followed by one of Lois's trademark apple crumbles, which we brought with us as the flagship "grandparental contribution" (!), before at 3pm, finally going home to bed for "statutory nap-time".
What's not to like haha !!!!
Lois and I sitting down to one of our son-in-law Edward's iconic
traditional British Sunday roast lunches - pork plus potatoes and parsnips,
other veggies, stuffing: the works! Yum yum!!!!
Our grandson Isaac will be jetting off to China tomorrow for a 2 week study trip, with about a dozen of Isaac's fellow-students from the local high school, all just starting Sixth Form and planning to take an A-Level in Mandarin Chinese. Hence the trip, during which they'll be meeting Chinese college and high school students, with the aim of mutually improving their language skills in Chinese for the English kids, and in English as regards the Chinese kids, which makes sense!
our 16-year-old grandson Isaac [inset] and his forthcoming school trip
to Xiamen, China with his Mandarin student classmates - the young scamp!
Imagine, Isaac off to China again! He was only there a couple of years ago - the young scamp!
flashback to 2024: Isaac's first ever visit to China, with schoolmates: (left) Isaac [inset]
also to be seen bottom-right, half out of shot, on the school bus-ride to
London's Heathrow Airport, and (right) the group arriving at their destination in China
And, on Halloween, when Lois and I are tucking into our "spooky" version of our "Colin the Caterpillar" cake, we'll be thinking of Isaac, thousands of miles away in China, and also thinking back fondly to the "Colin" cake which Lois and I provided for Isaac on his 3rd birthday, in the back garden of our house in Cheltenham, long ago!
flashback to July 2019: we host Isaac's 3rd birthday party, complete with
"Colin the Caterpillar" cake, in the back garden of our then home in Cheltenham
- happy days!!!!
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!
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