Monday, March 25 2019

09:00 Lois is still getting over her cold, so I let her sleep on in our bed while I listen to the radio downstairs in the living room:  a programme presented by the Melbourne-born 85-year-old ex-comedian Barry Humphries playing some of his "forgotten popular song classics" from the first half of the 20th century.

Lois and I saw Humphries in two funny films in the 1970's, "Barry McKenzie Holds His Own", also "The Adventures of Barry McKenzie", all about Barry McKenzie, a cheeky young  Australian in search of women and fun in London.

For some reason I remember McKenzie’s conversation with an Indian student he meets in London. The Indian tells him, "I am studying Kant [Immanuel Kant, the influential German philosopher - Ed]". And I remember McKenzie's 3-word answer: "Me too, mate".

Barry Humphries (left) as McKenzie's "Auntie Edna [Everage]",

and Barry Crocker as McKenzie, a young Australian in search of fun in London

Barry Humphries is 85 now, so it’s safe to say that he has become a bit of an old crow. But old crows have a lot to teach us about life, and Barry is no exception. He starts at the beginning, describing the house where his mother and father lived when he was born.

We then hear an old song called "The House Where I was Born", a record which Barry plays without specifying the name of the female singer, and I have not been able to find the song or singer online, which is a bit of a shame.

The lyrics begin rather charmingly ...

“At the foot of a hill

In the shade of a tree

You will come to a spot

that is heaven for me,

Beyond the old oaks

You’ll meet the old folks

In the house where I was born….”

Then the lyrics become a bit more frightening…. if you’re an old crow yourself, that is.

“…Soon I’m going back home

TO SEE THE OLD DEARS

I KNOW THEY WON’T BE WITH ME 

FOR MANY MORE YEARS [my capitals]

I’ll play like a kid

The way that I did

In the house where I was born.”

Barry became close friends with one of my favourite poets, John Betjeman. And I immediately think of John Betjeman's scary poem, "Five o'clock Shadow", written from the point of view of a sick old man in the hospital, who has just been visited by his younger relatives, all of whom are now on their way home to a nice big meal and an evening in front of the tv in prospect: and meanwhile doctors and nurses have all gone home or are taking a break: temporarily  leaving their old patients to their fate - yikes (again) !!!!!

This is the time of day when we in the Men’s Ward

Think “One more surge of the pain and I give up the fight”

When he who struggles for breath can struggle less strongly

This is the time of day which is worse than night.

A haze of thunder hangs on the hospital rose-beds,

A doctors’ foursome out on the links is played,

Safe in her sitting-room Sister is putting her feet up:

This is the time of day when we feel betrayed.

Below the windows, loads of loving relations

Rev in the car park, changing gear at the bend,

MAKING FOR HOME AND A NICE BIG TEA AND THE TELLY:

“WELL, WE’VE DONE WHAT WE CAN. IT CAN’T BE LONG TILL THE END”….

[my capitals again !!!!!!]

Barry was born in Melbourne, Australia in February 1934: his parents' address was "38 Crystowel St, Camberwell, Melbourne. At birth he was what was known as a lazy breather - he needed a sharp whiff of oxygen to kick-start his lungs.

He sounds like me. Even when I was already in my 60’s, my doctor asked to listen to my chest - she dug out her stethoscope and pressed it to my skin to listen to my breathing, but she couldn't hear anything at first, and she had to tap it lightly, to make sure it was turned on. Good grief, what madness!

It's interesting to hear little titbits about Barry's youth in Melbourne. His first date became a bit of a disaster. His mother forced him to invite her girlfriend's daughter out to a dance but the evening didn't go very well to put it mildly.

The girl said she was thirsty and asked him to pour her a glass of fruit punch, but unfortunately she held the glass too close to her breasts. The jug was big and heavy, and Barry managed to pour a whole jug's worth down into the girl's cleavage. The liquid then followed its invisible path beneath her clothes until it reached the floor.

Well, we've all been there, Barry!

The woman hid in the toilets for the rest of the evening, and finally he took her home in his car, in an atmosphere of complete, and bitter, silence. Poor Barry! And poor young woman !!!!

I look forward to hearing more about Barry's youth, and life as a student, in the next episode of the series.

10:00  Lois gets up and grabs a quick breakfast. We drive over to the local Sainsbury's supermarket to do the food shopping. We come back home and I jump up on my exercise bike. I cycle 6 miles (10 km). In the meantime, Lois goes for a walk on the local football field.

12:30 We have lunch and afterwards we go to bed for 3 hours – my god, how lazy we are nowadays. In the middle of our idyll we go in the shower. And after the shower we read about 10 pages of our respective bedtime books. We get up at 5 pm and after dinner we spend the rest of the evening watching a bit of television.

20:00 Monday night is TV quiz night at our house. "Only Connect" and "University Challenge” are on.

We learn a lot of interesting facts while watching these TV quizzes, I have to say. In "Only Connect", the Ancient Alumni team is asked to come up with the 4th thing in a sequence of 4 that started ...

I. William I

II. Henry I

III. ????

IV. ????

The team comes up with the right answer after only 2 clues, i.e. : "IV Victoria"

The full sequence is

I. William II

II. Henry I

III. Anne

IV. Victoria

The explanation is that we have had 4 kings named William.

William I was followed by William II, his son,

William II was followed by Henry I, his brother.

William III was followed by Anne, his sister-in-law, and

William IV was followed by Victoria, his niece.

Simples!

William IV had no surviving legitimate children, it seems. He none the less had about 10 illegitimate children, all with an Irish comedienne, Dorothy Jorden. Those were times that were evidently more relaxed than they are now, to put it mildly.

22:00 We go to bed. We have to get up early tomorrow. Lois has an appointment at 9 am at the St Paul's ear clinic, where the specialist is going to "vacuum" her left ear - yikes, scary !!!!

Zzzzzzzzzzzz !!!

Danish translation

09:00 Lois kommer sig stadig over en forkølelse, så lader jeg hende sove længe i dobbeltsengen, mens jeg lytter til radio nede i stuen: den Melbourne fødte 85-årige eks-komiker Barry Humphries’ udvalg af glemte populærsangklassikere fra det 20. århundredes første halvdel.

Lois og jeg så Humphries i to morsom films i 1970’erne, ”Barry McKenzie Hods His Own”, også  ”The Adventures of Barry McKenzie”, der handler om Barry McKenzie, en ung, fræk australier på jagt efter kvinder og sjov i London. 

Af en eller anden grund husker jeg hans samtale med en indiske studerende han møder i London. Inderen fortæller ham, ”Jeg studerer Kant [Immanuel Kant, den inflydelsesrige tyske filosof = red] ”. Jeg husker Mckenzies 3-ords svar: ”Mig også, mate”.

Og jeg husker også hans berømte ”Tasmanien-vittighed”, hvor en taxachaufføren tager en ung kvinde ind i byen, og fortæller hende, at taxameteret står på 300. Hun siger, hun ikke har penge med. Han spørger ham, om hvordan hun skal betale, så hun trækker sine trusser ned og peger på sit ”kort over Tasmanien”. Taxachaufføren svare, ”Blimey, miss, har du ikke noget mindre?”

Barry Humphries (til venstre) som McKenzies ”Tante Edna”,

og Barry Crocker som Barry McKenzie, en ung australier på jagt efter sjov i London

Barry er endnu ældre om mig, på 85 år – jeg er bare en unger, på 72 år, selvom jeg fylder 73 i morgen (tirsdag), så derfor er det sikkert at sige, at han er blevet til lidt af en gammel krage. Men gamle krager har meget at lære os om livet, og Barry er ingen undtagelse. Han starter ved begyndelsen, med at beskrive det hus, hvor hans mor og far boede, da han var født.

Vi hører straks en sang kaldet ”The House Where I was Born”, som Barry spiller uden at specificere navn af den kvindelige sanger, og jeg har ikke kunnet finde sangen eller sangeren på nettet, hvilket er lidt af en skam.

 Teksten begynder på en charmerende måde...

“At the foot of a hill

In the shade of a tree

You will come to a spot

that is heaven for me

Beyond the old oaks

You’ll meet the old folks

In the house where I was born….”

Bagefter fortsætter teksten på en mere skræmmende måde, hvis du har synspunktet af en gammel krage, som mig – yikes (igen) !!!!

“…Soon I’m going back home

TO SEE THE OLD DEARS

I KNOW THEY WON’T BE WITH ME

FOR MANY MORE YEARS (!!!!! – mine store bogstaver igen!)

I’ll play like a kid

The way that I did

In the house where I was born.”

Jeg mindes om Barrys tætte ven, John Betjemans skræmmende digt, ”Five o’Clock Shadow”, skrevet fra synspunktet af en alvorligt syg gammel mand på hospitalet, der lige er blevet besøgt af sine yngre slægtninge, som alle nu er på vej hjem med en lækker måltig og en aften foran fjernsynet i vente: mens lægerne og sygeplejerskerne er alle gået hjem eller er i gang med at tage en tepause: de har forladt deres gamle patienter til deres skæbne – yikes (igen) !!!!!

This is the time of day when we in the Men’s Ward

Think “One more surge of the pain and I give up the fight”

When he who struggles for breath can struggle less strongly

This is the time of day which is worse than night.

A haze of thunder hangs on the hospital rose-beds,

A doctors’ foursome out on the links is played,

Safe in her sitting-room Sister is putting her feet up:

This is the time of day when we feel betrayed.

Below the windows, loads of loving relations

Rev in the car park, changing gear at the bend,

MAKING FOR HOME AND A NICE BIG TEA AND THE TELLY:

“WELL, WE’VE DONE WHAT WE CAN. IT CAN’T BE LONG TILL THE END”….(mine store bogstaver igen!)

Barry var født i Melbourne, Australien i februar 1934: hans forældres adresse var ”38 Crystowel St, Camberwell, Melbourne (feb 1934). Han var hvad var kendt som en doven vejrtrækker – han havde brug for en skarp pust af ilt for at kickstarte hans lunger.

Han lyder ligesom mig. Da jeg allerede var i 60’erne, bad min læge om at lytte til min brystkasse – hun gravede sin stetoskop frem og trykkede den til min hud , men hun kunne ikke høre noget til at begynde med, og hun var nødt til at banke let på den, for at blive sikker på, at den var tændt. Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!

Det er interessant at høre små tidbidder om Barrys ungdom i Melbourne. Hans første date blev til lidt af en katastrofe. Hans mor tvang ham til at invitere hendes venindes datter ud til en dans men aftenen gik ikke ret godt, for at sige mildt. Hun bad ham om at hælde hende et glas frugtpunch, men desværre holdt hun glasset tæt på sine bryster. Kanden var stor og tung, og Barry nåede at skænke hele flasken ned ind i  pigens kavalergang. Væsken fulgte så en usynlig rute under hendes tøj, indtil den nåede gulvet – du godeste, sikke et vanvid!

Nå, vi har alle været dér, Barry!

Kvinden gemte sig i toiletterne i resten af aftenen, og endelig tog han hende hjem i sin bil, i en stemning af en fuldstændig, og bitter tavshed. Stakkels Barry! Og stakkels ung kvinde!!!!

Jeg glæder mig til at høre yderligere detaljer om hans ungdom og liv som en studerende, i de næste afsnit af serien.

10:00 Lois står op, og snupper en hurtig morgenmad. Vi kører over til det lokale Sainsburys-supermarked for at købe ind. Vi kommer tilbage og jeg hopper op på min kondicykel. Jeg cykler 6 miles (10 km). I mellemgang går Lois en tur på den lokale fodboldbane.

12:30 Vi spiser frokost og bagefter går vi i seng i 3 timer – du godeste, hvor er vi dog dovne nu til dags! Midtvejs i vores idyl går vi i bad. Og efter brusebadet  læser vi ca. 10 sider af vores henholdsvisse sengetider bøger. Vi står op kl 17 og efter aftensmad bruger vi resten af aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn.

20:00 Mandag aften er tv-quiz-aften hos os. De viser ”Only Connect” og ”University Challenge.

Vi lærer en masse interessante kendsgerninger, mens vi ser disse tv-quizzer, ingen tvivl om det. I ”Only Connect” bliver Ancient Alumni-holdet  bedt om at komme med den 4. ting i en sekvens på 4, der begyndte...

I.                 William 2.

II.               Henry  1.

III.              ?

IV.              ?

Holdet kommer med det rigtige svar efter kun 2 spor:  ”IV Victoria”

Den fulde sekvens er

I.                 William 2.

II.               Henry  1.

III.              Anne

IV.              Victoria

Forklaringen er, at vi har haft 4 konger, der hed William.

William 1. blev fulgt at William 2. hans søn,

William 2. blev fulgt af Henry 1, sin bror.

William 3. blev fulgt at Anne, sin svoger, og

William 4. blev fulgt af Victoria, sin niece.

Simples!

William 4. havde ingen overlevende lovlige børn, lader det til. Ikke desto mindre fik han ca. 10 ulovlige børn, med en irsk komiker, Dorothy Jorden. De der tider var mere afslappede, for at sige mildt!

22:00 Vi går i seng. Vi må stå tidligt op i morgen. Lois har aftale kl 9 hos St Pauls øreklinikken, hvor deres specialist skal ”støvsuge” hendes venstre øre – yikes, skræmmende!!!!

Zzzzzzzzzzzz!!!