Thursday, February 28 2019

08:00 Lois and I get up early and go swimming. Ian, our local window-cleaner is coming today at 9 am for an hour, and we don't want him to catch sight of us in bed or in the bath - yikes, that would be a little embarrassing to put it mildly.

After breakfast we start cleaning up the house, and vacuuming everywhere, because our U3A Danish group is holding its regular meeting with us this afternoon at 2:30 pm. I also move extra chairs from the dining room into the living room - busy, busy, busy!

12:00 We have lunch and afterwards I go to bed and take a short afternoon nap. I get up at 1:45 pm and prepare for our Danish group's meeting.

14:30 Group members call at the door and we study Danish for one and a half hours. Jeanette, our only genuine Danish member, unfortunately cannot come today. She is on a week's holiday in the Derbyshire, which is a bit of a shame.

Jeanette, our only Danish group member,

is unfortunately on holiday this week

We are all elderly people, so we talk a little bit first about grandchildren and health problems, as usual. Joy has had a problem with her spinal column for a couple of months, and she was referred to a nuclear medicine scan - the rest of us haven't heard this term before. She had to drink 2 pints (over one litre) of water before the scan, and she also became a little radioactive during the test:  because of this she had to use a special toilet while the test was on - yikes, scary!

Patti is the newest member of the group: her parents were Danes who fled to the UK at the beginning of World War II, but they spoke only English to her when she was growing up. 

She has a lot of Danish relatives, but she knows much less Danish than the rest of us. However she has enrolled on an online Danish course with the Copenhagen Language Centre, so I expect that she will soon be shooting up from the bottom, to the top, of the class - yikes, scary! !!!

The chit-chat over, we start reading the rest of chapter 1, and then the start of chapter 2 of our current crime novel, "The Further You Fall", by Anna Grue.

Anna Grue, the Danish crime writer

Chapter 1. revolves around the murder of a cleaning assistant, Lilliana, who works in an advertising agency's kitchens, meeting rooms and offices. She gets murdered at work in the evening by an unknown killer who both knows her and feels sorry for her, which is weird. And the murderer kills her using a garrotte, which is a bit unusual, to put it mildly.

We discuss the question of whether the killer is male or female. The chapter has been written in the first person (I did this, I did that ....) so the killer's sex is not revealed.

Just after the murderer kills Lilliana, and Lilliana's arms are hanging limply down, the killer admits that he / she does not have the strength to keep holding her up and he / she lets her sink in a heap on the kitchen floor. Lois commented that this might indicate that the killer is a woman. On the other hand, we know that Lilliana is not a skinny woman, to put it mildly: we know that "her navy blue jogging pants" were "stretched tight over her buttocks" - scary! Also, it is well known that dead people have a kind of a deadweight ha ha ha.

The murderer seems to have a detailed knowledge of the advertising agency's employees and their routines and their duties, including the more humble employees, such as, for example, cleaning assistants, etc. while at the same time being a little cynical about their loyalty and conscientiousness, etc. Are we talking about a murderer who is one of the agency's senior executives, perhaps?

The group discusses the unusual murder weapon, a garrotte. None of us is absolutely sure we know exactly what a garrotte is and how it looks, so I have a look on my smartphone.

a typical garrotte, not available from Wilkinson's or B&Q, as far as we know

The murderer's garrotte is home-made, from  "a clothes line and a ballpoint pen", but some of us commented that the killer would not have had any other choice other than to use a home-made one - garrottes are probably not available from major hardware chains such as e.g. Wilkinsons, B&Q, or Homebase, but the jury is still out on that one.

In the second chapter there is a complete change of scene, environment and style: the author describes the book's hero, Dan Sommerdahl, and the town where he lives with his wife, Marianne, a local doctor.

I suppose Dan will be the man who is going to solve the murder, but that kind of happy outcome seems a little unlikely for the time being. Briefly, Dan is right now in the middle of a mental breakdown, and he has become a bit of a physical and mental wreck, to put it mildly.

But a good idea on the author’s part, we think. Crimes are not often solved by someone in the middle  of a breakdown, so it makes for a refreshing change. Dan is not even a detective. Good grief, what madness !!!!

15:45 The group is tired, so we put the book aside for the last quarter of an hour and discuss another question, i.e. whether the killer is actually the victim's line manager. I try to lighten the atmosphere a bit by referring to a recent article I read on my go-to online news site, Onion News.

It turns out that most employers know within the first 5 minutes of the job interview whether they are going to murder the applicant, which is a bit of a surprising result.

A new study by psychologists at New York University has confirmed years of anecdotal evidence of workplace practice, by showing that employers typically know whether or not they are going to kill the applicant within the first five minutes of a job interview with a potential employee.

"First impressions are everything, and our research shows that no matter how good a person looks on paper, an employer can generally tell almost as soon as a job applicant comes through the door, whether this is someone they are soon going to kill violently," said lead researcher Dr. Laura Hollander, adding that initial factors such as the applicant's eye contact, facial expression, energy level, and posture are often all that is necessary for employers to know for sure whether they are at some point going to slit the applicant's throat and stuff the body into a supplies cabinet.

"An experienced human resource manager told us, for example, that he typically knows as soon as the first handshake whether he will murder an applicant on the spot or alternatively follow the applicant home that night and smash his head in with him with a stone."

Well, the group all agree that we are all very happy we are already retired. The world of work has become a much more intimidating environment now, than when we all started our working lives 50 years ago - no doubt about that!

16:00 The meeting ends and members have to leave. 

Lois and I relax with a cup of tea and a piece of bread with homemade gooseberry jam - yum yum! We are exhausted, as usual, after a "Danish" day - we spent the morning clearing up and cleaning, and the afternoon leading the group's meeting. My goodness, we are getting old, no doubt about that!

18:00 We have dinner and spend the rest of the evening watching a bit of television. The 12th episode of the current (and last) season of the Big Bang Theory sitcom is on.

A fun episode where Leonard is asked to help his wife Penny's infertile ex-boyfriend Zack have a baby by donating his sperm.

The deal is complicated by the super-intelligent Leonard's jealousy of Zack, a stupid man who has nevertheless become filthy rich. Sheldon tries to comfort Leonard by listing a lot of other wealthy people Leonard does not feel jealous of, including Mark Zuckerberg (who founded Facebook of course), the sultan of Brunei, also Gordon Letwin.

Gordon Letwin ???

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz !!!!!!

Danish translation

08:00 Lois og jeg står tidligt op og går i bad. Ian, vores lokale vinduespudser kommer i dag kl 9 i en time, og vi vil ikke have, at han få øje på os i sengen eller i badet – yikes, det ville være lidt pinligt, for at sige mildt.

Efter morgenmad går vi i gang med at rydde op i huset, og støvsuge overalt, fordi vores U3A danske gruppe holder sit regelmæssige møde hos os i eftermiddag kl 14:30 . Jeg rykker ekstra stole fra spisestuen ind til stuen – travlt, travlt, travlt!

12:00 Vi spiser frokost og bagefter går jeg i seng for at tage en kort eftermiddagslur. Jeg står op kl 13:45 og forbereder mig på vores danske gruppes møde.

14:30 Gruppemedlemmer ringer på døren og vi studerer dansk i en og en halvtime. Jeanette, vores eneste ægte danske medlem kan desværre ikke komme i dag. Hun er på en uges ferie i grevskabet Derbyshire, hvilket er lidt af en skam.

Jeanette, vores eneste danske gruppemedlem,

er desværre på ferie denne uge

Vi er alle ældre mennesker, så snakker vi lidt først om børnebørn og sundedsproblemer, som sædvanligt. Joy har haft et problem med rygradden i et pår måneder, og hun blev henvist til en nukleærmedicinsk undersøgelse - resten af os har ikke hørt dette udtryk før. Hun skulle drikke 2 pints (over en liter) vand før undersøgelsen, og hun blev også lidt radioaktiv under undersøgelsen: hun måtte bruge et specielt toilet – yikes, skræmmende!

Patti er vores nyeste gruppemedlem: hendes forældre var danskere, der flygtede til Storbritannien i begyndelsen af den 2. verdenskrig, men de talte kun engelsk med hende, da hun voksede op. Hun har en masse danske slægtninge, men hunkan mindre dansk, end resten af os, men hun har indskrivet sig på en online danskkursus hos Københavns Sprogcenter, så forventer jeg, at hun snart vil flytte fra bunden til toppen af klassen – yikes, skræmmende!!!!

Snik-snakken er slut. Vi går i gang med at læse resten af kapitel 1, og derefter starten af kapitel 2 af vores nuværende kriminovelle, ”Dybt at falde”, af Anna Grue.

Anna Grue, den danske krimiforfatter

Kapitel 1. kredser om mordet af en rengøringsassistent, Lilliana, der arbejder i et reklamebureaus køkken, mødelokaler  og kontorer. Hun bliver mordet på arbejde om aftenen af en ukendt morder, der både kender hende og har ondt af hende, hvilket er underligt. Og morderen dræber hende ved hjælp af en garrotte, hvilket er lidt usædvanligt, for at sige mildt.

Vi diskuterer spørgsmålet om, om morderen er mand eller kvinde. Kapitlet er blevet skrevet i første person (jeg gjorde det her, jeg gjorde det der ....), så morderens køn ikke bliver afsløret. Da morderen lige har dræbt Lilliana, og Lillianas arme hænger slapt ned, indrømmer morderen, at han/hun ikke har kræfter til at holde hende oppe mere, og han/hun lader hende synke samme på køkkengulvet . Lois kommenterer, at dette kunne tyde på, at morderen er kvinde. På den anden side, ved vi godt, at Lilliana ikke er mager, for at sige mildt: vi ved at ”hendes marineblå joggingbukser” var ”spændt ud over bagdel” – uhyggeligt! Også er det velkendt, at døde mennesker har en slags dødvægt ha ha ha.

Morderen virker at have en detaljeret viden om reklamebureauets medarbejdere og deres rutiner og deres pligter, herunder de mere udmyge ansatte, som for eksempel, rengøringsassistenter osv, mens han/hun samtidig er lidt kynisk om deres loyalitet og samvittighedsfuldhed osv. Taler vi om en, der er en af bureauets seniorcheffer?

Gruppen diskuterer den usædvanlige mordvåben, en garrotte. Ingen af os er helt sikker på, at vi ved præcis, hvad en garrotte er, og hvordan den ser ud.

en typisk garrotte, ikke fås hos Wilkinsons eller B&Q, så vidt vi ved

Morderens garrotte er hjemmelavet, af ”en tørresnor og en kuglepen”, men en eller anden af os kommenterer, at morderen ikke ville have haft andet valg, end at bruge en hjemmelavet – de fås sandsynligvis ikke hos de største hardware-butikskæde, som for ekesempel Wilkinsons, B&Q,  eller Homebase, men det er juryen stadig ude om.

I den 2. kapitel er der en fuldstændig skift af scene, miljø og stil: forfatteren beskriver bogens helt, Dan Sommerdahl, og byen, hvor han bor med sin kone, Marianne, en lokal læge. Jeg formoder, at Dan vil være manden, der kommer til at løse mordet,  men det slags udfald virker lidt usandsynligt for tiden. Dan er, kort sagt, midt af et psykisk sammenbrud, og er blevet til lidt af et fysisk og psykisk vrag, for at sige mildt.

Men en god idé, synes jeg. Det sker ikke ret ofte, at forbrydelser bliver opklaret af en, der er midt i et sammenbrud, hvilket er en forfriskende forandring. Han er ikke engang en detektiv. Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!! 

15:45 Gruppen er træt, så lægger vi bogen fra os og diskuterer et andet spørgsmål, dvs, om morderen faktisk er offerets line-manager. Jeg prøver at lette atmosfæren lidt ved at henvise til en nylig artikel, jeg læste på mit go-to onlinenyhedswebsted, Onion News.

Det viser sig, at de fleste arbejdsgivere ved indenfor jobsamtalens første 5 minutter, om de vil myrde ansøgeren.

En ny undersøgelse foretaget af psykologer ved New York University har bekræftet årevis af anekdotiske beviser på arbejdspladslejepraksis, ved at vise, at arbejdsgiverne typisk ved inden for de første fem minutter af en jobsamtale med en potentiel medarbejder, om de vil myrde ansøgeren eller ej .

"Første indtryk er vigtigste, og vores forskning viser, at uanset hvor god en person ser ud på papir, kan en arbejdsgiver generelt fortælle næsten, så snart en jobansøger kommer gennem døren, om det er nogen, de snart vil dræbe voldsomt," sagde den ledende forsker dr. Laura Hollander om undersøgelsen, og tilføjede, at indledende faktorer som ansøgerens øjenkontakt, ansigtsudtryk, energiniveau og kropsholdning ofte er alt, hvad der er nødvendigt for at arbejdsgiverne ved helt sikkert, om de kommer til at spalte ansøgerens hals og gemme liget i et forsyningsskabe.

"En erfaren human resource manager fortalte os  for eksempel, at han typisk ved så hurtigt som det første håndtryk, om han vil myrde en ansøger på stedet eller alternativt følge ansøgerens hjem den aften og smadre hovedet på ham eller hende med en sten. ”

Du godeste, gruppen er alle enig om, at de er meget glade for, at de allerede er gået på pension. Arbejdsverden er blevet en meget mere intimiderende miljø, end dengang vi alle startede vores arbejdsliv – ingen tvivl om det!

16:00 Mødet slutter, og medlemmer skal af sted. Lois og jeg slapper af med en kop te og et stykke brød med hjemmelavet stikkelsbærmarmelade – yum  yum!  Vi er udmattede, som sædvanligt, efter en ”dansk” dag – vi brugte formiddagen på at rydde op og gøre rent, og eftermiddagen på at styre gruppens møde. Du godeste, vi bliver gamle, ingen tvivl om det!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og bruger resten af aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn. De viser det 12. afsnit i den nuværende (og sidste) sæson af sitcommen Big Bang Theory.

Et morsomt afsnit, hvor Leonard bliver bedt om at hjælpe sin kone Pennys ufrugtbar eks-kæreste  Zack til at få et barn, ved at donere sperm.

Aftalen er kompliceret af den super-intelligente Leonards jalousi på Zack, en dum mand, der ikke desto mindre er blevet stenrig. Sheldon prøver at trøste Leonard ved at opliste en masse andre rige mennesker, som Leonard ikke føler sig jaloux på, herunder Mark Zuckerberg (der grundlagte Facebook), sultanen af Brunei, også Gordon Letwin.

Gordon Letwin???

22:00 Vi går i seng – zzzzzzz!!!!!!