Monday 27 May 2019

08:00 Lois and I have our morning tea and stay in bed for a couple of hours, which is not like us, but it makes a refreshing change - we read about 20 pages of our respective bedtime books. We get up at 10am or so.

11:00 We go out in the backyard to weed a little: Lois weeding and planting in the flower beds, me weeding in the vegetable garden: to be precise, the area where the mint has unfortunately gone crazy. But it smells nice there, that’s for sure. Mmmmmmm!!!!!

Lois points out the area of ​​vegetable garden where the mint has gone crazy - yikes!

I start to weed a little

“Job done”: "simples" !!!!

Meanwhile, Lois is starting to weed, and put plants in, some of the flower beds

13:00 We come back into the house and have lunch. Afterwards I go to bed and take a gigantic afternoon nap. I get up at 4 pm and we relax with a cup of tea and a biscuit on the couch.

We are planning a short visit to Southport, Lancashire to spend a few days with Lois's cousin Iris, who has not been very well recently - we don't see that much of her and Lois is eager to spend some time with her, in case one day she becomes too old to cope with visitors, or the like.

Flashback to 1967: Lois's cousin Iris in happier times,

in the garden of Lois’s parents' house in Oxford,

along with her 2 daughters, Heather and Lorna,

now both retirement age - yikes !!!!

We log in to various booking sites, but we get confused and decide to give up and try again tomorrow. Yikes - we are getting old ourselves, that’s  for sure !!! We feel that the websites are always pushing us to book without giving us the details we want to know, which we don’t like.

The nursing home where Lois's cousin Iris lives

In the end we decide to research the option of staying in the nursing home's guest room. We had initially rejected this option because we would be around the clock in the company of "really" old people, some of them a little screwy, to put it mildly. But our stay would be only 3 nights, so it would not be a disaster. Lois will call the nursing home tomorrow to check if the room is vacant or not.

17:00 Today is our son-in-law Ed's 44th birthday. Since Friday, the family has been renting a holiday cottage in the New Forest just outside the town of Fordingbridge. I look at my smartphone and I see that Alison, our daughter, has posted some charming photos on Instagram.

Ed's birthday cake

Ed with two of their 3 children, Rosalind (left, 10 years), and Josie (12 years)

their son Isaac (8 years) together with Sika, the family's Danish dog (age unknown)

 Rosalind

Conan Doyle's Tomb (somewhere in the area, apparently)

Ed, our son-in-law, is 44 years old, and Alison, our daughter, turns 44 in August. If you don't know you're old from a million other signs, then the fact that your kids are on the verge of becoming middle-aged is a sign that's pretty hard to misinterpret ha ha ha!

18:30 We have dinner. Suddenly it occurs to me that I’ve forgotten to water our neighbours' garden. Stephen and Francis are currently away on vacation in Canada for 3 weeks. I hurry out of the house and start watering their huge garden, vegetable garden and greenhouse, and I am just about to put the watering can ​​and garden hose away when it starts to rain, and to rain heavily into the bargain - damn! But the rain saves me from watering our own garden, which is nice.

20:00 We listen a little to radio, an interesting programme in the series "Analysis": this episode is about on-line dating and stuff. The programme host is the charming young writer and academic, Shahidha Bari, of Queen Mary University of London. She must be highly educated and she sounds very cultured: she seems to believe, however, that the words "something" and "everything" etc end with a "k" sound, but I’m going to let that one slide because on the whole she is good-hearted ha ha ha!

Shahidha Bari, the program's charming host

Recent studies indicate that the most frequent way new couples meet is no longer by being introduced through friends. Now it is more frequent for them to meet each other online, something which is now no longer considered unconventional.

And young people want to know everything they can about every potentially long-term partner before they marry or commit to a long-term relationship, she says: and this commitment typically happens at around 28-29 years of age, compared to the past when people typically married at around 20-21 years. And that’s partly why young people’s love life has become more promiscuous – the hunt for “the one”,  is becoming  a process of careful research: and the final commitment marks the end of all that entertaining research “work” ha ha ha.

Internet technology gives us the opportunity to pick and choose among thousands of potential partners, which means today's young have higher standards - yikes! And internet dating is particularly useful for same-sex couples. 70% of same-sex relationships are now starting online, in comparison to heterosexual relationships, where the figure is 40% - in the past, of course, your parents did not tend to introduce you to other single gays, for example ha ha ha!

The web makes it easier to meet members of social groups one is not normally in contact with, and some studies indicate it has increased the number of mixed race marriages. There are also apps designed specifically for various minority groups:  e.g. Mormons, bikers, Star Trek fans.

One problem is cognitive overload: our brains work best if the number of choices we face is between 5 and 9. If you see many more choices than 9, you tend to get confused and give up. So apps have filters - one can prioritize, based on, for example, gender, sexuality, place of residence, age, or race.

Studies also indicate that we tend to be optimists: on average, we swipe "yes" for candidates who are 25% more attractive than ourselves.

Other studies indicate less palatable results and emphasize old prejudices and stereotypes: Women with university degrees were much less likely to find a match than other women, for example. And women's “internet appeal” starts to decline starting from the age of 18 while men's peaks at 50, surprisingly.

And unfortunately, one's race makes a difference: black men and black women on dating sites are 10 times more likely to text a white person than vice versa. And researchers talk about a "race hierarchy" - which reflects the one that generally exists in society when it comes to jobs, houses, etc., and other social interactions where we call this kind of prejudice "discrimination" - something illegal. But this kind of thing is of course not illegal in dating site profiles.

For example, there are profiles where someone says, "no blacks", "whites only", or "I have blocked more Asians than the Chinese Wall", or the milder, "prefer whites". People’s love life is considered a uniquely private sphere where discrimination laws do not apply, for obvious reasons.

Dating sites make you express your preferences, but sometimes we do not know what we want, and most sites also track who you actually go on to date, and their algorithms for you are changed to reflect that, and perhaps the sites begin to offer you different kinds of "candidates", just like in the good old days, when mothers used to wonder, "Exactly what or who is my daughter looking for?", and the like, and then ask other mothers if they can come up with a different types of potential boyfriend.

My goodness, what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

A few days ago Lois and I saw an episode of "First Dates", the popular television dating show, where one participant, Ross, said he had been on a certain dating site for years, but had not received a single reply or message, which must have been particularly depressing, considering that there are hundreds of thousands of people on the site. My goodness!

Ross was a computer game enthusiast and on the tv show he was actually on his first date ever - he was so nervous that he hid in the toilets before his potential partner even showed up at the restaurant, and one of the waiters had to lure him out gently, trying not to “spook” him ha ha ha.

Poor Ross !!!!!

 flashback to last week's “First Dates”

22:00 Sometimes it’s nice to be old crows, like Lois and me ha ha!

We go to bed - zzzzzzz !!!!

Danish translation

08:00 Lois og jeg drikker vores morgenté og bliver liggende i sengen i et par timer, hvilket ligner os ikke, men gør en forfriskende forandring – vi læser ca 20 sider af vores henholdsvise sengetidbøger. Vi står op kl 10 eller deromkring.

11:00 Vi går ud i baghaven for at luge lidt: Lois i blomsterbedene, mig i grøntsaghaven, for at være præcis, det område, hvor mynterne desværre er gået amok – du godeste, sikke et vanvid! Men det dufter dejligt derinde – det har jeg ikke nogen tvivl om!

Lois peger på det område af grøntsagshave, hvor mynterne er gået amok – yikes!

Jeg går i gang med at luge lidt

Jobbet klart: ”simples” !!!!

I mellemtiden går Lois i gang med at luge lidt i blomsterbedene

13:00 Vi kommer tilbage ind i huset og spiser frokost. Bagefter går jeg i seng for at tage en gigantisk eftermiddagslur. Jeg står op k 16, og vi slapper af med en kop te og en kiks i sofaen.

Vi går i gang med at planlægge et kort besøg til Southport, Lancashire for at tilbringe et par dage med Lois’ kusine Iris, som for nylig ikke har haft det særlig godt – vi ser ikke ret meget til hende, og Lois er ivrig efter at tilbringe lidt tid hos hende, for det tilfælde, hun en dag bliver for gammel til at have besøgende, eller lignende.

Tilbageblik til 1967: Lois’ kusine Iris i lykkeligere tider,

i haven af Lois’ forældres hus i Oxford,

sammen med sine 2 døtre, Heather og Lorna,

der nu er i pensionsalderen – yikes!!!!

Vi logger ind til forskellige bookingwebsteder, men vi bliver forvirret og beslutter at opgive og prøve igen i morgen. Yikes – vi bliver selv gamle, det ved jeg med sikkerhed!!!  Vi mærker, at webstederne altid presser os til at booke, uden at give os de detaljer, vi gerne vil vide – du godeste, sikkeet vanvid!!!

Det plejehjem, hvor Lois’ kusine Iris bor

Til sidst beslutter vi at forske den option, at vi opholder os i selve plejehjemmets gæsteværelse. Vi havde i begyndelsen afvist denne option, fordi vi ville være hele døgnet rundt i selskab med ”virkelig” gamle mennesker, nogle af dem lidt åndsvage, for at sige mildt. Men opholdet ville være kun 3 nætter, så ville det ikke være en katastrofe. Lois vil ringe til plejehjemmet i morgen for at tjekke, om værelset er ledigt, eller ej.

17:00 I dag er vores svigersøn Eds 44. fødselsdag. Familien har siden fredag lejet et feriehus i New Forest lidt udenfor byen Fordingbridge. Jeg kigger på min smartphone, og jeg ser, at Alison, vores datter, har lagt nogle charmerende fotoer op på Instagram.

Eds fødselsdagkage

Ed2: Ed med to af deres 3 børn, Rosalind (til venstre, 10 år), og Josie (12 år)

deres søn Isaac (8 år) sammen med Sika, familiens danske hund (alder ukendt)

 Rosalind igen

Conan Doyles grav

Ed, vores svigersøn er 44 år gammel, og Alison, vores datter, fylder 44 år i august. Hvis du ikke ved du er gammel fra en millin andre tegn, så er det faktum, at dine børn er på vippen til at blive midaldrende, er et tegn, der er svært at misforstå ha ha ha!

18:30 Vi spiser aftensmad. Pludselig falder det mig ind, at jeg har glemt at vande vores naboers have. Stephen og Francis er for tiden væk hjemmefra, på ferie i Canada i 3 uger. Jeg skynder mig ud af huset, og går i gang med at vande deres enorme have, grøntsagshave og drivhus, og jeg skal lige til at lægge vandkanden og haveslangen væk, da det begynder at regne, og regne kraftigt oven i købet – pokkers! Men regnvejret sparer mig for at vande vores egen have, hvilket er rart.

20:00 Vi lytter lidt til radio, et interessant program i serien ”Analysis”: dette afsnit handler om on-line dating og den slags. Programmets vært er den charmerende unge forfatter og akademiker, Shahidha Bari, af Queen Mary University of London. Hun må være højt uddannet, og hun lyder meget kultiveret:  hun synes at tro imidlertid, at ordene ”something” og ”everything” osv ender med en ”k”-lyd, men det springer jeg over, fordi hun i det hele taget er godhjertet ha ha ha!

Shahidha Bari, programmets charmerende vært

Seneste undersøgelser angive at det hyppigste måde, nye kærestepar møde hinanden på, ikke længere er det, at blive præsenteret af venner. Nu er det  hyppigere, at de møder hinanden på nettet, hvilket nu ikke er betragtet ukonventionelt.

Og unge mennesker har lyst til at vide alt, de kan, om hver potentielt langvarig partner, før de gifter sig eller forpligter sig til et langvarigt forhold, siger hun:  og denne forpligtelse sker typsik på 28-29 år, i sammenligning med fortiden, da folk typisk giftede sig på 20-21 år. Og derfor bliver deres kærlighedsliv lidt promiskuøst – det ligner lidt en proces af forskning: og den sidste forpligtelse marker enden på al den der interessante forskning.

Internettets teknologi giver os muligheden for at vælge og vrager mellem tusindvis af potentielle partnere, hvilket betyder, at nutidens  unge har højerer standarder – yikes! Og internet-dating er i særdeleshed nyttig for samme-kønpar. 70% af samme-kønforhold starter nu online, i sammenligning til heteroseksuelle forhold, hvor tallet er 40% - i fortiden havde dine forældre osv selvfølgelig ikke tendens til at præsentere dig for andre single homoseksuelle, for eksempel ha ha ha!

Nettet gør det nemmere at møde medlemmer af sociale grupper, som man ikke normalt er i kontakt med, og nogle undersøgelser angiver, det har øget tallet af blandede race ægtekskaber. Der er også apps designede specielt for forskellige mindretalgrupper:  mormoner, bikers, Startrek-fans – du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!

Et problem er kognitiv overbelastning:  vores hjerner fungerer bedst hvis antal af valg er mellem 5 og 9. Hvis man bliver vist mange flere valg, end 9, har man tendens til at blive forvirret og give op. Så apps har filtre – man kan prioritisere baseret på eksempelvis køn, seksualitet, bosted, alder, eller race.

Undersøgelser angiver også at vi har tendens til at være optimister: i gennemsnit swiper vi ”ja” for kandidater, der er 25% mere attraktive, end os selv. Du godeste – sikke et vanvid!

Andre undersøgelser angiver mindre behagelige resultater og understrege gamle fordomme og stereotyper: kvinder med bachelorgrader var mindre tilbøjelige til at finde en match, end andre kvinder, for eksempel. Og kvinders popularitet starter at aftage startende fra 18 år, mens mænds topper på 50 år. 

Og desværre gør ens race en forskel: sorte mænd og sorte kvinder på datingwebsteder er 10 gange mere tilbøjelige til at sms en hvid person, end omvendt. Og forskere taler om en ”race-hierarki” – som genspejler den, der generelt eksisterer i samfundet, når det kommer til jobs, huse osv, og andre sociale interaktioner, hvor vi kalder denne slags fordomme ”diskrimination” – noget ulovligt. Men denne slags er selvfølgelig ikke ulovligt i datingwebstedsprofiler. Profiler for eksempel, hvor nogen sagde, ”ingen sorte”, ”bare hvide”, eller ”jeg har blokket flere asiater, end den Kinesiske mur”, eller den mildere, ”foretrækker hvide”. Ens kærlighedsliv er betragtet som en unikt privat sfære, hvor diskriminationslovgivning ikke gælder, af åbenbare grunde.

Datingwebsteder får dig til at udtrykke dine præferencer, men nogle gange ved vi ikke hvad vi ønsker, og de fleste websteder sporer også, hvem du i virkeligheden går på dates med, og deres algoritmer bliver ændret for at reflektere den slags, og måske begynder de at tilbyde dig anderledes slags ”kandidater”, ligesom i de gode gamle dage, mødre plejede at spekulere på, ”Præcis hvad eller hvem er det, min datter leder efter?”, og den slags, og forsøgte at komme med en anderledes type af potentiel kæreste.

Du godeste, sikke en skør verden vi lever i !!!!!

Lois og jeg så for nogle dage siden et afsnit af ”First Dates”, den populære tv-datingshow, hvor en deltager, Ross, sagde, han var blevet på et vist websteder i årevis, men havde ikke modtaget et enkelt svar eller besked, hvilket må have været specielt nedsættende, i betragtning at, at der er hundrede tusindvis af mennesker på webstedet. Du godeste!

Ross var en computerspil-entusiast og på showet var han på sin første date nogensinde – og han var så nervøs, at han skjulte sig i toiletterne, før hans potentielle partner dukkede op til restaurant, og blev nødt til at blive lirket ud af en af tjenerne.

Stakkels Ross !!!!!

"First Dates" - tilbageblik til sidste uges afsnit

22:00 Vi går i seng – zzzzzzz!!!!