Wednesday January 1 2020

10:00 In the morning, Lois and I suddenly find ourselves missing some essential foods, and we head down Seven Posts Alley to the Burgage Stores corner shop to pick up a bunch of items: 12 eggs, 2 tins of tomatoes and that kind of thing.

This is the first time I've been out of the house since Sunday morning, partly because of a mild cold but mostly because of my usual laziness - yikes, what will become of me ?????!!!!

After that excursion I sit down with the computer and spend the rest of the morning censoring embarrassing words in Anna Grue's crime novel, "Deep to Fall," which is our U3A Danish group's current project.

Anna Grue's Danish crime novel,

which is our U3A Danish group's current project

Our members are a mixed-gender group of British "old crows", brought up on Agatha Christie's genteel murder mysteries, so I don't want to shock them with certain paragraphs in this much more realistic modern Danish crime novel, where (so far) there have been 2 murder victims - Lilliana and "Sally" - both of whom are connected to the local Danish sex industry - one of them, the one who calls herself “Sally”  is a Nigerian illegal immigrant working in Denmark as a prostitute. 

an example of a paragraph I decide to censor:

the "redacted" Danish text ....

….and the “redacted” English equivalent

It is incredibly satisfying work - I have to say!! It is perhaps a bit of a shame that we have freedom of speech and freedom of the press here in this country - I would not mind getting a job as a censor in some government department or other ha ha ha! But I jest merely ha ha ha !!!!

Finally, I decide that my "redacted" version sounds even more saucy than the original, and I substitute the censored body parts with the simple word "bodies".

One of the unusual aspects of this crime novel is that the book's first murder is a garotting, which seems to be a slightly grim way to murder someone, to put it mildly. But the local police are working on the theory that not only the victim but also the murderer was a woman.

They've done a little research and found that "garotting is actually a murder method that appeals to many female killers. If the garotte is properly constructed then you do not have to look your victim in the eyes, you don’t have to use excessive force. And there’s no mess. "

I believe “yikes” is the word here!

Police also know the killer was even shorter than the victim, Lilliana - and Lilliana herself was only 5 feet 6 (1.68m). And they know the killer’s shoe size (Euro 38, UK 5) because they have discovered footprints.

Shoe sizes are important in all murder mysteries, that’s for sure ha ha ha! But it is also important in real life and it is crucial to remember one's own shoe size and check it from time to time, be it in its UK, European, Australian, or American versions – that’s something I have no doubts about!

Michael Palin checks his shoe size during an important phone call

in the Monty Python's Flying Circus series.

I think historically the earliest shoe size in the archives is My Darling Clementine’s: surprising but true that she had relatively large feet, with a shoe size of 9. Maybe it was just an early example of a "euro" shoe size, but that’s something  I'm not 100%  sure about - the jury is still out on that one.

 

18:00 We have dinner, a ready-meal we recently bought in CookShop: crispy fried half-duck -yum yum!

We spend the rest of the evening watching some television, another special edition of one of our favourite TV quizzes, Only Connect, where two 3-person teams compete to show off their lateral thinking skills. The programme's host is the charming Victoria Coren Mitchell.

Unfortunately, I fall asleep on the couch after the first 7 minutes - Lois tries to wake me by shaking me violently, but without success. I wake up in time to watch the last 5 minutes. But she does allow me to watch the 18 minutes I missed, as part of the recorded version, which is kind of her, I have to say.

During tonight's programme, Lois and I, as always, try to compete with the quiz's contestants to prove to our own satisfaction that we are not yet suffering from dementia. But our performance tonight is not very impressive, I have to admit.

At least Lois and I manage to come up with the 4th element of this sequence: which we recognise as paraphrased versions of lines in the song "That’s Why The Lady Is A Tramp".

21:00 We continue to watch some television, a fun and entertaining celebration of a 10-year-old groundbreaking and silly  British sitcom, "Miranda" (silly both physically and verbally),  from London's "Palladium Theatre", showcasing the show's star, the clumsy 6 foot 1 giant, Miranda Hart.

We see amusing excerpts from the show over the years, starting from this one, that aired in the pilot episode, Miranda with her diminutive co-star, Sarah Hadland, who was then playing Miranda's boss.

And we hear touching interviews with various women with problems, women who felt they did not fit society's norms about what women should look like, and that kind of thing; women who were encouraged by Miranda's shamelessly unconventional personality, physique and sense of humour.

Lois and I always thought that Miranda was a sitcom that, because of its eccentric, British boarding school style humour, was far "too British" to be exported. But we are surprised to hear praise tonight from Majim Bialik, Big Bang Theory's "Amy" .

22:00 We go to bed. I read 20 pages of my bedtime book before drifting off to sleep - zzzzzzzzzzz !!!!!

Danish translation: onsdag den 1. januar 2020

10:00 I formiddagen går det pludselig op for Lois og mig, at vi mangler visse væsentlige fodevarer, og vi går hen ned ad Seven Posts-gyden til Burgage Stores-nærbutikken for at hente et part ting: 12 æg, 2 dåser tomater og den slags. Det er første gang jeg har kommet ude af huset siden søndag formiddag, delvis på grund af en mild forkølelse men for det meste på grund af min sædvanlige dovenhed – yikes, hvad skal der blive af mig!!!!

Jeg sætter mig med computeren og tilbringer resten af foremiddagen på at censurere pinlige ord i Anna Grues krimiroman, ”Dybt at falde”, som er vores U3A danske gruppes nuværende projekt.

Anna Grues danske krimiroman,

som er vores U3A danske gruppes nuværende projekt

Vores medlemmer er en blandet-køn-gruppe af britiske ”gamle krager”, opdragede på Agatha Christies høflige mordmysterier, så har jeg ikke lyst til at chokere dem med visse paragraffer i denne meget mere realistiske danske krimiroman, hvor de (hidtil) 2 mordoffre - Lilliana og "Sally" - begge to er forbundede til den lokale danske sexindustri - den ene af dem, der hedder Sally, er en nigeriansk prostitueret.

et eksempel på en paragraf, jeg beslutter at censurere:

den ”redigerede” tekst....

og paragraffens engelske ækvivalens

Det er utrolig  tilfredsstillende arbejde – det må jeg nok sige!!  Det er måske lidt af en skam, at vi har ytringsfrihed og pressefrihed her til lands – jeg ville ikke indvende mod, at få et job som censor i en eller anden regeringsafdeling ha ha ha! Men jeg spøger kun ha ha ha!!!!

Til sidst beslutter jeg, at min ”redigerede” version lyder endnu mere væmmelig, end den oprindelige, og jeg substituerer de censurerede kropsdele med det simple ord ”kroppe” .

Et af de usædvanlige aspekter i denne krimiroman er, at bogens første mord er en garrottering, hvilket virker at være en lidt grusom måde at myrde nogen, for at sige mildt. Men det lokale politi arbejder med teoriet, at ikke kun offeren men morderen også var en kvinde.

De har gjort lidt forskning, og fundet ud af, at ”garrottering er faktisk en mordmetode, der tiltaler mange kvindelige mordere. Der skal ikke bruges voldsomt mange kræfter, hvis garrotten er konstrueret ordentligt, og man slipper for at se sit offer i øjnene. Og så sviner det ikke.”

Politiet ved også, at morderen var endnu lavere, end sit offer, Lilliana – og Lilliana var kun 5 fods 6 (1,68m). De ved morderens skostørrelse (Euro 38, UK 5), fordi de har opdaget fodaftryk.

Skostørrelser er vigtige i alle mordmysterie, det ved jeg med sikkerhed ha ha ha! Men det er også vigtige i den virkelige liv, og det er afgørende at huske éns egen skostørrelse og tjekker den fra tid til anden, i deres britiske, europæiske, australske, og amerikanske versioner – det har jeg ikke nogen tvivl om!

Michael Palin tjekker sin skostørrelse under et vigtigt telefonopkald

i serien Monty Pythons Flying Circus.

Jeg tror, at historisk talt var den tidligste skostørrelse i arkiverne er My Darling Clementines: overraskende men sandt, at hun havde forholdsvis store fødder, med en skostørrelse på  9. Måske var den bare et tidligt eksempel på en euro-skostørrelse, men det er jeg ikke helt sikker på – juryen er stadig ude om det.

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad, en færdigret vi for nylig købte i CookShop: sprød stegt halv-and – yum yum!

Vi bruger resten af aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn, endnu en speciel udgave af én af vores yndlings-tv-quizzer, Only Connect, hvor to 3-mandshold dyster for at vise deres evner til lateral tænkning. Programmets vært er den charmerende Victoria Coren Mitchell.

Desværre falder jeg i søvn på sofaen efter de første 7 minutter – Lois prøver at vække mig ved at ryste mig voldsomt, men uden succés. Jeg vågner i tide til at se de sidste 5 minutter. Men hun tillader mig at se 18 minutter, jeg gik glip af, som en del af den optagede version, hvilket er venligt af hende - det må jeg nok sige.

Under aftenens program prøver Lois og jeg, som altid, at konkurrere med quizzens deltagere for at bevise til vores egen tilfredssstillelse, at vi ikke endnu lider af demens. Men vores præstation i aften er ikke særlig imponerende – det må jeg indrømme.

I det mindste lykkes det Lois og mig at komme med det 4. element i denne sekvens: parafraserede versioner af linjer i sangen ”That’s Why The Lady Is A Tramp”.

21:00 Vi fortsætter med at se lidt fjernsyn, en morsom og underholdende fejrelse af en 10-årig banebrydende fjollet (fjollet både fysisk og verbalt) britisk sitcom, ”Miranda” fra Londons ”Palladium-teater”, der fremviser showets stjerne, den klodsede 6 fods 1 gigant, Miranda Hart.

Vi ser morsomme uddrag fra showet gennem årene, startende fra dette, der blev sendt i pilot-episoden, med hendes co-stjerne, Sarah Hadland, der dengang spillede Mirandas chef.

Og vi hører rørende interviews med forskellige kvinder med problemer, kvinder, der følte de ikke passede samfundets normer om, hvad kvinder bør se ud som, og den slags, og som blev opmuntret af Mirandas skamløst ukonventionelle personlighed, fysik og humoristiske sans.

Lois og jeg syntes altid, at Miranda var en sitcom, der med dens ekcentriske og kostskole-stil humor var ”for britisk” til at blive eksporteret, så er vi overraskede at høre ros i aften fra Majim Bialik, Big Bang Theorys ”Amy”.

22:00 Vi går i seng. Jeg læser ca. 20 sider af min sengetidbog, før jeg glider over i søvnen – zzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!