Thursday January 9 2020

08:30 Lois and I drink our morning tea and roll out of bed. Jeff, our gas engineer, is arriving at 10am to service our gas boiler and we need to clear up the kitchen in the corner where the boiler  is mounted so he can work easily, not hindered by our usual clutter and piles of junk – my god! Busy busy busy !!!

10:30 Jeff calls at the door and starts servicing the gas boiler.

Flashback to July 2019: Jeff, our gas engineer, pictured here in happier times -

He’s an amateur archer in his spare time, and belongs to a local group of enthusiasts.

We see him here standing in light blue shirt and beige shorts

in a good position, closest to the pig's snout

In the meantime, I sit down with the computer and get a bit of a shock, to put it mildly. Google has sent me a warning message that a bunch of passwords have been compromised due to some third-party incident or other, and they advise me to change some of my earliest passwords - actually the ones I came up with when I first started using the web, when  I tended to use the same password every time.

How stupid I was back then, and naive - I thought no one would be interested in my passwords.

I no longer use these sites, but this morning I decide to change my passwords to be on the safe side. I find that on many websites it is quite difficult to find something to click on to change your password. I come to the conclusion that the best way is not to log into a site, but instead to pretend I forgot my password and then the site sends me an email with a link to change the password:  "simples" ha ha ha!

But what a waste of time – my god! I spend almost all morning on it, damn it !!!!

11:30 Jeff leaves and Lois and I relax with a cup of coffee on the couch. I take a look at my smartphone and I see that Alison, our daughter in Haslemere, Surrey, has posted a charming photo on "Insta" where she is sitting cuddling the family's new little kitten, Otto, while reading a novel, after the children have gone off to school and before she starts on today's to-do list.

Alison, our daughter in Haslemere, with the family’s (or rather 

her daughter Josie’s) little kitten Otto - how cute Otto is !!!!!

And I like Otto’s already very informal style

- with his front paws casually crossed ha ha ha!

12:00 We have lunch and afterwards I go to bed and take a gigantic afternoon nap. I get up at 4 pm and read 2 more pages of Anna Grue's novel, "The Further You Fall," which is our U3A Danish group's current project. I make vocabulary lists for each page, to save our members having to look up the harder words in their dictionaries - I am so obliging ha ha ha! But our members are all old crows, like Lois and me, and tend to suffer from short-term memory loss, to put it mildly. Good  grief, what madness !!!

Anna Grue's crime novel, which is our U3A Danish group’s

current project.

Two roomies, Lilliana and Sally, have been killed in two separate murders, roughly at the same time but by different murderers, which is weird. Lilliana, a cleaning assistant, gets garotted in the evening at the advertising agency where she worked. Whereas Sally was murdered somewhere out in the wilds, and her body dumped on a deserted beach just outside the city.

Lilliana was an Estonian and Sally was a Nigerian. Both women were somehow involved in the local sex industry, it seems. Sally was a prostitute, and Lilliana, despite her part-time job as a cleaning assistant, used to pose with her roomie Sally in pornographic pictures, and the like.

This afternoon I reach the end of the chapter labelled "Thursday" and I get a bit of a shock, to put it mildly. The last 2 pages of the chapter are "apparently" not "written" by the author herself, who recounts the events in the rest of the book, but by "the killer herself", at least, by the killer who murdered Lilliana. Yikes! A bit like terrorists hacking into a news broadcast ha ha!

Yikes (again!) !!!!! But what a neat idea !!!!

And suddenly I realise that Lilliana's killer is probably a woman - and in fact, the local crime police have been working on the theory that in this instance not only the victim, but also the killer was a woman as well.

They've done a little research and found out that "garotting is actually a murder method that appeals to many female killers. If the garotte is properly constructed then you do not have to look your victim in the eyes, and do not need to use excessive force. Plus there’s no mess" [haha – Ed].

And it suddenly dawns on me that Lilliana's killer may be the madam at the local brothel - because in these 2 pages, the killer calls Lilliana and Sally "my girls".

Suddenly it all makes sense !!! But we'll see - maybe the author has laid some false clues here.

And I speculate also that it could have been the man known as Johnny Evil, the brothel’s pimp, who murdered the other girl, Sally, the Nigerian prostitute, for some reason.

Unfortunately, I have to censor three lines in this chapter for the benefit of our members, who are all old crows, brought up on Agatha Christie's more genteel murder mysteries, and I do not want to shock them with certain paragraphs in this much more realistic Danish crime novel.

Lilliana's killer writes in this chapter:  One of his [ie Johnny Evil's – Ed] former ‘slaves’ said that for a period of time Johnny would consistently relieve himself on the floor of the room where he held her captive. And after that, she had to live with his stinky excrement for days, until he ordered her to remove it. I almost threw up when she told me that, writes the killer.

My god, our old members would be choking on their tea and chocolate biscuits if they were asked to read out these lines and, even worse, translate them into English – good grief, what madness !!!!

18:00 We have dinner and spend the rest of the evening listening to the radio and watching some television.

We first listen to an interesting radio programme in the series "In Our Time". The programme's host is the charming Melvyn Bragg. "In Our Time" is one of our favourite radio shows, where every Thursday morning Melvyn discusses some topic or another with a bunch of academics. Today's topic is the Roman "love poet", Catullus.

One of this morning's academics is Gail Trimble, who shot to fame 10 years ago in our favourite TV quiz, "University Challenge", with the best performance ever of any student in the series.

flashback to 2009: Gail Trimble on her way to giving

the “University Challenge” television quiz's best recorded performance ever

Gail Trimble today

The programme starts, but unfortunately I fall asleep after about 10 minutes, which is a bit of a shame, to put it mildly. Lois tries to wake me by shaking my shoulders violently, but without success. I always say that it is usually just the very programs I am enjoying most, that I fall asleep during. Damn! Next time I’ll have to get Lois to punch me ha ha.

Fortunately, Lois gives me a good overview of the discussion when I wake up. It sounds like Catullus was the first love poet to allow the woman in a relationship to have feelings, and not be just a sex object.

And most of all  he always fully empathized again and again with all lovers, male or female, who had a lover who was unfaithful to them. Catullus knew all about this syndrome. He himself loved a married woman, Lesbia, but Lesbia used to go to bed with every Tom Dick and Harry, it appears.

Catullus (left) with his unfaithful mistress, Lesbia

Catullus also wrote a long poem about the ancient Greek hero Theseus, who mercilessly dumped his girlfriend, the young woman Ariadne, who helped him get out of the Minotaur's labyrinth. The poem is dominated by the poet's sympathy, which is all on Ariadne's side.

Theseus (left) with Ariadne, and in the background

the “third person in their relationship” [ie the Minotaur - Ed.]

Lois comments that Catullus made it "okay" for poets henceforth to take women's feelings into consideration. And it became possible, for example, for Vergil to give a sympathetic portrait of the Queen of Carthage, Dido, who got dumped by the Trojan hero Aeneas when he set off for Rome to found the famous classic city ....

... which was nice.

Dido (left) and Aeneas

21:00 We turn off the radio and watch some television, part of a 2004 film about a period in the life of JM Barrie, the author of "Peter Pan".

Unfortunately, Lois and I do not notice that our YouView device recorded the film in two separate parts, apparently due to its duration. And, by mistake, we see the second part first, and we soon get a little confused about the plot, to put it mildly.

The lighting is very dark, as in many modern films, and the actors have a tendency to "mumble," as Lois and I always say. Usually, we turn on the subtitles, but with this movie, we find out that subtitles are not available, for some reason.

JM Barrie (Johnny Depp) meets Sylvia (Kate Winslet) 

and her sons in the park - the family becomes the model for the family in Peter Pan

We are amazed at how good Johnny Depp's Scottish accent is, even though for the most part we have no idea what he is saying ha ha ha!

22:00 Suddenly we realise that we in fact missed the first 60 minutes of the movie, and we decide to watch it again from the beginning another night.

My god, what a day !!!!

We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzz !!!!!

Danish translation: torsdag den 9 januar 2020

08:30 Lois og jeg drikker vores morgenté og vælter ud af sengen. Jeff, vores gasingeniør,  kommer kl 10 for at servicere vores gaskedlen, og vi skal rydde op i køkkenet i hjørnet, hvor kedlen  er monteret, så han kan arbejde nemt, ikke forhindret af vores sædvanlige tingeltangel og rodebunker – du godeste! Travlt travlt travlt!!!

10:30 Jeff ringer på døren og går i gang med at servicere gaskedlen.

Tilbageblik til juli 2019: Jeff afbildet her i lykkeligere tider –

han er amatør-bueskytter is sin fritid, og tilhører en lokale gruppe af entusiaster.

Vi ser ham her stående i lysblå skjort og beige shorts

i en god stilling, tættest på svinets snude

I mellemtiden sætter jeg med computeren og får lidt af en chok, for at sige mildt. Google har sendt mig en advarselsbesked om, at et bundt adgangskoder er blevet kompromiseret på grund af en eller anden tredje-parti-hændelse, og de råder mig til at forandre en række mine tidligste adgangskoder – faktisk dem, jeg kom med, da jeg først begyndte at bruge nettet, da jeg havde tendens til at bruge samme adgangskode hver gang.

Hvor var jeg dog dum dengang, og naiv – jeg tænkte, ingen ville interesse sig for mine adgangskoder.

Jeg bruger ikke disse websteder længere, men jeg beslutter i formiddag at forandre mine adgangskoder, for at være på den sikre side. Jeg opdager, at det på mange websteder er meget besværligt at finde noget til at klikke på. Jeg kommer til den konklusion, at den bedste måde er ikke at logge ind, men snarere, at lade som om, jeg har glemt min adgangskode, og så sender webstedet mig en email med en link til at forandre adgangskoden: ”simples” ha ha ha!

Men sikke et spild at tid - du godeste! Jeg bruger næsten hele formiddagen på det - pokkers!!!!

11:30 Jeff skal af sted, og Lois og jeg slapper af med en kop kaffe i sofaen. Jeg kigger lidt på min smartphone, og jeg ser at Alison, vores datter i Haslemere, Surrey, har lagt et charmerede foto op på ”Insta”, hvor hun sidder og krammer familiens ny lille kattekilling, Otto, og læser en roman efter børnene er taget af sted i skole, og før hun begynder på dagens gøremålsliste.

Alison, vores datter i Haslemere, med familiens (snarere hendes datter Josies)

lille killing Otto – hvor er Otto dog sød!!!!!

Og jeg kan godt lide Ottos allerede meget uformel stil

 – med poterne lagte afslappet over kors ha ha ha!

12:00 Vi spiser frokost og bagefter går jeg i seng for at tage en gigantisk eftermiddagslur. Jeg står op kl 16 og læser endnu 2 sider af Anna Grues krimiroman, ”Dybt at falde”, som er vores U3A danske gruppes nuværende projekt. Jeg udfærdiger ordforrådslister til hver side, for at spare vores medlemmer for at slå de sværere ord på i deres ordbøger – jeg er så imødekommende  ha ha ha! Men vores medlemmer er alle gamle krager, ligesom Lois og mig, og lider af korttidshukommelsetab, for at sige mildt. Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!

Anna Grues krimiroman, der er vores U3A danske gruppes

nuværende projekt.

To roomies, Lilliana og Sally, er blevet dræbt i to adskilte mord, men i grove træk på samme tid, men af forskellige myrdere, hvilket er underligt. Lilliana, en rengøringsassistent bliver garrotteret om aftenen i reklamebureauet, hvor hun arbejdede. Sally blev myrdet et eller andet sted ude i naturen. Hendes lig blev dumpet på en øde strand, der ligger lidt uden for byen.

Lilliana var ester og Sally var nigerianer. Begge kvinder var på én eller anden måde involveret i den lokale sex-industrien, ser det ud til. Sally  var en prostituerende, og Lilliana, på trods af sin deltidsjob som rengøringsassistent, plejede at posere med Sally i pornografiske billeder, og den slags.

I eftermiddag når jeg til enden på kapitlet etiketteret  ”Torsdag”, og jeg får lidt af et chok, for at sige mildt. Kapitlets sidste 2 sider er "tilsyneladende" ikke "skrevet" af selve forfatterinden, der beretter om begivenhederne i resten af bogen, men af ”selve morderen”, i det mindste den, der myrdede Lilliana. Yikes!

Yikes (igen!) !!!!! Sikke en snild idé!!!!

Og pludselig går det op for mig, at Lillianas morder er en kvinde – og faktisk har det lokale kriminalpoliti arbejdet med teoriet, at ikke kun offeren men morderen også var en kvinde.

De har gjort lidt forskning, og fundet ud af, at ”garrottering er faktisk en mordmetode, der tiltaler mange kvindelige mordere. Der skal ikke bruges voldsomt mange kræfter, hvis garrotten er konstrueret ordentligt, og man slipper for at se sit offer i øjnene. Og så sviner det ikke.”

Og det går pludselig op for mig, at Lillianas morder kan være det lokale bordels værtinde – fordi i disse 2 sider kalder morderen Lilliana og Sally for ”mine piger”.

Pludselig giver det hele mening!!! Men vi får se – måske har forfatterinden lagt nogle falske spor her.

Og jeg spekulerer også om, at manden kendt som Johnny Evil, bordellets alfonse, myrdede den anden pige, Sally, af en eller anden grund.

Desværre skal jeg censurere tre linjer i dette kapitel til fordel for vores medlemmer, der er alle gamle krager, opdragede på Agatha Christies mere høflige mordmysterier, og jeg har ikke lyst til at chokere dem med visse paragraffer i denne meget mere realistiske danske krimiroman.

Lillianas morderen skriver i dette kapitel : En af hans [dvs Johnny Evil’s – red.] tidligere slaver sagde, at han i en periode konsekvent besørgede på gulvet i det værelse, hvor han holdt hende fanget. Så kunne hun værsgo leve med hans stinkende efterladenskaber i dagevis, indtil han beordrede hende til at fjerne dem. Jeg var ved at brække mig, da hun fortalte det.

Du godeste, vores gamle medlemmer ville være ved at kløjs i deres te og chokoladekiks, hvis de blev tvunget til at læse disse linjer op, og, hvilket er værre, oversætte dem til engelsk – du godeste, sikke et vanvid !!!!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og bruger resten af aftenen på at lytte til radio og se lidt fjernsyn.

Vi hører først på et interessant radioprogram i serien ”In Our Time”. Programmets vært er den charmerende Melvyn Bragg. ”In Our Time” er én af vores yndlings-radioserier, hvor Melvyn hver torsdag formiddag diskuterer  ét eller andet emne med en flok akademikere. Dagens emne er den romerske ”kærlighedsdigter”, Catullus.

En af formiddagens akademikere er Gail Trimble, der skød for berømmelse for 10 år siden i vores yndlings-tv-quiz, ”University Challenge”, med seriens bedste præstation nogensinde.

tilbageblik til 2009: Gail Trimble med

University Challenge-tvquizzens bedste præstation nogensinde

Gail Trimble i dag

Programmet starter, men desværre falder jeg i søvn efter omkring 10 minutter, hvilket er lidt af en skam, for at sige mildt. Lois prøver at vække mig ved at ryste mine skuldrer voldsomt, men uden succés. Jeg plejer at sige, at det er altid for det meste altid netop de programmer, jeg interesserer mig mest for, hvor jeg falder i søvn. Pokkers!

Heldigvis giver Lois mig et godt overblik af emnet, da jeg vågner op. Der lyder som om, Catullus var den første kærlighedsdigter til at tillade kvinden i et forhold at have følelser, og ikke at være bare et sexobjekt.

Og først og fremmest empatiserede han igen og igen med alle elskere, mandelige eller kvindelige, der havde en kæreste, der var dem utro. Catullus elskede højt en gift kvinde, Lesbia, men Lesbia gik i seng med Gud og hver mand, ser det ud til.

Catullus (til venstre) med Lesbia

Catullus skrev også et langt digt om den antikke græske helt Theseus, der nådesløst dumpede sin kæreste, den unge kvinde Ariadne. Digtet er domineret af digterens sympati for Ariadne.

Theseus (til venstre) med Ariadne, og i baggrunden

den ”3. person” i deres forhold [dvs minotauros – red.]

Lois kommenterer, at Catullus gjorde det ”okay” for digtere at tage kvindernes følelser til hensyn. Og det blev muligt, for eksempel, for Vergil at give et sympatisk portræt af dronningen af Karthago, Dido, der blev dumpet af den trojanske helt Aeneas, da han sejlede af sted til Rome for at grundlægge den berømte klassiske by....

...hvilket var rart.

Dido (til venstre) og Aeneas

21:00 Vi slukker for radioen og ser lidt fjernsyn, en del af en film fra 2004, der handler om en periode i livet af JM Barrie, forfatteren af ”Peter Pan”.

Desværre bemærker Lois og jeg ikke, at vores YouView-enhed optagede filmen i to adskilte dele, tilsyneladende på grund af dens varighed. Og ved en fejltagelse ser vi den 2. del først, og vi bliver snart lidt forvirret over for plottet, for at sige mildt.

Lysningen er meget mørk, som i mange moderne film, og skuespillerne har tendents til at ”mumle”, plejer Lois og mig at sige. Normalt tænder vi underteksterne, men med denne film, finder vi ud af, at undertektster ikke er til rådigheden, af en eller anden grund.

JM Barrie (Johnny Depp) møder Sylvia (Kate Winslet) og hendes sønner i parken

Vi er forbløffet over, hvor god Johnny  Depps skotske accent er, selvom vi for det meste har ikke den fjerneste anelse om, hvad han siger ha ha ha!

22:00 Pludselig går det op for os, at vi er gået glip af filmens første 60 minutter, og vi beslutter at se den igen fra begyndelsen en anden aften.

Du godeste, sikke en dag!!!!

Vi går i seng – zzzzzzzzzz!!!!!