Danskcolin: Wednesday October 17 2018

08:00 We get up early and take a shower. "Team Knowhow" has sent me a text - it says their repairman is coming to us today between 9:50 and 13:50. He is coming to repair our gas cooker.

The oven door tends to open during cooking, which is a bit inconvenient to say the least. And one of the cooker's two ovens plus the ignition for 1 of the 4 gas rings no longer work. A repairman came a month ago to solve the problems, but the company had provided him with the wrong parts so he had to call them and order the correct ones. Let's hope he brings the right parts when he comes today.

What madness !!!!

I recall that a few years ago I read an intriguing news story about two young guys who hit the headlines after their gas rings and a lot of other appliances in their apartments had gradually broken down over a period of a some years.

According to the two young guys, all the appliances, fixtures, surfaces and structural features in their apartment were to a greater or lesser extent defective.

The tenants Justin Kelly and Luke Epting told reporters that the two-bedroom apartment's innumerable shortcomings varied from cosmetic issues such as uneven floorboards and ceiling stains to slightly more annoying problems such as the poor cellphone reception in the bedrooms and the fact that the electrical outlets had only two prongs.

"The walls have a few nicks on them and you have to force the back of the DVD player open with your fingers if you want to watch a movie," said Kelly, 27, adding that in the winter months they had to put a bowl under the radiator to collect water that leaked from the supply pipe. "And sometimes the light in the living room does not work, but not because the bulb is burned out. You just have to turn the light switch on and off a couple of times real fast and wait for the popping sound before the light turns on."

"It's weird, but that's what you have to do," continued Kelly.

The two flatmates told reporters that there was a work-around for the vast majority of these deficiencies, and they explained that during their 22-month occupancy they had gradually become accustomed to the shrieking hot water pipes, and also to the fact that they had to to plug the drafty windows with beach towels. Kelly and Epting added that only a few things were considered totally unusable, including the entrance phone, two of the four gas rings, both residents' printers and most lamps.

"There are some issues, but it's not as if we won't get our security deposit back or anything," said Kelly. "As long as we don't burn the apartment down, at least."

Unfortunately, none of the apartment's three smoke alarms were completely functional at press time for the news source (Onion News).

I discuss the boys' problems a bit with Lois. We feel a bit more satisfied with our house as a result. There's always somebody in the world who's worse off than yourself, which is to some degree a comfort, that's for sure!

10:00 I go out and do a little weeding in our vegetable garden, which has become something of a jungle - my god! I start with the area next to our neighbour Bob's fence, so he is not tempted to complain about the problem.

The area of our vegetable garden closest to

our neighbor Bob's fence: unfortunately, they the recent strong winds

have blown some of our runner bean poles down - damn it!

Meanwhile, Lois goes up the stairs and tidies up a little in our 2 "guest rooms" - which are actually our 2 grown-up daughters Alison and Sarah's old rooms. Alison is visiting us next week, together with Ed and their 3 children: Josie (12), Rosalind (10) and Isaac (8). Lois makes up the children's 3 single beds with fresh bed-linen and puts fresh towels on top.

How touching - the three single beds in Alison's old room,

where our 3 grandchildren (Alison's children) are going to be sleeping

The double bed in Sarah's old room where Ali and Ed are going to sleep

13:00 We have lunch.

13:30 The repairman comes to fix our gas stove. This time he brings the right parts, thank goodness. But he says the ignition for the gas ring is completely broken. He asks Lois if she wants him to replace it, but Lois decides she'd rather keep turning it on by using a lighter, a match or the like.

13:45 I go to bed and take a huge afternoon nap. I get up at 3:30pm.

15:30 Lois swings by the neighbours - Bill and Mary, to have a little chat with Mary, who suffers from dementia. Luckily, yesterday we heard an interesting radio program that gave us some good advice on how to best treat dementia-sufferers - basically, to avoid confronting their misunderstandings and forgetfulness, etc., and to change the subject if necessary. Lois is very tactful anyway, so I do not have a lot of concerns on that score.

16:00 I sit down with the computer and try to design a 2019 family calendar that we can share with our 2 daughters and their families. Lois has chosen 12 family photos, and she has asked me to use them to design the calendar. But unfortunately, I notice an error in the site's software - the calendar shows 12 pages corresponding to the 12 months, but the front of the calendar unfortunately shows "2018" - the wrong year.

Good grief, what madness! I contact the website's help-desk and they promise they will try to fix the problem - they ask me to try again tomorrow.

Due to a software error, the calendar shows

the wrong year on the front page - what madness !!!!

17:00 Lois comes back from the neighbours and we relax with a cup of tea. Mary has fallen over again in the house, which is a little worrying; Bill has made sure that a carer visits her every morning to help her take a shower and get dressed, etc.

Bill talks every day with his daughter Debbie in New Zealand and he is worried about having to install the new version of Skype: he tried it the other day, and Debbie could not hear him during the call - my god, poor Bill !!! I myself have so far avoided updating Skype to the new version - I am going to wait until the last minute, and use whatsapp instead if I can, as much as possible! Skype users of the world, unite !!!!

18:00 We have dinner. Afterwards our friend Alf swings by to pick up Lois - they both want to attend their church's weekly Bible class taking place tonight in Tewkesbury library.

I open the door to Alf, and he begins to tell me about a discussion meeting he just participated in, where members of a number of local churches (including an Islamic one) discussed the Bible story of Jonas - according to the Bible, Jonah got swallowed by a huge fish and was in the fish's belly for 3 days and nights before being cast up on land. Later he went to Nineveh and preached a message of doom to the city, but the inhabitants decided to repent to be on the safe side, and the city was spared. Alf's sect is the fundamentalist type, so they take the story literally, I think.

Jonah in the fish's belly

I start to wonder what this line of conversation is going to lead to, but thankfully Lois suddenly comes out of the bathroom, and the two go off.

19:00 I have a little alone time and spend the evening watching television. The latest episode of "Grand Designs" is on. The host of the program is the charming Kevin McCloud.

"Grand Designs" is the program that I most of all love to hate, because I hate these huge ugly modern houses with their huge living rooms, huge white interior walls and uncomfortable sofas, massive heavy dining tables, exposed pipework, massively high ceilings, etc., and I am tempted to hate also the couples who are so keen on getting these kinds of houses built.

The houses look more like industrial complexes, a power plant, or a company headquarters than real homes in my opinion.

Tonight the episode is a little different than normal. Two identical twins, Nik and Jon, decide to build two similar houses next to each other. They have identical cars and they work closely together - they jointly own a graphic design company.

The most annoying thing of all is that they have similar girlfriends (although not twins) - the women are far too beautiful given that the two men are so ugly. Where is the justice in the world, I ask myself.

The two identical twins, Nik and Jon, have similar girlfriends,

who are far too beautiful considering how ugly the men are - good grief!

The house that Nik and Jon decide to get built looks like a prison inside in my opinion

- what madness !!!!

22:00 Lois comes back from the Bible class and I go to bed. But poor Lois needs to relax and wind down a bit after the evening's stimulating Bible-based discussion meeting, so she stays up and watches a bit of television.

The latest episode of the 2Celebs Go Dating" reality show is on, even though neither Lois nor I have the faintest idea about who these so-called "celebrities" are - yikes, now we're nothing more than a couple of old crows, that's for sure!

typical opening scenes from "Celebs Go Dating"

23:00 I do not wake up when Lois jumps up into bed with me. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz !!!!

Danish translation

08:00 Vi står tidlige op og tager et brusebad. ”Team Knowhow” har sendt mig en sms – der står, at deres reparationsmand kommer i dag mellem 9:50 og 13:50. Han kommer for at reparere vores gaskomfur.

Ovndøren har tendens til at åbne sig under kogning, hvilket er lidt ubekvemt for at sige mildt. Og en af komfurets to ovne plus tændingen til 1 af de 4 blus fungerer ikke længere. En reparationsmand kom for en måned siden for at løse problemerne, men firmaet havde forsynet ham med de forkerte dele, så han skulle ringe til dem og bestille de rigtige. Lad os håbe på, han medbringer de rigtige dele når han kommer i dag.

Sikke et vanvid!!!!

Jeg mindes om, at jeg for nogle år siden læste en intessant nyhed om to unge fyre, der ramte overskifterne, efter deres gasblus og en masse andre apparater i deres lejligheder gradvist over en periode af nogle år gik i stykker.

Ifølge de to unge fyre, var alle apparater, armaturer, overflade og strukturelle egenskaber i deres lejlighed i en vis grad defekte.

Lejerne Justin Kelly og Luke Epting fortalte journalister, at to-værelses lejlighedens utallige mangler varierede fra kosmetiske problemer som for eksempel ujævne gulvbrædder og loftpletter til lidt mere generende problemer som den dårlige mobiltelefonmodtagelse i soveværelserne og det faktum, at el-stikkontakterne havde kun to spidser.

"Væggene har et par indsnit på dem, og du skal tvinge baksiden på dvd-afspilleren åben med dine fingre, hvis du vil se en film," sagde Kelly, 27 og tilføjer, at i vintermånederne skulle de lægge en skål under radiatoren for at samle vand, der lækkede fra tilførselsrøret. "Og til tider fungerer lyset i stuen ikke, men ikke fordi pæren er brændt ud. Du skal bare tænde og slukke for lyskontakten et par gange rigtig hurtigt og vente på poplyden, før lyset tændes."

"Det er underligt, men det er hvad du skal gøre," fortsatte Kelly.

De to værelseskammerater fortalte reportere, at der var en eller anden vej udenom det store flertal af manglerne og de forklarede, at de i løbet af deres 22-måneders belægning gradvist havde vænnet sig til de skrigende varmtvandsrør, også dét, at de var nødt til at proppe de utætte vinduerne med badehåndklæder. Kelly og Epting tilføjede, at kun nogle få ting betragtedes som helt ubrugelige, herunder indgangstelefonen, to af de fire gasblus, både beboernes printere og de fleste lamper.

"Der er nogle problemer, men det er ikke som om vi ikke får vores sikkerhedsstillelse tilbage eller noget," sagde Kelly. "Så længe vi ikke brænder lejligheden ned, for det mindste."

Desværre var ingen af lejlighedens tre røgalarmer fuldstændigt fungerende, da nyhedskilden (Onion News) var ved at gå i trykket.

Jeg diskuterer drengenes problemer lidt med Lois. Vi føler os lidt mere tilfredse med vores hus som et resultat. Der er altid nogen i verden, der har det værre, end en selv, hvilket er i vis grad beroligende, ingen tvivl om det!

10:00 Jeg går ud og luger lidt i vores grøntsagshave, der er blevet til lidt af en sand jungle – du godeste! Jeg starter med området ved siden af vores nabo Bobs hegn, så han ikke er fristet til at beklage sig over problemet.

det område af vores grøntsagshave, der ligger tættest på

vores nabo Bobs hegn: desværre har de nylige kraftige vinde

blæstet nogle af vores stangbønnestative ned – pokkers!

I mellemtiden går Lois op ad trappen og rydder lidt i vores 2 ”gæsteværelser” – faktisk vores voksne døtre Alison og Sarahs gamle værelser. Alison besøger os næste uge, sammen med Ed og deres 3 børn: Josie (12), Rosalind (10) og Isaac (8). Hun reder børnenes 3 enkeltsenge med frisk sengetøj, og lægger friske håndklæder derpå.

Hvor rørende – de tre enkeltsenge i Alisons gamle værelse,

hvor vores 3 børnebørn (Alisons børn) skal sove

Dobbeltsengen i Sarahs gamle værelse, hvor Ali og Ed skal sove

13:00 Vi spiser frokost.

13:30 Reparationsmanden kommer for at fikse vores gaskomfur. Denne gang medbringer han de rigtige dele, gudskelov. Men han siger, at tændingen til gasblusset fuldstændigt er gået i stykker. Han spørger Lois om hun vil have ham til at udskifte det, men Lois beslutter, at hun hellere vil fortsætte at tænde det ved hjælp af en tænder, en tændstik eller lignende.

13:45 Jeg går i seng og tager en gigantisk eftermiddagslur. Jeg står op kl 15:30.

15:30 Lois smutter ind hos naboerne – Bill og Mary, for at snakke lidt med Mary, der lider af demens. Heldigvis hørte vi i går et interessant radioprogram, der gav os noget godt råd om, hvordan man bedst skal handle demenssyge – grundlæggende skal man undgå at konfrontere deres misforståelser og glemsomhed osv, og skifte emnet hvis nødvendigt. Lois er i hvert fald meget taktfuld, så jeg ikke har mange bekymringer over alt det der.

16:00 Jeg sætter mig med computeren og prøver at designe en 2019 familiekalender, som vi skal dele med vores 2 døtre og deres familier. Lois har valgt 12 familiebilleder, og hun har bedt mig om at bruge dem til at designe kalenderen. Men desværre opdager jeg en fejl i webstedets software – kalenderen viser 12 sider tilsvarende til de 12 måneder, men kalenderens forside viser desværre ”2018” – det forkerte år. Du godeste, sikke et vanvid! Jeg kontakter webstedets helpdesk, og de lover, de vil prøve at løse problemet – de beder mig om at prøve igen i morgen.

På grund af en softwarefejl viser kalenderen

det forkerte år på forsiden – sikke et vanvid!!!!

17:00 Lois kommer tilbage fra naboerne og vi slapper af med en kop te. Mary har desværre faldet over igen i huset, hvilket er lidt bekymrende; og Bill har sørget for, at en plejeassistent besøger hende hver morgen for at hjælpe hende med at tage et brusebad og klæde sig på osv.

Bill taler hver dag med sin datter Debbie i New Zealand og han er bekymret ovet, at han skal installere den nye version af Skype: han afprøvede den forleden, og Debbie kunne ikke høre ham – du godeste, stakkels Bill !!! Jeg selv har hidtil undgået at opdatere Skype til den nye version – jeg vil vente indtil det sidste øjeblik, og bruge whatsapp i stedet for, hvis jeg kan, så meget som muligt! Skype-brugere i verden, forene!!!!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad. Bagefter vores ven Alf kører forbi for at hente Lois – de ønsker at deltage i deres kirkes ugentlige bibelklasse, der finder sted i aften i byen Tewkesburys bibliotek.

Jeg åbner døren til Alf, og han begynder at fortæller mig om en diskussionsmøde han lige har deltaget i, hvor medlemmer af en række lokale kirker (inklusive en islamisk) diskuterede bibelhistorien af Jonas – ifølge bibelen blev Jonas slugt af en kæmpefisk og var i fiskens bug i 3 dage og nætter før han blev kastet op på land. Senere tog han til Nineveh og forkyndte dom over byen, så den omvendte sig og blev skånet. Alfs sekt er af den fundamentalistiske type, så de tager historien bogstaveligt, tror jeg.

Jonas i fiskens gab

Jeg begynder at undre mig, hvor denne samtalelinje skal føre til, men heldigvis kommer Lois pludselig ud af badeværelset, og de to tager af sked.

19:00 Jeg har lidt alenetid og bruger aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn. De viser det seneste afsnit af ”Grand Designs”. Programmets vært er den charmerende Kevin McCloud.

”Grand Designs” er programmet jeg først og fremmest elsker at hade fordi jeg hader disse enorme grimme moderne huse med deres enorme ekkoende stuer, enorme hvide indvendige vægge og ukomfortable sofaer, massive tunge spiseborde, udsatte rørledninger, massivt høje lofter osv, og jeg er fristet til at hade også de par, der er så friske på at få disse slags huse bygget.

Husene ligner mere industrielle komplekser, et kraftværk, eller et selskabs hovedkontor, end hjemmer efter min mening.

I aften er afsnittet lidt anderledes, end det normale. To enæggede tvillinger, Nik og Jon, beslutter at få bygget to lignende huse ved siden af hinanden. De har identiske biler og de arbejder tæt sammen – de ejer en grafiskdesignselskaber sammen. De mest irriterende af alt er, at de har lignende kærester (selvom ikke tvillinger) – kvinder, der er alt for smukke i betragtning af, at de to mænd er så grimme. Hvor er retfærdigheden i verden, spørger jeg mig.

de to enæggede tvillinger, Nik og Jon, har lignende kærester,

der er alt for smukke i betragtning af, hvor grimme mændene er – du godeste!

Huset, Nik og Jon får bygget ligner en fængsel efter min mening

- sikke et vanvid!!!!

22:00 Lois kommer tilbage fra bibelklassen og jeg går i seng. Men stakkels Lois trænger til at slappe af og geare lidt ned efter aftenens stimulerende bibel-baserede diskussionsmøde, så hun bliver oppe og ser lidt fjernsyn. De viser det seneste afsnit af reality-showet ”Celebs Go Dating”, selvom hverken Lois eller jeg har den fjerneste idé om, hvem disse såkaldte ”berømtheder” er – yikes, nu er vi bare 2 gamle krager, ingen tvivl om det!