Monday September 9th 2024 "Have YOU ever sent a suggestive text referencing knitwear?"

Knitting little garments and covers - it's a great hobby, isn't it, especially on these dark September evenings. And yet have you ever noticed how knitwear, and knitted garments generally, can import a lot of angst into relationships? Look at this recent local story from the Onion News West Worcestershire Desk the other day.

On the plus side, knitting, crocheting etc can be a wonderful hobby, especially for us "old codgers", can't it. Look at local woman Gwen Reid, the elderly granny that you're more than likely to bump into if you're ever shopping at our local Warner's supermarket just outside Upton:

And, additionally,  the cultural influence of all the so-called "knitted characters", not just in classic English literature but also in popular culture, has had a joyously positive impact on modern life, hasn't it. 

Look at how TV journalist Harry Hill came to depend on the presence of his favourite "knitted character" when presenting his hard-hitting documentaries, even after "KC", as he used to call her, went through a chapter of accidents in her off-screen life: first there was the broken arm and the broken leg, and the hip replacement operation, and then the accident on-set during the dreadful fire that broke out in the village church in ITV's popular soap "Emmerdale Farm", set in the Yorkshire countryside, back in the 1990's.

And despite all that, "KC" kept her little smile, and even took on difficult personal projects, like the famous "Ride the Jelly" challenge that went viral in the 1990's.

flashback to the 1990's: journalist Harr Hilly presenting his

seminal hard-hitting documentary on the failings of the NHS: 

here an injured "KC" is attempting to "ride the jelly" on a plate

using a plainly inadequate arm splint and crutch

the famous episode of ITV's popular soap, Emmerdale Farm,

based in the Yorkshire countryside, where "KC"

gets injured in a fire that breaks out in the local church:

eventually, as we know, the character was rescued by local villagers

Poor "KC" !!!!!

[That's enough knitting stories! - Ed]

Well, before I "move on" (!), I'll just say this (!).....

There are a lot of passionate knitters lurking in houses in "these here parts", as people say "in these here parts" (!), aren't there, a factor reflected strongly in local statistics for crime and vandalism. And this morning, my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I get the opportunity to examine the work of one local "granny-gone-bad" who has (once again!) been "decorating" the post-box outside the Hanley Swan Post Office. 

Post Office staff have tried to stop her doing it, but the grannies round here are nothing if not strong-willed, and as soon as staff clear one "display" away, some granny "gets busy" and puts another there up there, as we notice this morning!

Outside Hanley Swan Post Office this morning,

my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I

witness the devastation still being caused

by local grannies to public buildings and monuments

We've just got to face it. In this area, it's very much a case of "grannies rule ok" (!), so fair enough, let them have their way, that's what we say (!).

[That's enough exclamation marks in brackets (!) - Ed]

"But why are you and Lois and I visiting Hanley Swan Post Office this afternoon, Colin?", I hear you cry. [Not me - I've been scrolling in my social media on my phone for the last several - like billion(!) - column inches! - Ed]

Well, seeing as how you're curious to know (!), our daughter Sarah and her family jetted off to Australia last Wednesday to begin a new life in the Perth area of Western Australia, and understandably enough she's left us one of two (!) items of "unfinished business" to take care of for her, including sending back the family's Sky TV boxes to the people at Sky, and other minor "chores" that we're actually more than happy to do for her.

flashback to Sunday before last: Lois and I treat our daughter

Sarah, husband Francis, and twins Lily and Jessica to a farewell

lunch at Alcester's 18th century pub, The Royal Oak: (left to right)

Lois, Lily, Francis, Jessica and Sarah

And, while Lois and I have been "poncing about" here in West Worcestershire today returning the family's old Sky TV boxes, poor Sarah has been starting her new accountancy job in Perth. We know she was feeling nervous - well, who wouldn't be?

She texted us yesterday (Sunday) on whatsapp, asking us to "wish her luck" for the new job she's starting today.

flashback to yesterday: a text from Sarah asking us to wish 

her luck for the new job

Lois and I are dying to know how she's been getting on, on this, her first day at the new job - Western Australia (WA) are 7 hours ahead of British Summer Time. We know, however, that Sarah has understandably got a lot of more important tasks and issues on her mind today. We're heartened however, to get the message that she's okay, and has had a "nice and calm" day at her new office, which is a relief.

the heartening text we get from Sarah today: times are all

BST (British Summer Time) which is 7 hours behind WA time

14:00 Having posted off the old Sky TV boxes back to Sky, Lois and I drive back to our new-build home in Malvern - we can go to bed now for "nap time" with a good conscience, now that all of the items on today's extensive "to-do-list" (!) have been crossed off, which is a nice feeling, to put it mildly.

We've been "at it" since 8:30am today, the two of us - it's amazing, considering that we've been retired for 18 and a half years, as to how many days we can't linger in bed in the mornings: most days it's busy busy busy from an early hour. What madness!

our bed - but don't look for us there after 8 am most days!

Although we've been retired for 18 years plus, we've

almost always got something we've "got to get on with".

What a madness it all is !!!!

And yes, you've guessed it - we had to get up early this morning, because somebody could be ringing our doorbell at any time from 8:30am onwards.

You see, like TV journalist Harry Hill's associate, "Knitted Character" KC, I myself had a hip replacement operation back in April, and NHS Worcestershire have told me that they're calling "at some time today between 8:30 am and 3.30 pm", would you believe, to collect the orthopaedic aids that I no longer need, including the "perching stool" and "crutches" etc that I was issued with on being discharged from hospital. They actually come about 1:30 pm at a world-record inconvenient moment, but we manage to get to the front door anyway. which is a relief

us "two old crocks (!)": me (right) with

orthopaedic perching stool (ringed), and

(inset) for comparison purposes poor "KC"

attempting to "ride the jelly" with a plainly

inadequate NHS arm splint and crutch

21:00 Dear Reader, do you, like Lois and me, try to study a little bit of Intermediate Danish in what little spare time you have (!) ? Some of us are still doing it, at least, as much as we can anyway, aren't we. 

flashback to last Thursday: Lois and me waiting to start

the fortnightly meeting of the local U3A 

"Intermediate Danish" group that we jointly lead

And if you're in that much-maligned minority of Danish language students, like us, I expect you're used to those tiresome comments about,  (in the words of one comment I've had) "Intermediate Danish has no great practical value" or the perennial "You're wasting your time on THAT, Colin!". 

Am I right? Or am I right?!

Well, Lois and I prove all the doubters wrong with a vengeance tonight, when watching an old edition of the BBC's classic panel game "Call My Bluff" on the BBC4 channel.

This was the game show, popular in the 1970's, when 2 teams compete, each challenging the other team with 3 possible definitions of some obscure English word, one of the definitions being true and the other two false: and the opposing team have to guess which is the true definition out of the 3 being offered.

What is a "housty" then? Is it (a) hops that have overgrown and gone on growing when they shouldn't, or (b) bread made specially for horses or (c) a kind of sore throat ?

Well, so many English words have Norse origins, as a result of the centuries-long Danish occupation of Eastern England a thousand years ago. And any student of Intermediate Danish, even the many 'no-hopers' (!) knows that 'at hoste' is the Danish verb for 'to cough', so this question is a no-brainer for Lois and me - it's obviously the 'sore throat' definition offered. 

And the word appeared, un-famously (!), in Charles Kingsley's novel "Westward Ho!", where all the kids in the book were always getting ill with "housties".

And what about this "doozy", "damsax". What can that be?

Yes, a "damsax" - is it (a) an emergency parliament convened in Hungary in the 15th century, or (b) (from Roman mythology) a fabulous insect who lived in fire - so, a kind of firefly, or (c) a lethal Danish weapon, as described here by a very young-looking Tim Rice, the critically acclaimed lyricist, responsible, over the years, for many collaborations with composer Andrew Lloyd-Webber.

This is another no-brainer for Lois and me, to put it mildly. "Damsax"? Well, the clue's in the last two letters isn't it - it has to be a kind of an axe (Danish: økse), and so it proves.

But there are other surprises in store for viewers in tonight's programme.

Whoever suspected, for instance, that an "occamy" was an alcohol-fuelled Roman orgy, as contestant Patrick Campbell describes here?

And an "occamy" apparently wasn't the same as the more familiar word for Roman orgies, the "Saturnalia", Campbell goes on to add.

So occamies would have been held on a weekday night, evidently. Did they finish earlier than Saturnalias, perhaps, as participants would presumably have had work the next day? I think we should be told, don't you?

By the way, as a footnote, in case you are one of the many who always suspected that occamies were Roman orgies, let me tell you now that this was just one of the many "bluff" definitions we hear tonight - the correct definition was that an occamy is a piece of imitation silver.

But what a crazy language we speak !!!!!

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!