This morning I've got a real "question-and-a-half" for you, dear Readers. And you may need to "drain your memory-banks" for incidents that maybe happened a while ago, to put it mildly.
And here's the thing - Have you ever tried to stop a train heading for disaster, using, say, a piece of red underwear or other traditional "redflag" warning 'fave'? Or, have you ever actually robbed a passing train, in which case you probably found some way of stopping the train first - robbing a moving train can be much more "awkward", to put it mildly, and especially for amateurs!
I think most of us have, haven't we. Or at least we've read about them in a book (!), like the famous scene in the Yorkshire countryside of E. Nesbit's "The Railway Children", when Bobbie (played by Jenny Agutter) heroically rips up her sister's red petticoat and waves it to stop the London train. whose driver is unknowingly heading for a landslide. The kids manage to alert the driver, who stops the train inches away from them, at which point Bobbie famously faints on the track from all the tension and then the relief - remember? Poor Bobbie !!!!
Yorkshire: iconic scene from the film version of E. Nesbit's
"The Railway Children" (1970), where Bobbie (Jenny Agutter) stops the
London train by waving a torn-up portion of her sister's red petticoat
Be it for accident-prevention or for a no-nonsense robbery, though, I think I can safely say that most of us have tried for one or other of those two typical "bucket-list" ambitions, haven't we, especially if you've lived as long as my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I have, that's for sure!
Train robberies have been a "staple" of modern fiction for many years, with most novels, including even romantic fiction, normally featuring at least one. Even the long-running TV crime series "Breaking Bad" (2008-2013) had at least one train robbery in every episode, didn't it.
And the shock revelation (story broken by Onion News in September 2013) that none of these robberies had actually happened, came as a bit of a game-changer and a "coming of age" experience for most of us ardent devotees of the series, didn't it. Remember?
And here in lovely Malvern, England, my wife Lois and I try to do a morning walk most days, often next to the railway track used by the Great Western Railway's iconic 10:20 am "Worcester to Hereford" service, and I often wonder what we would do to stop the train in the event of a local landslide.
I myself don't have a stitch of red clothing but Lois has a bunch of red items in the wardrobe - dresses, sweaters, underwear you name it (!)" - and I always urge her, "Lois wear something red for me today", whenever a walk by the railway line is "on our timetable" - no pun intended (!).
flashback to August 15th: one of mine and Lois's
frequent walks by GWR's iconic Worcester to Hereford
branch line: as always I urge Lois to "wear something
red for me today", not always to any noticeable effect (!)
Stopping a train is relatively easy, but trying to stop a jet plane is no picnic, to put it mildly, as Gordon Lightfoot revealed in his iconic classic song "The Early Morning Rain" - remember that little "doozy"? The story is about a lonely Canadian man, staying in California, who wants to go home to Ontario but lacks the "readies" to buy a ticket. It's based on Lightfoot's own life-story.
Lois and I comfort ourselves that at least we've been blessed with 16 months of close contact with Sarah, husband Francis, and their delightful twin daughters, Lily and Jessica - now 11 years of age, and now speaking fluent "British", during these 16 months of their living in nearby Alcester.
flashback to May 2023: Sarah and family move back to the UK
after 7 years in Perth, Australia, the twins Lily and Jessica still
speaking, then, in their broad "Aussie" accents - awwwww !!!!!
Lois and I have got so used to seeing them over the last 16 months, with Sarah bringing the twins over for overnight stays at this Malvern new-build home of ours. most weekends.
That idyllic period has now come to an end, however, and Lois and I drive over to Alcester today, to see them and bid them a tearful farewell - awwwww!!!!! When we arrive, Sarah and Francis are doing last-minute cleaning of their rental property, and packing hand luggage ready for their flight on Tuesday from London's Heathrow Airport to Perth, Western Australia.
Lois and I take the twins out to the nearby park, not 100 yards away from the house, so they can relax, have some fun, and not get in their parents' way. Then we treat the whole family to a traditional British (and traditional Australian (!)) Sunday lunch at Alcester's "Royal Oak" pub, dating from the 18th century and featuring log fire, original beams and cosy nooks.
when Lois and I arrive at our daughter Sarah's house in Alcester
today she and husband Francis are busy cleaning the house
and doing last minute packing of their hand luggage,
ready for flying off to a new life in Perth, Australia
Lois and I take our twin granddaughters Lily and Jessica
to the local park, not 100 yards from their house,
to "keep them out of their parents' hair" and give them
a bit of fun at the same time - awwwwww!!!!
afterwards, Lois and I treat the whole family to a traditional
British (and traditional Australian) Sunday roast lunch
at the town's 18th century pub, The Royal Oak
Sunday lunch at Alcester's 18th century Royal Oak pub
my choice: the roast chicken breasts plus roast vegetables
and Yorkshire pudding, washed down with a pint of Guinness
us, now left on our own again, after the lunch
Awwwwwww!!!!!
[Fun fact: in the picture of Francis, Sarah, the twins and Lois outside the pub, above, you'll see the street sign "Oak Tuery" on the wall that marks the entrance to an alleyway. As far as I know, Alcester is the only town in the English-speaking world that has "tueries".
Tuerie" is the French word for an abattoir, and I believe that at one time there was an abattoir in Alcester at the end of an alleyway. My guess is that the local townspeople, the majority of whom did not speak French, misunderstood the word 'tuerie/tuery' and assumed, mistakenly, that the word meant an alleyway. But I think I should be told, don't you, just to be on the safe side haha! Answers on a postcard as usual, but only if you can cram it all on, obviously!]
Local schoolmaster Curnow managed to run up to the train track and wave the piece of red fabric, with a light behind it, and he managed to stop the train, and save the day. Long thought to be a piece of Curnow's sister's red undergarments, the fragment of clothing is now thought to have been more likely a piece of her scarf, but it's the same thing really, when it comes down to it, isn't it!
Other things Lois and I do today: we take home with us some items the family haven't been able to sell, and which wouldn't stuff conveniently into their hand luggage at Heathrow: a microwave oven, a toaster, a garden trolley. And we also went with Sarah to her boss's house near Pershore, so that she could drop off the electric Renault, the one that she's been leasing from the Evesham accountancy firm where she's been working for the last 16 months.
Apparently, local police commissioner, Frederick Standish, presented this bit of red fabric as a souvenir to his friend, the woman's great-grandfather, who was Governor of New South Wales at the time.
20:00 All that driving around today, not to mention the emotional heartache and turmoil of having to say a final farewell to them all (all over again (!) - the first 'final farewell' having been in 2015 (!) ) leaves Lois and me feeling liked limp rags when we collapse on the sofa this evening back at our new-build home in Malvern.
And there's nothing we can do now to stop Sarah's plane taking off from Heathrow on Tuesday, that's for sure! A piece of red petticoat is just not going to "cut it", out on Runway No. 9 - that's for sure (!).
[That's enough exclamation marks in brackets (!) - Ed]
We decide to wind down for bed with tonight's programme in the Antiques Roadshow series, in which members of the public bring along some of their family heirlooms and other beloved treasures from their attics, to have them looked at, and maybe valued, by the show's team of experts.
And by a strange coincidence, we hear tonight about somebody who did manage to stop a train, at least, by waving something red - long thought to be a pair of red knickers or a petticoat - over in Australia back in 1880.
What are the chances of that happening, eh?!!!
You've heard about the notorious Australian outlaw Ned Kelly, haven't you: to some, an anti-Establishment folk hero, to others, a violent bushranger responsible for the deaths of 3 Australian policemen.
In tonight's programme, a woman has brought along a fragment of Ned Kelly-related red clothing to be looked at by the programme's experts:
Back in 1880, the townspeople of Glenrowan, Victoria, had all been herded into a local inn by outlaw Ned Kelly, because a "keystone cops style" train crammed with police officers was on its way to the town. Kelly had previously sabotaged the line in an attempt to crash the train and ambush it. However, a local schoolmaster, Thomas Curnow, used a piece of one of his sister's red garments to warn the train and avert an accident, also saving the policemen from being shot by Kelly and his gang.
Local schoolmaster Curnow managed to run up to the train track and wave the piece of red fabric, with a light behind it, and he managed to stop the train, and save the day. Long thought to be a piece of Curnow's sister's red undergarments, the fragment of clothing is now thought to have been more likely a piece of her scarf, but it's the same thing really, when it comes down to it, isn't it!
So the train-stopping "accessory", in this case, wasn't a red petticoat, as used by Jenny Agutter in that "The Railway Children" film up in Yorkshire, but something which still worked just as well, which is nice!
And Lois comments that, in any case, there's nothing worse, or more itchy, than woolly knickers or a petticoat, whereas in the case of a scarf, the itchiness of the material is more or less "neutralised", as long as you wear the scarf in the recommended way, she adds haha!
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!
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