Wednesday, April 3 2019

Lois has a stomach infection today - it started in the middle of the night. She stays in bed and doesn’t get up till about 1 pm.  She has decided not to have any food and drink today for the time being, except for large glasses of water at regular intervals. She hopes that in this way she can flush out the infection. And I decide to wash my hands as often as possible and use separate towels, etc.

Poor Lois !!!!!

09:00 I have a lot of alone time, and I spend the morning browsing through the next 2 chapters (41-42) of Njal's saga, written in the 13th century in Iceland, even though the saga itself and the events are very much older (by about 300 years). This saga is the U3A Old Norse group's current project. The group will be holding its next meeting this afternoon at 2 pm in the town’s  Everyman Theatre.

11:00 From time to time, I listen a little to the radio, an interesting programme made up of the Melbourne-born 85-year-old ex-comedian Barry Humphries'  personal selection of forgotten popular songs and singers from the first half of the 20th century.

Lois and I watched Humphries in two funny films in the 1970's, "Barry McKenzie Holds His Own", and also "The Adventures of Barry McKenzie", that were all about Barry McKenzie, a cheeky young Australian in search of women and fun in London .

For some reason I always remember McKenzie’s conversation with an Indian student he meets in London. The Indian tells him, "I am studying Kant [Immanuel Kant, the influential German philosopher - Ed.]". I always remember Mckenzie's 3-word answer: "Me too, mate".

Barry Humphries (left) as McKenzie's "Aunt Edna", and Barry Crocker 

as Barry McKenzie, a young Australian in search of women and fun in London

Barry, at 85,  is 12 years older than me  - so it's safe to say he's become a bit of an old crow. But old crows have a lot to teach us younger old crows about life in general, and Barry is no exception.

He starts by recalling his youth in Melbourne. He looked on Australia at that time as a very boring country - and he believed that the only place where exciting things happened was  that wonderful foreign country known as "Overseas".

But when he told his aunt Elsie that he had decided to move to England, she replied, "Why do you want to go there? That's where all the convicts come from! ".

 Flashback to April 2016: Lois (right) and I visit Lois's

cousin Sylvia (left, with brown shoulder-bag) in Melbourne, Australia

Barry recalls that he was very bored in school, but every time he moved to a new school, his parents tried to encourage him by saying, "Barry, you’ll  like the new school - there are a couple of teachers there who’ve been overseas!”.

Barry plays us a few touching Australian folk songs about the country's past as Britain’s premier penal colony - our first penal colony was America, but after independence the Americans refused to take in our convicts any longer, for some reason – my god what  a crazy world we live in in !!!!

We hear AL Lloyd singing "Jim Jones at Botany Bay" all about an English convict found guilty of poaching and sentenced to be transported to the penal colony in New South Wales. The ship he was travelling on got attacked by pirates on its way to Australia,  but in the song Jones says he would rather join the pirates, or drown, than be transported. In fact, the soldiers aboard the ship managed to drive the pirates off, which was a bit of a shame for Jones.

The jury says ”He’s guilty sir”,

And says the judge, says he,

“For life, Jim Jones, I’m sending you

Across the stormy sea!”

We also hear the Australian baritone, Peter Dawson, singing "The Wild Colonial Boy", which the Australian authorities tried to ban but without success. The song became a symbol of defiance, and the song was sung by Mick Jagger in the movie "Ned Kelly" all about the famous Australian outlaw.

Come all me hearties, we’ll roam the mountainside,

Together we will plunder, together we will die,

We’ll wander over valleys, and gallop over plains,

For we scorn to live in slavery, bound down with iron chains

Mick Jagger as Ned Kelly, the Australian outlaw

the real Ned Kelly

At this point in the show Humphries reminds us that there were non-English-speaking people living in Australia for 40,000 years before the British arrived in the late 18th century. And we hear about the instrument called the didgeridoo. I didn't know that the instrument’s name was invented by the English, in Western Australia - it's not the original name, which Humphries doesn’t give, incidentally.

Humphries reveals that playing the didgeridoo provides a lot of health benefits, according to the British medical journal, Lancet: it relievves asthma, reduces snoring, and also helps with sleep apnea. Humphries has always wanted to take his large didgeridoo to bed with him, but says his wife is not happy about that for some reason.

Humphries also speaks a little about  Sir Charles "Smithie" Kingsford-Smith, the famous Australian aviator who reduced the flight time between England and Australia to 10 and a half days – good grief! And we hear an excerpt from  Jack o'Heagan's musical tribute to him "Kingsford-Smith, Aussie is proud of you".

Jack O'Hagan, who sang "Kingsford-Smith, Aussie is proud of you"

Finally, we hear Australian comedian Dick Bentley sing the inspirational song, "Are You Havin" Any Fun? "(Fain-Yellen, 1939) - the lyrics have  a moral for us all, no doubt about that:

” Are you havin' any fun?
What y'gettin' out o' livin'?
What good is what you've got
If you're not havin' any fun?

Are you havin' any laughs?
Are you gettin' any lovin'?
If other people do,
So can you, have a little fun

You better have some fun
You ain't gonna live forever
Before you're old and grey, why not feel okay?
Have your little fun, son!
Have your little fun!

11:15 I hop up on my exercise bike and cycle 6 miles (10 km),

11:45 I hurry into the kitchen and make a single portion of lunch - Lois is still sleeping, the poor thing! Afterwards I go to bed in our daughter Sarah's old room, so as not to disturb Lois.

13:30 I take the bus into town and walk around the corner to the town’s Everyman Theatre. 

At 2pm myself and all the other members of Scilla's U3A Old Norse group meet up in the theatre bar  and we study Old Norse for two hours, which is enjoyable but in my opinion a little too long: I always feel completely washed up by the end of the meeting, to put it mildly.

We read chapters 38-40 of Njal’s saga. The feud between the two women, Hallgerd and Bergthora, is still in full swing. In each round of the feud, Hallgerd gets one of her employees to kill one of Bergthora's employees. Bergthora then gets her revenge on Hallgerd by getting one of her employees to kill one of Hallgerd's employees. And that constitutes a round of the feud. Ding!

The two women originally quarrelled because of a simple fight over the seating plan for a dinner - my god, what madness !!!!

Hallgerda

Bergthora

Hallgerd and Berghthora's feud originated

from a simple little fight over the seating plan for a dinner

The piles of dead bodies are accumulating now. Before long, Iceland’s entire population, which was not particularly numerous in the early Middle Ages, will all be dead - yikes!

Today we read about the incident where Brynjolf, one of Hallgerd's relatives, kills Atli, one of Bergthora's employees: we are in Round 138 of the feud between the two women (or thereabouts).

Brynjolf rides on horseback up to Thorolfsfjeld to kill Atli, who is working far out in the boonies. It's hard to ambush anyone in Iceland because the landscape is very open and there are hardly any trees. People can usually see their killer coming from quite a distance, so can usually get themselves ready, and  the element of surprise is extremely hard to achieve, to put it mildly.

Fortunately, from Brynjolf's point of view, Atli is doing a job in one of the country's few forests, and on top of that, Atli has lit a small fire, so there is a lot of smoke everywhere. So Brynjolf can creep up on his victim without Alti noticing.

Brynjolf comes up from behind and strikes Atli on his head with his axe, but he fails to kill him immediately, which is a little unfortunate. Atli turns around, and Brynjolf is so surprised that he drops his axe  (which is not normally recommended in these kinds of situations - I have to say). Atli throws his spear at Brynjolf, but Brynjolf ducks, and the spear flies over his head, which is lucky. Then finally Atli dies of his large head-wound, and with that Round 138 of the feud is officially over.

Over to you now, Bergthora ha ha ha! Let Round 139 begin ha ha ha !!!

Brynjolf vs. Atli (Round 138 of the two women's feud)

16:00 The meeting ends. I'm completely exhausted. I go along to Winchcombe Street and swing by the Frederick Allen jeweller’s store to pick up the three wristwatches I left with them on Monday: all three now work, thanks to their shiny new batteries, God be praised. I take the bus home and collapse on the couch. I'm totally washed up, to put it mildly.

17:30 I hurry into the kitchen and make one portion of dinner: one of the low-fat ready meals we bought the other day in CookShop. Lois is feeling a little better, and has  a boiled egg with toast.

20:00 We spend the rest of the evening watching a bit of television, the third episode of the latest season of the TV reality show, "Married  at First Sight", originally a Danish TV franchise, which is a bit of a surprise to put it mildly.

Lois says that there haven’t been any couples at all in previous seasons of the British version who have not split up after the obligatory 8 weeks or so trial period. By contrast, the American version has been much more successful, and several of the American couples have remained married after the trial period, which is interesting.

For that reason Channel 4 has imported the American version's chief psychologist, so she can advise both the couples and the programme makers on how to make the UK version more productive.

There are only 2 couples in this latest  season: Jonathan and Steph, and Jack and Verity - but the prospects are not looking good for either pair, I have to say.

Jonathan and Steph

Steph and Jonathan looked good together at first (on their wedding day), but now things are starting to go pear-shaped. It's a bit of a "Leonard and Penny" situation from the Big Bang Theory sitcom. Jonathan's concept of a fun evening is to play board games, while Steph's concept is to invite all her girlfriends round to the house and play drinking games, and ending up totally wasted - Jonathan joins in, but we notice he is still sober at the end of the evening - not a good sign, at least that’s what Lois and I think.

But why didn’t the programme-makers and psychologists not spot this incompatibility before they chose to feature the couple? It’s hardly rocket science after all !!!!

Jack and Verity

Jack and Verity seem to be more compatible personality and sense-of-humour-wise, although Jack's father says Jack usually falls for tall, long-legged blondes, and Verity is only 5 feet 6 or so, and is dark-haired. So Jack’s father is pessimistic about their chances.

But for me and Lois too, alarm bells are starting to ring in our heads, because the couple have now been sharing  a 4 foot 6 wide bed for three weeks and have not yet had sex, even though Verity wants to do it, so it doesn't sound particularly promising. Perhaps Verity really isn't Jack’s type after all (and presumably big-time not his type!), and Jack's father is maybe right. But the jury is still out on that one.

What's wrong with us Brits?  Why can't we marry a total stranger and make a success of it, just like all the other people in the world? What madness !!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz !!!!

Danish translation

Lois har en maveinfektion i dag – det startede midt i natten. Hun bliver liggende inde i sengen og står først op kl 13. Hun har besluttet sig for at afholde sig fra mad og drikk i dag bortset fra store glas vand med jævne mellemrum. Hun håber på, at hun på denne måde kan skylle infektionen ud. I mellemtiden beslutter jeg mig for at vaske hænderne så tit som muligt, og bruger adskilte håndklæder osv.

Stakkels Lois !!!!!

09:00 Jeg har en masse alenetid, og jeg bruger formiddagen på at blade igennem de næste 2 kapitler (den 41. og den 42.) af Njals saga, skrevet i det 13. århundrede i Island, selvom selve sagaen og begivenhederne er meget ældre. Denne saga er den lokale U3A oldnordiske gruppens nuværende projekt. Gruppen holder sit næste møde i eftermiddag kl 14 i byens Everyman-teater.

11:00 Fra tid til anden lytter jeg lidt til radio, et interessant program, der består af den Melbourne fødte 85-årige eks-komiker Barry Humphries’ udvalg af glemte populærsangklassikere fra det 20. århundredes første halvdel.

Lois og jeg så Humphries i to morsomme film i 1970’erne, ”Barry McKenzie Holds His Own”, også  ”The Adventures of Barry McKenzie”, der handler om Barry McKenzie, en ung, fræk australier på jagt efter kvinder og sjov i London. Af en eller anden grund husker jeg hans samtale med en indiske studerende han møder i London. Inderen fortæller ham, ”Jeg studerer Kant [Immanuel Kant, den inflydelsesrige tyske filosof – red.] ”. Jeg husker altid Mckenzies 3-ords svar: ”Mig også, mate”.

Barry Humphries (til venstre) som McKenzies ”Tante Edna”,

og Barry Crocker som Barry McKenzie, en ung australier på jagt efter sjov i London

Barry er endnu ældre om mig, på 85 år – jeg er bare en unger, på 72 år, selvom jeg fyldte 73 for 8 dage siden), så derfor er det sikkert at sige, at han er blevet til lidt af en gammel krage. Men gamle krager har meget at lære os om livet, og Barry er ingen undtagelse.

Han starter ved at minde om  hans ungdom i Melbourne. Han betragtede Australien dengang  som en meget kedeligt land – og han troede, at de eneste steder, hvor der skete begejstrende ting, var det vidunderlige sted, man kaldte ”udlandet”. 

Men da han fortalte sin tante Elsie, at han havde besluttet sig for at flytte til England, svarede hun, ”Hvorfor for fanden flytter du til England? Det er det sted, alle de straffefanger kommer fra!”. Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!

Tilbageblik til april 2016: Lois (til højre) og jeg besøger hendes kusine,

Sylvia (til venstre) i Melbourne, Australien

Barry spiller os et par rørende australske folkesange, der handler om landets fortid som Englands hovedsagelige straffekoloni – vores første straffekoloni var i Amerika, men efter uafhængighed nægtede amerikanere af en eller anden grund at modtage vores straffefanger længere – du godeste sikke en skør verden vi lever i !!!!

Vi hører A L Lloyd synge “Jim Jones at Botany Bay”, der handler om en engelsk straffefange, der blev fundet skyldig for krybskytteri og dømt til at blive transporteret til straffekolonien i New South Wales. Skibet han rejste med, blev angrebet af sørøvere på vej til Australien, og Jones siger, han hellere ville slutte sig til sørøverne, eller drukne, end at blive transporteret til Australien. Faktisk lykkedes det soldaterne om bord skibet at drive sørøverne tilbage, hvilket var lidt af en skam for Jones’ vedkommende.

The jury says ”He’s guilty sir”,

And says the judge, says he,

“For life, Jim Jones, I’m sending you

Across the stormy sea!”

Vi hører også den australske baryton, Peter Dawson, synge “The Wild Colonial Boy”, som de australske myndigheder prøvede at forbyde, men uden succés. Sangen blev til et symbol på trodsighed, og sangen blev fortolket af Mick Jagger i filmen ”Ned Kelly”, der handlede om den berømte australske fredløse bandit.

Come all me hearties, we’ll roam the mountainside,

Together we will plunder, together we will die,

We’ll wander over valleys, and gallop over plains,

For we scorn to live in slavery, bound down with iron chains

  

Mick Jagger som Ned Kelly, den australske bandit

den reelle Ned Kelly

På dette tidspunkt I showet minder Humphries os om, at der var ikke engelsktalende folk, der levede I Australien i 40.000 år, før briterne ankom sidst i det 18. århundrede. Og vi hører om det instrument, man kalder didgeridooen. Jeg vidste ikke, at navnet var opdigtet af englænderne, i Western Australia – det er ikke det oprindelige navn.

Humphries afslører, at dét, at spille didgeridooen, giver en masse sundhedsfordele, ifølge den britiske medicinske tidsskrift, The Lancet: det hjælper med astma, mindsker snorken, og hjælpe med søvnapnå. Humphries indrømmer, han gerne vil medbringe en didgeridoo med når han går i seng, men det vil hans kone ikke acceptere, siger han – du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!

Han minder om , at han kedede sig meget i skole, men hver gang han flyttede til en ny skole, prøvede hans forældre at opmuntre ham, ved at sige, ”Barry, du kommer til at kunne lide den nye skole – der er et par stykke lærere, der er blevet i udlandet”.

Humphries taler lidt også om Sir Charles ”Smithie” Kingsford-Smith, den berømte australske aviator, der reducerede flyvetiden mellem England og Australien til 10,5 dage – du godeste, sikke et vanvid! Og vi hører et uddrag af Jack o’Heagans musikalske hyldest til ham ”Kingsford-Smith, Aussie is proud of you”.

Jack O’Hagan, der sang ”Kingsford-Smith, Aussie is proud of you”

Til sidst hører vi den australske komiker  Dick Bentley synge den inspirerende sang, ”Are You Havin’ Any Fun?” (Fain-Yellen, 1939) – teksten har en moral for os alle, ingen tvivl om det:

” Are you havin' any fun?
What y'gettin' out o' livin'?
What good is what you've got
If you're not havin' any fun?

Are you havin' any laughs?
Are you gettin' any lovin'?
If other people do,
So can you, have a little fun

You better have some fun
You ain't gonna live forever
Before you're old and grey, why not feel okay?
Have your little fun, son!
Have your little fun!

11:15 Jeg hopper op på min kondicykel og jeg cykler 6 miles (10 km).

11:45 Jeg skynder mig ind i køkkenet og laver en enkel portion frokost – Lois ligger og sover stadig, staklen! Bagefter går jeg i seng i vores datter Sarahs gamle værelse, for ikke at forstyrre Lois.

13:30 Jeg tager bussen ind i byen og går hen rundt om hjørntet til byens ”Everyman-teater”. Medlemmerne af Scillas U3A oldnordiske gruppe mødes på teatrets bar kl 14 og vi studere oldnordisk i to timer, hvilket er fornøjeligt men efter min mening lidt for lang tid: jeg føler mig altid helt slået ud i slutningen af mødet, for at sige mildt.

Vi læser kapitlerne 38-40 af Njals saga.

Fejden mellem de to kvinder, Hallgerd og Bergthora er i fuld gang. I hver omgang af fejden får Hallgerd en af sine ansatte til at dræbe en af Bergthoras ansatte. Bergthora gør så gengæld og hævner sig på Hallgerd ved at få en af sine ansatte til at dræbe en af Hallgerds ansatte.

De to kvinder skændtes oprindeligt på grund af en simpel strid om bordplanen til en fest – sikke et vanvid !!!!

Hallgerd

Bergthora

Hallgerd og Berghthoras fejde stammede oprindeligt

fra en simpel strid om bordplanen til en fest

Bunkerne af døde kroppe hober sig op. Inden længe vil hele befolkningen, der ikke var særlig talrig i det tidligere middelalder i Island,  være død – yikes!

I dag læser vi om hændelsen, hvor Brynjolf, en af Hallgerds slægtninge, dræber Atli, en af Bergthoras ansatte: vi er i den 138. omgang af fejden mellem de to kvinde (eller deromkring).

Brynjolf rejser til hest op til Thorolfsfjeld for at dræbe Atli, der arbejder langt ude i bøhlandet. Det er svært at angribe noge fra baghold i Island, fordi landskabet er meget åbent og der er næsten ikke nogle træer. Man kan se sin morder kommer fra det fjerne, så er elementet af overraskelse lidt svært at opnå, for at sige mildt.

Heldigvis set ud fra Brynjolfs synspunkt, er Atli i gang med at lave et stykke arbejde i en af landets få skove, og oven i købet, har Atli tændt et lille bål, så der er en masse røg overalt. Dermed kan Brynjolf nærmer sig sit offer, uden at Alti bemærker ham.

Brynjolf slår Atli på hovedet med sin økse, men det mislykkes ham at dræbe ham umiddelbart, hvilket er lidt uheldigt. Atli vender sig om, og Brynjolf er så overrasket, at han taber sin økse (hvilket ikke skal anbefales i disse slags situationer – det må jeg nok sige). Atli kaster sin spyd mod Brynjolf, men Brynjolf dukker hovedet, og spyden flyver over hans hoved, hvilket er heldigt. Så endelig dør Atli, og dermed er fejdens 138. omgang er forbi.

Din tur, Bergthora ha ha ha! Lad den 139. omgang begynde ha ha ha !!!

Brynjolf vs. Atli (138. omgang af de to kvinders fejde)

16:00 Mødet slutter. Jeg er helt udmattet. Jeg går hen til Winchcombe-gade og smutter ind i Frederick Allen-guldsmedsforretning og henter de tre armbåndsur, jeg i mandag efterlod hos dem: alle tre fungerer nu, takket være deres spritnye batterier, gudskelov. Jeg tager bussen hjem og kollapser i sofaen. Jeg er helt slået ud, for at sige mildt.

17:30 Jeg skynder mig ind i køkkenet og laver en portion aftensmad: en af de fedtfattige færdigretter, vi forleden købte i CookShop. Lois har det en lille smule bedre, og spiser et kogt æg med et stykke toast.

20:00 Vi bruger resten af aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn, det 3. afsnit i den seneste sæson af tv-reality showet, ”Gift ved første blik”, der oprindeligt var en dansk tv-franchise, hvilket er lidt af en overraskelse, for at sige mildt.

Lois siger, at der ikke har været noget par i forrige sæsoner af den britiske version, som ikke er gået fra hinanden efter de obligatoriske 8 uger, eller deromkring. Tværtimod har den amerikanske version været meget mere vellykket, og flere af de amerikanske par er forblevet gifte efter den prøveperiode, hvilket er interessant.

Derfor har Channel 4 importeret den amerianske versions psykelog, så hun kan råde både parene og programmagerne til, hvordan de kan gøre den britiske version mere vellykket.

Der er kun 2 par i denne seneste sæson: Jonathan og Steph, og Jack og Verity - men allerede ser udsigterne ikke ret gode ud – det må jeg nok sige.

Jonathan og Steph

Steph og Jonathan så gode ud sammen til at begynde med (på deres bryllupsdag), men nu er tingene begyndt at gå i stykker. Det er lidt af en ”Leonard og Penny”-situation fra sitcommen Big Bang Theory. Jonathans koncept af en sjov aften er at  spille brætspil, og Stephs koncept er at invitere alle sine veninde til huset og spille drikkespil – Jonathan deltager, men vi bemærker, han stadig er ædru i slutningen af aftenen – ikke et godt tegn, synes Lois og jeg.

Jack and Verity

Jack og Verity synes at være mere kompatible, selvom Jacks far siger, at Jack normalt falder for høje, langbenede blondiner, og Verity er kun 5 fods 3 eller deromkring, og er mørkhåret.

Men for mit og Lois' vedkommende, er alarmklokker begyndt at ringe i vores hoveder, fordi parret nu har delt en 4 fods 6 bred seng i tre uger, og de endnu ikke har haft sex, selvom Verity har lyst til at gøre det, hvilket ikke lyder ret lovende. Måske er Verity slet ikke hans type trods alt, og Jacks far har ret. Men det er juryen stadig ude om.

Men hvad er der galt med os briter – hvorfor kan vi ikke gifte os med en total fremmed, og gør det til en succés, ligesom alle de andre folk i verden? Sikke et vanvid!!!!

22:00 Vi går i seng – zzzzzzzzz!!!!