Tuesday, April 2 2019

Lois and I take a bath, and after breakfast I start preparing for my "Hungarian hour" with my friend, "Magyar" Mike, which starts at 10 am every Tuesday. First, I sit down with the computer and prepare the Hungarian vocabulary test I want him to take at the start of the hour - he will do the same for me.

10:00 Mike calls at the door and we study Hungarian for an hour. We exchange vocabulary tests and read through lesson 10 in our textbook.

It is obvious that Mike has been ageing very quickly now, day by day, over the past 12 months, no doubt about that. He moves very slowly, and is slightly bent, to put it mildly, like a real little old man.

He has forgotten some very basic Hungarian words. But I think he is determined to return to his previous level, if possible, which is encouraging. And all in all, his performance today is much better than at our last meeting (on March 19).

Flashback to March 1994: "Magyar" Mike (on the right) and me, in happier times,

showcasing our second-hand  "excellent worker" medals from the Communist era.

He has also become a bit of a nervous driver, to put it mildly, and he hasn’t yet got used to the new used car he bought last December. On the way from Nailsworth to Cheltenham this morning it started to rain - it was the first time he had had to drive in the rain in the car, so he had no other choice than to try to figure out how to turn on the wipers, both for the windscreen and the rear window, also how to vary the windscreen wiper speed and interval setting, and all that kind of stuff - poor Mike !!!!

My god, what madness !!!

Today we browse through our textbook's 11th lesson, starting with a fun dialogue, followed by some embarrassing  scenes in a women's clothing store.

Géza Kormos is taking his son Gyuszi to school, and Gyuszi asks his father what he plans to give ‘mother’ for her "name day".

Hungarians have not just a birthday every year, but also a name day, shared by all Hungarians with the same first name, so all women by the name of Irén, for example,  have a name day on the same day of the year, and their family, friends and work colleagues all give them presents.

Gyuszi knows that his father gives his wife the same gift every year, ie a bouquet of flowers and a box of cherry cognac chocolates, which Gyuszi thinks is a bit boring, to put it mildly. And he encourages his father to be more adventurous this year.

Unfortunately, Géza decides to swing by a local women's clothing store where he just embarrasses himself with his pitiful efforts to choose a suitable gift: he considers buying his wife a sweater, but after sifting through a lot of different coloured sweaters, he comes to the conclusion that she already has plenty of sweaters.

Géza, the pitiful middle-aged Hungarian husband

makes a fool of himself  in a women's clothing store. What madness !!!!!

He thinks about  buying her shoes:  but who in their right mind would buy a pair of shoes for somebody else, other than a total idiot? And he can't decide on the colour: his wife is so picky, he says.

Eventually he decides to buy a skirt, but the shop only has long skirts, and his wife just likes short ones. Good grief, what madness !!!

I think if I were Irén, I'd rather not have a short skirt on when Géza was at home - it might give him some saucy ideas, which could be a little embarrassing, to put it mildly, especially if little Gyuszi, who seems to have a wisdom beyond his years, was within earshot - yikes!

To cut a long story short, Géza ends up buying Irén her usual bouquet of flowers and box of cherry cognac chocolates.

My goodness, what a crazy world we live in !!!!! If I were Irén, I think I'd consider getting a divorce, no doubt about that !!!!! What madness over one little gift !!!!

11:00 Mike leaves, and Lois and I drive over to the Wyevale Garden Centre to have Lois's delayed Mother's Day lunch at the Garden Centre’s restaurant. On Tuesdays, retirees get a main course, a dessert and a cup of tea or coffee for just £10 or thereabouts, so the restaurant is packed with old crows today, to put it mildly. But Lois and I manage to find a table in a quiet corner, thank goodness.

Lois chooses lasagne, with apple and rhubarb crumble for dessert - yum yum!

Lois chooses lasagne, and I choose fish'n'chips again. We settle for apple and rhubarb crumble as our dessert, when we discover that our favourite dish, bread-and-butter pudding, has sold out. Damn! Those  local old crows love their bread-and-butter puddings, no doubt about that – what swines they are !!!!

14:00 We drive home. On the way back, we swing by the local Fresh-Foods mini-supermarket to buy fruit and vegetables. We come home and go to bed for a couple of hours. We get up at 4 pm and relax with a cup of tea on the sofa.

17:30 We are not very hungry tonight because of our massive lunch, so we just grab a piece of toast with marmite, and then afterwards we have to go out.

Lois wants to take part in her sect’s Bible seminar, taking place tonight in Brockworth county library. I drive her over to Mari-Ann and Alf's house, and they will drive her over to Brockworth, where all three will attend the seminar. This evening's topic will be about the "The Gospel in Isaiah", and Adrian will lead the seminar.

I drive home and relax with a cup of coffee.

I have a bit of alone time, and spend the evening watching a little television, yesterday's amazing edition of the early evening magazine programme, "This Time With Alan Partridge," which included the now famous massive live on-screen fight between Partridge and his co-host Jennie Gresham. Jennie ended up storming off, leaving it to Alan to present the rest of the programme on his own.

The fight was the lead story in today's newspapers and hit all the headlines, pushing the Brexit-madness off the front pages for once, which was a bit of a relief, to put it mildly!

According to the country's leading media commentators, the bust-up between Partridge and Gresham had been long coming, and the programme’s staff had been aware for many months that there was trouble brewing between the two highly-paid stars.

Here's the dialogue that proved the last straw for Gresham:

(Gresham) This is all because I don't fancy you, isn’t it! .... Aww, poor you [here, she gently touches his chest, pretending to calm him down]

(Partridge) [laughing nervously] That's the funniest thing I've heard since ..... [lamely]… 1990 !

Oh no, you're not my type, love!

(Gresham) Oh we all know what your type is!

(Partridge) That's interesting! What do you think my type is, then?

(Gresham) Er, lonely, bottle blonde, divorced, in her 50’s ....

(Partridge) Yes, because they can handle me. You can’t !

(Gresham) Oh I think I could.  …..  I think I’d probably just flush all that viagra you keep in your bag down the toilet !

(Partridge) [lamely]  I’d just get another prescription, free!

Partridge and Gresham's now famous fight on live TV

the moment Gresham storms off and leaves Partridge

to present  the programme on his own.

I feel sorry for both Alan and Jennie, but it proves very exciting to watch the fight play out live on TV - no doubt about that! I look forward to telling Lois about it all when she comes back from Brockworth. She can't stand  Alan, and she will be more than happy that Jennie has finally stood up to him, and that she stormed off in that way.

22:00 Lois comes back from Brockworth and I go to bed. But Lois needs to relax and wind down after tonight's exciting Bible seminar, so she decides to stay up and watch a bit of television.

22:30 She hops into bed with me - zzzzzzzzzzzz !!!!!!

Danish translation

Lois og jeg går i bad, og efter morgenmad går jeg i gang med at forberede mig på min ”ungarske time” med min ven, ”Magyar” Mike, som starter kl 10 hver tirsdag. Først sætter jeg mig med computeren og udfærdiger en ungarsk ordforrådtest, jeg vil have ham at tage i starten af timen – han vil gøre det samme for mig.

10:00 Mike ringer på døren og vi studerer ungarsk i en time. Vi udveksler ordforrådtest og læser lektion 10 i vores lærebog.

Det er åbenbart, at Mike har ældes hurtigt dag for dag i de seneste 12 måneder, ingen tvivl om det. Han bevæger sig meget langsomt, og er lidt krumbøjet, for at sige mildt, ligesom en ægte gammel mand.

Han har glemt nogle grundlæggende ungarske ord. Men jeg synes, han er fast besluttet på at vende tilbage til sit foregående niveau, hvis muligt, hvilket er opmuntrende. I det helet tager er hans præstation i dag meget bedre en vores seneste time (den 19. marts).

Tilbageblik til marts 1994: ”Magyar” Mike (til højre) og mig i lykkeligere tider, i gang med

at  fremvise vores brugte”udmærket arbejder”-medaljer fra den kommunistiske æra.

Han er også blevet til lidt af en nervøs chauffør, for at sige mildt, og han er ikke vænnet sig endnu til den nye brugte bil, han købte sidste december. På vej fra Nailsworth til Cheltenham i morges begyndte det  at regne – det var første gang han var nødt til at køre i bilen i regnvejr, så han ikke havde andet valg, end at forsøge at finde frem til, hvordan man skal tænde vinduesviskerne, både til forruden og bagruden, og hvordan man skal variere vinduesviskerhastighed og intervalindstilling og al den slags – stakkels Mike !!!!

Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!

I dag blader vi igennem vores lærebogs 11. lektion, der starter med en morsom dialog, fulgt af scener i en dametøjsbutik.

Géza Kormos er i gang med at få sin søn Gyuszi i skole, og Gyuszi spørger sin far, hvad han planlægger at give mor til hendes ”navnedag”.  Alle ungarer har ikke bare én fødselsdag om året, men også én navnedag, så for eksempel fejrer all ungarer ved navn Irén har en navnedag på samme dag., og deres familie, venner og arbejdskollegaer alle forærer gaver.

Gyuszi ved godt, at hans far hvert år forærer sin kone den samme gave, dvs en buket blomster og en æske kirsebærcognac-chokolader, hvilket Gyuszi synes, er lidt kedeligt, for at sige mildt. Og han opmuntrer sin far til at være mere eventyragtig denne år. 

Desværre beslutter Géza at smutte ind i en lokal damestøjbutik, hvor han bare pinliggør sig selv med sine ynkelige indsatser at vælge en egnet gave: han overvejer at købe sin kone en trøje, men kommer til den konklusion, at hun allerede har nok trøjer.

Géza, den ynkelige midaldrende ungarske ægtemand

gør sig til grin igen i en dametøjsbutik. Sikke et vanvid !!!!!

Han overvejer at købe sko: men hvem ville købe et par sko på vegne af nogen anden, bortset fra en total idiot? Og han kan ikke beslutte på farven: hans kone er for kræsen, siger han.

Til sidst beslutter han at købe en nederdel, men butikker har kun lange nederdele, og hans kone kan lide bare korte. Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!  Jeg synes, at hvis jeg var Irén, ville jeg hellere ikke have en kort nederdel på, når Géza var hjemme – det kan være, det ville give ham nogle frække idéer, hvilket kunne være lidt pinligt, for at sige mildt, i sær hvis lille Gyuszi var i hørevidder – yikes!

Kort sagt, ender Géza ud med at købe hende den sædvanlige buket blomster og æske kirsebærcognac-chokolader.

Du godeste, sikke en skør verden vi lever i !!!!! Hvis jeg var Irén, synes jeg, jeg ville overvejer at få en skilsmisse, ingen tvivl om det!!!!! Sikke et vanvid over en lille gave !!!!

11:00 Mike skal af sted, og Lois og jeg kører over til Wyevale-havecentret for at spise Lois’ forsinkede morsdags-frokost på havecentrets restaurant. Om tirsdagen får pensionister en hovedret, en dessert og en kop te eller kaffe for kun £10 eller deromkring, så restauranten er propfyldt med gamle krager, for at sige mildt. Men det lykkes Lois og mig at finde et bord i et stille og roligt hjørne, gudskelov.

Lois vælger lasagne, med æble-og-rabarber crumble til dessert – yum yum!

Lois vælger lasagne, og jeg vælger fish’n’chips igen. Vi har æble og rabarber crumble til dessert, da vi opdager at vores yndlingsret, brød-og-smør pudding, er udsolgt. Pokkers! De der lokale gamle krager elsker sine brød-og-smør puddings, ingen tvivl om det – hvor er de dog svin!!!!

14:00 Vi kører hjem. På vej smutter vi ind i det lokale Fresh-Foods-minisupermarked for at købe frugt og grøntsag. Vi kommer hjem og går i seng i et par timer. Vi står op kl 16 og slapper af med en kop te i sofaen.

17:30 Vi er ikke sultne på grund af vores massive frokost, så snupper vi bare et stykke toast med marmite, og bagefter skal vi ud. Lois ønsker at deltage i sin sekts bibelseminar, der finder sted i aften i byen Brockworths bibliotek. Jeg kører hende over til Mari-Ann og Alfs hus, og de vil køre hende over til Brockworth, hvor de alle tre vil deltage i seminaret. Aftenens emne vil handler om ”Evangeliet i Esajas bog”, og Adrian vil styre seminaret.

Jeg kører hjem og slapper af med en kop kaffe.

Jeg har lidt alenetid og bruger aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn, gårsdagens forbløffende udgave af den tidlig aften magasinprogram, ”This Time With Alan Partridge”, der inkluderede den nu berømte massive live direkte skænderi mellem Partridge  og hans co-vært Jennie Gresham. Jennie endte med at storme af scenen, overladende det til Alan til at introducere og styre programmet alene.

Skænderiet var lead-historien i dagens aviser og ramte alle de overskrifter, skubbende Brexit-vanviddet af forsiderne for engangs skyld, hvilket var lidt af en lettelse, for at sige midlt.

Ifølge landets førende media-kommentatorer havde bruddet  mellem Partridge og Gresham været længe i gære, og programmets personale havde i mange måneder været klar over, at der var optræk til ballade mellem de to højlønnede stjerner.

Den dialog, der bragte bageret til at flyde over for Gresham :

(Gresham) Det hele er fordi jeg ikke sværmer for dig, ikke?.... Åååh, stakkels dig  [hun rører let ved hans brystkasse og lader som om at hun beroliger ham]

(Partridge) [griner nervøst] Det er det morsomste jeg har hørt siden.....   1990 !

Åh nej, du er ikke min type, skat!

(Gresham) Vi ved alle, hvad din type er!

(Partridge) Åh det der er interessant. Og hvad synes du, min type er?

(Gresham)  Øøh, ensom, flaskeblondine, skilt, i 50’erne....

(Partridge) Ja, fordi de der kan håndtere mig. Det kan du ikke!

(Gresham) Det kunde jeg, synes jeg!

(Partridge) Jeg synes, jeg bare ville skylle ud i toilettet al den viagra du gemmer i din taske!

(Gresham) Jeg ville bare få gratis et andet recept!

Partridge og Greshams brud på live tv

det øjeblik, Gresham stormer af scenen og forlader Partridge

at introducere og styre programmet alene

Jeg har ondt af både Alan og Jennie, men det  har været meget spændende at se bruddet  spille sig ud på live tv – ingen tvivl om det! Jeg glæder mig til at fortælle Lois om det hele, når hun kommer tilbage fra Brockworth. Hun kan ikke fordrage Alan og hun vil være meget glad for, at Jennie omsider har gjort front mod ham, og at hun stormede af scenen på den måde.

22:00 Lois kommer tilbage fra Brockworth, og jeg går i seng. Men Lois trænger til at slappe af og geare ned efter aftenens spændende bibelseminar, så beslutter hun at se lidt fjernsyn.

22:30 Hun hopper op i sengen til mig – zzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!