Wednesday December 11 2019

09:00 Lois and I tumble out of the shower cubicle  and after breakfast we drive over to the small town of Bishop's Cleeve, 3 miles north of Cheltenham, and park the car in the car park closest to the post office.

The village of Bishop's Cleeve's local post office, depicted here in happier times

- before the Christmas rush

We enter nervously into the post office, and rightly so - as expected, it's stuffed with old crows, standing in a crazy long queue, winding around the shelves of newspapers, magazines, stationery, Christmas cards, birthday cards, etc.: a queue of old crows , all determined to send Christmas gift parcels to their friends and relatives abroad and in the UK.

What madness! These old crows are such a nuisance !!! And they ruin things for all of us other old crows !!!! Stop the world we want to get off !!!!

Eventually we reach the counter and we manage to ship two packages to Sarah, our daughter in Perth, Australia, one containing a jigsaw puzzle for Sarah's 6-year-old twin daughters, Lily and Jessie, and another containing two copies of the latest (11th. December) issue of the monthly "Peter Rabbit" children's magazine, also for Lily and Jessie. What madness !!!!!

We are spending money like water at the moment, as Christmas approaches, so on our way back to the parking lot I swing past the cash machine to take out another £200 - yikes !!!!

11:00 We come home and relax with a cup of coffee on the sofa and talk a little about the post office and the gangs of old crows who go crazy in there every Christmas.

We wonder if the situation could be improved if the post office stayed open into the night. I tell Lois about the news I read about recently on my go-to news site, Onion News, reporting that US post offices now apparently remain open until 3 in the morning.

WASHINGTON - In an effort to reach out to a previously untapped customer base, the struggling United States Postal Service announced Tuesday that it would extend its business hours until  3 a.m. to meet America's demand for postal shipping late at night.

"People's lives don't stop at five o'clock, and neither do their dispatch needs," said Postmaster General John E. Potter as he addressed reporters during a rare press conference, taking place in the early evening. “Starting this week, the post office is extending its opening hours well into the night. Now, millions of Americans who enjoy our country's exciting nightlife no longer have to wait until the sun comes up to send that important package to a beloved, old-school friend or Michael Jordan."

"Suddenly, the post just got a lot more fun!",  Potter added.

The move comes after a trial of the expanded hours in six urban markets, with post offices seeing a 137 percent increase in total revenue - most of which was made in the 15 minutes after the last call. There was also a threefold increase in passport applications, largely the result of drunk people stumbling in at 2 in the morning and making completely spontaneous plans for a drive to Mexico.

"We are busier than ever, but to be honest, many of these people's packages will never even get to the sorting office," Loftus continued. “The address will be unreadable, or the envelope soaked in beer or hot sauce. You'd be surprised how many people try to send themselves hot sauce at 2:30 in the morning."

Post office insiders say the programme has won tremendous popularity so far, partly because it allows customers to fulfil their drunken communication impulses without having to deal with the consequences for days or even weeks.

According to a recent poll of the Post Office's late-night customers, 65 percent of customers were trying to send angry letters to their ex-partners, 30 percent were wearing priority envelopes on their heads as hats, and the remaining 5 percent wanted to know what the fuck the pollster was looking at.

"My shoes started to hurt, so I shipped them to Foot Locker," said New Orleans customer Patrick Balmer. "I said it, right there in the letter, I said," You fuckers deal  with it!" "Not my problem any more."

"Thank you late-night UPS!" Balmer added, using a customs declaration form to staunch the flow of blood from his big toe.

While the programme has been a financial boon, it has also created its share of problems:  bouncers have been hired to deal with violence in several participating post offices, and complaints about overflowing mailboxes have been voiced by residents of the small northeastern port city of Fuck, ME.

"Last night I had to stop a guy from climbing behind the counter to check up on his Netflix arrivals," Las Vegas Post guard Darius Whitman said. “And people get angry when they wait half an hour in the package pick-up line and then find out that there is no bottle service. Sometimes it's rough and rowdy, but for the most part it's just people laughing, making out, mailing out orders for Bacon of the Month Club and just having fun. "

Lois and I sit on the couch and talk a little about the UPS initiative, but we're not totally sure if the idea would work well in a town like Bishop's Cleeve, where the majority of the population are old crows like us and the night-life is non-existent. But we'll see - and I write myself a mental note: "Remember to send a letter about this to the local postmistress."

11:30 We start clearing up and vacuuming all over the house because Scilla's U3A Old Norse group is holding its regular fortnightly meeting here with us this afternoon, and I don't want group members to think Lois and I live like pigs ha ha ha – which of course we do, needless to say!

12:00 We have lunch and afterwards I go to bed and take a short afternoon nap. I get up at 2 pm and prepare for Scilla's group meeting.

14:30  Group members ring at the door and we study Njal's saga for an hour and a half.

At this point in the saga, half of medieval Iceland's population is trying to kill Gunnar, one of the main characters in the saga - which Lois and I find a little difficult to understand: he seems to be such a sweet man from our point of view: my god, what a crazy world we live in !!!

But I’m going to let all of that slide because, after all, it's now far too late for Lois and me to start a "hearts-and-minds" campaign on Gunnar's behalf, considering the poor guy has been dead for centuries anyway.

Njal's saga - written in Old Norse in the 14th century

In these chapters we're reading today, three of Gunnar's most deadly enemies - Mord and "the two Thorgeirs” (two men with the same name) - come up with a new plan. First they plan  to just annoy Gunnar, in preparation for starting a massive fight with him.

The plan is as follows: one of “the two Thorgeirs" is going to seduce one of Gunnar's female relatives - they choose the lovely Ormhilda, mostly, we think,  because she is just "a girl who can't say no".

Ormhilda, a girl who can't say no

At any rate, swift progress is made with the seduction plan, and Thorgeir does not run into any trouble continuing the affair for months.

Gunnar becomes annoyed as soon as he gets news of Thorgeir and Ormhilda's relationship, and his anger increases in the summer as the couple's sex life becomes even more active. Gunnar will soon be having a fit - he has a pretty short fuse as everyone knows !!!!

Lois comments on the names of Gunnar's enemies: Mord, Thorgeir (1) and Thorgeir (2). As a U3A group with literary pretensions, we often debate the extent to which the saga is accurately describing real events and the degree to which some elements are purely a fictional or exaggerated version of something maybe entirely mythical.

Lois says that if the saga were mostly fictional, the saga poet would never have come up with identical names for two of the villains: Thorgeir and Thorgeir – it’s far too confusing, she thinks.

And the other group members are inclined to agree with Lois on this point, I have to say.

16:00 The group meeting ends, but the members stay and talk for another 30 minutes - it's nice to know that they feel so at home here with us, but Lois and I feel completely washed up - yikes! Finally, they leave and Lois and I can relax with a cup of tea and a biscuit on the couch.

Now our U3A Christmas break begins - hurrah! No Danish or Old Norse group meetings until late January - hurrah (again) !!!

18:00 We have dinner, one of the ready-meals we recently bought at CookShop in Leckhampton - we are too tired to even consider cooking from scratch - yikes, we are ageing very quickly now, no doubt about that !!!!

19:00 We write short messages in the rest of the Christmas cards we intend to send to friends and relatives. In some of the envelopes I enclose some recent photos, but I don't do a Christmas newsletter - I tell people we have had a quiet year, which is true, even though we hope to travel to Australia again in 2020. 

Enough said !!!! Such is life ha ha ha !!!!! And in many cards we find ourselves  promising to meet up next year with lots of people we haven't seen in years: let's just hope we do it, this time, and don't just forget again ha ha ha !!!!

Afterwards, we spend the rest of the evening watching some television, the 6th episode of Ken Burns's series on the history of American country and western music. This 6th episode covers the period from 1968-1972. The programme's host is the charming Ken Burns.

An interesting programme, although Lois and I would rather hear entire songs, rather than 10-second excerpts, interspersed with sound bites and comments from hundreds of "talking heads", but I’m going to let that one slide, because the singers’ lives are so interesting and colourful to put it mildly.

It's nice to see George Jones's mother's extensive laundry line system - George was born in 1931 in a log shack in Texas, one of 8 children - my god !

All of these singers' later lives seem to have been marked by the usual crises surrounding drug use and alcoholism (on Saturdays) and religion (on Sundays), repeated marriages and repeated divorces, and the like.

And we see Loretta Lynn and Tammy Wynette's different styles when it comes to marital harmony, which is a bit ironic, to put it mildly.

Many of the male singers were themselves not just churchgoers but also at the same time alcoholics and / or drug users, and Kris Kristofferson's song about Saturday night and Sunday morning “spoke” to many of them, including Johnny Cash, it seems.

Well I woke up Sunday morning

With no way to hold my head that hurt

And the beer I had for breakfast

So I had one more for dessert

Then I fumbled through my closet for my clothes

And found my cleanest dirty shirt…

And I washed my face and combed my hair

And stumbled down the stairs to meet the day.

My god, what a crazy world these singers lived in, in those times !!!!

21:00 We continue to watch a bit of television, the 4th (and final) part of the “Digging for Britain” series. The series provides an overview of the archaeological discoveries that have been reported over the past 12 months. This episode tonight is about archaeological excavations revolving around old buildings and equipment (warplanes and the like) dating from World War II. The programme's host is the charming Alice Roberts.

In the small village of Aldbourne, located just outside Salisbury, Wiltshire, archaeologists are investigating the remains of a military camp used by a US parachute regiment that trained there in preparation for the D-Day invasion of France.

They have found a lot of personal belongings left behind by the men when they flew to the French coast on June 6, 1944. 

The men were very popular with the local children, and in particular also the local women, to put it mildly, and all the locals were very grateful for the supplies of chocolate, chewing gum, nylon stockings, and other "luxury products" the men handed out, that were then in short supply in the UK.

Let's just hope that the man who left behind the brand new nylon stockings survived the invasion - but sadly his girlfriend will never have got his generous gift, that’s for sure  – the poor thing !!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz !!!!!

Danish translation: onsdag den 11. December 2019

09:00 Lois og jeg vælter ud af brusekabinen og efter morgenmad kører vi over til den lille by Bishops Cleeve, der ligger 3 miles nord for Cheltenham, og parkerer bilen i den parkeringsplads, der ligger nærmest til postkontoret.

Landsbyen Bishops Cleeves lokale postkontor, afbildet her i lykkeligere tider

Vi træder nervøst ind i postkontoret, og med rette – som forventet er det propfyldt med gamle krager, stående i en vildt lang kø, der snor sig rundt mellem hylderne af aviser, tidsskrifter, papirvarer, julekort, fødselsdagskort osv:  en kø af gamle krager, alle fast besluttede på at sende pakker med julegaver til deres venner og slægtninge i udlandet og i Storbritannien.

Sikke et vanvid! Disse gamle krager er sikke nogle gener!!! Og de ødelægger tingene for alle os andre gamle krager!!!!  Stop verden, jeg vil stå af!!!!

Til sidst når vi til disken og det lykkes os at afsende to pakker til Sarah, vores datter i Perth, Australien, den ene indeholder et puslespil til Sarahs 6-årige tvillingedøtre, Lily og Jessie, og to eksemplarer af den seneste (den 11. december) udgave af det månedlige ”Peter Rabbit”-børnemagasin, også til Lily og Jessie. Sikke et vanvid!!!!!

Vi bruger penge som vand for tiden, som jul nærmer sig, så på vej tilbage til parkerindspladsen svinger jeg forbi automaten for at hæve endnu 200£ - yikes!!!!

11:00 Vi kommer hjem og slapper af med en kop kaffe i sofaen og snakker lidt om postkontoret og de bander af gamle krager, der går amok derinde hver jul.

Vi spekulerer på, om situation kunne forbedret, hvis postkontoret var åbnet længere ud på natten. Jeg fortæller hende om den nyhed, jeg læste om for nylig i mit go-to nyhedswebsted, Onion News, hvor amerikanske postkontorer nu forbliver åben indtil kl 3 om morgenen.

WASHINGTON - I et forsøg på at række hånden ud til et tidligere uudnyttet kundebase annoncerede den tabsgivende United States Postal Service tirsdag, at den ville forlænge sin åbningstid til kl. 3 for at imødekomme Amerikas e-mail-efterspørgsel på postekspedition sent på aftenen.

”Folkets liv stopper ikke klokken fem, og det gør heller ikke deres afsendelsesbehov,” sagde postmestergeneral John E. Potter, da han henvendte sig til journalister under en sjælden pressekonference, bestemt til tidligt om aftenen. ”Startende fra denne uge forlænger postkontoret sine åbningstider langt ud på natten. Nu skal millioner af amerikanere, der nyder vores lands spændende natteliv, ikke længere vente indtil at solen går op for at sende den der vigtige pakke til en elsket, gammel skolekammerat eller Michael Jordan. ”

"Pludselig er posten lige blevet meget sjovere!", tilføjede Potter.

Skridtet kommer efter en prøve af de udvidede timer på seks bymarkeder, hvor postkontorer oplevede en stigning på 137 procent i den samlede omsætning - hvoraf det meste blev foretaget i de 15 minutter efter sidste varsel. Der var også en tredobbelt stigning i pasapplikationer, stort set resultatet af berusede personer, der snublede ind kl 2 om morgenen og lavede helt spontan planer om en køretur til Mexico.

”Vi har mere travlt end nogensinde, men for at være ærligt, kommer mange af disse menneskers pakker aldrig engang til sorteringskontoret,” fortsatte Loftus. ”Adressen vil være uleselig, eller kuverten gennemvædet i øl eller varm sauce. Du ville blive overrasket over, hvor mange mennesker forsøger at sende sig selv varm sauce klokken 02:30 om morgenen. ”

Insidere fra postkontoret siger, at programmet hidtil har haft stor popularitet, delvis fordi det giver kunderne mulighed for at opfylde deres berusede kommunikationsimpulser uden at skulle tage sig af følgerne i dage eller endda uger.

Ifølge en nylig meningsmåling af postkontorernes sennat-kunder forsøgte 65 procent af kunderne at sende vrede breve til deres eks-kæreste, 30 procent bar prioritetkuverter som hatte, og de resterende 5 procent ville vide, hvad for fanden intervieweren så på.

”Mine sko begyndte at gøre ondt, så jeg afsendte dem til Foot Locker,” sagde New Orleans-kunden Patrick Balmer. ”Jeg sagde det, lige der i brevet, sagde jeg, ”I sjovere klarer det! ”Ikke mit problem mere.”

“Tak sennat-UPS!” tilføjede Balmer ved hjælp af en toldangivelsesformular til at stanse blodstrømmen fra sin stortå.

Mens programmet har været en økonomisk velsignelse, har det også skabt sin andel af problemer: udsmidere er blevet ansat for at håndtere vold i flere af de deltagende postkontorer, og klager over overløbne postkasser er blevet udtrykt af beboere i den lille nordøstlige havneby af Fuck, ME.

”I går aftes var jeg nødt til at stoppe en fyr fra at klatre bag disken for at tjekke op på sine Netflix ankomster,” sagde Las Vegas postvagt Darius Whitman. ”Og folk bliver vrede, når de venter en halv times tid i pakkehentekøen og derefter finder ud af, at der ikke er nogen flaske-tjeneste. Nogle gange er det grov og voldsom, men for det meste er det bare folk, der griner, kysser og krammer, udsender ordrer fra Bacon of the Month Club og hygger sig. ”

Lois og jeg bliver siddende på sofaen og snakker lidt om UPS-initiativet, men vi er ikke helt sikre på, om idéen ville virke i en by som Bishops Cleeve, hvor størstedelen af befolkingen er gamle krager som os. Men vi får se – og jeg skriver mig det bag øret: ”må huske at afsende et brev derom til den lokale postmester”.

11:30 Vi går i gang med at rydde op og støvsuge overalt i huset, fordi Scillas U3A oldnordiske gruppe holder sit regelmæssige fjortendags-møde her hos os i eftermiddag, og jeg vil ikke have, at gruppemedlemmerne synes, Lois og jeg lever som svine ha ha ha!

12:00 Vi spiser frokost og bagefter går jeg i seng for at tage en kort eftermiddagslur. Jeg står op kl 14 og forbereder mig på Scillas gruppemøde.

14:30 Gruppemedlemmer ringer på døren og vi studerer Njals saga i en time og en halv.

På dette tidspunkt i sagaen er halvdelen af det middelalderlige Islands befolking i gang med at forsøget at dræbe Gunnar, én af sagaens hovedfigurer – det finder Lois og jeg lidt svært at forstå: han synes at være sikke en sød mand set ud fra vores synspunkt: du godeste, sikke en skør verden vi lever i !!!!

Men alt der der springer jeg over, fordi, når alt kommer til alt, er det nu alt for sent til at Lois og jeg starter en ”hjerter-og-sinde”-kampagne på Gunnars vegne, i betragtning af, den stakkels fyr er været død i århundreder.

Njals saga – skrevet i oldnordisk i det 14. århundrede

I disse kapitler kommer tre af Gunnars mest dødelige fjender (Mord og ”de to ”Thorgeir-er”, to mænd med samme navn) på en ny plan. Først har de lyst til at irritere Gunnar, i forberedelse på at starte et massiv slågsmål med ham.

Planen er som følger: en af de to ”Thorgeir” skal forføre én af Gunnars slægtninge – de vælger dejlige Ormhilda, formodentlig fordi hun bare er ”en pige, der ikke kan sige nej”.

Ormhilda, en pige, der ikke kan sige nej

I hvert fald, skrider den fremad med forførelsen og Thorgeir løber ikke i nogle problemer med at fortsætte affæren gennem flere måneder: Gunnar bliver straks irriteret, da han få nys om Thorgeir og Ormhildas forhold, og hans vrede øger videre om sommeren, når parrets sexliv bliver endnu mere aktiv. Gunnar kommer snart til at få et føl på tværs – han har en kort lunte, som alle ved!!!!

Lois kommenterer om navne af Gunnars fjender: Mord, Thorgeir og Thorgeir. Som en gruppe, debaterer vi ofte, i hvilken grad sagaen akkurat beskriver reelle begivenheder, og i hvilken grad er den en fiktiv eller overdrevet version af noget mere mytisk.

Hun siger, at hvis sagaen var for det meste fiktiv, ville sagadigteren aldrig være kommet med identiske navne til to af de skurker: Thorgeir og Thorgeir – det er alt for forvirrende.

Og de andre gruppermedlemmer hælder til at være enig med Lois om dette punkt, det må jeg nok sige.

16:00 Gruppemødet ender, men medlemmerne bliver siddende og snakkende i endnu 30 minutter – det er rart at vide, at de føler sig så hjemme her hos os, men Lois og jeg er helt udslået – yikes! Endelig tager de af sted, og Lois og jeg kan slappe af med en kop te og en kiks i sofaen.

Nu begynder vores U3A julepause – hurra! Endnu ingen danske eller oldnordiske gruppemøder til sent i januar – hurra (igen) !!!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad, én af de færdigretter vi købte for nylig i CookShop i Leckhampton – vi er for trætte endda til at overveje at lave mad fra bunden – yikes, vi ældes hurtigt, ingen tvivl om det!!!!

19:00 Vi skriver kort beskeder i resten af de julekort, vi har til hensigt at afsende til venner og slægtninge. I nogle af kuverterne vedlægger jeg nogle nylige billeder, men ikke noget julenyhedsbrev – jeg fortæller folk, vi har haft et stille år, hvilket er sandt, selvom vi håber at rejse til Australien igen i 2020. Nok sagt!!!! Sådan er livet ha ha ha!!!!! Vi lover at mødes næste år med flere, vi ikke har set i årevis: lad os håbe bare på, at vi gør det, og ikke glemme igen ha ha ha!!!!

Vi bagefter bruger resten af aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn, det 6. afsnit i Ken Burns’ serie om historien af amerikansk country og western-musik. Dette 5. afsnit dækker perioden fra 1964-1968. Programmets vært er den charmerende Ken Burns.

En interessant program, selvom Lois og jeg hellere vil høre hele sange, i stedet for 10-sekunders uddrag, og lydbites og kommentarer fra hundredvis af ”talende hoveder”, men det springer jeg over, fordi sangeres liv er så interessante og kulørte for at sige mildt.

Det er rart at se George Jones’ mors omfattende system af tørresnore – George var født i 1931 i et træhytte i Texas, én af 8 børn – du godeste!

Alle disse sangeres senere liv synes at er blevet præget af de sædvanlige kriser kredsende om alkoholisme (om lørdagen) og religion (om søndagen), gentagende ægetskaber og gentagende skilsmisser og den slags.

Og vi ser Loretta Lynn og Tammy Wynettes forskellige stile, når det kom til ægteskabelig harmoni, hvilket er lidt ironisk, for at sige mildt.

Mange af de mandlige sangere var tværtimod ikke bare kirkegængere men også alkolikere og/eller stofbrugere, og Kris Kristoffersons sang sagde noget til mange af dem, inklusive Johnny Cash, lader det til.

Well I woke up Sunday morning

With no way to hold my head that didn’t hurt

And the beer I had for breakfast wasn’t bad

So I had one more for dessert

Then I fumbled through my closet for my clothes

And found my cleanest dirty shirt…

And I washed my face and combed my hair

And stumbled down the stairs to meet the day.

Du godeste, sikke en skør verden disse sangere levede i dengang!!!!

21:00 Vi fortsætter med at se lidt fjersyn, det 4. (og sidste) del af Alice Roberts ”Digging for Britain”-serie. Serien giver en oversigt at de arkæologiske opdagelser, der er blevet rapporteret i løbet af de seneste 12 måneder. Dette afsnit handler om arkæologiske udgravninger der kredser om gamle bygninger og udstyr (krigefly og den slags), der daterer fra den 2. verdenskrig. Programmets vært er den charmerende Alice Roberts.

I den lille landsby Aldbourne, der ligger lidt uden for Salisbury, Wiltshire, undersøger arkæologer resterne af en militær lejr brugt af en amerikansk faldskærmregiment, der uddannede sig der i forberedelse på D-dag invasionen af Frankrig.

De har fundet en masse personlige ejendele, efterladt af mændene, da de fløj at sted mod den franske kyst den 6. juni 1944. Mændene var meget populære blandt de lokale born, også de lokale kvinder, for at sige mildt, og de var meget taknemmelige for deres forsyninger af chokolade, tyggegummi, nylonstrømper, og andre ”luksusprodukter”, der dengang var mangelvarer i Storbritannien.

Lad os håbe bare på, at den mand, der efterlod de spritnye nylonstrømper i lejren overlevede invasionen – men desværre fik hans kæreste aldrig hans generøse gave – staklen !!!!

22:00 Vi går i seng – zzzzzzzz!!!!!