Wednesday December 18 2019

09:15 As soon as the rush hour is over, Lois and I head over to the small town of Bishop's Cleeve, 3 miles north of Cheltenham. On the way we swing by Waghorne’s, the local butcher's shop in our village to buy chicken, sausage and bacon: our daughter Alison in Haslemere, Surrey has invited us to spend Christmas with her and her family, but as a backup we would rather to have food in the freezer in case we can't get over there - due to sickness, bad weather or the like.

Waghornes, the local butcher’s shop

10:00 We drive on to Bishop's Cleeve, do some grocery shopping at the local Coop mini supermarket, and afterwards I step into the Lowrys café while Lois pops into the Cats-Whiskers trinkets shop to look for a Christmas present for Lily Rose , her 13-year-old great-niece in Oxford: 13 is a difficult age to buy for, we think. Fortunately, the saleswoman also has a 13-year-old daughter, and she tells Lois that a certain kind of bracelet has become a bit of a craze among young teens at the moment, which is nice to know. Lois grabs a bundle of them and hurries out.

It's so hard to stay up to date with teenage crazes, no doubt about that! German teens have recently developed a retro craze that involved them invading a neighbouring country, according to our favourite news site, Onion News.

WARSAW, POLAND - In the largest nostalgia-driven military assault in history, 250,000 retro-fixated German teens and thirty-somethings invaded Poland Monday.

"The 30's were like the coolest decade," said 17-year-old Grete Wunsch of Düsseldorf, one of the 840 young hipsters in the 55th Panzer Division who seized control of the capital Warsaw and set up a provisional German government. “The clothes, the music, the rallies - the whole Third Reich thing was just the best. I was so born in the wrong decade."

My god, what a crazy world we live in !!! When I was a teenager, I was more concerned with getting good grades with my homework than, for example, joining my classmates trying to land on beaches in the north of France - an activity that, frankly, was a total waste of time in my opinion, but I’m going to let that one slide, because it takes all kinds to make a world - no doubt about that !!!

Flashback to 1960: a group of my former classmates

at Bristol Grammar School, who invaded Normandy again in June of that year.

Unfortunately, not all of them came back – sob sob !!!

10:30 Lois joins me in Lowry's 1st floor "overflow" room. The cafe is packed with old crows like us, which is a bit of a nuisance - damn it! But I've managed to grab the "good" sofa, which is nice.

 Lowry's café in happier times - in the summer

We have managed to grab the "good" sofa in the corner, which is fortunate

because the cafe is packed with other old crows, all a bit of a nuisance - damn it!

12:00 We come home and have lunch. Afterwards, I go to bed and take a gigantic afternoon nap. I take a squint at my smartphone, and come across an email from Steve, my American brother-in-law. 

It looks like Donald Trump has received a fun Christmas card this year from somebody, not sure who: but I know the president has a great sense of humour, so I'm pretty sure he'll take it all in a generous spirit.

Later in the day, however, I see a shock headline on our go-to news site, Onion News. I'm a little worried for a few seconds until Lois reminds me that the news site has a tradition of coming up with funny spoof headlines over Christmas and I breathe a sigh of relief!

Meanwhile, Lois sits down in the living room and watches two sentimental American TV Christmas movies, while wrapping up even more Christmas presents:  good grief, what madness!!!!

Lois has wrapped up even more Christmas presents again today –

good grief, what madness !!!!

18:00 We have dinner and spend the evening watching some television, an interesting documentary where three lively historians and archaeologists try to recreate 16th century Christmas customs and make a massive Christmas feast for a bunch of drunken pseudo-monks, which is a nice idea.

Christmas lasted 12 days in those times. It was the only time of the whole year when farmers did not work at all: they did not even bother to feed the animals, so it was crucial to fatten the stock up during the previous 24 days, which were called "Advent."

Advent was the worst time! And during Advent it was forbidden to eat meat, eggs or cheese, so all that stuff could be saved for Christmas itself. My god, what madness!!!

The Christmas meat was pork - turkeys didn’t come into fashion till late in the 18th century - and we see the worst sight of the week: Ruth Goodman digging a pig's brain out of its head and stuffing the skin with chopped pork pieces, raisins (imported from the Mediterranean) and a lots of other stuff and then having to sew the head up again so it looks authentic - yuck!!! But I'm pretty sure it would have tasted good, no doubt about that!!!

You couldn't adjust the heat of an oven in the Tudor era apparently, so you had to choose the wood you burned carefully: oak was the slowest, hazel was the fastest, and beech and ash were medium-fast - and the latter were the best for the Christmas pig’s head or boar’s head, it seems.

Well I don’t know, what a crazy world they lived in in those times !!! I much prefer the modern method, ie ramping it up and down using a button, or some kind of digital input, I have to say – much more convenient!!!

What madness!!!!!

22:00 We go to bed. Lois still has a sore throat, poor thing - she'll call the doctor early tomorrow morning. Zzzzzzzzzzz !!!!!

Danish translation: onsdag den 18. december 2019

09:15 Så snart myldretiden er slut, kører vi over til den lille by Bishops Cleeve, der ligger 3 miles nord for Cheltenham. På vej smutter vi svinger vi forbi Waghornes, den lokale slagterforretning i vores landsby for at købe kylling, pølser og bacon: vores datter Alison i Haslemere, Surrey har inviteret os til at tilbringe jul hos hende og hendes familie, men som backup vil vi hellere at have mad i fryseren for det tilfælde, vi ikke kan tage derover – sygdom, dårlig vejr og den slags.

Waghornes, den lokale slagterforretning

10:00 Vi kører videre til Bishops Cleeve, gå lidt madindkøb på den lokale Coop mini-supermarkedet, og bagefter træder jeg ind i Lowrys-caféen, mens Lois smutter ind i Cats-Whiskers-nipsbutik for at lede efter en julegave til Lily Rose, sin 13-årig grandniece i Oxford: 13 er en svær alder at købe til, synes vi. Heldigvis har ekspeditricen også en 13-årig datter, og hun fortæller Lois, at et vis slags armbånd  i øjeblikket er blevet til lidt af en dille blandt unge teenagere, hvilket er rart at vide. Lois snupper et bundt af dem.

Det er så svært at blive ajour med teenage-diller, ingen tvivl om det! Tyske teenagere har for nylig udviklet en retro-dille, der involverede dem i at invadere et naboland, ifølge vores yndlings-nyhedswebsted, Onion News.

WARSAW, POLEN - I det største nostalgidrevne militære overfald i historien invaderede 250.000 retro-fikserede tyske teenagere og noget-og-tredive-årige Polen mandag.

"30'erne var ligesom det fedeste årti," sagde den 17-årige Grete Wunsch fra Düsseldorf, en af de 840 unge hipstere i den 55. Panzer-division, der greb kontrol over hovedstaden Warszawa og oprettede en provisorisk tysk regering. ”Tøjet, musikken, stævnerne - den hele Tredje Rigs-ting var bare det bedste. Jeg var så født i det forkerte årti.”

Du godeste, sikke en skør verden vi lever i !!! Da jeg var teenager, var jeg mere optaget af at få godde karakterer med mit hjemmearbejde, end, for eksempel, at slutte mig til mine klassekammerater, der prøvede at lande på strande i det nordlige Frankrig – en aktivitet, der var ærligt talt var et helt spild af tid i min udtalelse, men det springer jeg over, fordi det tager alle typer for at gøre en verden – ingen tvivl om det!!!

Tilbageblik til 1960: en gruppe af mine tidligere klassekammerater

på Bristol Grammar School, der invaderede Normandy igen.

Desværre kom ikke alle af dem tilbage – hulk hulk!!!

10:30 Lois slutter sig til mig på Lowrys 1. sal. Caféen er propfyldt med gamle krager ligesom os, hvilket er lidt af en gene – pokkers! Men jeg har formået et snuppe den ”gode” sofa, hvilket er rart.

Lowrys-caféen i lykkeligere tider – om sommeren

vi har formået at snuppe den ”gode” sofa, hvilket er heldigt

fordi caféen er propfyldt med andre gamle krager, hvilket er lidt af en gene – pokkers!

12:00 Vi kommer hjem og spiser frokost. Bagefter går jeg i seng for at tage en gigantisk eftermiddagslur. Jeg kigger lidt på min smartphone, og støder på en mail fra Steve, min amerikanske svigerbror. Der ser ud som om Donald Trump i år har modtaget et morsomt og underfundigt julekort: men jeg ved godt, at præsidenten har en fantastisk sans for humor, så jeg er helt sikker på, at han vil tage det hele i en generøs ånd.

Senere på dagen imidlertid ser jeg en chok-overskrift på vores go-to nyhedswebsted, Onion News. Jeg er lidt bekymret i et par sekunder, indtil Lois minder mig om, at nyhedswebsted har en tradition af at komme med morsomme spoof-overskrifter over jul, og jeg ånder lettet!

I mellemtiden sætter Lois sig til rette i stuen og ser to sentimentale amerikanske tv-julefilm, samtidig med, at hun indpakker endnu flere julegaver: du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!!

Lois har indpakket endnu flere julegaver igen i dag – du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og bruger aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn, en interessant dokumentarfilm, hvor 3 livlige historiker og arkæologer prøve at genskabe julevaner fra det 16. århundrede, og lave en massiv julefrokost til et bundt berusede pseudo-munke, hvilket er en rar idé.

Jul varede 12 år i de der tider. Det var den eneste tid i hele året, når bondemænd overhovedet ikke arbejdede: de fodrede ikke engang dyrene, så det var afgørende at fede dem op under de foregående 24 dage, som hed ”Advent”.

Advent var den værste tid! Og under Advent var det forbudt at spise kød, æg eller ost, så alt det der kunne være gemt væk for selve julen. Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!

Julekødet var svinekød – kalkuner kom først på mode sidst i det 18. århundrede – og ugens værstesyn: Ruth Goodman i gang med at grave et svins hjerne ud af dets hovedet og proppe  det hele med hakkede svinekødstykker, rosinder (importerede fra Middelhavet) og en masse andre ting og derefter skulle man sye hovedet op igen, så det ser autentisk ud – yuck !!! Men jeg er helt sikker på, at det smagte godt, ingen tvivl om det!!!

Du kunne ikke justere heden på en ovn i Tudor-tiden, så du måtte vælge træet forsigtigt: egetræ var det langsomste, hasseltræ den hurtigste, og bøgetræ og asketræ var mellemhurtig – og de her sidste var de bedste for julesvinehovedet, lader det til.

Du godeste, sikke en skør verden de levede i i de der tider!!!  Jeg foretrækker meget den moderne metode, dvs at skrue op og skrue ned ved hjælp af en knap, eller ét eller andet slags digital input, det må jeg nok sige!!!

Sikke et vanvid!!!!!

22:00 Vi går i seng. Lois har stadig øm hals, staklen – hun vil ringe til lægeren i morgen tidligt. Zzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!