Wednesday December 4 2019

10:00 Lois and I drive over to the small town of Bishop's Cleeve, 3 miles north of Cheltenham, to send off calendars to Lois's relatives in Australia:  Sylvia and her partner Rod in Melbourne, and Stephen in Adelaide - our own village post office closed unfortunately earlier this year.

As I feared, the post office in Bishop's Cleeve is packed with other old crows, determined to ship Christmas presents to Australia, New Zealand, Canada, USA, etc. - please, this is madness! What a nuisance  these old people are - they just ruin things for all of us other old people. Damn !!!!

The post office in the small town of Bishop Cleeve -

heaving with other old people as usual - damn, what a nuisance !!!!!

11:00 We drive home and we settle down on the couch with a fresh cup of coffee. On the spur of the moment I decide to call our local dental clinic - I bit on something hard last weekend and damaged a tooth, and I wonder if one of their dentists can see me at short notice. The receptionist asks me how far away I am from the clinic and I say 10-15 minutes and she says I have to come right now -  Daria, my charming Romanian dentist can see me between two other appointments – good grief, that’s lucky!

Daria, the Romanian dentist with the good, relaxed conversation skills

and the charming smile, photographed here with a typical clinic patient

I ask Lois to drive me over so I won't have to find a parking space. Daria says that when I bit on something hard, I in fact split the tooth - the tooth needs to be pulled out, but I will have to make an appointment: the job is too big to be done right now, she says. Damn!

12:00 We have lunch and afterwards I go to bed and take a gigantic afternoon nap. Meanwhile, Lois settles down on the couch and watches the first of this afternoon's Channel 5 sentimental American Christmas TV films, "A Perfect Christmas" (2012).

In the film's overview, there is talk of "a hunky mannequin" coming to life. I just hope that after the end of the movie, Lois won't ask me to turn myself into something a bit more attractive and hunky than my usual style - that kind of thing is maybe too late for me at my age.

I remember from my younger days an inspirational song, "Mr Apollo", composed and performed in the 1970’s by the "Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band", with the lyrics more or less as follows (roughly speaking).

[vocalist sings]  I have seen Mr. Apollo

Uproot trees with his bare hands

I have seen Mr. Apollo's

Body building plans

He's the strongest man

The world has ever seen

And if you take his courses

He'll make you big and rough

[vocalist speaks these 2 lines] Oh! And you can beat up bullies 'til they cry

"Oh lah! Oh, crikey! Let go, you rotter! Don't punish me!" 

[sings rest if lyrics] When you're tough, you're very fit

Your voice is rough, it sounds like grit

You are so strong, and proud of it

Thanks to Mr. Apollo

Follow Mr. Apollo

Everybody knows

He's the greatest benefactor of mankind

Follow Mr. Apollo

Everybody knows

That a healthy body makes a healthy mind

I believe "Mr Apollo" was a real life strong, muscular businessman (real name Charles Atlas) who decided to sell his special courses to un-self-confident teenage boys like me, and the lyrics of the song are quoted word for word from one of his ads. I was particularly attracted by the ad's promise of "no unpleasant bending or lifting",  as I recall.

a real life "Mr Apollo" ad

But sorry - that was a bit of a digression. Back to reality!

16:00 I get up, and Lois and I relax with a cup of tea on the couch. I take a look at my smartphone and I see that Alison, our 44-year-old daughter in Haslemere, Surrey, has posted a charming photo of herself on "Insta" and Facebook. She is taking part in some kind of "physical challenge" that revolves around knocking off various regular exercise activities for a limited period, or something similar. Lois and I do not understand exactly what the challenge is.

Lois and I are so proud of our two daughters, Alison in Haslemere and Sarah in Perth, Australia. They are our biggest achievement, we think, but they would both feel very embarrassed if they knew this ha ha!

We start thinking nostalgically back to their childhood, and we dig the old photo albums out again.

our daughter Alison at 10 years of age, at Plymouth, Mass, USA

Flashback to the summer of 1985: we board the Mayflower replica

in Plymouth, Massachusetts (Sarah (8) on left, Alison on right)

We move back to England shortly afterwards, in August 1985

Nostalgia - a simple treat for simple old crows ha ha ha!

18:00 We have dinner and spend the rest of the evening watching some television, the latest edition of "Digging for Britain", which gives an overview of some of the archaeological discoveries that have been unveiled over the past 12 months. This edition is about archaeological news from the south of England. The programme's host is the charming Alice Roberts.

The Solent is a narrow stretch of sea that separates the Isle of Wight from mainland England and the port towns of Southampton and Portsmouth.

On the sea floor 36 feet below the surface, archaeologist have apparently found piles of worked pieces of wood, 8,000 years old. A bit of a surprise because it suggests that there was a permanent settlement here, long before the invention of agriculture, when we thought people were just nomadic hunters-gatherers.

A surprising discovery to put it mildly. Archaeologists apparently received an (unspoken) unofficial tip-off from a local lobster who had excavated tiny pieces of elaborate flint and been busy collecting  them all up and stashing them in a large collection next to his hole.

a typical local lobster similar to the so-called "archaeologist-lobster"

who made the original discovery 4-5 years ago

The pieces of wood that the archaeologists stumbled on (not literally we hope!) near the lobster's "flint collection" turned out to be the remains of platforms that prehistoric people built to keep their feet dry. The area at that time was swamp-land, rather than sea.

The archaeologists managed to pick up all these hundreds of pieces of wood and later in the lab they tried to recreate a small part of the original structures - god, what a nightmare !!!!

They claim that their efforts were successful in the end, but Lois and I have our doubts when we see the results. In our eyes, the whole multi-layered "structure" looks like a random pile of crap in our opinion, but I’m going to let that one slide because we enjoyed seeing the BBC’s charming Naoise MacSweeny and the poor archaeologists sweating for hours over the pieces, a bit like Lois and me doing a jigsaw at Christmas time ha ha ha!

the archaeologists claim that their efforts were finally successful,

but Lois and I have our doubts when we see the results.

In our eyes, the whole multilayered "structure" looks just

like a random pile of crap in our opinion

My goodness - what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzzz !!!!

Danish translation: onsdag den 4. December 2019

10:00 Lois og jeg kører over til den lille by Bishops Cleeve, 3 miles nord for Cheltenham, for at afsende kalendere til Lois’ slægtninge i Australien: Sylvia og hendes partner Rod i Melbourne, og Stephen i Adelaide  - vores egen landsbys postkontor lukkede desværre tidligere på året. Som jeg frygte er postkontoret i Bishops Cleeve propfyldt at andre gamle krager, fast besluttede på at afsende julegaver til Australien, New Zealand, Canada, USA osv – du godeste, sikke et vanvid! Sikke nogle gener, disse gamle mennesker – og det ødelægger tingene for alle os andre gamle mennesker. Pokkers!!!!

Den lille by Bishop Cleeves postkontor –

propfyldt af gamle mennesker som sædvanligt – pokkers!!!!!

11:00 Vi kører hjem og vi sætter os til rette i sofaen med en frisk kop kaffe. Jeg beslutter på stående fod at ringe til vores lokale tandklinik – jeg bed på noget hårdt sidste weekend, og beskadigede en tand, og jeg undrer mig, om en eller anden tandlæge kan se mig med kort varsel. Receptionisten spørger mig, hvor langt væk jeg er fra klinikken og jeg siger 10-15 minutter, og hun siger, jeg må komme nu med det samme, og Daria, min charmerende rumanske tandlæge kan se mig mellem to andre aftaler – du godeste!

Daria, den rumanske tandlæge med de gode, afslappede samtalefærdigheder

og det charmerende smil, fotograferet her sammen med en typisk klinikpatient

Jeg beder Lois om at køre mig deover, så jeg ikke bliver nødt til at finde en parkeringsplads. Daria siger, at da jeg bed på noget hårdt, flækkede jeg tanden – tanden skal trækket ud, men jeg bliver nødt til at lave en aftale:  arbejdet er for stort til at blive gjort lige nu, siger hun. Pokkers!

12:00 Vi spiser frokost og bagefter går jeg i seng for at tage en gigantisk eftermiddagslur. I mellemtiden sætter Lois sig til rette i sofaen og ser eftermiddagens første Channel 5 sentimentale amerikanske jule-tv-film, ”En perfekte jul” (2012).

I oversigten af filmen er der tale om ”en hunky mannequin”, der kommer til livs. Jeg håber bare på, at Lois efter endt filmen ikke vil bede mig om at blive til noget lidt mere hunky – den slags er måske for sent for mig i min alder.

Jeg husker fra mine yngre dage en inspirende sang, ”Mr Apollo”, komponeret og fortolket i 1970’erne af banden ”Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band”, med teksten lige som følger (i grove træk).

I have seen Mr. Apollo

Uproot trees with his bare hands

I have seen Mr. Apollo's

Body building plans

He's the strongest man

The world has ever seen

And if you take his courses

He'll make you big and rough

Oh! And you can beat up bullies 'til they cry

"Oh lah! Oh, crikey! Let go, you rotter! Don't punish me!"

When you're tough, you're very fit

Your voice is rough, it sounds like grit

You are so strong, and proud of it

Thanks to Mr. Apollo

Follow Mr. Apollo

Everybody knows

He's the greatest benefactor of Mankind

Follow Mr. Apollo

Everybody knows

That a healthy body makes a healthy mind

Jeg tror, at ”Mr Apollo” var en virkelig liv stærk og muskuløs forretningsmand (rigtige navn Charles Atlas), der besluttede at sælge sit specielle kurser til selvusikre teenagedrenge som mig, og sangens tekst citerer ord for ord fra én af hans reklamer. Jeg var i særdeleshed tiltrukket  af reklamens lovning om ”ingen brug for ubehagelig bøjende eller løftende bevægelser”.

en virkelig liv ”Mr Apollo”-reklam

Men unskyld – det var lidt af et sidespring. Tilbage til virkeligheden!

16:00 Jeg står op og Lois og jeg slapper af med en kop  te i sofaen. Jeg kigger lidt på min smartphone, og jeg ser at Alison, vores 44-årige datter i Haslemere, Surrey, har lagt et charmerende foto af sig selv op på ”Insta” og Facebook. Hun deltage i en slags ”fysisk udfordring”, der kredser om at klare forskellige regelmæssige motionsaktiviteter i en begrænset periode, eller noget lignende. Lois og jeg ved ikke præcis, hvad udfordringen består af.

Lois og jeg er så stolte af vores to døtre, Alison i Haslemere og Sarah i Perth, Australien. De er vores største bedrift, synes vi, men de ville begge to føle sig meget pinlige, hvis de vidste dette ha ha!

Vi starter at tænke nostalgisk tilbage til deres barndom, og vi graver fotoalbummerne frem en gang til.

vores datter Alison på 10 år

tilbageblik til sommeren 1985: vi går om bord Mayflower-replikaen

i Plymouth, Massachusetts (Sarah (8) til venstre, Alison til højre)

Vi flytter tilbage til England i august 1985

Nostalgi – en simple nydelse til simple gamle krager ha ha ha!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og bruger resten af aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn, det seneste afsnit af ”Digging for Britain”, der giver en oversigt at de arkæologiske opdagelser, der er blevet afsløret i løbet af de seneste 12 måneder. Dette afsnit handler om arkæologiske nyheder i det sydlige England. Programmets vært er den charmerende Alice Roberts.

The Solent er en smal strækning af hav, der adskiller Isle of Wight fra fastlandet England og havnebyerne Southampton og Portsmouth.

Arkæologer har fundet på havbunden 36 fods under overfladen, bunkevis af forarbejdede træstykker, 8000 år gamle. Lidt af en overraskelse, fordi det antyder, at der var en fast boplads her, længe for opfindelsen af landbrug, da vi troede folk var nomadiske jægere-og-samlere.

En overraskende opdagelse for at sige mildt. Arkæologer modtog en (uudtalt) uofficiel tip-off fra en lokal hummer, der havde udgravet småbitte stykker af udarbejdede flint og været i fuld gang med at samle dem alle op og gemme dem i en stor samling ved siden af sit hul.

en typisk lokal hummer, der ligner den såkaldte ”arkæolog-hummer”,

der klarede den oprindelige opdagelse for 4-5 år siden

De stykker træ som arkæologerne stødte på i nærheden af hummerens ”flint-samling” viste sig at være resterne af perroner, som disse forhistoriske mennesker byggede for at holde deres fødder tøre. Området var dengang sumpland, snarere, end hav.

Det lykkedes arkæologerne at samle alle disse hundredvis af stykker træ op og senere i laboratoriet prøve at genskabe en lille del af de oprindelige strukturer – du godeste, sikke et mareridt!!!!

De påstar, at deres indsatser endelig var succésfulde, men Lois og jeg har vores tvivler, da vi ser resultaterne. I vores øjne ser det hele flerlagede ”struktur” ud lige som om en tilfældige bunke lort under vores mening, men det springer jeg over, fordi vi hyggede os med at se de stakkels arkæologer på arbejde i timevis på stykkerne ha ha!

arkæologerne påstar, at deres indsatser endelig var succésfulde,

men Lois og jeg har vores tvivler, da vi ser resultaterne.

I vores øjne ser det hele flerlagede ”struktur” ud lige

som om en tilfældige bunke lort under vores mening

Du godeste - sikke en skør verden vi lever i !!!!!

22:00 Vi går i seng – zzzzzzzzzzz!!!!