Friday November 29th 2024 "Do any of YOUR office co-workers routinely enter through a window?"

Friends, do YOU work in an office? And, if you do, do you have a co-worker who routinely enters through a window, even if you work on the 99th floor, say? 

Most of us would hold our hands up and say "yes" to that question, I suspect! Did you see the story about poor local man Pete Slocomb from nearby Nob End, in this morning's Onion News (West Worcestershire) print edition? Again most of us would give a hearty "yes" to that enquiry too, so I think I'm definitely "on a roll with my "barrage" of interrogations for you this morning, which is a nice experience once in a while (!).

Poor Slocomb!!! But it's a weirdly familiar story to me personally, let me confess (!).

Yes, at the office where Yours Truly used to work, until I retired 18 years ago (would you believe (!)), such "dramatic entrances" were so common, that we didn't even turn our heads! Although we all worked for the UK Government, I myself was just a lowly medium-to-top-secret agent, DS-grade (deskwork specialist), while many of my co-workers were, on a daily basis, risking life and limb on semi-dangerous "spy-capers" out in the real world, and they were known to routinely practise items of "fieldcraft" on their daily commute.

What's slightly less well-known is that bursting through a window is a two-way "thing", and many forget that the ability to 'burst out' through a window is sometimes as useful as 'bursting in'. Pause for a moment, and you'll see that that's true!

And I remembered this little "wrinkle" this morning, reading the Hungarian news (as you do!). 

Do you remember that story from December 2020 about that Hungarian MEP (Member of European Parliament) who was taking part in a Christmastime orgy in Brussels? And do you remember how the politician escaped through a window and out along a gutter, when the 25-person orgy was raided by Belgian police? It beat the "Boris Johnson in Downing Street Lockdown Drinks Party" headlines into a cocked hat, that's for sure!

flashback to December 2020: the Hungarian MEP, József Szájer, 

taking part in a Christmastime orgy in a Brussels apartment, who

escaped through a window, injuring himself, when police raided the building

how one Hungarian cartoonist pictured the scene: through the window,

we can see police arresting participants in the Christmas orgy, 

while Santa Claus attempts to enter via one drainpipe, and

Hungarian MEP József Szájer exits by another - what madness !!!!!

Even budget UK airline RyanAir joined in the fun with this much-publicised ad on social media.

Much unfavourable comment was made at the time about the orgy's participants being mostly men with just a handful of women, which seemed to sit rather oddly with Jószef Szájer's party Fidesz and its official tough anti-LGBTQ stance, but I'm going to let that one slide - Szájer is now back in public life after a 4-year absence, but says he's given up politics and he doesn't want to talk about orgies right now, so fair enough!

Other headlines from Hungary this week are more sombre than the Szájer story, which is a pity, Geert Wilders being the current controversially crazy Dutch leader and Csurka a controversially current crazy Hungarian politician. 

What madness  !!! And time to reflect, perhaps? And is there any connection with this other headline today?

I wonder....!

Today is a day for reflection for me in any case, as it's what would have been the 77th birthday of my dear late sister Kathy, had she lived.

as Lois and I walk over Poolbrook Common and have our americano and

toasted tea-cake at the café this morning we pause to think about my dear 

late sister Kathy, who would have turned 77 today, had she lived.

Here are Kathy and me as kids, standing by the stone bird-bath in the snow-covered back garden of our home in North London, back in January 1955; me aged 8, Kathy aged 7 and our little brother Steve, aged 2 and a half.

flashback to January 1955: me (8), Kathy (7)

with our little brother Steve (2 and a half)

Kathy doesn't feature a lot in my collection of old family photo albums: and the ones that used to be there on the pages, are mostly blank spaces now. 

She 'unstuck' many of the photos of herself, and removed them from the family albums after she moved to the States in 1983, eventually getting married there. But there were never that many photos of Kathy to begin with, simply because, as she became a teenager she became a bit semi-detached from the rest of us. She was always "the cool one", seldom going on family holidays, preferring to "do her own thing", usually involving something much cooler than what the rest of use were doing, to put it mildly!

Here she is aged about 12 or 13, "bursting into womanhood" in the back garden of our home in Bristol (not at this exact moment haha (!)):

Why did she move to the US in 1983? Well, she was always looking for a bit more excitement in her life, plus I think she had probably been a bit jealous of me when, in 1982, I started on a 3-year stint in the Washington area working for a US Government agency with my wife Lois and our 2 young daughters Alison (7) and Sarah (5).

I was on the British Embassy payroll and this made it easier for her to get a secretarial job at the Embassy, starting in the spring of 1983. And Kathy was actually living with us in our 4-bedroom house in Columbia Maryland for her first few months, before finding her own place in Washington DC.

flashback to 1983: one of the earliest pictures of us all -

me, Lois and the girls, plus a very blonde and cool-looking Kathy,

standing on some pier in Maryland, waiting to go on a boat ride

How our two young daughters loved her - who wouldn't want to have a "cool" auntie when you're that age, especially now that you're becoming more and more conscious that your own parents are not really as cool as you probably thought they were when you first came into the world, and you notice that they seem to be forever telling you what you must do and what you mustn't do - my goodness, no!

flashback to 1983: (left) at Washington Zoo and (centre, right)

Boston, Massachusetts, by the harbour and re-living the Boston Tea Party of 1773

It was great to have her in the house with us, having a laugh with us, watching MTV and the films in the evening on HBO and Showtime, on our "cable TV", while enjoying glasses of beer (with me) or glasses of Babycham with Lois, and travelling round with us at the weekends and eating out all 5 of us together, which was nice.

As an ex-barmaid who'd done evening work for extra money in pubs in Bristol, Kathy passed on to me loads of insider tips and super-hints about drinking beer, including how to pour a can out into a glass without it foaming over the top - so it was goodbye to beer-soaked shirt-sleeves, and since then I've never looked back haha!

Kathy came with us on holidays that year, like the one pictured above to New England - at nearly 500 miles the longest drive I had ever done in my life by, like, a billion miles [Really, a billion? - Ed] , sharing the driving with me, which was a relief, to put it mildly.

I felt it was a real time for me to properly "reconnect" with her, and it's always remained a special time in my life, with some unique memories to cherish.

After several months Kathy moved out of our house and got a flat in Washington DC, which was more convenient for her workplace. By now she'd got her own car, a second-hand Ford Mustang which I took her out to buy locally in Columbia. And some time after that she met an American called Steve, who worked at the local CNN bureau, and they got married, by a JP in Virginia I think, a few months after Lois, myself and the girls moved back to England in August 1985.

the four of us - Lois and me and the girls - plus a stray neighbour kid, 

waving goodbye to Kathy by the front door of our house in Columbia Maryland.

(left and centre) with Kathy and Steve on the roof of their apartment

building in Washington DC - the city cathedral is visible in the background;

and (right) little Sarah in the empty CNN studios on a weekend, 

with plenty of time to practise her news-reading skills, which was nice.

Awwwwww!!!!!!

Happy days!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Thursday November 28th 2024 "Are YOU one of the UK's one-to-two-billion lawyers? Confession time haha!!!!"

Friends, I want you to "come clean" with me today. And here's the thing I want to know - are YOU a lawyer? 

Most of us are, aren't we - although my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I are, happily, exceptions to that rule (!). Lois is a retired county librarian. And I'm just a simple retired medium-to-top-secret agent (DS grade: deskwork specialist), just waiting for the UK Government to call me back into the office to save the country - it hasn't happened yet after 18 years of retirement, but watch this space(!), it's probably only a matter of time (!).

us - two 'old codgers' - on our daily walk this morning, in the lee

of the lovely 700-million-year-old Malvern Hills, Worcestershire:

my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois, a retired county librarian, 

and me, a retired medium-to-top secret agent, just waiting

for our country's call to "save the realm from a very present,

if not totally, like, mortal danger" (!), as my contract stipulates (!)

Why hasn't the Government called me back in, not even once, in 18 years? Well, they're simply waiting for when "the realm" is, like, not just in danger, but, like, in really bad peril. They don't want to exhaust me before the real "balloon goes up" - that's what I believe, at any rate! But my time will come around eventually, if only by the law of averages (!!!) - and if you're a lawyer you'll know that that's a law that was passed a very long time ago (!!!!).

[That's enough exclamation marks in brackets (!) - Ed]

If, however, you ARE one of the UK's many top lawyers, I have to salute you. It's a dangerous job these days isn't it, to put it mildly! Only this morning I read this horrifying story in the local Onion News (West Worcestershire) print edition. Did YOU catch this "doozy" of a scare-story from the lovely local village of Nob End?

Poor Gillian !!!! And even more so "Poor Pete" the divorce lawyer !!!! And it gives my wife Lois and me pause for thought this morning as we wade through some of the long-winded reports that our own lawyer has drawn up for us.

We're planning to move in the next couple of months from our lovely new-build home in Malvern to a newish old-build home in Liphook, Hampshire, to be near our daughter Alison and family, and our lawyer has been giving the house a thorough, if long-winded, legal check.

flashback to October 30th: we view the house we want in Liphook, Hampshire,

in the company of our elder daughter Alison, who lives with her family in nearby Headley

It's a bit mad, but these days you actually need a lawyer to tell you whether the house you want is "okay to buy", and today Lois and I are wading through, not just a 75-page report from a property surveyor, but also a report from our solicitors, and masses of other "bumph" (!).

What madness !!!!!

the 75-page report from the surveyor plus about 100 other

pages of  solicitor "bumph" about the house we want to buy

- what madness !!!

Does the house actually exist? Well, yes, Lois and I have walked round it, so "check" "yes" to that one.

But does the road that the house "fronts on to" actually exist? Well, surprisingly, on that one, the jury's still out. Because the road, astonishingly isn't on any map of the town that Lois and I have been given, even though the houses were built more than 50 years ago.

our town map of Liphook doesn't show the street our

house fronts on to - what madness!

And if the road doesn't officially "exist", who will mend it if it needs mending? Let's hope it's not the residents, to put it mildly! My skills as a road-mender are pretty poor-to-basic, although I can vaguely remember putting Lego road-plates together as a boy. Will that be enough?

(left) the visibly bad repairs that the road has obviously been subjected to already, 

and (centre, right) the limits of my own woefully inadequate road-repairing skills.

Our solicitor is trying to get an answer on whether the local town council has "adopted" the road, also referred to as "the cul-de-sac",  and on whether the town has taken on responsibility for repairing it. However no answer has yet been forthcoming, as of today.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Does the road exist? Or doesn't it exist? Does it exist even when Lois and I are not actually standing on it, or when we can't see it due to fog for example? I think we should be told, don't you. If YOU know, then drop me a line (postcards only!). 

Let's hope the road is not a so-called "phantom" road, like those "phantom trains" that people keep talking about, and see in nightmares and horror films and suchlike.

typical "phantom trains" that many people see

 in nightmares or horror films

Lois and I often take our daily "old codger" walks up by the Worcester-to-Hereford railway line and we sometimes see the legendary "Worcester-to-Hereford Flyer" - it seems to be a proper train, but who knows: it's hard to tell whether there are any real passengers on it, because of the darkened windows. 

I wonder.....!

"Phantom trains" are certainly becoming a bit of a "thing" these days, particularly "in these here parts", as people say "in these here parts" (!).

And typical for Worcestershire, local people have even began complaining whenever some of these "phantom trains" don't appear on schedule. There was one such story just the other day - did you catch it? 

But who cares, when it comes to it. Phantom passengers don't really need to "get there on time", do they. The world's not going to come to an end is it, surely !!!! Be fair !!!!!

Local train companies have apologised for the delays, but they seem to be running out of excuses. After all they can't blame it on staff shortages, can they. Phantom trains famously don't require drivers or other staff.

What a crazy county we live in!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Wednesday November 27th 2024 "Have YOU achieved YOUR perfect work-life balance yet haha!?"

This is another rather personal question for you, Friends, but in the circumstances, I make no apology for it [Why not?! - Ed] 

And here's the thing.... Have YOU achieved your ideal work-life balance? 

And if you haven't, take a leaf out of the book of local man Sam Morrison, who lives not too far away from me, in the lovely Worcestershire village of Upton Snodsbury. Did you see the story in this morning's Onion News (West Worcestershire edition), I wonder? It certainly caught my eye and the eye of my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois, even though it was "hidden away a bit", on page 94, would you believe!!! Local Onion Editor please note!

And if you don't live in West Worcestershire, don't worry - the story has been making headlines all over the world, as you can imagine. See these two examples from the Continent, but they're just the tip of the iceberg: the full total has come in as "legion" (and that's official!), which is nice for poor Sam! 

Just two of the "legion" of headlines that local Upton Snodsbury man

Samuel Morrison has been making across Europe and the world

Let's hope Sam gets lots of offers to open supermarkets in Upton Snodsbury as a result of his sudden "exposure" (!!!!). Or just one ordinary shop would be an improvement - there isn't a single one there at the moment, would you believe? What madness, isn't it!!!

Upton Snodsbury in the Parish of Wychavon. Isn't it time

for somebody to open a shop there? I think we should be told!

Even if Sam falls back into obscurity when all the "hoo-hah" over his Onion News headlines get overlaid by other "biggies", at least he's got his yoga to fall back on, when the flood of his unpaid bills becomes a veritable "torrent", which is a nice thought!

So on balance, a good day for Sam, and it's another mainly good day for Lois and me today also, even though Lois decides to skip her online yoga tonight, as something we do today has made her back a bit achy - we're not sure what it was, but we're kicking a couple of ideas around currently. We're pleased overall, however, because our weight is still staying on track.

I showcase our weight records for this month

We've both lost a couple of pounds this month, and I'm now down at 10 stone 1lb 4 oz (about 64 kg), and Lois is at 9 stone 7lbs (about 60 kg).

In American, that's 141 lbs 4 oz for me, and 133 lbs for Lois, because they don't use stones over there. As US musician Alan Sherman explained on his visit to the UK in the 1960's: "Britain is a much older country than the US, and the British have had time to standardize their stones", which makes sense to me, but your comments welcome, as always! (Postcards only, needless to say!)

The US is probably gearing up for the big Thanksgiving Day holiday tomorrow. Lois and I lived in the States ourselves between 1982 and 1985, and we remember with nostalgia our last Thanksgiving dinner there, which was in November 1984, exactly 40 years ago this month.

And there's an amusing bit of whimsy of a cartoon in today's Onion News, although the Sam Morrison story (see above) has pushed it way way back in the print edition - page 95 or thereabouts. Keep on thumbing - you'll get to it eventually!

Yes, what if the Pilgrims had been "woke" - would they have rejected the local Native Americans' offer of an inviting-looking "Turkey Dinner"?   

I wonder....!!!!

flashback 40 years to November 1984: mine and Lois's last

American Thanksgiving dinner during our 3-year stay in the US:

(left to right) our daughter Sarah (7), me and Lois (38), our other

daughter Alison (9) and my dear late sister Kathy (36) - happy days !!!!

Has it really been forty years? How time flies! [Get on with it! - Ed]

our day today: 6 monthly check-up at our dentist's, followed by a walk

past premises of the medium-to-top-secret Government contractor Qinetiq,

and then past rugby pitches of Malvern College, author CS "Narnia" Lewis's 

alma mater, finishing up in bed for afternoon "nap-time" - poor us !!!!!

20:00 We get ready for bed with another  relaxing re-run of the inventive old 1984's sitcom "'Allo 'Allo", based on the adventures of French café-owner René during the German occupation of France during World War II.

There's something a bit different in tonight's episode, because René and his wife Edith have been given a welcome temporary relief from German-occupied France with an unexpected off-season 2 day break in London. The RAF had landed a plane in a field outside René's café with a mission to pick up two downed British pilots, but instead, they picked up René and his wife Edith by mistake. 

The short trip to London was not without its problems for the French couple, however, as René explains in this scene.

Luckily, René is soon comforted by a passionate welcome-home embrace from one of his café's waitresses, Yvette, who is René's current "squeeze".

Stuff like that just never gets old, does it!

The main storyline in tonight's episode is the local Germans' desire to revive the town's old newspaper and fill it with stories about how the French peasants are thrilled to have their village occupied by such a loveable bunch of Germans (!).

Here René discusses plans for the newspaper with local undertaker Lt Grüber of the German unit stationed in the village, and Alphonse, the local undertaker, who used to be a press photographer. In this scene Alphonse gives the other two men the benefit of his former experiences as a pressman:

A nice parody there of the UK Newspaper The Sun and its excruciatingly awful captions for its "Page Three Girl" topless pin-up photos of the times.

flashback to the 1980's: a typical 'The Sun' Page 1,

and a page 3 topless model (not completely shown (!)

And the best thing, it's all the most tremendous fun isn't it! [If you say so! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!