Friends, have you ever written a novel or three? Most of us have, haven't we, at one time or another, especially if you've lived as long as me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois.
And if you're ever tempted to say that writing a best-selling classic novel is "easy money", take a look at this story in this morning's Onion News (print edition), all about budding local author John Kitchen from the lovely village of East Leake, right here in the heart of West Worcestershire, where most of us seem to live [Speak for yourself! - Ed]
Onion News (local) has more.. see page 94:
Well, I've got to hand it to my wife Lois today - she is getting me through 'the worst day of my life' or at least, the 'worst day of my life' since the last 'worst day of my life' (!).
I thought today would be a simple day, just a 2:50 pm appointment with a consultant at Redditch Hospital, so he could check how my shiny-new hip is going - the one he introduced into my leg 7 months ago ("Colin say hello to your new hip!" - that was his catchphrase(!)).
the 33-mile drive from Malvern to Redditch: pictured here in happier times
when it only took a mere 46 minutes: what madness !!!
Yikes! The journey from Malvern to Redditch takes 90 minutes instead of 46, then my appointment is further delayed by 2 hours due to hospital staff not being able to get into work, and then I have to drive home in the rush-hour in the dark dodging the floodwater through further long tailbacks, and we don't get home till 6 pm. So five and a half hours in total for a 5 minute chat with the consultant. Basically I'm 100% happy with my hip - "hip-happy", and it's just a little bit of a struggle to put my right sock on, but I can still do it, and I still get into a car sideways and then swing my legs round. Other than that, I never even think about it.
But five and half hours for a five-minute chat - what utter utter utter madness !!!! [That's enough madness for today! - Ed]
flashback to April: I have my shiny new hip installed at Redditch Hospital,
and am visited just afterwards by Lois and by our daughter Sarah, and granchildren
And all this delay delay delay today is really simply because the mighty River Severn has decided not to stay within its banks - how mean can you get !!! We've asked that crazy river to do just that one simple thing, but apparently it "wasn't convenient" or some such nonsense.
And, while I fume in the driving seat this afternoon, caught in the jumbo tailbacks, and then fume in the crowded hospital waiting-room, and then fume in the driving seat again going home in the rush-hour in the dark, Lois is there all the time to keep my spirits up with her playful banter. "That bald man has just gone in to see the doctor, and he arrived a long time after us!" - that was her catchphrase (!) - and I realise for, like, the billionth time, how lucky I am to have her, to put it mildly!
We come home just in time to see a re-run of an old Allo Allo sitcom episode on the Drama TV channel, have a scratch meal, and doze through some more "telly" - I forget what else we watched.
Allo Allo is all about life the adventures of French café-owner René during the German occupation in World War II. The series has been going for years, but I think that as far as the plot is concerned, we still seem to be in 1940 - what madness!!!
But it's all the most tremendous fun!!!!
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!!
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