Danskcolin: Saturday Nov 2nd - Nov 3rd "Have YOU ever been 'holed up' in an abandoned granary?"

Friends, can I ask you a rather personal question again? Sorry to be a pain !!! [I don't believe you're the least bit sorry, if I'm frank, Colin! - Ed]. And no, I don't mean that question about the abandoned granary. I'm saving that little "doozy" up for later in the post, so watch this space!!!!

No, here's the thing - Are YOU a subscriber to Onion News, the influential American news web-site?

Most of us tend to be, don't we, especially when that 4-year-cycle of presidential elections comes round, as it's going to in the coming week - yikes!!!!

Plus if you're a pet owner, recall that it's been voted "most comfortable paper to snooze on" by at least one local cat, not far from here, in the lovely Worcestershire village of North Piddle. Just saying! But let your own cat make up his or her mind on that one - and drop me a postcard but only if you've got time (!!!).

Onion News - for decades an influential news website,

now available in two alternative formats: print and mobile phone

And if you ARE a fellow-subscriber, I expect you've been following the latest adventures of the website's wretched billionaire-owner, T. Hermann Zweibel, who's famously been kidnapped recently and held to ransom by the mysterious villain Standish, plus his cohorts Mr Tin, a ro-bot, and the ro-bot's accomplice, the dastardly Black Scarlet.

That guy Zweibel certainly gets into some "scrapes", doesn't he, and very public ones too, to put it mildly, although he usually seems to be able to "bounce back" - what a guy!

We thought his troubles were over, reading yesterday's print edition of Zweibel's organ (see page 94), because a deputy sheriff had finally intercepted those two villains, Zweibel's nemeses (? correct plural? [No! - Ed]. But no, this whole incredible saga continues in today's paper, would you believe - what a crazy world we live in !!!

Nail-biting stuff !!!! And, Dearest Friends, may I suggest you become a fully paid-up subscriber to Onion News, so you're sure not to miss a single twist in this fascinating story, developing before our very eyes!!!! This week's US presidential election is going to be wiped clean-off the front pages, I can feel it in my bones!!!!

And I think we can all empathise with Zweibel's feeling of anti-climax when he realises that, even after all of yesterday's elaborate shenanigans, he's still "holed up" in some abandoned granary or other.

We've all been there, haven't we, to put it mildly!!!

And I expect that, just like my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and me, you yourselves have felt that sudden sense of anti-climax after all the excited anticipation comes to an end, and you're still in that abandoned granary. Am I right? Or am I right?!!!

Here's another story from Zweibel's organ today.

Can you feel Straws' sense of anti-climax there - just take a moment and feel it, and you'll have some idea of how my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I have been feeling these last two days having had, in the space of just 7 short days, found our dream house with its dream master-bedroom in the dream small town of Liphook, Hampshire, all more or less right where we want it, just 5 miles from our elder daughter Alison and family live.

Lois here showcasing the dream master-bedroom we have

managed to find in Liphook, Hampshire, the one with the

massive mirrors and pop-up TV in the bed's footboard

- a little glimpse of all life's most alluring possibilities, to put it mildly!

Especially now that Lois are I are only marginally capable of independent living, now that we've reached the ripe old age of 78, would you believe !!!!

Happy but feeling totally exhausted, we take an official "day off" on Saturday, sauntering along the iconic high street of nearby Grayshott, and wallowing in our new-found sense of achievement, having coffee and toasted tea-cake in the town's iconic Red Rose Tea-Room, and finding time to have a wry smile at some of the town's famous whimsical signs (!).

we begin our stroll up Grayshott's iconic High Street

we look through the window at the small town's

flagship "eating-hole", Frankie's Fish'n'Chips restaurant

we stop at the Red Rose Tea-room

for a toasted tea-cake and an americano

We haven't been in the "Red Rose Tea-Room" for 2 and a half years, having been "entangled", since then, in a messy, and deeply flawed, downsizing from a large house in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire into a smaller new-build home in Malvern, Worcestershire.

Our May 2022 visit to the tea-room is a memory etched deep into our brains however - the place is owned by a brave Polish woman who takes an active part in settling Ukrainian refugees in the UK, so we like to support her business: recall that the Russian invasion had only just taken place when we last had some coffee and cake there.

flashback to May 2022 and our last visit to the tea-room

May 2022: the iconic tea-room sign (ringed) that first gave us

the idea: "Live well, Laugh much, Love often" - sheer genius !!!!!!

[Shome mishtake, shurely?! - Ed]

On Sunday we drive the 120 miles back to our home in Malvern, with plans to put our current house on the market soon, so we can make the move to Liphook within a month or two, if all goes smoothly.

Our weekend is drawing to a close now, but we had had time on Saturday morning for a whatsapp video call with our daughter Sarah, who has recently moved from the UK to Perth, Western Australia, as well as getting catch-up photos of our other daughter Alison, who's bringing up a naughty puppy, Bjørn, as well as looking after three, marginally less naughty (!), teenage offspring, and one very naughty husband Ed. Only joking, Ed, haha !!!!

flashback to Saturday morning: we enjoy a whatsapp video call

with our daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia, and twins Lily and Jessica

flashback to Saturday evening: our daughter Alison

with naughty puppy Bjørn

Ali and Ed's eldest offspring, Josie (18) taking

naughty puppy Bjørn for a walk in the park which lies

across the road from the house Lois and I are

planning to buy, in Liphook, Hampshire

Happy days !!!!!

And Lois and I didn't even put any weight on last week, staying with Ali and Ed and family, which is nice. The morning after our return to Malvern, I weigh in at 10 stone 1.25 lbs (down from 10st 6 on October 4th) and Lois is 9st 9.5 lbs (down from 10st 1). Happy days!!! [You've done that one already, like - literally - only 4 lines ago! - Ed]

And now it's Sunday evening, and, safely back in our home in Malvern, Worcestershire, Lois and I relax on the couch with the perfect non-stressful viewing to indulge in on the "telly": "Gone Fishing" presented by ageing ex-comedians Paul Whitehouse and his buddy Bob Mortimer.

This week "the boys" are discussing what will happen to them when they become too old and decrepit to go fishing any more, as they're both in their 60's now.

Bob asks Paul if he'd spend his days watching fishing programmes if he couldn't fish himself, but Paul thinks not.

Despite its obvious appeal, however, dominoes isn't the ideal game for "old codgers". It has one major snag, which Bob wastes no time in putting his finger on.

Uh-oh !!!!

Bob is more fortunate than Paul, however - he's been preparing for retirement all his life, and he has the perfect retirement hobby already lined up, which is going to make things super-easy for him, no doubt about that!