Danskcolin: Tuesday November 19th 2024 "Seen any snow lately? Well, some of us have, in spades, or shovels, haha!!!"

Friends, did it snow in your "neck-o'-the-woods" last night? Well, if it did, and you're a parent, I hope you made sure your junior-school-age children spent the night inside the house, safely tucked up in bed, or did you forget to check again (!) ??? Oops!!!!!!

And maybe you even took further precautions, like this local family from the lovely Worcestershire village of Nob End. Did you see the Wallace family's story in this morning's Onion News print edition? See page 94 for these heart-warming details!

But wait - while you're on page 94, you'll see that there are "shedloads" - like a billion, almost a "legion" (in places (!)) - of other scary snow-stories from West Worcestershire's first snowfall of the winter, would you believe, and it's only mid-to-late-November !!!!!

Here are just some of those scary headlines, but I think they may be just the "tip of the iceberg" (no pun intended!!!!):

Well, my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I certainly wake up to some of those "blankets of snow" here in our lovely new-build home in Malvern, Worcestershire, and no mistake! And we take a "cold-snap" decision (!), to hunker down and not go out today. Call us risk-averse if you like! [Not me, I gave up trying to reform you two crazy "noggins", like, a billion years ago! - Ed]

I showcase the scenes that my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I wake up to

this morning: even some of our granddaughters' old stuffed toys - 'Black-and-White-Cat'

and his buddy 'Hoppy Bear' - look surprised to see this 'extreme' weather in mid-November.

What a crazy planet we live on !!!!

Ironically, the "owners" of those two stuffed toys in that picture above, our twin grandchildren Lily and Jessica, are "struggling" with the heat, at the moment, would you believe? That's because our daughter Sarah and husband Francis decided to leave the UK in September and start a new life (for the second time (!)) in Australia. And it was 91F (33C) in Perth at noon yesterday.

What madness!!!!!

And today, Lois wastes no time this morning in "whatsapping" those pictures of Black-and-White-Cat and his pal Hoppy Bear to the twins over in Perth, 9000 miles away. Sarah replies to say that the twins are "loving that photo", which is nice!

Awwwwww!!!!!

flashback to February, and happier times: our daughter Sarah with

twins Lily and Jessica before they moved to Australia, in Bedroom 3

of our house, which also doubled as Black-and-White-Cat's "Office":

Hoppy is seated (left) and BWCat is hard at work on his office PC (right)

Awwww (again) !!!!!!

Apart from all that, not a bad day for us. Lois is a bit nervous, because she took a blood test yesterday at the surgery, and our GP said he would phone her about the results this morning - always a worry, when you're 78 'like what we are' [sic], to put it mildly!!! But everything seems okay, only minor issues, she has a new prescription to pick up at the pharmacy tomorrow, and the doctor is pleased with our super-healthy new diet and the weight we've lost: Lois half a stone (7 lbs) and even me 4 to 5 lbs, in the last couple of months, so that's all good.

(left) us yesterday at our GP's surgery for Lois's blood tests, and

(right) Lois today taking the call from our GP to discuss the results...

..and this evening, us tucking into an example of one of

our new-style "healthy meals"

Yes, tonight, we're tucking into what Lois has dubbed "avocado galette surprise".

[What's the surprise? - Ed]

Well, the 'surprise' is simply.... that there's no surprise. Unlike all the TV chefs, Lois has daringly opted not to give it any kind of a "twist" of her own, which is nice!

So a good day for Lois, and also a good day for me, because I've had time to work on my so-called "presentation". For my sins (!), I'm the leader of the local U3A "History of English" group, and I've agreed to give a talk to our little group of "old codgers" on zoom this Friday afternoon all about 'Scots English' - the form of English spoken by many north of the border.

flashback to 2022, and a typical online meeting

of our group using the zoom software

I've found a real "doozy" of a Scots text which I'm going to ask the group to try and translate into "proper English" (!). See if YOU can understand it: it seems to be about some guy who's been caught stealing some "neddies" [= potatoes] from a farmer's field. And just in case your Scots is only basic-to-intermediate level, as is the case with most of us 'Sassenachs' (including Yours Truly (!)), I've provided a 'helpful' 'glossary'.

I'm not 100% sure, but I'm guessing that Tam is the guy who tried to steal some potatoes from a farmer's field and who unfortunately got shot at by the farmer. And Tam's wife is amazed about what Tam will do for a gunny-sack of potatoes, and lamenting that she personally would rather just have an egg on a piece of toast, than to have to pick the pellets out of Tam's backside, and I see her point!

Heavy stuff, though, isn't it. And isn't it also a bit disturbing that this short text has two completely different words for "backside" in it? How many words do the Scots need for this part of their anatomy? I think I should be told, don't you?

Do send me your own personal favourite synonyms please (postcards only, as usual (!)).

Scottish women "checking out" a local man's "jeer" or "bool"

What madness !!!!

Sadly my presentation, also, is going to be a bit "heavy", to put it mildly, so I plan to start it with something a bit "on the lighter side".

Who was it said that in heaven, the engineers are Scots, and the cooks are French, while in hell, the engineers are the Italians, the English are the cooks, or the Germans are the police, or the motorists are the French or that kind of "malarkey"???

To most of us U3A "History of English" group members, who grew up in the 1960's, "Scotty", the engineer from the sci-fi classic series Star Trek, is our picture of the archetypal Scotsman. And sadly, how many times a day do Lois and I find ourselves saying "Beam us up, Scotty" when life in the 2020s just gets far too much for us poor "old codgers" (!!!) ?

us in 1950: (left) me with my little sister Kathy and (right) Lois...

...and us in 2023 - yikes !!!!!

Oh dear! But be that as it may, I'm planning to start my so-called "presentation" with a few classic "Star Trek" scenes, to jog members' memories, like these "doozies"....