Danskcolin: Wednesday, December 12 2018

09:00 Lois and I take a shower and after breakfast we sit in the house waiting for Bill, our neighbour, to ring us. He has an appointment with a lawyer, who will be visiting him and Mary this morning. He has asked us to witness the signature on the couple's new will.

We are not completely sure of the details, but we assume that the will has to be changed because of Mary's dementia, that arose only a few months ago. Bill and Mary are both in their 80's, and if Bill died, for example, Mary would not be able to cope with the financial consequences, no doubt about that.

It's all a little scary, to put it mildly. What are mine and Lois’s chances of escaping dementia? Especially now that researchers say that solving crosswords does not help - yikes !!!!

11:00 Bill rings us. It turns out that he only needs one of us to witness the signing, because their lawyer will be the 2nd witness. We decide that Lois will do it - Lois's sudden arrival at the house will not worry Mary as much as mine would do - Mary is used to seeing Lois pop round there and chat a little, especially at the weekend when Bill is out of the house at the local football stadium.

Changes to wills are always rather tense moments, with suspicions of skulduggery, to judge from thousands of criminal novels.

It is 20 years since our favourite newspaper owner, T. Hermann Zweibel hit the headlines with a major will-rewrite, when it turned out that the big-breasted woman whose name he could not remember could no longer be located. It is well known that he decided to change large parts of his will as a result (source: Onion News).

Zweibel's exact words were "My new iron lung shall go to my eldest son, U. Fairfax; I give my shawl to son V. Lucius; J. Phineas shall receive three crates of Dr. Wessel's Patented Lubrication Ointment; my twin sons R. Buckminster and G. Talmadge shall each receive one of my prosthetic ears; and my youngest son M. Prescott, whom I love more than all my children, for he is the son of my old age, shall receive my stereoscope, along with all my stereoscope-cards, including my coveted set of views of Niagara Falls ... "etc etc.

The precise, meticulous and water-tight wording of the new will were praised to the skies at the time by legal experts, and the reception of the will-rewrite was regarded as a landmark in legal history.

But the new will in some ways raised more questions than it answered, I have to say.

Was the mysterious "woman with the enormous mammaries" who disappeared without trace, in fact the mother of Zweibel's "son of his old age", namely Prescott? And was Prescott conceived not a million miles away from Niagara Falls, I wonder. There are a lot of mysteries here waiting to be solved, no doubt about that. We almost need a master-detective willing to take on the challenge, a latter-day Holmes or Poirot - it will not be easy to find such a person nowadays.

Prosthetic parts of the body can often lead to quarrels among heirs. I myself inherited my late father's false teeth, even though it was not mentioned in his will - none of my siblings objected as far as I know.

At least, Zweibel's sons will inherit their fortune when he finally dies, unless the big-breasted woman turns up again of course.

My paternal grandfather married for the second time in his 50’s, to his housekeeper, shortly after his first wife died, which his two sons were not really happy about, to put it mildly. The couple had a child who was half-sister to my father. This 2nd wife and daughter inherited all my grandfather's "fortune", needless to say, which must have annoyed my father, even though he never talked about it.

12:30 Lois comes back and we have lunch. Afterwards I go to bed and take a huge afternoon nap. I get up at 3 pm and look at my smartphone. Steve, my American brother-in-law has sent me an interesting email: a study by researchers at Innsbruck University suggests that those who like bitter drinks such as IPA beer, tonic water, black coffee, etc. are more likely to show malicious personality traits : they are basically psychos. My god - what madness!

I am fond of IPA beer, and I like a gin and tonic. I have always preferred coffee with milk, but recently I have been experimenting with black coffee - yikes, guilty as charged, your Honour !!!

An IPA lover (Fidel Castro?) in “hoppier” times

16:00 Alison, our daughter in Haslemere has posted a charming picture of two of her children on Facebook and Instagram. The picture shows her 2 younger children taking part in their school's annual Christmas nativity play. What a great picture!

Rosalind (10 years), the official prompter, sits at the side of the stage,

while Isaac (8) plays the role of Joseph.

18:00 We have dinner. Lois said earlier that she would like to attend her sect’s monthly business meeting, taking place tonight in Tewkesbury, and she asked me to drive her over there. But now she has a bad back, plus it's very cold outside - wind chill factor for the most part - and she has decided to stay home tonight, which is a bit of relief for me, to put it mildly.

21:00 We watch a little television. An interesting documentary is on, "Digging for Britain" (3rd part of 4), an annual series that gives an overview of what the country's archaeologists have uncovered over the past year. This episode is all about excavations in eastern England. The host of the program is the charming Alice Roberts.

An interesting overview of a number of the most prominent archaeological excavations of the year.

We see the excavation of a prehistoric ritual site near Woodbridge, Suffolk, which one day could become as world famous as Stonehenge. Archaeologists have uncovered a large circular ditch once filled with water from specially diverted streams, where people threw animal bones, mostly jawbones and pelvis bones, into the ditch. What madness !!!!

In the middle of the area a kind of platform was built, so that a large number of people could gather and participate in the ceremonies. Most of the animal bones date to approx. 2500 years BC, but the place was first used at least a thousand years earlier because the bones of part of an aurocs have been uncovered next to the platform, and the bones date back to 3500 BC. The aurocs became extinct in Britain in the mid Bronze Age.

Prehistoric people used to drop their animal bones

in the water here in some kind of crazy ritual - what madness !!!!

Near the village of Great Atletham, archaeologists have uncovered a Roman burial site, but they think the majority of the skeletons must have been slaves, because most of the cemetery is one big mess, mostly skeletons with extra body parts or missing body parts, etc. And the bones show signs of suffering the results of hard physical work all their lives. Poor slaves !!!!!

This Roman burial ground is one big mess, to put it mildly.

Extra body parts, missing body parts - and very worn, tired old bones (just like mine!!!).

Most of these skeletons must have been slaves - poor slaves !!!!!

In a local museum we also see a signet ring (used to stamp a personal seal on documents) with the name of a known Anglo-Saxon woman, Blithild, on it. She was originally sold as slave girl in England and bought by a mayor at a French court. He married her, and after his death she became a local queen of some kind. Later she founded a monastery, presumably in order to qualify for her own guaranteed personalised "Get Out of Hell Free" card when she died.

The strange thing about the signet ring is that the back of it illustrates a couple having intercourse standing up, under a huge cross, which is a little bit of a mystery to put it mildly! What a crazy world we live in !!!!!!

Blithild, an Anglo-Saxon slave girl who becomes a French queen

The back of Blithild’s signet ring shows a couple having intercourse standing up -

My god - what a crazy world we live in !!!!!!

Isn’t archaeology totally fascinating? Who would want to study anything else ?? !!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzzz !!!!!

Danish translation

09:00 Lois og jeg tager et brusebad og efter morgenmad sidder vi og venter i huset på at Bill, vores nabo, ringer til os. Han har en aftale med en advokat, der skal besøge ham og Mary i formiddag. Han har bedt os om at vidne underskrivelsen af parrets nye testamente.

Vi er ikke helt sikre på detaljerne, men vi formoder, at testamentet skal ændres på grund af Marys demens, der først opstod for nogle måneder siden. Bill og Mary er begge to i 80’erne, og hvis Bill døde, for eksempel, ville Mary ikke være i stand til at klare de financielle konsekvenser, ingen tvivl om det.

Det hele er lidt skræmmende, for at sige mildt. Hvad er mine og Lois’ chancer for at slippe for demens? Især nu, hvor forskere siger, at det, at løse krydsord hjælper ikke – yikes!!!!

11:00 Bill ringer til os. Det viser sig, at han har brug for kun en af os som vidne af underskrivelsen, deres advokat vil være den 2. vidne. Vi beslutter at Lois vil gøre det – Lois’ pludselige ankomst til huset vil ikke bekymre Mary så meget som min ville gøre – Mary er vant til at se Lois smutte ind hos dem og snakker lidt, især i weekenden, når Bill er ude af huset på den lokale fodboldsbane.

Ændringer af testamenter er altid lidt anstrengende øjeblikke, med mistænker om svineri, baseret på tusindvis af krimiromaner.

Det er for 20 år siden, at vores yndlingsavisejer, T. Hermann Zweibel ramte overskrifterne, da det viste sig at den storbarmede kvinde, hvis navn Hermann ikke kunne huske, angiveligt ikke kunne blive fundet. Det er velkendt, at han besluttede at ændre en masse dele af testamentet (kilde: Onion News).

Zweibels præcise ord var "Jeg testamenterer min nye jernlunge til min ældste søn, U. Fairfax; mit sjal giver jeg til min søn V. Lucius; J. Phineas skal modtage tre kasser med Dr. Wessels patenterede smørealve; mine tvillingsønner R. Buckminster og G. Talmadge skal hver modtage en af mine protetiske ører; og min yngste søn M. Prescott, som jeg elsker mere end alle mine børn, for han er sønnen af min alderdom, skal modtage mit stereoskop sammen med alle mine stereoskopkort, herunder mit eftertragtede sæt af billeder af Niagara Falls...” osv osv.

Testamentets præcise, omhyggelige og uangribelige ord og udtryk blev roset til skyerne, og testamentet blev betragtet som en mærkesag på det tidspunkt.

Og var den mystiske ”storbarmede” kvinde, der forsvand under spor, faktisk moren til Zweibels ”søn af sin alderdom”, nemlig M.Prescott? Og blev Prescott undfanget ikke ret langt fra Niagara Falls, spekulerer jeg. Der er en masse mysterier her, der venter på at blive løst, ingen tvivl om det. Vi har næsten brug for en detektivmester villig til at påtage sig udfordringen, en moderne Holmes eller Poirot – det vil ikke være nemt at finde sådan en person nu til dags.

Protetiske kropsdele kan ofte føre til skænderier blandt arvtagere. Jeg arvede selv min afdøde fars tandprotese, selvom den ikke blev nævnt i hans testamente – ingen af mine søskende protesterede, så vidt jeg ved.

I det mindste vil Zweibels sønner arve sin formue, når han endelig afgår af døden, medmindre den storbarmede kvinde før eller senere dukker op, selvføglelig.

Min farfar giftede sig for 2. gang i 50’erne, med sin husholderske, kort efter sin første kone døde, hvilket hans to sønner var ikke ret glade for, for at sige mildt. Parret fik et børn, der var halvsøster til min far. Denne 2. kone og datteren arvede al min farfars ”formue”, unødvendigt at sige, hvilket må have irriteret min far, selvom han aldrig talte om det.

12:30 Lois kommer tilbage og vi spiser frokost. Bagefter går jeg i seng og tager en gigantisk eftermiddagslur. Jeg står op kl 15 og kigger lidt på min smartphone. Steve, min amerikanske svigerbror har sendt mig en interessant email: en undersøgelse af forskere på Innsbruck universitet forslår,at de, der godt kan lide bitre drikke, som for eksempel IPA-øl, tonicvand, sort kaffe osv er mere sandsynlige at vise ondsindede personlighedstræk: de er grundlæggende psykotiske. Du godeste – sikke et vanvid!

Jeg holder selv meget om IPA-øl, udover gin og tonic. Jeg har altid foretrukket kaffe med mælk, men for nylig har jeg været i gang med at eksperimentere med sort kaffe – yikes, skyldig som anklaget, Deres velbårenhed!!!

en IPA-elsker (Fidel Castro?) i lykkeligere tider

16:00 Alison, vores datter i Haslemere har lagt et charmerende billede af to af sine børn op på Facebook og Instagram. Billedet viser hendes 2 yngre børn i gang med at deltage i deres skoles årlige juleteaterstykke. Sikke et fantastisk billede!

Rosalind (10 år), den officielle sufflør, sidder ved siden af scenen,

mens Isaac (8) spiller rollen af Joseph.

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad. Lois sagde tidligere på dagen, at hun gerne vil deltage i sin sekts månedlige forretningsmøde, der finder sted i aften i byen Tewkesbury, og hun bad mig om at køre hende derover. Men nu har hun lidt ondt i ryggen, og det er meget koldt udenfor – vind chill faktor for det meste – og hun har besluttet at blive hjemme i aften, hvilket er lidt af en lettelse for mig, for at sige mildt.

21:00 Vi ser lidt fjernsyn. De viser en interessant dokumentarfilm ”Digging for Britain” (3. del af 4), en årlig serie, der giver en oversigt af hvad landets arkæologer har afdækket i løbet af det seneste år. Dette afsnit handler om udgravninger i det østlige England. Programmets vært er den charmerende Alice Roberts.

Et interessant oversigt af en række af årets mest fremherskende arkæologiske udgravninger.

Vi ser udgravningen af et forhistoriske ritualcenter i nærheden af Woodbridge, Suffolk, som en dag kunne blive så verdensberømt som Stonehenge. Arkæologer har afdækket en stor cirkulært grøft, fyldt med vand fra specielt afledte kilder, hvor folk kastede dyrknogler, for det meste kæbeknogler og bækkenknogler ind i grøftet. Sikke et vanvid!!!!

Midt i området blev en slags perron bygget, så en stor flok mennesker kunne samles og deltage i ceremonierne. De fleste af dyreknogler daterer til ca. 2500 år f. Chr, men stedet blev først brugt mindst tusind år tidligere, fordi knoglerne af en urokse er blevet afdækket, der daterer til 3500 år f.Chr.

Forhistoriske folk plejede at droppe deres dyrknogler

i vandet her i et slags skørt ritual – sikke et vanvid!!!!

I nærheden af landsbyen Great Whenletham har arkæologer afdækket en romersk begravelsesplads, men de tror, at meste af skeletter må have været slaver, fordi de fleste grave er et stort rod, med ekstra kropsdele eller manglende kropsdele osv. Og knoglerne viser tegn på hårdt fysiske arbejde. Stakkels slaver !!!!!

Denne romerske begravelsesplads er et stort rod, for at sige mildt.

Ekstra kropsdele, manglende kropsdele – og meget slidte knogle.

Disse skeletter må have været slaver for det meste – stakkels slaver !!!!!

I et lokale museum ser vi også en signet med navnet af en kendt angel-saksiske kvinde, Blithild. Hun blev sogt som slavinde og købt af en borgermester ved en franske hof. Han giftede sig med hende, og efter hans død blev hun en dronning af en eller anden karakter. Senere grundlagde hun et kloster. Det underlige med signetten er, at bagsiden af signeten viser at par i færd med et stående samleje under et kæmpe kors, hvilket er lidt af et mysterium for at sige mildt! Sikke en skør verden vi lever i!!!!!!