Thursday 11 July 2019

09:00 We hurry out of the shower cabin and talk a little on whatsapp with Francis, our son-in-law in Australia: he says our daughter Sarah, who yesterday checked herself in at the local Joondalup hospital with a suspected appendicitis, is now actually being treated just for an inflamed bowel, which does not require an operation, thank goodness: however, investigations continue.

Later in the morning we talk on the phone with Sarah herself, who is in a private room, which is nice. She is very tired, which is understandable - she is getting antibiotics and painkillers, also some kind of soup, intravenously through a tube, we think, but she had just thrown up when we called her, which was a bit of a shame! She hopes she can be discharged from the hospital in 1-2 days’ time, but the decision has not yet been taken. Poor thing!!

Sarah drove herself yesterday to the hospital, after spending the morning at work, busy making sure her company's payday went smoothly - how conscientious she is !!! Unfortunately she parked in the hospital's parking lot, and the family has now received a gigantic parking fine - the maximum parking time is only 4 hours, it seems - what madness!!!

our daughter, Sarah, seen recently at a local zoo

Controversial parking fines recently hit the local headlines (source: Onion News) when a local man, Todd Fontaine, was criticised by local menswear-advocates, who said that his tank top QUOTE was so severely strained that it was in imminent danger of succumbing to “explosive and potentially dangerous fabric-degradation -related rupture” UNQUOTE – my god, what utter gobbledy-gook, why can't these people speak plain English!!!!

According to Municipal Sleeveless-Clothing Subcommittee co-chair Edwin Thurley, the tank top, a 1981 horizontal striped blue and white "Kmart Casual" with vest pocket and dual poly / cotton blend, was not designed to withstand the pressure currently being imposed on it by its owner and could "burst without notice at almost any moment."

A bitter rivalry between city officials and the tanktop’s owner/wearer, Todd Fontaine, has only worsened the situation.

Fontaine said: "Due to a recent exorbitant parking fine charged me by city officials, I cannot allocate the necessary funding for a replacement, or upgrade of, the tank top at this time."

My goodness, poor Fontaine! Parking fines (or worse still, threats of parking fines) can certainly cast a long shadow over many of our lives, no doubt about that, and even lead to tragedy as in the case of Fontaine and his all-too-inappropriate tank top! My goodness, what a crazy world we live in !!!!

11:00 The call with Sarah ends. Francis visited Sarah in hospital earlier in the day (Perth time), together with their (soon-to-be) 6-year-old twins, Lily and Jessie, but of course he can't visit her again in the evening because of his duties as a father. We're afraid Sarah will be feeling lonely tonight, so we call Alison, our other daughter, in Haslemere, and suggest she also has a chat with Sarah, which we know will cheer Sarah up a lot.

Alison says Ed, her husband, has unfortunately not yet found a new, permanent job. The family resided 6 years in Copenhagen, but moved back to England in the summer of 2018, when Ed was laid off by his company, Ferguson (formerly, Wolseley). Ed has only had temporary jobs since then, but recently he was offered a new job back at Ferguson because one of their legal experts was planning to move to the company's headquarters in Newport News, Virginia, which would have created a vacancy. Unfortunately, the man's move to Virginia has now been cancelled - the man's wife wants them to stay in England, it seems. Poor Ed !!!!

Ali, Ed and their 3 children: a recent picture at Wembley Stadium

Problems, Problems - my goodness! Suddenly, our daughters 'problems make me realise that Lois' and my life happens to be going relatively easy at the moment - not that that will necessarily last, I have to admit - yikes!

12:00 We have lunch and afterwards I go to bed and take a gigantic afternoon nap. In the meantime, Lois hurries into the kitchen and begins making her annual gooseberry chutney.

15:00 I get up and we relax on the sofa with a cup of tea and a piece of bread with homemade gooseberry jam - yum yum! Afterwards, Lois carries on making her chutney. She lets me to taste it: how delicious it is, I have to say! Eventually she manages to fill 6 one-pound jars, which is nice.

Lois, just about to feed me a teaspoonful of her homemade

gooseberry-chutney - yum yum !!!

16:00 I sit down with the computer and devise a Danish vocabulary list which I want our U3A Danish group members to memorise before the group's next meeting, which will take place here on 18 July. I'm so demanding ha ha ha!

The correct answers to the test spell out another of stand-up comedian Tim Vine's famous one-line jokes, "I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle?'" The bloke said 'Kenwood?' I said, 'Where is he? "".

Not one of his best, in my opinion, but I’m going to let that one slide because he's mostly a good-hearted fellow ha ha.

a typical Kenwood kettle, of the type the shop-assistant tried to recommend

Tim Vine, our favourite stand-up comedian

Incidentally, the correct answers to our Danish group's new vocabulary test are top secret until Thursday 3 pm, needless to say ha ha ha !!!

18:00 We have dinner and spend the rest of the evening listening to the radio, an interesting programme all about the history of toilets. The programme's presenter is the charming Katy Brand, who has assembled a panel of experts to investigate the issue.

Katy Brand

A thought-provoking analysis. Lois and I did not know that he earliest toilets were developed by the Harappa culture 4,500 years ago in north-eastern Pakistan, although toilet seats (not attached, so eminently removable by vandals) did not appear until the toilet-craze spread to Egypt and Mesopotamia. Before the invention of toilets, human waste was just left in massive piles just outside your village. Yuk !!!!

Going to the toilet was a social event in the past: the largest toilet complex ever found was built by the Romans in today's Turkey: with facilities for 140 simultaneous users. What madness !!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz !!!!

Danish translation: tordag den 11. juli 2019

09:00 Vi skynder os ud af brusekabinen og taler lidt på whatsapp med Francis, vores svigersøn i Australien: han siger, at vores datter Sarah, der i går indlagde sig selv i det lokale Joondalup-hospital med en mistænkt blindtarmsbetændelse, for tiden blive behandlet for en betændt tarm, som ikke kræver en operation, gudskelov:  men undersøgelser fortsætter imidlertid.

Senere på formiddagen taler vi på telefon med selve Sarah, der er i et privat værelse, hvilket er rart. Hun er meget træt, hvilket er forståeligt – hun får antibiotika og smertestillende midler, også en eller anden slags suppe, intravenøstgennem en kateder, tror vi, men hun havde lige kastet op, da vi ringede til hende, hvilket var lidt af en skam! Hun håber på, hun kan blive udskrevet fra hospitalet om 1-2 dage, men beslutningen er ikke blevet taget endnu. Staklen!!

Sarah kørte sig selv i går til hospitalet, efter at have tilbragt formiddagen på arbejde, beskæftiget med at sørge for, at selskabets betalesdag gik uden problemer – hvor er hun dog samvittighedsfuld !!! Desværre parkerede hun familiens bil i hospitalets parkeringsplads, og familien har nu modtaget en gigantisk parkeringsbøde – den maksimale parkeringstid er kun 4 timer, lader det til – sikke et vanvid!!!

vores datter, Sarah, i en lokale zoologisk have

Kontroversielle parkeringsbøder ramte de lokale overskrifter for nylig, da en lokal mand, Todd Fontaine, blev kritiseret af lokale herretøj-advokater, der sagde tanktoppen var så alvorligt anstrengt, at det var i overhængende fare for at bukke under for eksplosiv og potentielt farlig stof nedbrydning-relateret brud.

Ifølge kommuneformandskabet Edwin Thurley fra Municipal Sleeveless-Clothing Subcommittee var tank-toppen, en 1981 horisontalt stripet blå og hvid "Kmart Casual" med vestlomme og dobbelt poly / bomuldsblanding, ikke designet til at modstå presset, som i øjeblikket bliver lagt på det af sin ejer og kan "springe uden varsel på næsten ethvert øjeblik."

En bitter rivalisering mellem byens embedsmænd og tankens ejer / bærer, Todd Fontaine har kun forværret situationen.

Fontaine sagde: "På grund af en nylig ublu parkeringsbøde opkrævet af mig af byembedsmænd, kan jeg ikke tildele den nødvendige finansiering til en udskiftning eller opgradering af tanken på nuværende tidspunkt."

Du godeste, stakkels Fontaine! Parkeringsbøder (eller hvad er værre, trusler med parkeringsbøder) kan helt sikkert kaste en lang skygge over mange af vores liv, ingen tvivl om det, og endda føre til tragedie som i tilfældet af Fontaine og hans upassende tanktop! Du godeste, sikke en skør verden vi lever i !!!!

11:00 Opkaldet med Sarah slutter. Francis besøgte Sarah sammen med deres (snart) 6-årige tvillinger, Lily og Jessie, tidligere på dagen (Perth-tid), men han kan selvfølgelig  ikke besøge hende igen om aftenen på grund af sine pligter som far. Vi er bange for, hun vil føle sig ensom i aften, så vi ringer til Alison, vores anden datter, i Haslemere, og foreslår, at hun taler med Sarah, hvilket vi ved vil opmuntre Sarah.

Alison siger, at Ed, hendes mand, desværre endnu ikke har fundet et nyt, permanent job. Familien opholdt sig i 6 år i København, men flyttede tilbage til England om sommeren 2018, da Ed blev afskediget af sit selskab, Ferguson (tidligere, Wolseley). Ed har bare haft midlertidlige jobs siden da, men for nylig fik han tilbuddet af et nyt job tilbage hos Ferguson, fordi én af deres juridiske eksperter planlagde at flytte til selskabets hovedkontor i Newport News, Virginia, hvilket ville have skabet en ledig stilling. Desværre er mandens flyttelse til Virginia nu blevet aflyst – hans kone har lyst til at de bliver boende i England, lader det til. Stakkels Ed !!!!

Ali, Ed og deres 3 børn: et nyligt billede på Wembley-stadiet

Problemer, problemer – du godeste! Pludselig får vores døtres problemer mig til at indse, at Lois’ og mit liv er forholdsvis nemt for tiden – men det kan ikke nødvendigvis vare, det må jeg indrømme – yikes!

12:00 Vi spiser frokost og bagefter går jeg i seng for at tage en gigantisk eftermiddagslur. I mellemtiden skynder Lois sig ind i køkkenet og går i gang med at lave sin årlige stikkelsbær-chutney.

15:00 Jeg står op og vi slapper af i sofaen med en kop te og et stykke brød med hjemmelavet stikkelsbærmarmelade – yum yum! Bagefter fortsætter Lois med at lave sin chutney. Hun tillader mig smage på den: hvor er den dog lækker – det må jeg nok sige! Til sidst lykkes det hende at fylde 6 1-pund krukker, hvilket er rart.

Lois, lige ved at fodre mig med en teskefuld af hendes hjemmelavede

stikkelsbær-chutney – yum yum!!!

16:00 Jeg sætter mig med computeren og udtænker en dansk ordforrådsliste, som jeg vil have vores U3A danske gruppes medlemmer til at lære udenad før gruppens næste møde, der finder sted hos os den 18. juli. Jeg er så krævende ha ha ha!

De rigtige svar til testen staver endnu en af standup komikeren Tim Vines berømte én-linje vittigheder, “I went into a shop and I said, ‘Can someone sell me a kettle?’ The bloke said ‘Kenwood?’ I said, ‘Where is he?'”. 

Ikke én af hans bedste, efter min mening, men det springer jeg over, fordi han er for det meste godt-hjertet ha ha ha.

en typisk Kenwood-kedel, af den type, ekspeditøren prøvede at anbefale

Tim Vine, vores yndlings-standupkomiker

I øvrigt er de rigtige svar på vores danske gruppes nye ordforrådtest tophemmelige indtil torsdag kl 15, unødvendigt at sige ha ha ha!!!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og bruger resten af aftenen på at lytte til radio, et interessant program, der handler om historien af toiletter. Programmets vært er den charmerende Katy Brand, som har samlet en panel af eksperter for at undersøger spørgsmålet.

Katy Brand

En tankevækkende analyse. De tidligste toiletter blev udviklet af Harappa-kulturen for 4.500 år siden i det nordøstlige Pakistan, selvom toilet-sæder (ikke fastgjorte, så notorisk aftagelige) ikke dukkede op  indtil toilet-dillen kort efter bredte sig til Egypten og Mesopotamien. Inden påfindelsen af toiletter blev afføringen fra mennesker efterladt i massive bunker lidt udenfor landsbyen. Yuk!!!!

Dét, at gå på toilettet var en social event i fortiden: den største toilet-kompleks nogensinde fundet var bygget af romerne i nutidens Turkiet:  med plads til 140 brugere. Sikke et vanvid!!!!

22:00 Vi går i seng – zzzzzzzz!!!!