Monday 1 July 2019

10:00 I dig out my electric hedge-cutter and start pruning the rest of the 7 foot high hedge between our back yard and our neighbour Bob's backyard: the remaining 60 feet. To achieve the perfect result, I need to complete the work in hand with our pruning shears, but that will have to wait for another day.

Meanwhile, Lois goes out to our fruit garden and picks even more raspberries and gooseberries so the birds can't "steal" them all - hurrah!

the approx 8 lbs of gooseberries that Lois has picked this morning

- yum yum!!!!

So far, our raspberry and gooseberry harvests have been above expectations, which is nice. And in particular, our raspberries have proved to be even more delicious than usual, to put it mildly, as promised by God 20 years ago (source: Onion News).

HEAVEN - In an effort to counteract a fall in worldwide raspberry consumption, God announced on Monday that starting March 1, the great taste of raspberries will be "even more berrilicious". "Get ready for a whole new taste experience," God said. "Soon, raspberry will be bursting with so much outrageous fruity flavours that you’ll want to call them 'razzle-dazzleberries' ".

And if raspberry consumption fails to increase, there are other changes in the pipeline, including "magic colour-changing berries" available on bushes for a limited time next spring. "Slam that great fruity taste in your face," God urged.

It is really vital not to become too complacent in today's rapidly changing fruit market conditions – that’s for sure. And one must constantly be in search of new products - if not, the nightmare of bankruptcy is never far from the horizon - no doubt about that! And it's good to be reassured that God, in his role as the world's largest fruit producer, has his finger on the pulse, as always!

12:00 We grab a quick lunch and afterwards we head over to our new medical centre in the middle of town - Lois has to take her annual blood test: she suffers from a slightly elevated cholesterol levels and takes statins every night at bedtime. We come home and I go to bed for a gigantic afternoon nap.

15:30 I get up and experiment a little with my brand new tablet after "signing on" using my fingerprint (yikes!) - I have asked Mark, our local IT expert, to pop in here tomorrow afternoon to help me with the many IT problems that are currently plaguing me. And the tablet uses Windows 10, which I am not used to, to put it mildly - our laptop and desktop both use Windows 7, which Microsoft will stop "supporting" next January - damn!

I "sign on" with my fingerprint - yikes,

a scary experience for an old crow like me !!!!

I have a lot of problems I want to ask Mark about. For example, I'm not completely sure if I can use my existing word processing and virus program licenses on the tablet or whether I have to pay out even more money. Damn!

18:00 We have dinner and spend the rest of the evening listening to the radio and watching a bit of television. We catch up with the third episode of a new documentary series about the Thames, first aired a couple of weeks ago. The host of the programme is the charming Tony Robinson.

An interesting programme, and Lois and I learn a lot we didn't know before.

We see a centuries-old herb garden (the so-called "Physic Garden") next to the river. It seems that for centuries people thought that bad smells spread diseases, so in the 16th century, for example, they used to carry small bags of marjoram and thyme with them everywhere they went, to protect themselves from bacteria, etc. How crazy !!!

But even the doctors also believed this myth at that time - and when they treated patients, they wore masks with long noses, that were stuffed with herbs – my god, pure madness !!!

This herb garden was one of the first to use greenhouses, and many different tropical plants and trees were cultivated, from which they could, for example, extract quinine. Quinine started as a drug for malaria, but it has a very bitter taste, to put it mildly.

In the two world wars, British soldiers in India and Southeast Asia were treated with quinine, mixed with soda, sugar and a few drops of gin, to encourage them to drink it. It is believed that this was the origin of my personal favourite drink, gin and tonic.

In the good old days before buttons were invented, people used to fasten their clothes with pins. And we see Tony, the programme's charming host, on his knees with amateur archaeologist Nicola White, picking up hundreds of these pins on the river foreshore - many of the pins were dropped by the dozens of prostitutes working in the many brothels that were once open for business in the area.

My goodness, what a crazy world we live in !!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz !!!!

Danish translation: mandag den 1. juli 2019

10:00 Jeg graver min elektriske hækklipper frem og går i gang med at beskære resten af den 7 fods høj hæk mellem vores baghave og vores nabo Bobs baghave:  de resterende 60 fods. For at opnå det perfekte resultat, trænger det til at jeg fuldfører arbejdet i hånden med vores beskæresaks, men det bliver en anden dag.

I mellemtiden går Lois ud til vores frugthave og plukker endnu flere hindbær og stikkelsbær, så fuglene ikke kan ”stjæle” dem alle – hurra!

de ca. 8 pund stikkelsbær, som Lois i morges har plukket 

- yum yum !!!!!

Hidtil har vores hindbær- og stikkelsbær-høst været over forventningerne, hvilket er rart. Og i sær har vores hindbær vist sig at være endnu meget lækre, end normalt, for at sige mildt, som lovet af Gud for 20 år siden (kilde: Onion News).

HIMLEN – I et forsøg på at modvirke et fald i verdensomspændende hindbærforbrug, meddelte Gud mandag, at startende fra den 1. marts vil den flotte smag af hindbær være "endnu mere berrilicious". "Gør dig klar til en helt ny smagoplevelse," sagde Gud. "Snart vil hindbær briste med så meget skandaløst frugtagtig smag, at du vil kalde dem 'razzle-dazzleberries' ".

Og hvis hindbærforbrug ikke øges, er der andre ændringer i vente, herunder "magiske farveskiftende bær",  der skal få på buske i en begrænset periode næste forår. "Stik den store frugtagtig smag i dit ansigt," opfordrede Gud.

Det er absolut nødvendigt ikke at blive for selvtilfreds i nutidens hurtigt skiftende frugtmarkedsvilkår – det ved jeg med sikkerhed. Og man må konstant være på jagt efter at komme med nye produkter – hvis ikke, er mareridtet af konkurs aldrig langt fra horisonten – ingen tvivl om det! Og det er godt at vide, at Gud, i sin rolle som verdens største frugtproducent,  har fingeren på pulsen, som altid.

12:00 Vi snupper en hurtig frokost og bagefter kører vi over til vores nye lægehus midt i byen – Lois skal tage sin årlige blodprøve: hun lider af et lidt forhøjet kolesteroltal, og tager statiner hver aften ved sengetid. Vi kommer hjem og jeg går i seng for at tage en gigantisk eftermiddagslur.

15:30 Jeg står op og eksperimenterer lidt med min spritnye tablet, efter at jeg logger ind ved hjælp af mit fingeraftryk (yikes!) – jeg har bedt Mark, vores lokale IT-ekspert, om at smutte ind hos os i morgen eftermiddag for at hjælpe mig med de mange IT-problemer, der for tiden plager mig. Tablettet bruger Windows 10, som jeg ikke er vænnet til, for at sige mildt – vores laptop og desktop bruger Windows 7, som Microsoft vil holde op med at ”støtte” næste januar – pokkers!

Jeg logger ind med mit fingeraftryk - yikes!

En skræmmende oplevelse for en gammel krage som mig!!!!

Jeg har en masse problemer jeg ønsker at spørge Mark om. For eksempel er jeg ikke helt sikker på, om jeg kan bruge mine eksisterende tekstbehandling- og virusprogram-licenser på tabletten, eller om jeg må betale endnu flere penge. Pokkers!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og bruger resten af aftenen på at lytte til radio og at se lidt fjernsyn. De viser det tredje episode af en ny dokumentumserie, der handler om floden Thames. Programmets vært er den charmerende Tony Robinson.

Et interessant program, og Lois og jeg lærer en masse, vi ikke vidste før.

Vi ser en århundreder-gamle urtehave (”Physic Garden”) ved siden af floden. Det lader til, at i århundreder troede folk, at dårlig lugter spredte sygdomme, så i 1500-tallet for eksempel plejede de at medbringe små poser med marjoram og timian, hvor som helst de gik, for at beskytte sig fra bakterier osv. Sikke et vanvid!!!

Men lægerne også troede dengang denne myte – og når de behandlede patienter, bar de masker med lange næser, propfyldt med urter – du godeste, rent vanvid!!!

Denne urtehave var en af de første til at bruge drivhuse, og de dyrkede mange forskellige tropiske planter og træer, som de for eksempel kunne udvinde kinin af. Kinin startede med at blive et lægemiddel til malaria, men det har en meget bitter smag, for at sige mildt.

I de to verdenskrige blev britiske soldater i Indien og Sydøstasien behandlet med kinin, blandet med sodavand, sukker og et par dråber gin, for at opmuntre dem til  at drikke den. Man tror, at den her var oprindelsen af min yndlingsdrik, gin og tonic.

I de gode gamle dage, før knapper blev opfundet, plejede folk at faste sine tøj med nåle. Og vi ser Tony, programmets charmerende vært, sammen med amatørarkæologen Nicola White, samle hundredvis af disse nåle på flodens forstrand – mange af nålene blev tabet af de dusinvis af prostituerede, der arbejdede i de mange bordeller, som engang var åbne til forretning i området.

Du godeste, sikke en skør verden vi lever i !!!!

22:00 Vi går i seng – zzzzzzzzz!!!!