Monday December 30th 2024 "Have YOU ever had a bad experience in Greggs?"

Yes, friends, have YOU every had a bad experience in Greggs? 

There have been, like, a billion bad-news stories about Greggs recently, yes, literally billions, not to say "legion" (!), to judge from the pages of the Onion News (West Worcestershire) print edition, to put it mildly! Are you having one, as you read these words, I wonder? 

You only have to glance at p.94 this morning, to know what I'm talking about!

And, to save your thumb from the strain of having to work its way back to page 94 (!), here, "on a plate for you" (no pun intended!) is the latest "bad news" story from the local Greggs, right here in my blog:

Poor Kyle!!!! 

But at least there's some consolation for the poor guy, because - did you see? - he won the paper's daily prize of £5.25 for "your worst Greggs experience today"? And perhaps with that money he can get a more "chocolatey" muffin at the nearby Costa's. Well, we'll see - I've already texted Kyle asking him to keep us updated on that local "hot topic" of a story! So watch this space! [I can hardly wait! - Ed]

There's a lot of chocolate going around at the moment, too, isn't there, what with Christmas and all, and people trying to "work their way through" all the, like, billions of tins of Quality Street they've been given, to put it mildly! 

a typical Christmas tin of Quality Street chocolates

And my medium-to-long suffering wife Lois and I are at least going to "work some of that chocolate off our waistlines" with a morning walk along by the premises of the Government's medium-to-top-secret Malvern Science Park, where, even as we speak, hard-working local boffins are struggling to protect the UK from more of those fiendish computer hacking attacks by all those dastardly foreigners (!).

us on our morning walk today under the lee of the lovely 700-million-year-old

Malvern Hills, and along past the premises of the Government's 

medium-to-top-secret Malvern Science Park (right)

And Lois and I have also got something to chuckle over on our walk, because this week's amusing Venn diagrams have "plopped" onto our computer screens this morning, courtesy of an email from Steve, our American brother-in-law: look at this "doozy" !!!

Yes, and it's the QUOTE "remainders of the chocolate box at the end of December" UNQUOTE - that resonates with Lois and me today, and did you know that one local couple has even done a ranking - best to worst - of all the chocolates in a Quality Street tin? Did you see this social media post?

That ranking, however, is going to start a few arguments for a lot of couples - I can imagine (!) - but hopefully no "festive season" divorces (!). So why not send me YOUR rankings, with pictures, and on a postcard please (closing date for entries 9 pm tonight, so get busy with your "ranking" haha!)

And, while you're about it, why not send me, also, your rankings of Donald Trump's "cabinet picks" haha!

[That's enough hahas! - Ed]

Other than our morning walk, it's another busy day for Lois and me today. We're going to be moving out of our home here on Thursday - the international movers "GB Liners" are coming to load up our furniture and belongings, and transport them to Liphook, Hampshire where we're buying our next 'last-ever-house'  - what a madness it all is !!!! 

Today, we're doing some of the most important preparations for the move, like labelling all the wires going in and out of our computers, so "we'll know where to stick'em" after the move - no suggestions for that, please, unless they're polite ones haha!

I start labelling the wires going into and out of,

our dusty old computer equipment, so that I'll 

"know where to stick'em" in our new house, and 

no saucy suggestions please if you don't mind!!!!

What a crazy world we live in!!!!

We also get on the internet today and switch the hotel we'll be staying in on Thursday night, as our halfway stopping point between Malvern and Liphook. We'll be exhausted when the day is over, after supervising the furniture-removal, and then cleaning, dusting, vacuuming etc as each room is emptied. So we've decided to opt for a hotel that's got its own bar/restaurant and a bigger bed we can "plop" into afterwards - makes sense to us!

our new choice of hotel for Thursday night - a place with a bar, and a bigger bed haha!

;

21:00 We go to bed tonight on TV's documentarist-extraordinaire Philomena Cunk, not Cunk herself obviously (!), but on perhaps her most ambitious TV documentary to date: "Cunk on Life", which is touted as holding the answers to all the big questions in life, so it's a "must see" for Lois and me, that's for sure!

Just the intro to this programme starts to make our mouths water at the delights we're expecting to savour in the next hour, to put it mildly!

Quite an opener, isn't it! And the rest of the programme certainly lives up to Cunk's intro, no doubt about that. 

You see, Philomena has just so many fascinating insights on life to offer tonight. Here's just one, this one being all about the story behind Michelangelo's painting of the ceiling in the Sistine Chapel.

And Cunk has time in this gallop-through to share with us her fascinating interview with Art World insider, Prof. Alison Wright of University College, London. Here Cunk asks Wright about the mechanics of producing this wonder of the art world: 

I'm not going to tell you Prof. Wright's response to this question - I don't want to spoil the surprise that lies within it (!), so I'll leave you to discover it for yourself from the re-run now available digitally on BBC iPlayer!

And here's another incisive "corker" (!) from Cunk on "that ceiling" :

Again, I'm not going to reveal here Professor Wright's response to this centuries-old "teaser" of a puzzle. No spoilers !!!!

But fascinating stuff, isn't it! [Just go to bed, Colin! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!! 

Sunday December 29th 2024 "Do you know all about art, but just don't know what you like (!) haha?"

Friends, are you "local", and, do you know about art, and but just "don't know what you like" haha (!) ? And by "local", I'm talking about rural West Worcestershire, as you know full well if you've ever read this blog before (!). 

[That's enough exclamation marks in brackets (!) - Ed]

But if, on the other hand, you're local and an art-lover, you've probably visited the collection of local Upton Snodsbury art collector Walter Vaifale a lot, maybe, like, a billion times, unless I'm very much mistaken! Am I right? Or am I right (!).

And if so, you probably also read that story about old Walter in today's local Onion News - it's a bit of a "humdinger", isn't it, to put it mildly, as well as being more than a little shocking (!).

Oh dearie me - poor Walter !!!! 

But I feel strangely "un-outraged" - is that a word? [No! - Ed], however, when looking at the peanut-butter stain on Van Gogh's "The Red Vineyard", which staff have ham-fistedly tried to "tippex out", because I almost feel that the stain enhances the effect Vincent was aiming for, although perhaps not quite perfectly. However I somehow sense that Vincent is smiling down on it from up in heaven, and celebrating the fact that National Gallery staff's somewhat naive and drunken "rough-housing" has somehow "squared the circle" on this one.

I wonder...... ! 

Your views-on-postcards, or on postcards-with-views (!), welcome, as always!

And I hope that our late Queen, Elizabeth, is still smiling down on her own portrait in Ashworth Village Hall just outside Tewkesbury - a portrait still not replaced by one of Charles (parish council please note!). No Koolaid or peanut-butter stains on that one, I'm happy to report (!).

My medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I always "check out" the portrait, when we arrive at the hall ready to brave the hall's (almost!) sub-zero temperatures, on Sundays. for one of Lois's church's Sunday Morning Meetings.

me this morning, just arrived in the Village Hall 

for one of Lois's church's Sunday Morning Meetings,

coat buttoned up, hiding a scarf and two sweaters

- it's only 60F (15C) inside the hall - brrrrr !!!!!

 

If you look carefully at the above photo, you'll see the somewhat blurry outline of the late Queen's portrait on the wall just above church member David's right shoulder.

This morning, the church's members want to take a picture of Lois and me, because it's our last time here on a Sunday. On Thursday we've moving to a house we're buying 130 miles away, in Liphook, Hampshire. 

I make the somewhat cheeky request to camera-buff and Chief Elder Andy to "please get the Queen in the shot if you can!", and he laughs and says he's happy to oblige. At press-time the picture has not yet been made available, but watch this space!  [I can hardly contain myself waiting for that one! - Ed]

flashback to earlier meetings: (left) Chief Elder Andy sitting at the desk, setting

up the zoom software with its simultaneous Farsi translation, while trying to pacify 

a church member's toddler sitting on his lap (!), and (right) Andy's wife Angie talking to 

one of the many Iranian Christian refugees who've attended on Sundays

Afterwards, when we're driving home today, I tell Lois how much her fellow-members love her, but she scoffs, characteristically (!). Of course it's their duty as Christians to love her, and particularly seeing as how she's their "sister in Christ", but I stress to Lois that it's more than that. They love her just in the ordinary heart-felt sense of the word, i.e. because she's lovable. See!

flashback to October: Lois and me sitting at the back of the hall in our coats,

next to a radiator, with [inset] my phone screen showing a balmy 67.2F (19.6C)

- unusually warm for a Sunday morning in the hall, may I say!

For at least 10 years, maybe as many as 20, without shouting about it, she's been quietly doing for the meeting two jobs that nobody else wanted to do: (1) trying to book visiting preachers for future Sunday Morning Meetings, and (2), looking after the bank account and finances needed to support all the Iranian Christian refugees who've been flooding into, and then out of, the area over the last decade or two. 

It's a thankless task in particular, trying to book visiting preachers, who often, probably just absent-mindedly, forget to answer her emails and texts asking them if they've got any free Sundays next year to come and preach here again. 

"A lot of them are just so vague, bless them!" is all she says.

a typical vague young preacher, looking at his mobile phone

- we'll call him Brother Taylor (not his real name haha!)

Poor Lois !!!! But what a woman I married !!!!! And on the finance duties, the meeting is going to be replacing her with an actual fully-qualified accountant, which speaks volumes, doesn't it. 

Poor Lois (again) !!!!!

Lois will miss the Tewkesbury "crowd" too - so friendly and warm-hearted. And one of the refreshing things about them is their informality and lack of "stuffiness", dressing casually, bringing their young children along and their pet dogs, enjoying a joke with each other, wandering about the hall etc. And I know the Iranians like this too.

flashback to December 2022: some of the church's Iranian 

Christian refugees (right) join in the church's Christmas lunch 

at the 16th century Gupshill Manor, Tewkesbury

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Saturday December 28th "What part have accidents played in YOUR life haha!"

Accidents will happen, as the great Elvis Costello, wrote in his 1978 song "Accidents Will Happen". [You don't say! - Ed]. But, Friends, have YOU ever thought what a part accidents have played in YOUR life?

Some days it seems like the local Onion News (West Worcestershire) print edition is just packed from end-to-end with accidents. It's like people sometimes say, "Everything's going wrong today!" or "It's just been one of those days!", without realising that these "bad days" tend to be at least county-wide, if not even more extensive (!), and all fully documented in the paper, needless to say, by the paper's hard-working local "journos" (!!)

Look at this "doozy" of a story, from p.94 of this morning's paper, and you'll see what I mean!

And my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I just love these stories about dating sites, not because we use the sites (!), but because it gives us a chance to pick up on modern texting abbreviations, which we can then sprinkle our own texts with, and appear, at least superficially, to be "down with the kids" - a feeling we glory in, to put it mildly!

me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois - yes, we're

incredibly old (!), but we still like to feel that we're "trendy"

and "down with the kids", to put it mildly!!!!

Let's just analyse local wardrobe-buyer Mallory's personal dating-site ad a moment. [Must we? - Ed]

We're guessing "hot WM" must mean "hot white male" - Lois and I have stopped at Upton Snodsbury in the past to buy a Radio Times, and we've noticed that the town is stuffed full of not just WFs but also with WMs, although not particularly "hot" in either case (!), a lot of them "indifferent-to-hottish" at best (!),so that's probably what it means (?). Mallory is a WM and probably looking for another WM, and "28" could be his (alleged!) age. 

We google "VGL" and it means "Very Good-looking", but the second "WM" is a bit of a puzzle - is it just "white male" again? "WM" could just mean that he possesses a washing-machine - an important "plus", because it hints that his clothes will look (and smell!) fresh, on the projected "date" or exploratory drinks outing. But what do YOU think? Answers by Tuesday - postcards only haha!

But wait there's more - this second "doozy" from the "chapter of today's accidents" in this morning's paper:

Poor guy!!!  And again this story resonates particularly with me this morning, because we had something similar happen to us back in April 2023.

Lois and I learned to "text" by texting our two lovely daughters, now both in their mid-to-late-fifties, and we noticed that they tended to end their texts with an "xx". I always assumed that this just meant "end of message", but apparently it means "kisses" - as I now know!!! 

This is what happened. When we moved here to Malvern in 2022, and I still had a busted hip, and was waiting for a replacement operation, we employed a local woman called Amanda to come and mow our lawn and do other little gardening jobs. And I blotted my copy-book (!) by ending my first-ever texts to Amanda with an "xx". 

I tried to smooth it over, and I think I got away with it, because she didn't try to kiss me when she arrived to mow our lawn, and as a matter of fact I don't think she's even looking for a man, be it a WM or any other shade of man (or woman or whatever haha)! If you want to try your luck with her, however, just let me know, and I'll ask her if she's ISO WM NP (= "in search of a white male nesting-partner (!)", or ISO whatever your colour and/or sex and nesting habits are haha!!)

(left) those now-infamous texts in full, and (right) Amanda

mowing our lawn for the first time, without having had a kiss 

from me (!) - how was she feeling? Relieved? Or wondering 

wistfully what might have been?? I think we should be told !!!!

Well, anyway, all things considered, today December 28th was very clearly "accident day", i.e. "one of those days", for pretty much everybody in West Worcestershire, and Lois and I duly had our accident this morning, and what a "humdinger of an accident it was", to put it mildly!

We're going to be selling our house here in Malvern, and this morning we're trying to make it look as nice as possible, because our very first "viewings" are taking place from 11:30 am. And guess what happens? Lois was opening the window blind in one of our guest bedrooms, and managed to rip it completely off its rawl-plugs - what madness!

I always wanted a "strong woman" both as a nesting partner (NP), "and maybe more" (!), and I got one, I'm pleased to say (!). But sometimes Lois really doesn't know her own strength. See picture! It's also featured on page 94 of Onion News, with all the other accidents in the county so far today - so I won't bore you any further any details. [Can I have that in writing please, Colin? - Ed] [Haven't you already got that in my blog here - DO try to keep up !!!! - Colin]

Lois accidentally rips one of our window-blinds off a bedroom 

window, just as prospective buyers are about to arrive 

to view our house. What madness !!!!

No time to fix the blind now, so we hide it in the garden shed and get ready to leave the house in a few minutes. We've booked to have lunch at Malvern's oldest pub, the 16th century Bluebell Inn. And we can safely leave Vicky from our estate agents to show the two couples round our house in our absence. 

It should be okay, because we've hidden away any embarrassing tee-shirts, and all other questionable clothing items or belongings in drawers or cupboards, and taken down any offensive pictures haha!

I start with a G&T, and Lois with a "mocktail", with soup to follow for our starter,

and then sea bass for Lois, and sausage and mash for me - yum yum!

As we eat, we can't help wondering what our first prospective buyers will think of our house, but we'll probably have to wait till Monday for any feedback that estate agent Vicky's been able to get from them. When we get home, however, we go straight to bed without even thinking about the buyers. We're pleasantly full up with drink and food, and we need to recharge our batteries. 

We weren't so lucky last time we moved, from Cheltenham to Malvern, in 2022. The first Saturday after our house in Cheltenham came on the market, there were six couples booked to be shown round on that very first day. So Lois and I had to stay not just out of bed, but out of the whole house all afternoon, which was annoying, to put it mildly!

I look back in my blog and I see that Lois and I tried to while away the time by having lunch at a local pub, a visit to friends, and a walk round a local park, the one featured in 1980's sitcom "Butterflies". You know, the park in Cheltenham where bored housewife Ria used to meet up with her "squeeze", local business-man Leonard?

flashback to May 2022, the day when our previous house in Cheltenham

first came on the market: we had to "kill time", while 6 couples viewed the house,

and we lunched at a local pub, then walked in the local park, where

bored housewife Ria used to meet her "squeeze", Leonard, in "Butterflies" (bottom right)

The most annoying thing of all came just as we were having that pub lunch back in May 2022. I got a call from our estate-agent to say that she had been showing a young couple round our house and garden, and had managed to get herself (and the couple) locked out, so I had to quickly leave my lunch and drive round there to let them in again.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!