Wednesday, 4 December 2024

Tuesday December 3rd 2024 "Do YOU normally comb your hair before appearing in the office?"

Here's a "corker" of a question for you today, Readers... do YOU remember to comb your hair every day, before you leave the house to travel to your office? And has it become every bit a part of your everyday "pre-work ritual", as, say, getting dressed?

I think most of us, including myself and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois would hold our hands up and give a resounding 'yes' to that question - or, in our case, would have said 'yes', many years ago, because we've been retired now for 18 years, would you believe (!).

Hair-combing before leaving the house was first popularised in the 1960's by the Beatles with their iconic song "Day in the Life" - remember that one?

Simpler times! 

Nowadays, with their eyes firmly fixed on their "image", many commuters go to a lot more trouble than simply combing their hair before they appear on the office floor, that's for sure! Like that woman spotted on our local super-train here in West Worcestershire, the "Hereford-to-Worcester Flyer", as it powered its way through the Worcestershire countryside the other day. It was in all the papers, including even our local Onion News:

And here was the killer climax to the report:

What madness!!! But, at the same time, how very typical of our crazy so-called "modern" world !!!

The pressure is growing on all of us, though, isn't it, to somehow "look good" the whole time, even if you're retired, and spending every day "knocking about" in the privacy of your own home. And Onion News itself doesn't help, with its new regular feature "Look How Wonderful My Parents Look After, Like, 18 Years Into Retirement" Page, and it's become a "fixture" now, although it's recently been relegated to page 94, in the print edition's middle-to-back regions, which is some comfort (!).

I wonder what "noggin" in the Onion press room came up with that "turkey" of an idea (!). 

There was a "doozy" on that page just recently, but it came out on a  bit of a "local big news day" here in West Worcestershire, so you may not even have noticed it, I hope not at least (!!!!)


Lois and I felt a bit self-conscious all day that day, I remember, as we did one of our "old codger" daily walks over the common with all the other "old codgers"(!)

"Why so self-conscious, Colin?", I hear you cry. [Not me, I lost interest several "stories" ago on this so-called "webpage" (!) - Ed]

Well, seeing as how you're all "gagging" to know the answer (!), it's because Lois and I, confidentially, between you and me and the gatepost, have to admit that we're not the least bit "jacked" under all our clothing, or we weren't last time I looked anyway (!). 

And my graphics team (i.e. me) "knocked up" this fantasy idea of how Lois and I might "come across" if we ever featured on "that page" (!).



Well, we've recently been stung into action by all the pressure, and to cut a long story short [Finally! - Ed] we're now both on a diet, and thinking we may need a complete makeover. 

Lois has an appointment today with Rachel, her stylist, at the Divine "Just the name of the shop, dear" Hair Salon in Barnard's Green, which is a start - call it "the first day of the rest of our lives", if you like. And then we go out into the damp and the cold for a walk on the common. And today Lois has at least remembered to bring her shiny new "step tracker", which calculates our walk today as nearly 4000 steps, which is satisfying.

Yes, soon we're going to look as "jacked" as any other "old codger couple" in West Worcestershire, in a few weeks' time, anyway, that's for sure! So watch this space!

[I'm not holding my breath! - Ed]
oh cruel world - it's out of the warm, harem-like atmosphere of
the Divine Hair Salon and the attentions of stylist Rachel (top left),
and out into the cold damp reality of Poolbrook Common
for a 4000-step "squelch" through the long grass in our "wellies"

What madness !!!!

21:00 We get ready for bed with another old Drama TV channel re-run of the world's longest-running sitcom, "Last of the Summer Wine", set around the adventures of a trio of old codgers spending their days wandering around the Yorkshire Dales. Sound familiar haha?!


Tonight our trio of "old codgers" are sitting in the local pub with an old friend, Jack Harry Teesdale, trying to get to the bottom of the poor man's "marital problems". And we get a good idea from Jack Harry about what constitutes a good marriage all the way up north in Yorkshire : 




Oh dear! That doesn't sound too exciting, to put it mildly!!!



Oh dear, poor Jack !!!!

But Mrs Teesdale shines in other "departments" of married life, and it's the departments often particularly prized by Yorkshire husbands especially, so that's something. She's good with a power drill, for example, according to Jack Harry.



And although Mrs Teesdale may be nothing special in the bedroom, she excels in the kitchen, which is  another important asset in a Yorkshire wife.






And how's the onion gravy in your relationship, dear Reader? Stronger than the "glue" in it, I'm guessing, and much easier on the palate! Answers on a postcard and try to avoid any gravy stains on it if you please!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!

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