Sorry in advance about this rather "cheeky" question for you this morning, dear Readers, but are YOU looking for love today? And if so, are you perhaps an SWF or SWM (single white female or single white male)? Or are you an SBF or SBM (single black etc), or maybe a SWNB (single white non-binary) or a SBNB? Or are you [That's enough status acronyms! - Ed].
Most of us are one or other of these, aren't we, unless, that is, and it's a big "unless" (!) we're married, in a relationship, "spoken for", engaged, or [That's enough of all that! - Ed].
Well, if you're any of these things, or anything else on similar lines (!), I've got 8 words for you today - "Just be careful, it's a jungle out there!". And especially if you're on "dating websites" or similar. Did you see this story in this morning's Onion News (West Worcestershire) print edition (p.94). It's quite an eye-opener isn't it (!).
[You've said that once already, apart from the word "just" being omitted this time, probably so you can dress it up as a 'somehow fresh' warning. Just saying! - Ed]
And looking at these delightfully innocent, and cheering, pictures (below) of me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois in Malvern, Worcestershire today, walking on the common, having a coffee and indulging our love of "knitted characters", well.......I think you'd say that any accusations against us of deception and double-dealing on the scale of a fraudster like Nob End's Steve Milner (see Onion News story above for details!) would be laughed out of court, to put it mildly! And yet... and yet....
me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois this damp and misty morning, walking
on the common, having a coffee in the coffee shop, and checking out the coffee shop window
display of "10 knitted characters in search of a knitted stable", plus some local resident's
delightful "knitted pets" display on top of the local Royal Mail postbox. Awwwwww!!!!
Awwwww !!!! Could we look any more innocent if we tried? I don't think so!
So it's maybe a bit sad that I have to spend most of today trying to prove to our new hotshot 'big city' London solicitor that Lois and I are NOT living on the proceeds of drug-dealing or arms-smuggling, supplying weapons to terrorists or any of that sort of malarkey (!).
We tried that sort of life for a while when we were just out of college [just joking here by the way in case Nob End Police Chief Eugene Woodall is reading this (!)] , but we found that we weren't terribly good at it, so Lois decided to become a librarian and I became a humble, deskbound medium-to-top-secret agent.
End of story (!).
flashback to 1970: us, just out of college, in our fast-living drug-dealing,
arms-trading days (only joking, [Nob End Police Chief] Eugene haha!)
Maybe instead of sending our hotshot London lawyer Oliver our bank account statements, as I do this morning, I should have sent him today's innocent photos of Lois and me, and allowed those to "speak for themselves", do you think? Your views welcome as always, incidentally - postcards only!!!!
Oliver wants to know that we've got our money honestly so that Oliver will let us buy a house near to our daughter Alison and family, in the ridiculously expensive fringes of the London commuter belt. We're trying to buy a house in Liphook, Hampshire, and it has a railway station from which you can get on a train and be in London (Waterloo) in a "commute" of a "mere" two hours or so.
What madness !!!!
What a crazy world we live in !!!!! [That's enough madness for today! - Ed]
20:00 We "plop" down on the sofa and get in the right frame of mind for bed watching one of our favourite TV quizzes, Only Connect, which tests lateral thinking, which we say is always a good "halfway house" on our "journey" towards what-we-call "horizontal thinking" which makes sense to us anyway, if to nobody else (!)
And this week's show has some real "doozies" for the two teams to chew over, that's for sure! Can you tell the connection between these 4 decidedly odd-looking words, I wonder?
Yes, it turns out that these 4 "words" are the words for the "wiiings" in the "Red Bull gives you wiiings" adverts for the well-known energy drink in, respectively, Turkey, Spain, Sweden and Germany.
And Lois and I didn't know why the adverts say "wiiings" rather than just "wings", and again, presenter Victoria Coren-Mitchell has the answer.
Not only that, but the litigant pointed out in court that Red Bull contains less caffeine than a cup of coffee, so you really don't get anything remotely like wings from drinking a can of Red Bull. And that's why the company says now in its adverts, that "Red Bull gives you wiiings".
See? Simples!
But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!
[Right! That does it! You've said that once too often today, my friend! Off to bed, both of you, and get on with that horizontal thinking you claim to be so good at (!) - Ed]
[Awwwww! No fair! - Colin and Lois]
Byeeeeeeee !!!!!!!
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